My boyfriend dumped me because I was too negative, how can I stop being this way?

Before the breakup we were okay until he started talking to a new female friend of his at work and began distancing himself from me. The texts and calls became shorter with me, but I'd see him on Facebook liking and commenting on her statuses and pictures. So it raised a red flag that made me decide to ask him. He told me she was just a friend. I tried not to let my own insecurities eat away at me, but it was hard. I admit I let the anger and hurt build up until I started saying things like "you won't talk to me, but you'll talk to her", but I didn't constantly harass him with angry messages. Most days I held my tongue but it was hurting me inside.

He eventually called me and said he was done with the relationship. He did want to remain friends, but said I was too negative to be his girlfriend and didn't see a future with me. Once he hung up the phone, I felt the pain of my first heartbreak. I spent days crying, feeling sad, didn't each much, it was like a cliche movie scene but without ice cream. I sent him texts saying sorry, telling him how I felt, etc. Which caused him to ignore me. He only responded to say he was disappointed, then back to ignoring. After a while, my sadness turned to anger. I stopped sending messages, and ignored him back. I began to do my own thing while trying to forget him, and a status I recently posted on Facebook caused him to text me to say he's done with me forever. The status was one of those questionnaire things like: favorite color, movie, etc. The answer that pissed him off was this: (Ex you would take back?: Given the fact that he ignores my existence, probably not. Then again, I wouldn't want a repeat of that.) After a few angry texts back and forth between us, he then removed me from Facebook and said he deleted my number from his phone.

How can I become positive and happy again after this breakup? I don't want to continue being negative and insecure anymore, and I don't want the baggage of my past to enter a new relationship.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you're fortunate to be aware of the problem that you have. Knowing the problem is the first step in solving it.

    I suspect if you are a negative person in general, it will show in your personality amongst friends, peers and co-workers. Often the person is known as the Debbie-Downer, who always seems unhappy or unsatisfied about something.

    I would suggest you read some books on Leadership and leadership styles used in the military. They are great in teaching people the fundamentals of attracting others through your personality and charisma. I had read a few of these books and tried to implement it at work. You have to learn when to give praise to others, and avoid making it all about yourself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • stop being feminist / amerixcan

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    • cool I got the MHO

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What Guys Said 7

  • You had every right to be negative about the whole situation. You felt ignored and neglected. Instead of saying to that guy you did this and you did that. Try saying hey " I feel this way or I feel that way" to not blame the other person but it gets your point across. Seems like he really likes this girl but was unsure of you and him. Leave him be and try to move forward. If he comes back than he does but seems like he is a self centered person. Your definitely not negative about your feelings what so ever. Keep your chin up Madame, you have your whole life ahead of you

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  • Don't let him fool you into thinking your actions alone caused an end to the relationship.

    I've seen this game too many times to count.

    Shitty people will lead you to believe that you're the reason for their problems instead of just admitting that they consider YOU the problem.

    It doesn't mean you're any less of a person... it just means that his self-esteem is actually very-low so he refuses to present himself as anything but perfect. Admitting that he treated you wrongly would jeopardize his image, thereby jeopardizing the image he is presenting to this new girl.

    It's much easier to lay all the blame on one person than it is to admit fault, because that would require him to change... and shitty people hate to change for anybody.

    Did you make mistakes?
    I'm sure.
    But don't change for this guy.
    Maybe build your self-esteem and set standards in your future relationships. You're worth a lot more without him.

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  • Being aware of your negativity is the first step. Part of the reason why I broke up with my last girlfriend was because of that - being around her was depressing at times.
    View the world in a new light. Understand that people don't exist to hurt you. Do things that make you feel happy. More importantly, do things that make others feel happy - try volunteering.
    Remember that all negative feelings eventually come to an end. To speed up the process, find someone or something to replace them.
    Don't ever dwell on the past. Leave it where it belongs, in the past. Moving forward entails taking more steps forwards than backwards.

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  • Im gomma side a 100 with you on this one. He was in the wrong. You werent being negative. You were perfectly right to dislime him spending more time with another female.
    Anyway,, cinsider it for the best. Do t date guys like this in the future.

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  • Chanel that negativity into realism you got hurt but you also learned something, just think about it ;-)

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  • Daily affirmations.

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  • You should find the positive things about yourself and your life before you try a new relationship.

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