Is there any hope for ugly guys?

Question

As an ugly, shy, social phobic, socially awkward guy I cannot help but ponder the idea that I will be alone for a LONG time.

I realize that I'm ugly due to several spiteful statements from my former classmates. I've been called ugly, retard, and pizza face (I have a terrible skin condition). I realize I do sound bitter, and, quite frankly, I am. I'm angry over the fact that people my age can be so shallow that they automatically reject me just because I am different. I'm ugly, quirky, weird but I'm still a f***ing person. Wouldn't you be bitter if you haven't had a friend since 7th grade?

And here I stand, age 19 still haven't gone on a date, still haven't been kissed, still have my virginity (Which I do not consider precious. In fact I've contemplated paying off a hooker for a long time), and I'm slipping deeper and deeper into misanthropy. I want to like people, I really do, but they have to accept me first because I accept them! I'm nice, cooperative, and amiable when given the chance to voice my opinion (which is rare, I lack the assertiveness to speak up most of the time).

I know this question just reeks of self pity...because that's exactly what I'm doing. Typically I bottle up my feelings and just don't let my pessimism affect me. Lately, however, my loneliness has triggered a series of pity party antics on my own part which I am NOT proud of.

I WANT to have confidence, I WANT to be assertive. I'd love to fall in love with the girl of my dreams.

At this point, sex is not a necessity. I'd be MORE THAN satisfied with just your basic snuggle sessions, etc. I yearn to feel the warmth of a girl's figure against mine while cuddling up together under the sheets watching a movie. Sigh...I'm a helpless romantic. =/

And if you are wondering what I look like, well I'd rather not supply a picture. Just imagine a fat, acne infested, gross looking, greasy, long haired guy. There. Satisfied? Lol.

alan82 · Accepted Answer

Duder, the other guys here have really said it all already, but I'm just going to add my 2 cents anyway.

You sound so much like me before college that it's not even funny (well, except for the fact that I was always insanely skinny). I'm not going to pretend that I'm perfect now - hell, I still have a lot of problems with girls - but I'm a lot better off than I was when I was in your shoes:

I've had 5 serious girlfriends, lived together with 2 of them (not at the same time ;)), I've had a respectable amount of shorter-term female company and have a lot of friends. How did I do it? Here's a very simple 2-step guide:

1. Accept the things you can't change.

2. Change the things you can.

Easier said than done, I know. But here's how you do it. First of all, accept that life's not fair. The hot guys will have an easier time picking up girls for most, if not all, of your life. Accept that you won't become Casanova overnight and that no matter how unfair it is, that's not going to change.

Now, once you've done that, picture how you'd like yourself to be - how YOU'd find yourself more attractive - and then strive to achieve that. You'd be amazed at how much difference good hygiene, a good wardrobe and some exercise will do. Oh, and do get on the exercise - if I could go back in time and give my pre-college self one piece of advice (and not a Sports Almanac) that would probably be it. Here's a few steps I'd advise you to take, in that order:

*Invest time and money (that you'll save by not going to hookers) in getting quality care for your skin - it seems to really be bothering you. It might not make your skin as smooth as a baby's bottom, but every bit helps.

*On a free day, after you step out of the shower, go to a perfume-store and pick yourself up some great aftershave. Smelling good goes a long way.

*Experiment with your hair. You don't NEED to cut it short (though I personally did), but make sure it fits both your face and your style. These days, whenever I feel unattractive, I have a haircut - it never ceases to make me feel better.

*Prepare to splurge on clothes. Go shopping with someone else, preferably a girl of your age, or else get the person in the store to help you. They'll get you to try out stuff you'd never dream of getting to yourself and you'll be amazed at the compliments you'll get.

*Get yourself a gym-membership and a training-schedule. Stick to it. Make sure you work both on losing weight and building muscle.

*Kick anyone who is bringing you down out of your life and remember that high school is hell and that in college and in "the real world" you'll find far more kindred spirits.

*Find a creative outlet for your helpless romantic ways. Not only will it make you feel a lot better, it'll make you a lot more attractive too.

Dude, I have so much left to say and almost no characters left. Poke me if you like, but believe me - things will be okay, they'll just need some work. If you're up for it, I'm not worried :).

