I personally see no problem with asking out a guy, and have done so before. However, so many girls have such a problem with it. They expect the guy to ask them out, or think that it's desperate or slutty for them ask out a guy. And when they don't ask out the guy, they wonder why the guy didn't ask THEM out. Sadly, I never hear the reason is that they don't want to be rejected. It personally bugs me that people think it's the guys' responsibility. Why is this, and what do you guys think of girls who do this?
Update: Hmm, it's interesting that most of the guys replying are for girls asking guys out, and a lot of girls replying are against it for some reason or another.
More than a year ago
Oh god, all these girls need to get rid of this helpless, daddy's little girl, princess fairy tale world out of their heads... If you want something go for it, don't just wait around hoping it will happen. That is the helpless damsel in distress syndrome. You just sit around and wait for someone to save you, and never take the initiative to save yourself.
I'm a traditional kind of guy who happens to be a little shy. so it's really really hard for me to ask someone out but I do prefer to be the one to do the asking. HOWEVER, the fact that I am EXPECTED to pisses me off. Guys are expected to be the one to ask the girl out, expected to pay for the first date (and usually the first few), expected to be the one in control of sex (i.e. if it wasn't good it's HIS fault), expected to bend over backwards to accomodate the helpless little girl in every way. Yeah that's an exaggerated way of putting it, but the point is that one gender should not be EXPECTED to always take the initiative. There are plenty of guys out there who would prefer that the girl ask them out, and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.
Feminism gave women equal rights, but they still want to keep all the same priveleges and lack of responsibilities that sexism entailed (i.e. how you treat a "lady"). If you want the guy to be the guy and you to be the woman, then don't come back complaining when he turns out to be a chauvinistic pig.
I'm not saying that it should be one way or the other, but there shouldn't be either gender EXPECTED to do this...
In summation, girls if you want a guy and he'snot getting your signals enough to ask you out... ask him out... seriously.
Yeah, and also us guys always are expected to initiate all the verbal socializing, conversations, and it p*sses me off because us guys can run out of things to say too.
Yes you are right because who wants to be rejected? NO ONE does, but it happens, is it the end of the world? is life as you know it going to end? of course not, are there other guys and girls out there ? plenty of them.
Guys thing it is the end of the world if a girl says no so more than likely they push and push and push to convince the girl to give him a chance but this is just showing he is well plain and simple a WUSSY, and think no other woman will talk to them, I agree on some aspects with Techan on some points but others I disagree on, but he definitely has some points.
I applaud the woman who has the guts to ask men out. men are not hard-wired for "subtle" and we suck at reading minds. women are the masters of subtle. in an age where women can sue men, get em fired, or arrested, just because women think a guy says "hello" means a sexual advance, decent guys won't go near shy women. if she is shy...or otherwise not interested, we leave. if a woman is shy but interested...she had best "step up" bottom line, women get away with a lotta shit...it makes national headlines on the rare case women "sexually harass" men
so I'll ask women, when you have the LAW on yer side, what are you afraid of besides rejection?
men gotta worry about rejection, handcuffs, permanant record, mace, unemployment, restraining order, public humilation, disowned by family, reputation, ...the list goes on, but you get the point...women should be asking men out.
I concur with you wholeheartedly. It's the culture our new "sexual" society reverberates. Now women have more power in the playing field and the old rules of "men have to ask out, men have to be courteous and hold doors, men have to pay" don't work. In fact, an old-fashioned man is a creep to modern girls, though they say they expect this type of old fashioned behavior from a future boyfriend. Absolute rubbish.
It creates a dating culture of confusion. Girls run to their friends for advice "he smiled when I said hi, does that mean he loves me?" and men sit back contemplating "what the hell did I do wrong, I got the right vibes and all of a sudden she's cold". To be honest, a confusion in relationships created a necessity for "testing" which breaches trust and borders manipulation. I've seen people get hurt by tests. Why would you put your own foot in your mouth then test and see if he/she likes you? Most guys don't have time for tests and don't put up with it, they move on to greener pastures. No matter how beautiful you are.
Girls are too coy and confused. Message from GUYS to GIRLS here: pick what you want and stick to it. Either you want the ball in our court, or in yours. No half-assing it. This confusions the reason your love interest doesn't pay attention to you and you spend your days having intimate conversations with your cat.
there is nothing wrong was a girl asking a guy out in fact I would love it if a girl liked me enough to do that. I would be flattered if a girl asked me out. I am a very shy guy so I have some problems of my own when it comes to making the first move, if a girl saw that and said something to me like hi or something I would be very happy. there is nothing wrong with you asking a guy out keep doing it.
