Why Does My Ex Call and Then Stop Calling?
Ok People! My ex girlfriend is 6yrs older than me and makes sure that I know it. We were together for about 1yr before she started pushing me away. I admit, I was being a "really" nice guy to her. That's just who I am. a gentleman. She started ignoring my calls and just plain out became a real bitch at times. But for some reason after I call her on it we both get turned on. This all seemed to start after we discussed our true feelings for each other. On the flip side, we shared plenty of great times together. More good than bad. Her daughter has grown attached to me like no other man that has ever been around.
We both started our own companies at the same time and grew them together. The only thing is that I would go out of my way to help her, but when I asked for a little assistance she would either ignore me or just flat out leave me hanging. I got tired of this and stopped trying to incorporate her in the plans. She began to REALLY change after that. She started doing the ol "I usually date older men" thing. She began to really push away. Finally the day came where she was just ugly toward me on the phone, but pleasant and refreshing in person. Other than an occasional lunch/dinner from time to time. Sex was still good though. That's one thing that never faded with us till our relationship ended. Ok., moving forward.
Of course we had our times of hurt after the breakup. I began to move on from her and her daughter because I didn't want that awkward bond with the kid and not her mother. I felt that if a man or woman came between us, it would hurt ALL of us. So I started moving on (dating). We are now living about 500mi apart.
I stopped calling because I wanted to heal. We didn't talk for about 6mo. Recently it just so happened that I was in the city that she lives in when she called and left a voice mail. She said that she was thinking about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I called back and she asked to meet for lunch. We both LOVE seafood, so that's what we had. It was GREAT! We laughed, teased, flirted and enjoyed the time. We spent 5hours at the restaurant if that says anything. So, She invited me to stay at her house for the weekend (guest room). Silly me said OKay. We had a blast with no drama and no past history discussions. We ended the weekend and began to talk and text a few times a week after for about 1 month after. Then all of a sudden she started ignoring my calls and stuff again. Now I don't even call anymore. She called the other day and asked for some help on an issue. I refused to help and all hell broke loose. I still love/care about her but I gotta heal and move on.
So?! What does she REALLY want? Is she playing some game or still confused. I don't get it. Am I missing something?!
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I know this behavior. I will make it short though. Your ex was probably hurt before, or she had bad relationship experiences. She is afraid of getting hurt again so she plays these games on you to test how far you would go to be with her. I know it doesn't make sense. You sound like the type of guy who was always there for her, and did everything you could for her. She liked it, alot. And was probably afraid of getting used to it, or afraid that someday you would stop, and therefore she started testing you, by ignoring you, etc. She wasnt ignoring you because she wanted to, she wanted to know how many times you would call or what you would do to get ahold of her. If she still calls you now, etc, then she obviously still loves you. But she doesn't want to be the one running after you. She wants YOU to make the moves. And as soon as you start to (show her some love and attention), she starts being mean again, to see if you will still stick around. And when you don't stick around, or you quit calling, she calls you. that means she misses you, or she wants to hear ur voice to see if you miss her. etc. like when she asked for your help and you refused, she got mad because it hurt her feelings. She was probably expecting you to jump on it and help her, but since you did otherwise, she probably felt like you don't care about her anymore.
I know it still doesn't make any sense, or if it does, I know it is really childish. but women with relationship issues, or emotional issues, tend to behave this way. I know a lot of women who act the way your ex does.
Your ex either wants to be with you still, or she is afraid of losing in this "game" she started, and thatz why she still calls you, etc.
If you still love her and want to be with her, itz going to be tough, but you're gona have to give her lots, and I mean, lots of attention. Do more than you normally do for her. Its not healthy, for anyone. but that is what your ex wants. She wants reassurance. She wants to know you will ALWAYS be there, in whatever situation.
I suggest (it might not work but.) you talk to her. Ask her why she does the things she does. Why does she ignore you, and PUSH YOU AWAY. Don't ask her if she really wants you to leave her, because she will lie and say, leave if you want to. She won't open up right away, but if you show her that you are truly concerned, and that you want to make it work, then she will eventually talk. Maybe say admit that she is afraid. of falling inlove. or getting hurt or both. maybe she doesn't want to feel abandoned again?
But if you choose to move on for real, then don't answer her calls anymore. Try to get a new number or something. If she still won't leave you alone, tell her to stop contacting you and to help you move on.
You sound like a nice guy, and you deserve someone who won't play games, but. you sound happy with this chick too, when all is good. so. I hope the best for you.
What Girls Said 3
I know it has been a year since your question has posted. I was looking through all the questions to get help and I saw yours. I just wonder did you get back together with your ex or you totally broke up with her. If you really got back together than what did you do to stay back and does it work and how? My boyfriend for over a year told me that he could not see himself to be a step father of my kid a month and a half ago and also told me that it has nothing to do with me. He is also two years younger than me. I was pretty hurt and decided to move on. I am an attractive, professional working woman so he knows there are lots of man after me. He tried to txt a week ago. but I ignored his txt. He called a few days later so I answered and told him to figure out what he wants for his life because I can not make a decision for him. He told me that he missed me but then I ignored. He emailed me and told me that he miss and love me and scare that noone would love him more than I did. I told him that he will, so I tried to move on and be happy again after what he has humiliated me. He called and emailed and asked if I was seeing someone. I got so mad and told him that I don't do rebound. I have more useful thing to do in life than doing rebound. He told me that he wanted to get back. He got a new job which more than 1000 miles away from my home so I told him to come and see me so we could talk face to face. He said he will find time to come and see me but then he disappear again. No calls, no txt and no email. He is driving me crazy. I don't either want to bother to call or txt or email him. Part of me wants to move on but part of me wants to wait for him. I know he got hurt in the past but I don't think it is right to play game with me what did I have ever done to him to deserve this and he knows that. When I am in a relationship, I am too busy to enjoy each other company and grow to be a happy person. I don't want to play game or no how to play game in a relationship. Please advice.
Okay it sounds like you were more emotionally involved than she was. I think she just wants her cake and eat it too. You have proven that to her more than once. You always take her call and help her if she needs it. I think it's hard to stay friends with someone who you once loved or still love. You do not have kids with her so she does not need to stay in contact with you. I think you should ignore her calls and move on. I know it's easier said than done believe me I know first hand but until she knows what she wants it always be like this. You deserve to be loved and getting all of your efforts returned to you. So stay true to yourself and remember you are worth it. Her loss and your gain. I hope this helps you. Good luck.