Chaaz · Accepted Answer

Alright mate, I think you've got enough people blow sunshine up your arse. So I'll give you what I think may be some real pointers. If you want more advice you could message me.

First. Being 19 sucks so take comfort in the fact that you are going through a phase, as I once did.

Second. Acne-wise, see if you can get your hands on some Accutate or Oratane; works miracles for acne; and indeed if you are pizza face *ha ha h that cracked meup*, get that drug, it shrinks the oil glands and cleans it up (worked for me).

Third. If you wanna be assertive, try joining the corps or cadets or some masculine sport in school, rise through the ranks and you'll be able to boss the younger ones about- works wonders for your confidence to fall back on.

True Examples: I was a staff sergeant in cadets, trained young morons into sergeants. I then went into the army for 2 years as a military police officer, although I was a corporal, I got to check people at the gates and it felt good making an officer WAIT half an hour while I searched his car, after he had been giving me sh*t about my beret not being seasoned. Then I got into college and am kick ass at presentations even though math sucks... I make a horrible economist, but I'm a kick ass presentator. Even though I'm fat now, at least I know- I once had it, and I can get it again once I finish my thesis =) I could seriously go on about my experiences in China pretending to be the CEO of large companies just because I'm white etc.

But you get the point right? DO more stuff with your life and get more experience. These things help give you confidence. I am sure you are good at something right?

Do something with your life (well don't necessarily join the forces), but join a sport, or do well in something you like doing, doing more stuff helps you build confidence.

Fourth: Start being comfortable with yourself, then girls will be comfortable with you and want to get to know you. This is the most important thing.

Fifth; do weights. Helps you get a good figure adn you get a natural high from endorphins.

So let's sum up. Get medication for your face. Do something with your life; join a sport, join a uniformed group.. do something you like and you're good at that adds value to your life as a person... Do weights and ultimately FEEL COMFORTABLE with YOURSELF.

Hope that helps.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok here's what to do:

1. Go to your doctor. Get acne treatment for your spots.They can give you something that WILL clear it up.

2. Eat well. Don't eat greasy food which will make you more spotty. Drink lots of water to help your skin. Go to weight watchers mens classes to get support to lose the weight. Esp if you have a lot to lose.

3. Exercise to get a buff body to get a girl. You can hire a personal trainer if you have the money to get yourself a personalised fitness plan to get you a 6pack/toned.

4. Set yourself goals. Start small and then work up to medium and big goals. What do you want to do with your life? Aside from complaining! You have to work to get what you want, no-one will hand it to you. Brainstorm what you want and then make your goals "SMART". Google "SMART" for more info.

5. Socialise more. Join clubs in your area so you have a social network which will allow you to meet girls. Just stop caring so much about what other people think of you! Everyone will go to college anyway and you'll be able to start afresh there so chill out man. Join clubs and socs if you are in college already. If you're nerdy, then just find some other nerds to hang out with at first and then build up to cooler people.

6. Don't go to a hooker. That is honestly the saddest thing I've ever heard a 19 year old say.

7. You NEED to work on your confidence. Through therapy, reading self-help books, by getting out there and doing goals which will give you sense of achievement. Nobody "has to" accept you. You sound like a pushover. You need to be assertive or else the world will crush you. Learn how to say no if you don't want to do something.

8. Stop being such a sap about girls. You can do better than cuddle a girl! If you stay so innocent, then no 19 year old girl will want that. You'll have to make an effort to be more friendly and outgoing. And fun. You sound like you're focused inward whereas you need to focus outward. Maybe do some charity work so you appreciate what you have more. It works. And writing a gratitude list-list of all the good things you have in your life every day (5) so you'll be more grateful for what you have.

9. Use positive affirmations every morning. Tell yourself "I am great" every morning. It sounds corny but it works too. If you don't do it, nobody else will! It has to come from you.