I asked my (future) wife out a first time, but didn't dare to do or suggest anything. (same fear of being rejected as girls have) A few months later, she asked me if I was interested in spending a week in Paris with her. I was and we went (in separate rooms) A week after returning we were a couple and we still are.
2. those girls must just be under the impression you shouldnt ask a friend to do something, I mean if you're friends, you're gonna want to do something, right?, don't let the guy do the planning all the time..
girls who ask guys out, for dates, although may seem a little desperate, isn't as bad as them waiting on us to ask them out, girl knows what she wants and she's gonna go for it, ya know?
Does anyone notice that all the guys are saying it is a great idea? Ladies think about that for a second... Would it possibly because it would be in a mans best interest for you to do all the work? When a girl asks me out I instantly know I have power over her! This means that she is more into me than I am into her and... the relationship starts off on the wrong foot. When a man a woman dance the man leads. This is the way it should be! If he needs some serious hints to get started so be it but don't take on the male role. -Mike the Masterdater link
This is a very western way of thinking. In Asia a girl would never even DREAM of asking a guy out! it is a bit too bad because the guys are just as shy! Is it okay? Well yes and no... You don't want to take on the male role of the hunter! not a good idea... 1. Puts you in a needy position 2. Forces you to be the leader 3. Allows the guy to lay back and let you purse him 4. Often leads to sex but no boyfriend
In converse I believe that there is an art to getting him to chase you! the best way to do this is to keep him off balance! never let him know what you are thinking or if you like him, here are some tips 1.Flirt then take it away 2.Have a lot of guys on the line 3.Don't ever contact him more than he contacts you! 4.If he does not want to chase you find a guy that will
It's true, the cultural differences are astounding. We're a very individualistic culture, and they're collectivist. You don't rock the boat back there. But for the sake of arguing, it may be easier to keep the discussion focused on American cultural practices.
... but for the most part, I agree with your statement.
It's about pride. Women want the guys to come to them and for guys if a woman asks him our he feels weak and fells that he should've taken the first initiative.
Doesn't really apply to me though. My girlfriend asked me out and here we are a year and a half later
In response to your update, the obvious conclusion is that neither side wants to face the possibility of rejection. I'd hardly expect even a majority of girls to want to risk rejection for some dude who, according to general opinion, isn't 'manly' enough to take the chance.
This isn't 1932...if you feel comfortable asking guys out then go for it, all the power to you. Guys love it and you seem to like it too so that's all that matters, who cares what they think they are probably just jealous that they don't have the courage to do it.
Actually, the times I've dated it was because either the girl asked me out, and or showed a lot of interest.
I've only had one successful date by asking a girl out. She wasn't interested, but at least gave the idea some small chance, which I'm happy she at least gave it a try.
Other than those times where the "who asked who" out got a little murky, or that recent date, I've not had much success. Frankly, I want more girls to not be afraid to ask me out.
That being said, I try to be gutsy and do it, but it rarely gets to a point where I can ask the girl out, so it would make it less frustrating to know that I don't have to do "all the work," (I know, asking a woman out shouldn't feel like work, but with the difficulty it's been, it does to a degree) which is what it's been feeling like since I started asking out girls.
When you ask someone out, there's a risk of rejection. And rejection can sting sometimes.
But I learned that feeling stung is _way better_ than endlessly wondering "what if?" If you ask someone out, they'll say yes, or no. You might be excited or disappointed by their answer. But the important thing is you'll have an answer. There's no wondering, no "what if?"
So when girls make excuses as to why they don't ask guys out, it usually boils down to fear or rejection. The other excuses are simply excuses.
I find it hard to believe that you females have undertaken a struggle for equal rights going back over a hundred years, but still there are those among you who think a penis is required in order to ask out another person. I personally would not be attracted too a female so backwards that she was not confident enough to ask out a guy. So in short, yes it is fine too ask out a guy.
I'd love it if a girl asked me out. I've never been asked out by a girl though, infact I've never had a girl interested in me. I've asked out tons in my life time but never one has said yes. It would be nice to sit back and be myself and have the girls ask me out for a change. I guess you have to be the type of person that can date and or get a girlfriend for that kind of stuff to happen.
