Dating Outside of your League

Let’s say someone’s dating a NOT-CRAZY girl who just so happens to be a full-time lingerie model. Sounds very out of your league right?

WRONG.

Being with someone who would to most classify as ‘out of your league’ is very much balancing towards the fake-it-till-you-make-it feeling of a "league" instead of considering that yes there are certain people who are just astoundingly beautiful.

People have "social spheres", which have a lot more to do with personality and who you know, influence, and interact with rather than straight up appearance. Physical appearance obviously plays a role in what your social sphere is like and size, but there is a lot of variability to how much affect it really has (some very little, some have social spheres almost entirely built on artifice). In real world dating, familiarity and proximity tend to really be the best predictors of romantic success.

Dating Outside of your League

Of course bringing online dating into the mix changes the dynamic, so if "leagues" really do exist it's only in the context of metric-based meat market style scenarios suck as dating sites. Sure it may happen in that context, but you can't apply it to all approaches of finding a partner.

Remember, no pedestal bullshit.

If you put someone on a pedestal, they're forced to look down on you.

She's only human, just like you or I. If you're too scared to make a move, imagine her taking a smelly dump. Then ask.


Girls are humans, no matter their profession or appearance.

The "average guy" just needs to get out of his head and ask that gorgeous woman out. The difference between average and above is much more about initiative than any other quality. By not approaching someone because you deem them to be too far ‘out of your league’, you’re digging your own grave.

Average is the the norm. There are few that stray from the norm.


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kaylaS91 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Guys Said 47

  • Leagues are very real, but relate more to social status than physical attractiveness. A full time lingerie model is no doubt not just attractive, but has social connections, money for clothes styling advice, is well-spoken, confident..

    All that relates mostly to the social level she comes from, though, of course, not always, not 100%

    And a girl from a higher social status is rarely interested in anyone from a lower status... male or female.

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  • Great take, it confirmed a theory I had.

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  • There's no such thing as a woman out of my league. Well, unless she's a famous celebrity.

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    • And that's the attitude you've gotta have.

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    • @Transigence totally true. Like Instagram models

    • I've dated them too.

  • I pulled @MissNowhere into my fabulous league

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  • Do "leagues" even exist? or is that just a way for conceited narcissists to boost their ego?

    The world will never know.

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    • I think it's the latter.

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    • Go to YouTube and type in Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman. That tells you a lot about leagues.

    • leagues do... don't be put off cos you're not in the top leagues?

  • Ah none of this matters I am 90% hairless and I can't ever get a hot girl I should have taken my chance when I was hot fuck this shit

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  • The pedestal thing, totally right. Men gotta stop putting women on a pedestal, they're devaluing themselves, and making those women more conceited and bitchy, of course she's not gonna choose you. A queen never marries a peasant.

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  • So tell me this. If beauty is completely subjective how can you be 100% objective when it comes to realize your ''league'' or your? out of 10?

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    • Leagues are not possible to be 100% objective. They'll always be made with influence by what each individual happens to see as 'beautiful', their religions/culture, environment they were raised in which would affect who they see as beautiful and who not so much.

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    • That requires confidence you know.

    • yes at least a bit but unfortunately, nobody, not even the most stunning-looking, found themselves a partner whether it be just to fuck or an actual relationship with zero confidence. Sometimes you gotta just bite the bait and hope for the best.

  • Thank you ! It is so heartwarming for the average guys like me :)

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  • Lol I'm short so unfortunately everyones out of my league

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  • leagues exist, accept that reality..

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    • um.. if leagues existed as an absolute truth then wouldn't not so attractive genes gone extinct long ago?

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    • sexual selection.

    • sure, same thing.

  • What if you do consider a girl outta your league like the way she dresses or presents herself. Like you get the feeling that you'll never measure up to her standards?

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    • That's all in your head! Think about it... is there some universal 'setting standards' committee?
      No. Obviously not. Everyone's standards, who they view as above/below their standards are subjective.

  • None of that's true for the simple fact all those types of girls already think there so much better than you that average dudes don't even exist to them.