10. Finally you're an adult now so you need to take responsibility. If you have a problem, you need to come up with a solution. Most of your problems are just teen angst/lack of confidence and can be fixed. There is no cure there will always be some problem but that's life. CBT Therapy (cognitive behaviour therapy) could really help your negative thinking. It replaces it with more realistic thinking patterns. You have to make the most of your lifeor else just stay stuck. You have choices. You are not powerless. You have control over everything you do so take that control and use it!

troamundos · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry. How come some people are born beautiful without trying and others like you have this extra battle to fight? And why are preople so shallow? I've read post after post about how what's really important is what's on the inside. But what people really mean is that they'd love to date someone beautiful first, and then check to see if they're beautiful on the inside too.

This is my advise: forget about yourself. Pour yourself into those who are to be pittied much much more than you. There are orphans, sick, abused, homeless people filling the world. There are gradeschool children without a chance becasue no one will help them learn to read. There are war vets comming home with PTSD and no job waiting for them here. There are drug addicts who know they're ruing their life and can't stop. You complain about your acne, but at least you have legs to walk! at least you don't have cystic fibrosis and can breath!

I do not believe we are tempted and challenged beyond what we can endure. You are stong enough to overcome this. And when you are older, and the acne goes away, you'll be able to look back on all the work you've done for others with your lonely years, and know you didn't waste in pity parties. You can beat this! Pour your hurt out into compassion for others who hurt, and not only will you forget about your own hurt for a while, you will make yourself a better person. And I promise you, 6 years from now your acne will be gone (or you'll have the money for acutane - damn expensive but very effective), you'll be a stong selfless person who will be very, very, attractive to women, and respected by men who can see your strength of will.

A story: my freshman roomate had no friends from gradeschool up. She wasn't fat, but she had BAD acne, and was very awkward, and has ADHD. She had such low self-estime she couldn't make eye contact (even with me and I'm not that intimidating!)...she is the most compassionate person I know. She volunteers at a hopital in the city playing with the child patients. Last Thursday she spent 3 hours just bathing, dressing, and ammusing a 4 year old child whose throat was so bad it couldn't swollow or talk, and needed a feeding tube strait though her side into her stomach =( Liz wouldn't be the compassionate person she is now unless she had to endure her high school years. She got a boyfriend last summer...you won't be alone for forever you know. So while you're waiting for you woman, who IS out there (you're a bit young to dispair) spend these lonely days moulding yourself into the best person you know how to be. (and you don't have to go play with 4 year olds. do something more manly if you want)

CDenatale · Accepted Answer

I was stunned as I read this honest question.

Based on what I read you sound like you have a dynamic personality. However, your self esteem does not sound like it's doing as it is being crushed under the weight of your concerns.

First of all, I want to let you know that anyone that ever called you ugly has issues with themself. Nobody would utter such a disgusting thing to another human being unless they themselves had a low self esteem. It's really true. It is infuriating that people say such hurtful things. Those comments can leave you second guessing yourself for a very long time. You can also cite them at a later time when things aren't going so well to justify why you've been broken up with or rejected in some way.

Now, I want to say, it is really important to women that men appear to be taking care of themselves. We do not want a man that seems to have no regard for his health. Nobody (male or female) wants to be with someone who has no regard for personal hygiene. It's not right. Women also (as a general rule) do not want fat men because they don't feel manly. They feel soft. I, for example, am a curvacious woman. My body is soft and womanly. I don't want my man to feel the same way.

You're going to have to start taking better care of yourself for your own sake. You're going to have to do so for your peace of mind and in order to attract a woman. Lose the weight, go to a dermatologist for the acne, get a new wardrobe, cut your hair, buy a soap that is specifically designed to be tough on grease (I have one! It works like a charm!).

At the risk of disclore, I was a young teenager with not a lot of promise. I was very fat, I had acne, I had a greasy face and a huge poof of red hair. It was a sight to be seen.

One day I had enough. I was sick and tired of being fat. So guess what? I began to work out. And I began to eat very healthfully. And you know what happened? I got very slim, my acne went away (no more greasiness either) and I realized that I had curves too! My hair grew out that summer and it was beautiful. I was glowing. That was about 9 or 10 years ago. I'm 22 now and not only do most men consider me very beautiful with a great figure, but I've ran 4 marathons and I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I'm not telling you all this to brag or to shove it in your face. I'm telling you this because I'm trying to relay to you what hard work can accomplish. It's absolutely incredible and mind blowing.

I hope that that helped.