I feel like a big looser saying that and almost being 30 years old.
I think it has to be responsibility of the guy to ask a girl out. sorry guys. I mean if you like a girl you should suck it up and be the GUY. show her your brave enough to ask her. I think if a guy is too shy to ask you out, then he gonna be afraid to ask other questions or to do intimate stuff with you.
wow I think I'm the only guy to go against the question, /heh
Nah, you're not the only one =) In my experience, every time I approached a guy, I had to initiate everything thereafter and was more masculine...I want my guy to be masculine and makes me feel feminine. Yeah its uber traditional, but I want to feel safe in his arms...while he feels nurtured in mine. Not the other way around!
I third that! If the guy asks girl out than it really shows he has guts to do that and ofc will. It makes us think guys want to be our man. If the girl asks guy out she appears to be dominant and strong, which might scare the guy because guys aren't supposed to feel weak (atleast not showing it), it's the girls part.
Lol the only problem here is. GUYS R NOT MAN ENOUGH TO SUX IT UP AND ASK! so girls get fustracted and go fuk it, I'm going to ask him out.
ive asked a guy out, went well and I love haveing the confidence to do it but sometimes a girl just wants to feel like the girl and be asked out and courted all that stuff lol
THANK YOU, finally a chick that gets it...lol...some guys ( ahem, clears throat) just can't work up the nerve to ask a girl out because their afraid of how she'll react.
Personally I like when a girl asks out a guy because it shows that she's willing to take some of the responsibility and make the guy do all the work. It also shows that she's confident and goes after what she wants, which are sexy qualities.
You are funny... You say clearly "personally, I like" and then somehow twist what you personally like into how all women should be. Trust me, you cannot handle every woman in the world...so its alright if they are not all what you want out of a partner. What you think is "hard work" and "having to do it all", other guys view as their pleasure to do for a woman. There's nothing wrong with a girl asking, but its silly to knock down a man for properly courting a woman or a woman who wants that.
Answerer
More than a year ago
Tradtion was born during a time when women had no rights and weren't even looked upon as human beings. its where those customs originate and I view it as sexist against women to continue to observe them.
Im not a hippies 60's feminist. But if you want to play that game...telling me what I don't deserve what I want out of a relationship because I'm a woman, and should change myself to make mens lives easier is sexist. How bout them apples?
Answerer
More than a year ago
Im just saying . . many of these customs that are observed in more "traditional" style relationships stem from a belief that every woman was a man's property. not a person but someone's property. if she wasnt married yet then she was the property of her father. opening doors for women started out as giving your woman PERMISSION to walk through the door, otherwise she couldn't enter or leave the room without your permission.
So...what are you saying then? If you attach these old world meanings behind the actions, then you want to be the property of a woman? Have her ask you out and hold the doors open for you..giving you permission to date her, permission to walk through doors etc? I don't attach such connotations to how I want to be treated...Im not THAT old you now...
Answerer
More than a year ago
No . . I want everything to be 50/50. I don't mind asking out the girl. I want it to be a true 100% partnership with everything being spit 50/50. all work, all financial responsibility, everything.
Thats fine..and again, rightfully so you use the word "personally" to refer to how you want a woman to be...but degrading anyone who wants or is involved in a traditional relationship that involves masculine/feminine roles, because its not what you want for yourself is a bit much.
There is nothing wrong with asking a guy out. Sometimes guys won't ask girls out because of that fear of rejection. I know girls think they are sending out signals a lot of times, but those signals are pretty weak. Unless it's really obvious, guys probably won't make a move so sometimes a girl has to. I have been asked out a few times and I never saw it as desperate. When did it become something that only a guy is "suppose to do"?
There's nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out. If other girls don't like it, they can refuse to do it. When a girl asks me out, it never makes me think "God, that's weird" or anything. Don't listen to people who tell you not to do it. Some guys might be caught off guard by it if they're really shy, but it's totally OK to do.
I don't see a problem with it but it's just the way it has been for so long. It's the normal for most girls and they don't see a reason to change it. People just think it's weird becuase it's different.