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    • lol k. No need to be all bitter and pouty because some women fucked you over, or maybe because you chose to sugarcoat them simply being not interested by saying it's because they think they're 'too much better than you'.

  • So when do I get my lingerie model?

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    • When you get the balls to approach her and treat her like a normal human being, more than just someone very attractive with a good body.

  • My ex fiance was out of my league and I'm convinced that's why she broke up with me and now i have no confidence in approaching a girl especially if I think she's too good for me

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  • I shall dig my own grave

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    • ... why's that?

    • Getting pretty girls is like the song "reach the unreachable star" might as well dig my own grave. Nah I hate being average and I want to be a catch

    • pretty girls are only as important and unattainable as you make them. Maybe if you stopped looking at them as nothing but an attractive piece of meat and saw them as an actual human being, that would make things easier for you.

  • Is this a scheme to have more guys ask hot girls out because their rejection numbers aren't as high as they wish?
    I guess I'm out of every girl's league.. Lol!

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  • True take.

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  • 'She's only human, just like you or I. If you're too scared to make a move, imagine her taking a smelly dump. Then ask'
    Ha ha! I wouldn't imagine them taking a dump, but I agree that you shouldn't put women on a pedestal.

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    • yeeeah extreme example but just trying to stress the point a bit. :P

    • It actually has helped me. I try and picture them doing something very disgusting/unattractive or picturing them with a shaved head, no makeup etc and then all of a sudden I see they are just human and not really above me

  • Good take but I choose to ignore leagues.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I assume every guy is out of my league at least the ones I like.

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  • I automatically assume every guy who talks to me is out of my league of he's drunk high or bored because I have a low opinion of myself and it sucks I'm highly aware of it but don't really attempt to fix it cause its like a defense mechanism

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  • I think that we as human beings cannot define the word "normal". Being "out of someone's league" is merely a saying. We can't help who we like sometimes and it shouldn't matter if one person is more attractive than the other

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  • I agree with your entire mytake especially the part about "social spheres" and I really like this sentence, "Girls are humans, no matter their profession or appearance" because it is true.

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  • the guy i love is out of my league because he is VERY popular in my town, he's successful, has money, and his own company,... while me, i have no job i'm broke and i'm just plain basic he can get better looking females any time... the only good thing about me is that im a virgin with high self respect and im not a female who's been passed around like most of the females he sleeps with

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    • he's out of your league because you put him there. Also, bring a virgin is not necessarily a 'good thing'. I'm not a virgin, doesn't mean I lack self-respect.

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    • ok I suppose that's your prerogative to feel like that about your sexuality but did you ever think about how you'll feel when you've finally lost your virginity? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine. After having put so much of your value and self-worth in something that has not such a glorious and 'pure' past in society.

    • i wouldn't feel dirty cause im waiting till marriage so i wouldn't have sex either way till im married

  • I find hetero dating out of one's league only/mainly exists for males. For males leagues only seem to exist when rating gals but when it comes to pursuing gals there is no such thing as out of his league or she is shallow/stuck up/etc.

    While for gals it seems they are rated in leagues and tend to only/mainly have the option to date guys less attractive than themselves. In my observations the more attractive guy/less attractive gal coupling tends to be a result of the gal being more or equally attractive than losing her looks.

    LMFAO @ the notion of males putting gals on pedestals. In my observations males put youth, beauty, and sex on a pedestal their seems to be a male general dislike of gals not pedestalizing ie gals are shallow, stuck up, too stupid for not f*cking/dating him, etc.

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    • yeah there is a recent dislike in men of how shallow girls have seemingly become but.. they still continue to enable that beahviour by putting sex on a pedestal and all. The more girls know guys want some pussy, the higher on the pedestal they feel. Kinda ironic!

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    • That's a nice discussion!!

  • Even when I felt unattractive I never thought anyone was out of my league. It's not arrogance, I just didn't. Well, once. But he ended up pursuing me so I got over that idea.

    I just don't think in terms of leagues.

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  • I thought you were going to talk about both genders

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    • I've only heard it in reverse, about a guy being out of a girls league, a handful of times. It would be a bit much to have to add he/she, him/her, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.. The general idea applies pretty much the same to both.

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