LittleMissGiggles · Accepted Answer

When I was in elementary school, I was chubby and self-conscious, had pimples and didn't really have a lot of guys after me. I wasn't confident either. But I decided to work on myself before trying to meet guys and find potential boyfriends.

I exercised (which I understand you're doing too) and basically took better care of my body, worked out, ate healthy, I lost weight and this healthier lifestyle improved the appearance of my skin and rarely get any pimples now. I hope by saying this I'm not making you feel any worse, but I hope it helps you see that there is hope if you have the ambition and willpower to follow through.

I know you can't just change your attitude right away. There were times when I was like, Whatever, I'll just be fat and ugly my entire life and live alone! I'll adopt a kid, have cats, whatever! But that didn't stop me. And once you're satisfied with yourself and your body, your confidence will show and you will be more assertive.

I know this because, before I was always shy and reserved, but now, I am still quiet (that's just in my nature) but around the people I am comfortable about/my friends, I can talk nonstop and voice my opinions without feeling like I'm being judged.

So, basically, work on yourself until you are happy with who you are first before thinking about finding the girl of your dreams. This won't happen overnight (I'm sure you know) It took me... about 2-3 months the summer between grades 10 and 11 to lose the weight and maintain it (for about 3-4 years now) and pretty much I spent my 4 years of high school working on myself (my body and confidence).

I don't know what skin condition you are talking about so I can't really help you there. Maybe talk to a dermatologist? But, like I said before, healthy eating + exercise will go far. LOTS of fruit and veggies, LOTS of water, make smoothies, eat whole wheat breads, and less red meat. Try other cardio machines and do some weights to add variety to your workout - don't do the same routine every time.

I'll be honest, I am one to be turned off my someone's looks if I am not attracted to them and those who say otherwise are probably lying. But feeling miserable about yourself won't get you anywhere.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck!

jdcpa · Answer

"I WANT to have confidence" seems to be the root cause of why you're not happy or satisfied. To sum up, you've analyzed the situation, and feel that based on the feedback you've received from your peers, that you have little or zero sexual value to offer a heterosexual female.

This lack of positive validation, couples with a surplus of negative validation of your appearance and sexual desirability has caused your "confidence" to wither down to nothing. You've convinced yourself that; since others have rated your sexual value as low or none, that you have little or no value to offer others, and therefore, lack the confidence needed to be assertive with getting what you want and not tolerating what you don't want. You feel that since your value is low relative to others, that they are the chooses, and you are the beggar. This causes you to assume a submissive role where you are satisfied to get whatever you can get, and will tolerate any negative traits of the person who gives you some of what you want, because you believe that otherwise, you wouldn't have an other chance of getting it.

I'll throw some food for thought your way:

Does Donald Trump have any shortage of female attention, affection, or sexual options with the most sexually desirable women alive? Now, is Donald Trump the most sexually attractive man alive? Better yet, does he really have much sexual value to give to a woman? Is he someone she would think about when playing with herself? Not really.

Hmm. This seems to appear like a paradox. How can this be? Wouldn't this invalidate your entire belief system on the value of a person? Yes actually, it would.

The paradox of how a butt ugly man can have his pick of supermodels can be resolved when we consider ALL aspects of what value a person has to offer:

- sexual (yes, this is one of them; not all of them, nor the only one. this captures the ability to give sexual pleasure, and aesthetic appeal required to increase the sexual desire of the other)

- emotional (being charming can do more for you than being hot can, as a man. ever wonder why women waste so much time and energy into trying to stroke a guy's ego? sure, it does little or nothing for you, but it does for them; and they think that it will for you too! if you can make someone feel great about themselves, that's value you have to offer them, and not many can master a firm control over the gift of gab)

- financial (self-explanitory)

So now, I would reconsider the value YOU have to offer to others, and the value OTHERS have to offer to you. It will have a direct and more realistic effect on your confidence and assertiveness.

Notice how even if you're ugly, but can make s/o feel amazing (charming) and are financially secure, you actually have more value to offer to s/o who is only good-looking. Which makes their confidence seem artificial at best, insulting at worst.

19876p · Answer

I was actually in the same position as you when I was 18. Nobody ever even looked at me in high school, let alone spoke to me. I was always the antisocial, nerd, and loner. I didn't get my first kiss until I was in college. But I am glad I had nothing to do with those guys in high school whom I so desperatly wanted to notice me. To be honest those who are putting you down at school are also very self conscious as well (believe it or not), they are so insecure and miserable with themselves that they put you down to feel better about their selves. Also most of those who are making fun of you now, later down the road are going to look like sh*t, beauty doesn't last forever. I personally don't think it's all about looks.  I have dated guys just out of  just their personality before. My first boyfriend wasn't extremly attractive according to high standards the media sets for us, but I thought he was beautiful because he had a amazing personality. Not every girl looks for some supermodel to be their boyfriend. Those who are less shallow look for a guy with a personality that is not so into himself. I have learned that the pretty boys that think they are the sh*t are then ones that are not worth it. The ones that claim that they are hot sh*t are the ones who generally are evil on the inside. I  know I am rambling, I just have so much to say. My point is, if I think that then I have no doubt in my mind that the women you have been waiting for will come to you. I bet you anything that you are going to find somebody who feels your attractive, breaks you out of youshell, and makes you feel wanted. I never thought that anyone would be attracted to me because I felt so ugly my whole life, but things change. Also you should be very proud of your purity. I know you probably feel if you have sex and do all that other stuff then you'd feel wanted and like the guys your age, but trust me losing it won't make you feel attractive. I thought that if I gave it up guys would like me and I would be normal and wanted. Which is so not true. Oh and about your virginity...any women you meet would see that as a plus. Being a virgin is actually a good thing. Well...I guess I will stop rambling. So just keep your head up. I know how hard it gets at times when your feeling so unattractive, un loved, and lonely. But if your a beautiful person on the inside a wonderful women is going to see your personality and not even care what you look like or be attracted to your looks and your personality. Their are women out there that don't just care about looks so keep your head up!

paragiveadamn · Answer

There's a number of ways to tackle your 'issues'. Don't bottle everything up. You're creating a storm in your mind and when you look at all your problems it overwhelms. You need to write sh*t down. That's right, write your feelings down, write your goals down, set legitimate dates to reach your goals. First things first, the gym (good that you started going), write down your goals each week as to your which gym days you go and which ones were missed and why. About the acne, go to a dermatologist and get recommendations (ask about Accutane if it's REALLY bad). DONT FEEL SELF PITY. It will get you nowhere and no one is going to give two sh*ts about you when you die and never stood up for what you wanted. It sounds harsh but that's the status quo. You live in a country where competition thrives and definitive superficial characteristics are noticed (healthy skin, toned muscles, positive stature, etc) and not intellectual capabilities (creative analysis, subjective logic, intuitive perception - although being a good conversationalist would help, frankly if you don't look good and aren't telling someone how to win a million dollars they're not gonna want to listen to you for long). Realize that before your initial beliefs and principles can be taken in by society and the type of girl you want to meet you must adapt first. To change your physical appearance first doesn't make you superficial or immoral. Now if it were the opposite, and you were to sacrifice your principles and morals first in order to look good that's another story. I once thought like you, that people should appreciate me first since I've always appreciated them first. Figured out it doesn't work that way. That when I put my health first and workout and look healthy I can bypass the first step of prejudice and easily pick out the people who approach/accept me and  want to engage in my life for superficial reasons and the ones who have intellectual value and can compassionately and mutually interact for a life long relationship in friendship and/or in love. Afterward comes the effort of maintaining balance between keeping active and healthy and promoting your principles and fortifying your intellectual beliefs. The latter tends to strive and that's why as we get older we want to get our message across, fight for our cause while we gain a pot belly and don't care how greasy our face might get. Good luck man. Whether your negative or not you know which one works better, just as long as your honest with yourself.

lovelife11 · Answer

Yeah that sucks.. people who are so dismissive of you are very uneducated and just seem to take notice of appearance. Are you in high school? because if you are, then that explains why things suck so bad for you right now. High school kids are all trying to fit in and are living to achieve "social" success... they are all trying to fit in and find out who they are. As you get older, you will start meeting people who are searching for different things in their life without putting so much emphasis on their social lives. Many people will get sick of hanging out with people for reasons such as being cool, and looking good. They will likely start hanging out with people that give them something else, like a good time or a reliable friendship. Since you are only 19, you are still going through an awkward stage. One day your pimples will go away, and until then you can see a dermatologist. As for the weight thing, start working out and make sure that you have a very vivid vision of who you want to be and what you want to achieve. Trust me, if you go through your life everyday with complete confidence that you will be whatever person you want to be, then you will get through this time period easier. Also, you will reach that goal as long as you believe it.

