Got my boyfriend forgiveness, but I can't forgive myself for cheating on him :(

[Anonymous]

I started a relationship some 6 months ago and I thought that it wasn't serious, neither for me nor the the guy I was dating.. he was a real good friend, one I'll hang around with, go for drinks after work with etc, till the night when we were so drunk we slept together and then he suggested that we tried going out together but I thought he wanted only friends with benefits relationship..So, in the first months, I cheated on him more than once (with no remorse) with my ex whom I'd love for the past 7 years, but little by little I started having feelings for my new boyfriend and was soon overwhelmed by guilt.. I told him what happened and we broke up.He asked me to give him some time and I was heart-broken thinking that I had lost him.. But he came back and offered me another chance.. I am so happy, and things seem to be going really fine between us, and I might even say that we are closer now than before. He is more loving, more affectionate and more caring and I do my best to be the best girlfriend ever.. He never talks about what happened, never makes any reproach.. But I still feel so guilty.. I feel disgusted in myself, I feel so dirty that I can't even make love with him, though I want to.. This is totally absurd because he is the one who is supposed to have these feelings.. I want to get over that disgust, I want to feel clean and worthy of his love, but I can't think of a way how.. I need help, because I love him, and I don't want to lose him.. PLEASE HELP..

Updates

+1 y

What bothers me more is the fact that I know there is a huge difference by the way forgiving and forgetting.. I know that even if he forgives, he will never forget and I don't blame him for that. I can't forget neither.. but I don't know what he thinks about it..does he think about it when in bed with me? does he too still find me disgusting?

Updates

+1 y

What bothers me more is the fact that I know there is a huge difference between forgiving and forgetting.. I know that even if he forgives, he will never forget and I don't blame him for that. I can't forget neither.. but I don't know what he thinks about it..does he think about it when in bed with me? does he too still find me disgusting?

[IcePick71]

Here is a hick saying but true none the less. The more you stir a pile of s**t the more it stinks. Sounds like a big pile left in the past. Your feeling guilty because he isn't reacting the way you would. I bet you would keep jabbing him with it of he did it but yet you did it and he doesn't. He loves you and he has truly forgiven you. The ability to truly forgive is rare so you have a great man but you can't fix your relationship until you fix yourself. If you have insurance try have a few councling sessions just you and the therapist. Be honest with your man and tell him why your booking the sessions. Look for a licensed clinical social worker and go ASAP. I promise you will lose the relationship if you stay guilt ridden and a couple of comments from guys and girls on here won give you the quick fix because I am just guessing there are deeper issues to be worked out. The therapist may want to eventually bring you both in to watch how you interact but at first you really need to go alone but tell him what your doing and why. I would wager that your probably not so good at giving forgiveness and that why your not good at getting it. I am sure he will love you learning how to let go of that time a year ago when he said... Good luck!

[Asker]

Gosh.. My best friend thinks the same as you and I know you're both right.. Cheers for answering :)

[artfullyliving]

This reverse thing is natural to compensate. You can't change the past. Love or sex is not dirty and you don't cheat unless you're married. Or were you thinking you were monogamous? Well, weren't. So face the truth.

If you love him then that's great. But you went out on him before so it could happen again.

Now, if you actually liked the other guy, that would make more sense. I think it is the reason you went out to the other guy isn't it?

[ja123]

You have nothing to feel ashamed about,as far as you were concerned you felt that you were both only friends with benefits,so it that state of mind you did nothing wrong.I can understand why you feel the way you do but he has forgave you and you need to do the same.You are trying your best now to be a good girlfriend and you do clearly regret and show remorse now for your actions.That is all that counts now,you need to let go of the past and move on with your relationship knowing you can take comfort in that you are a good girlfriend and you have nothing to feel ashamed or dirty about.

[Asker]

thank you ja123

[ja123]

Your welcome,I hope my answer was of some use to use and that things get better for you