Why do good girls go bad after a break up?

3 year relationship with girl, I am her first boyfriend.
She wants the relationship to progress, I just want to chill out.. I have a bit of a fear to commit.
Mutually agree to break up, because she was unhappy. Love and respect her a lot, gives me time to think. And she says she wants to look for a more serious relationship.
She asks if we can still be friends, but she doesn't want to see me because its "too difficult"
I respect her.
After break up, Tell her every day I love her, and ask her how she is.

I notice and from mutual friends I hear she is partying a lot, on every dating app, going on dates etc.

It hurts me deep inside, but I still try to respect her because I feel like a jackass for not wanting to progress our relationship.

After 2 weeks I break down, I miss her lots.

I want to marry her, start pursuing her.

first subtly, then she starts rejecting me. I am confused, confess my feelings and undying love for her.
She says she is not sure I am honest with her. I tell her I am. Try to prove it.

She strings me along, keeps dating other men, partying etc. I am slowly going insane. Pursue even harder to prove I am dead serious about her, also I am scared she starts sleeping around.

She notices how much I love her, she keeps me in the friend zone.
While she is dating other men.
hurts a lot.

This goes on for 3 months where she grows more and more distant, and I grow more and more obsessed with her and depressed because nothing seems to work.

she says there is nobody else

Eventually I hear she was sleeping around, she knew I would resent her for that. However she keeps on doing it and she doesn't care nor respect me at all any more.
She says I am a closed chapter.

I am devastated.

How could a woman do this? She used to be head over heels for me, she said she was looking for a serious relationship, I told her I wanted to give that to her 2 weeks after we broke up.
Why would she string me along while sleeping around like that?
Why didn't she just come back?


0|0
181

Most Helpful Girl

  • This is all your fault. You've already made her feel you didn't want a future with her and she started to move on in her head. She doesn't trust or respect you anymore because ecen after three years you didn't want to progressiv your relationship. It took her leaving for you to figure that out and she probably doesn't believe you and even if she does you're not interesting to her anymore because she already started to process of moving on and she probably feels she had to "force you" to commit/progressiv the relationship. No girl wants to feel line that. People want to feel Desirée and special. Telling her you don't want to commit is telling her "I don't want a future with you because I don't love you enough", "you aren't special enough" or "I'm not ready to give the idea of being with someone else up for you".

    And like someone else said, you probably only want her back now because you can't have her.

    This is all your fault, now leave her alone.

    5|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • Girls always change after a break up from a long relationship or marriage. They change their outlook on life and themselves in general. She didn't feel desirable to you and in order to feel wanted again she had to do something different. In her case... date around or sleep with other men. They make her feel special and desired. As sad as it is to say... you should leave her alone and try to move on. It's over and she won't come back to you. She sees that there's a whole world of people out there when she tried to love you, but it's not what you wanted then. She's going to get to a point where she realizes what you did and really start to despise you. If you keep pursuing her... You're going to regret it. She's going to say things to you that will cut you deep.

    4|1
    0|0
  • You just want her because you can't have her, and see how desirable she is to other men.

    Cut your losses and stop obsessing, dude.

    6|0
    0|0
  • well its pretty common... some men will take the girl that is in their lives for granted cause of fear of commitment >:( >:( i wonder why they wanna be with a girlfriend if they can't commit? why not ask for a friends with benefits instead
    and YES girls change after they feel neglected/rejected... every actions have their consequences

    4|0
    0|0
    • I wanted friends with benefits, but she wanted it to progress.
      that's when we broke up, and then she continues doing the friends with benefits thing with multiple guys while making me believe she is looking for a serious relationship.
      I feel betrayed.

    • Show All
    • @HurrDurrDurr true

  • You did not give her what she desired in a relationship. You broke up with her, and she moved on. In order to cope with everything she did what plenty of us do.

    Now you're realizing you really miss her, and you want to create a future with her. But she's not having it. You wasted her time, she wasted yours a little bit. She's an adult I assume, she can do whatever she wants.

    Don't expect someone to sit around and wait for you, because you aren't ready. This isn't some romantic film, man. If you aren't going to give her what she longs for, she'll find it in someone else.