You sound like you have a really good personality and considering how much you have been going through socially, I think that you handle it pretty well. I mean at least you are speaking out about it. As for the greasy hair that's long... get a hair cut and wash your hair. This may be easier to do if you start to care about yourself. Like you put it yourself "you are a F***ing human being!" lol Just remember that things never stay the same and the negativity that you feel about yourself and that negative comments that you have received should be just enough motivation for you to change what you don't like! Another thing, you will probably be socially awkward until you feel comfortable around people which requires you to not think so much about being socially awkward in front of people- you'll freak yourself out!

As for girls, if you can learn to be yourself and ensure that you have good hygiene, you are bound to get a girl. For the most part, girls are not as visual as men. Yes, we still check guys out but the ones that we usually fall for are not the ones that we would immediately pick out of the crowd. If there is a connection and if a guy can make us laugh, then a lot of girls would most likely go for him. Honestly, girls are VERY into personality... so focus on finding out who you are inside and the rest will follow suit!

Good luck and hang in there! :)

sota13 · Answer

first of all, I think it's great that you posted this and hopefully you'll find someone you can talk with in person. but this is a great start. I'm just saying this because you mention bottling up your feelings and not having friends. I have family members who have gone through some pretty devastating mental health breakdowns as a result of completely internalizing all their problems and worries, so it's really really really great that you can articulate your feelings in this way.

a lot of people on here have made suggestions on improving your physical appearance, and that's all well and good. but I think the first step for you will be to find a community, find what you're passionate about and what's valuable to you and the people that share your values. yer actually quite lucky in a very special way, even though I know this all seems super painful. but you've had to deal with a lot, you've been treated badly, your struggling . . . and because of all these things you have particular insights and a certain depth that is uniquely you. I can tell by your writing that you are also thoughtful, intelligent and creative. you need to find an outlet for all these things and this will lead you to find the type of people that won't call you ugly and treat you poorly.

look: middle school . . . high school . . . they are AWEFUL times for almost everyone, but particularly those who are "different". I know from personal experience that people are cruel to people that that, but that just comes from a place of insecurity and a certain social structure that is silly and based on very shallow ideals. if you are able to reach out to other people in the "real world" with similar interests, or away to a more progressive college and find a writing group or something that connects to something you a passionate about you'll find people who can challenge you in a GOOD way, open you up to new ideas, nurture your unique skills and enjoy and appreciate the incredible things you have to offer. THEN, sure . . . get excited about doing little things to improve your health (most importantly) and appearance. exercise honestly DOES help with depression, and help you feel better, so that would be a great step to take. but first, just think about the things you love, the things you are passionate about, and the things that you want to do in your life and then find the people connected to that community.

paigems · Answer

Whenever I get down about something I always make plans, and it seems to help. So, if I were you this would be my plan.

You described yourself as "a fat, acne infested, gross looking, greasy, long haired guy"

The easiest thing to fix there is to be not be greasy. Take a shower every day (if you don't already), and that should help. If you just accumulate oil throughout the day on your face and scalp, then you could wipe the oil off your face with a napkin or something, and buy a shampoo that is good for oily hair.

I'm not really sure why you add the long hair into the list of things you don't like about yourself...But if you don't like it then get a haircut. If you don't know what kind of haircut to get, then ask the hair cutting person's opinion of what would look good on you.

Acne is not so easy to fix. I'm not sure if you're considering the severe acne as your skin condition, or if you mean something else entirely. If you have severe acne that won't go away, you could look into accutane. One of my friends had horrible skin, and then he went on that stuff, and now has nicer skin than me. I've also heard of people using the supplement DIM to help with acne. Make sure to wash your face in the morning and night, and exfoliate a few times a week so that the dead skin can't clog your pores.

Alright, and now the weight. Exercising and eating healthy isn't that hard to do once you get used to it. The easiest diet I can think of is to just cut out all simple carbs like sugars and white breads. Replace them with complex carbs like whole grain breads. If you drink soda and sugary drinks it would be a good idea to cut those out too. And for the exercise...I like to run, walk, and ride my bike. My dad also has a lot of weights so I usually use those too. If you look up some exercises you could easily make a workout plan for yourself.

Anyways, planning like that usually makes me feel a lot better, so I hope it at least helps you feel slightly better. I'm really sorry that people are treating you so poorly, it's really not right. I hope you start feeling better about yourself soon :)

johnsmith2116 · Answer

I'm sure it's not easy, but calling people "shallow" for not wanting to be with you is not going to help. Just because someone prefers not to have a physically unattractive person doesn't make them shallow. If that made them shallow, then that would mean that every person in the world is shallow. The reason you're calling them shallow is just because of the hurt you feel. But that's doesn't mean they are shallow.

Think of it the other way around for a second. If you didn't didn't want someone becuase of the way they look, would that make you shallow?

I'm sure it's not easy, but there are millions of people in your position. All you can do is try to have a better attitude about it and stop pouting, and make an attempt to take care of yourself instead of letting yourself go. There's nothing stopping you from eating healthy and excercising, and perhaps consulting a dermatologist, because that's what they are there for.

There are numerous examples of unattractive guys who made a success of themselves despite their situation, and now they can get all the hot girls they want. Look at Bill Mahr, Kid Rock, Toby Maguire, and other unattractive guys. They didn't let their physical inadequacies hold them back; they found a way to fill their bank account with millions of dollars, and now they can have all the beautiful women they want. ... They didn't pout about their situation, they decided to succeed despite their difficulty.

Also, take Tiger Woods for example. He's not ugly, but you can tell that he was the geek in high school that pretty girls wouldn't have given the time of day to. But he didn't let that stop him. Despite being the nerd, he developed his golf game, which eventually allowed him to make millions of dollars, and now he is enjoying that smoking hot model trophy wife.

Not to sound mean, but, how do you think those nasty, disgusting, fat NASCAR drivers get the beautiful women that they get? With their personalities? No.

Have you ever seen those, 4'8", 70 lbs. horse jockeys that ride in the Kentucky Derby? How do you think they get the beautiful women that they get? With their personalities? No.

All you can do is make an attempt to eat right and excercise, try to find something that can make you a good income, and show the world a better attitute. A postive attitude makes people like you much more than a negative attitude does. ... And there are treaments for skin problems, no matter how bad it is. Although, it can be expensive, which is another reason to make good money.

DjJudah · Answer

I have felt (and sometimes still do, because I am single) exactly like you my friend, and here are the facts: You might very well be alone for the short-term future. What I have learned, however, is that being ugly is, in fact, a blessing. During these years that no girl is paying attention to you, develop yourself. Get into something you like, and get good at it. Find a passion. Play an instrument. Get into philosophy. Do what I am doing and go to college with no intention on getting a degree - just to learn. Do whatever you feel like and become a well-rounded person. It hurts right now because you are sick of being alone, believe me, I know. I paid for sex in the army in order to lose my virginity. I have only been with about 6-7 women and have only had 1 girlfriend.So I know how you feel.

But look at it this way, most those hot girls I envied in high school who were out of my league, by the time I got out of the army in 2004 were single moms whose boyfriends had taken off, maybe because they were douches but possibly also because they had realized that these chicks had nothing to them. Take a look:

link

Sure, we envy good looking guys because they get attention, sex, friends, everything that we long for because we desperately need to validate ourselves because all we have heard about ourselves is negative. But these people who care only about outward things because they are young and beautiful will be the ones to end up trying to validate themselves later in life.

MissConfused93 seems like a perfect example of what I'm talking about. She's either going to be crying at 40 and end up spending thousands of dollars on plastic surgery or worse - end up dying wondering if her life meant nothing.

Do not let that happen to you.

In regards to confidence, I have had a real hard time with it myself, and I just figured out yesterday that the secret is to have confidence in your other skills. If you're good at art or playing the piano for example, then think about that when you walk and talk and exude confidence from that. Or if you've got a killer personality and can make a girl laugh, then think about how funny you are when you walk up to them. I like to sing, and when I do (even though I've come to realize that my voice sucks, I feel like another person, completely confident and in control. So what I'm trying is to think about how I feel when I sing and picture that in my head while I go throughout the day. Another thing I am trying in my philosophy class is to basically really get into the dicussions and speak my mind and I think I have definitely gotten some female attention, and from some DAMN good looking ones at that. It'll be all right dude.

Jessicafromboston · Answer

Hey first of all, a girl won't like you if your that pessimistic and hate yourself. For someone to like you, you have to like yourself first. Trust me, I know this, I've been through it. Even though in my case it's quite the opposite. Also, this may only be your 'ugly-duclking fase' and you may soon change (I have seen it happens so so many times). Regarding acne, there's always medicine you can take (look up roactuan) or even just special creams and stuff. Weight may be an issue now, but you can always loose it. There, that's basically me giving you a solution, just trying to help out. I know its hard, trust me, but you just have to believe in yourself and know deep inside that you can do it. Before trying to get a girl, try to be happy with yourself, so that someone may eventually be happy with you.

Do you think beautiful people have it easy too? Trust me, I have had issues throughout my life. Do you know what its like to have guys after you, but not be sure if they are just into your looks, your boobs, your body, but if they really like you as a person. I'd rather take a long time to meet a guy who I know will seriously like me, then have many guys chasing after me but being unsure of what they really want. If they are just using me to show off, for sex or whatever.

I finally learnt to differenciate between good guys and assholes. But trust me, it took me a long time. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 24, and we have been together for 2 years now and I couldn't be happier (but I only managed that when I learnt to work with myself and the people around me).

Plus, you don't know how hard it is to have many friends who are girl if you are good looking. Girls from their teenage years onwards are jealous of good looking or even more of gorgeous girls. I now have few close friends, but they tell me that sometimes it's hard being my friend, because I don't know what it feels like to go somewhere and always having the guys check out the person next to you. But I'm greatful I have them, and greatful I finally earned there trust, because as they said, its hard to trust someone with good looks, just because in their opinion our life is easier (but really its not that much easier at all).

Moreover, you have no ideas how many times I have been discriminated for my looks. You know what its like to actually want to do something important but people just don't give you the opportunity because you look like some dumb blond with implants? Its not my fault if I'm naturally blond or have boobs, I or anyone else including you, shouldn't be discriminated for our looks.

Just wanted for you to see what it is like at the other side of the spectrum.

Ok maybe some people will disagree with me, but I know what it is like cause I lived through it, so don't judge.

If you love yourself, it will only be easier for others to love you back. I mean why would someone love you, if you don't even love yourself?

jessSR · Answer

Hi. I just want to say that I am a 21 year old girl and I used to be a lot like you. I too spent all my life being socially awkward, painfully shy, and believing that I was ugly. I als have never kissed anyone before. In the past few months I have had a complete life breakthrough without therapy or medication.

I took a risk. I took a huge, scary risk and moved to the college dorms. I almost had a mental breakdown in the first week. I called my mom at midnight crying, I cried in front of my roomate during our first conversation, and I almost went home. But instead I decided to stick it out and my entire life has changed.

The first piece of advice I can give you is to start thinking positive things about yourself, strangers, and life in general. Just start thinking positive even if it feels corny and even if it feels like you are lying to yourself. Eventually it will start to feel true. The first step to happiness is realizing that there is nothing wrong with you and that the world is not out to get you. Just start thinking positive and literally tell yourself to shut up when those negative thoughts come in your head.

Next, take a step. Any step. You need to start putting yourself in situations that are not actually dangerous, and yet you are afraid of. I joined a club at school. I almost didn't because I was scared of the other people not liking me. I paced back and forth in front of the door to the club meeting before I finally convinced myself that I was strong enough to go in there. I took a step, and the club meeting turned out to be really nice. You can take big steps like moving into the dorms or small steps like attending a meeting, but you have to do the things that scare you. Its the only way.

I promise you that you are nowhere near as far gone or bad as you think you are. You just need to start putting some faith in yourself and the good in the world. