Why Does My Ex Call and Then Stop Calling?

Ok People! My ex girlfriend is 6yrs older than me and makes sure that I know it. We were together for about 1yr before she started pushing me away. I admit, I was being a "really" nice guy to her. That's just who I am. a gentleman. She started ignoring my calls and just plain out became a real bitch at times. But for some reason after I call her on it we both get turned on. This all seemed to start after we discussed our true feelings for each other. On the flip side, we shared plenty of great times together. More good than bad. Her daughter has grown attached to me like no other man that has ever been around.

We both started our own companies at the same time and grew them together. The only thing is that I would go out of my way to help her, but when I asked for a little assistance she would either ignore me or just flat out leave me hanging. I got tired of this and stopped trying to incorporate her in the plans. She began to REALLY change after that. She started doing the ol "I usually date older men" thing. She began to really push away. Finally the day came where she was just ugly toward me on the phone, but pleasant and refreshing in person. Other than an occasional lunch/dinner from time to time. Sex was still good though. That's one thing that never faded with us till our relationship ended. Ok., moving forward.

Of course we had our times of hurt after the breakup. I began to move on from her and her daughter because I didn't want that awkward bond with the kid and not her mother. I felt that if a man or woman came between us, it would hurt ALL of us. So I started moving on (dating). We are now living about 500mi apart.

I stopped calling because I wanted to heal. We didn't talk for about 6mo. Recently it just so happened that I was in the city that she lives in when she called and left a voice mail. She said that she was thinking about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I called back and she asked to meet for lunch. We both LOVE seafood, so that's what we had. It was GREAT! We laughed, teased, flirted and enjoyed the time. We spent 5hours at the restaurant if that says anything. So, She invited me to stay at her house for the weekend (guest room). Silly me said OKay. We had a blast with no drama and no past history discussions. We ended the weekend and began to talk and text a few times a week after for about 1 month after. Then all of a sudden she started ignoring my calls and stuff again. Now I don't even call anymore. She called the other day and asked for some help on an issue. I refused to help and all hell broke loose. I still love/care about her but I gotta heal and move on.

So?! What does she REALLY want? Is she playing some game or still confused. I don't get it. Am I missing something?!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know this behavior. I will make it short though. Your ex was probably hurt before, or she had bad relationship experiences. She is afraid of getting hurt again so she plays these games on you to test how far you would go to be with her. I know it doesn't make sense. You sound like the type of guy who was always there for her, and did everything you could for her. She liked it, alot. And was probably afraid of getting used to it, or afraid that someday you would stop, and therefore she started testing you, by ignoring you, etc. She wasnt ignoring you because she wanted to, she wanted to know how many times you would call or what you would do to get ahold of her. If she still calls you now, etc, then she obviously still loves you. But she doesn't want to be the one running after you. She wants YOU to make the moves. And as soon as you start to (show her some love and attention), she starts being mean again, to see if you will still stick around. And when you don't stick around, or you quit calling, she calls you. that means she misses you, or she wants to hear ur voice to see if you miss her. etc. like when she asked for your help and you refused, she got mad because it hurt her feelings. She was probably expecting you to jump on it and help her, but since you did otherwise, she probably felt like you don't care about her anymore.

    I know it still doesn't make any sense, or if it does, I know it is really childish. but women with relationship issues, or emotional issues, tend to behave this way. I know a lot of women who act the way your ex does.

    Your ex either wants to be with you still, or she is afraid of losing in this "game" she started, and thatz why she still calls you, etc.

    If you still love her and want to be with her, itz going to be tough, but you're gona have to give her lots, and I mean, lots of attention. Do more than you normally do for her. Its not healthy, for anyone. but that is what your ex wants. She wants reassurance. She wants to know you will ALWAYS be there, in whatever situation.

    I suggest (it might not work but.) you talk to her. Ask her why she does the things she does. Why does she ignore you, and PUSH YOU AWAY. Don't ask her if she really wants you to leave her, because she will lie and say, leave if you want to. She won't open up right away, but if you show her that you are truly concerned, and that you want to make it work, then she will eventually talk. Maybe say admit that she is afraid. of falling inlove. or getting hurt or both. maybe she doesn't want to feel abandoned again?

    But if you choose to move on for real, then don't answer her calls anymore. Try to get a new number or something. If she still won't leave you alone, tell her to stop contacting you and to help you move on.

    You sound like a nice guy, and you deserve someone who won't play games, but. you sound happy with this chick too, when all is good. so. I hope the best for you.

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      Okay I'm kinda in the SAME sort of siuation with my ex BOYFRIEND he was hurt by his first love she cheated on him that was like 5 years ago..so he brokeup with me a month ago and he kept on texting and calling me till recently..i miss him SO much and want him back but if it's meant to be it'll be...HE has to show me he TRULY wants me back...not just saying it