I agree with a lot of these people. If you like someone go ask them out. I've done it a number of times and it has worked out great for me. Don't want for someone. if you want it ... go get it
nothing. but I guess it's just 'traditional' for guys to ask first. for me, I like a guy to ask me out rather than me having to do it. it makes sure that he likes me first. I don't like, well, I guess it's just preference
I think a lot of girls like being spoiled and have the guys do all the work. I know I did! They're used to being told that they're the "fairer sex". I just asked a guy friend out, and I'll tell you what... I was dying inside. I can't believe the amount of adrenaline that was flowing through my body. I gotta give you guys credit for keeping it together. My best friend said she was floored when I told her about the date. She said "I'd never do that". Maybe most girls can't handle the thought of being rejected. I figured it was worth it. Let's see how the date goes...
While I don't think there is anything wrong with girls asking guys out, I also think that it should really be the guy to do it. He should be the dominant one. The one that makes the moves and takes most of the aciton. All throughout the animal kingdom, it is always the males who make the moves; the males that go find the females. That is how it should be and that's how it's always been. Now, a girl who shows intense interest in a guy is alright. I think that if a girl really likes a guy, she should let him know! In the end though, if the guy is interested in the girl as well, HE WILL ASK HER OUT. If he shows interest but never makes a move, the girl should soon realize that her efforts for affection are in vein and should move on. It's quite simple.
Um, females in the animal kingdom, when it comes to a lot of species like lions, do most of the hunting and are the dominant ones. Sure, the men are supposed to be the leaders of the pack, but they're useless w/o the women. And I've noticed that some guys won't ask if they're really into a girl because they can't figure out how to do it and not screw up. It's not that simple at all.
Answerer
More than a year ago
I'm not talking about female roles. I'm talking about what is normal for males to do.
Well what if the guy is to shy to ask anyone out but the girl could ask him out easily and they both like each other shouldn't she do it then? And the idea that "if the guy is interested in the girl as well, HE WILL ASK HER OUT" might be true for a confidant guy but it's not true if he's shy. I'm very interested in a girl now but I'm not going to ask her out unless I'm 100%sure she likes me back. So if you like someone and can then ask them out, the risks the some for both sexes.
I'd rather pick a guy up than have him pick me up, I've had better experience with it. The shy guys tend to be the good ones in my opinion. And rejection isn't a big deal to me, if they say no then obviously we would have never worked out and I would have just wasted my time.
When a girl asks a guy out, he is either instantly turned off, or are momentarily flattered and intrigued but then he can lose interest very quickly, no matter how attractive she may be.
then he might not find you as irresistable as a girl who;s a little more ... mysterious I guess
asking a guy out can cause a guy to feel like he doesn't have to call yu , invite you to hang out , or things like that .
he'll figure , "hey , SHE asked ME out, my job here is done"
plain and simple, guys LOVE tha chase. they can't deny that . they love to accomplish what they want .
so if you do it first , it won't last as long as if you "played hard to get"
I think that its okay if girls ask guys out. I mean, everyone hates rejection, but I personally take it extremely well so I'm fine with asking a guy out. I think girls have insecurity issues, that's why a lot of them don't want to ask guys out. Also I think they think its looked down upon.
I never asked a guy out. Oh, once I asked if he wants to come over my house sometime. Not to do dirty stuff LOL but just to come and visit me! And it actually never happened, have no idea why, but I wouldn't repeat the question because it would look desperate! If the guy doesn't do anything after he flirting/sending signals it makes me feel there is no chance he could like me!
Guys don't pay much attention to details, and they don't talk as much as girls do, so if the girl asks the guy out she has more expectations from him but even if he is being himself she might think there is no attraction.
When a guy asks a girl out than she gets the idea that he IS INTERESTED.
well, is not like we are view as sluts, but yess desperately. there is alwaysthe guy that should pop the answer. it wouled be gay that I'm the one that has to ask him to marry me. No. and if the guy is shy, at least it should have the guts to ask the girl out. idk.. there are many ways a boy can ask a girl out. idk.. that's just me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl wanting to be the one to ask a guy out. But I feel like its the guys responsibility and role to ask the girl out first though. Its just been a given thing for a long, long time. The girl is suppose to be classy, and the guy is suppose to look at her as God like hahah. So the girl asking the guy out just takes away from old traditions.
But if you're one of the few girls who can do it without having a problem then go for it.
I think there's nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out. We live in a society of equal rights...so why should it be a "guy thing" when we all have the same rights?
And to some girls who are dissing the guys who don't ask girls out, maybe he's not that interested, or maybe he is shy...