    2|0
    0|0
  • First: if you are not ready to commit, you should not be dating. Unless a woman is practically sociopathic or emotionally unavailable, she is going to become fond of you after a while. That’s how interpersonal relationships work, and particularly sex. I know that having a “f*ckbuddy” is popular these days, even among some women. But you also have the power not to use women for sex and occasional company.

    When some women are in the pain of breakup, usually the casual sex is a bandage for any of a variety of reasons - to make them feel better, to get human touch in the most intimate of ways, to prove they still got 'it', to prove something to the ex, etc etc etc.

    Random sex is like comfort eating, when used in the context of a break up. It only momentarily distracts a person from their emotions and loss their are dealing with. And after it is over, they are still just left with their crap to deal with, the distraction didn't work, and arr left feeling even worse, realising that this isn't the answer to their problems.

    You set the parameters of the relationship. Now you are living the consequences of those boundaries

    You already expressed a desire to remain friends and keep in touch and she opted not to. So you can get over it and leave her alone. She made her decision.

    It sucks, I know, but move on. You lost your chance. If someday she changes her mind and decides she wants to get in contact with you again, she has the option. In the meantime, you need to drop it. Just because YOU want something from someone else doesn't mean that they have to give it to you, or that you deserve it.

    What you should do is leave her alone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • But it's not about you right? She's sleeping around because she wants to, and it's not like you can tell her she can't. You said you were obsessed, so there you go.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because a bad boy broke her heart.
    Do you seriously expect her to go running after you, after you said that you wanted to go play the field? I'm sorry dude, but you reap what you sow.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Some women just give you one chance you shouldn't miss it or mess it up. If you do it's mostly like you've given her up for life. Now see she'll make you feel jealous and I bet she's dating partying etc on purpose she probably wants you but can't admit it and now probably wants to forget you if you rely want her back badly, you'll have to work a lot it's like buy her gifts everyday and write small notes and send it to her house not on social media etc tell her you really love her in person and express it everyday don't give it up for a month and even then if you get lucky she'll marry / date you
    Good luck

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hahaha this is literally me.

    Except I didn't hookup, get wasted or anything but I've changed a lot personality wise. I am definitely not the same person anymore. I think that's a normal thing. Once your heart literally breaks, you're just not the same and people grieve that loss in different ways. Eventually she'll come around but you can't expect her to be the same nor is she obligated to give you a second chance. Things change, people change. Such is life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • because they're torn... they wanna burn their good selves and erase the good person they were before the breakup..

    2|0
    0|0
  • This sounds just like me and my ex. First of all. You don't really want her back. You want her cause she is getting other guys attention... You want something you can't have. :) move on honey. It will be good for you both.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I feel bad for the girl you love. Maybe you should let her go now coz the moment you let her leave you its totally over ma brotha. lesson is never let go on what makes you really happy.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Probably because she wanted to be seriously and at first you didn't until you saw her moving on. Partying is a good way to get over someone and she probably wanted to live her life for a bit while figuring out if she really wanted you anymore. Just like she moved on when you didn't want something serious and broke up you have to move on. She's not going "bad" she's simply acting single and going on dates which is normal. Think you just need to move on and find your way of moving on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You dumped her, probably devastated her changing your mind doesn't undo all the hurt... she couldn't go back. I wouldn't be able to trust you. That relationship is done, either be her friend or let her go.

    0|0
    0|0
    • and it doesn't sound like she went bad, she is just dealing with the breakup.

  • Because while you told her you needed time to think you broke her heart you been together for a while did you ever think about the future? Marrying her? Kids? While you were out thinking she was hurt and resented you she just wanted you to tell her you love her and wanted to spend ya life with her was she suppose to wait?

    0|0
    0|0
  • not all are like that maybe it is a way of revenge

    0|0
    0|0
  • You broke up, this breaking her trust in you. It's no longer about you.

    2|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 1

  • Have you ever heard the phrase you can't turn a hoe into a housewife? Those old sayings exist for a reason. You are making yourself miserable by pursuing something that is not only unrealistic but also unhealthy. You don't need love or anything like that and it is going to cause you a ton of grief if you continue to pursue it especially with women in that age range. But your desire for love is normal.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...