However, for me, I greatly respect the guys who do ask girls out. I am trying to get the courage to ask this guy out and boy oh boy, I'm first of all shy, and afraid of rejection. I don't know how the guys deal with that. I'm glad we are taking some part of their load though. :)
if a girl asks a guy out 1) its not there place todo that 2)if a guy don't ask you out its because either he don't like you or he's not man enough to do it 3)so if he's not man enough to ask you out in the first place, then why wld you want to date him
It's not their place to do that? Says who ? That sound sexist to me kind of like the old ideas like women shouldn't wear pants instead of a dress. It's not the job of one sex to do all the work while sit back and plays hard to get. Equality is a package deal not just when it's in your favor.
I havnt and wouldn't do it...not because I think it comes off as desperate (else that's like saying a guy is desperate if he reaches out to a girl) but because I don't want to be the dominate factor in a relationship.
I want a guy who can take the lead...if a man is too timid to ask me out, then in my brain, it means to me that I'm going to be taking the lead to do a lot of things in the relationship cause he'd rather I make the first move. That would work out great for a woman who would prefer to have that role, and I don't see anything wrong with it...I just personally don't want that for myself.
Just because you are the one to ask them out doesn't mean they won't take the lead. or, better yet, why does there have to be a lead in the first place? why can't a relationship be a partnership? I can tell you this much, at no point during a relationship do I want to feel like I'm the one doing all the work and the girl is "just along for the ride". try to look at it from the opposite point of view.
Answerer
More than a year ago
Of course its a partnership, but all the same...I want a man who is the dominant factor. I'm not going to ask a guy out, I'm not going to court him or get on one knee and ask him to marry me. Its silly to say that means I'm just along for the ride or that means he has to do all the work, simply because I prefer a man who will treat me like a woman in the traditional sense. Try to look at it from a "different" point of view...not everyone wants the same thing in a partner.
Well sorry but that's how I've always felt in the past. when the woman makes me initiate everything I feel used and like she doesn't care about me, only the way I treat her, and that it wouldn't matter what guy she was with as long as they treated her the same way. so in a way it seems like she's the one whos desperate for not initiating things.
Answerer
More than a year ago
Of course a woman isn't desperate for not initiating things... And I have to say, if during the relationship you feel like yorue doing everything and she's doing nothing, and end up feeling like used and uncared for, then something is obviously wrong. A woman should make you feel like every single thing you do is worth it...and vice versa.
Thats the thing. when a girl is the one to initiate things in the beginning its a way of showing me right off the bat that she's better than that, not someone I have to date for 5 months before I find out she's a worthless gold digging whore.
Answerer
More than a year ago
If it takes you 5 months to figure out a woman is a gold digging whore, you're not a very good judge of character.
I wouldn't do it, I feel that it does make a girl look desperate on some level. I think if the guy is really that into you he will eventually ask you out. If he didn't and I had to ask him, I would feel like he's just doing it because he got asked and not because he really wants to. Obviously you wanna send signals but I'm not gonna go all out but that's just me
Actually if the girl makes the first move it doesn't make her look desperate at all. it makes her look confident and assertive, which are qualities guys want.
So? AT least the guy would date you out of sympathy girls would still reject anyway
you have no idea how much it hurts!
Answerer
More than a year ago
Why would I want to be dated out of sympathy? If you don't like me don't waste my time.
Rejection is a part of life. A girl doesn't owe you anything just because you asked her out. That's like going on a job interview and expecting to get the job just because you filled out the application. Doesn't work that way.
It goes both ways though. Lets say I was to ask out a girl, how would I know that she says yes because she likes me, or maybe as a rebound for a past relationship? Girls as do guys use each other when it comes to it. I find it very attractive if a girl is willing to ask a guy out, its hot. Then I would know that the girl actually likes me. Me personally I would love it for a girl to ask me out, but if I knew she liked me I will ask her out
N/A
More than a year ago
Nothing wrong just that you look needy and desperate. Why be so impatient , put more time and he'll. Let him do what he is suppose to do.
Well I would never ask out a guy, like to be my boyfriend. But I don't have a problem with asking a guy t hang out or see a movie, I used to but not I have come to think it;s important for a girl to take some initiative if she likes a guy, even if it is just to give him a little push that its ok to ask her out
Nothing I just always think it means more and it's more special if the guy asks out the girl. that's how I always see it in movies and in books and it seems more "fairytale like" to me
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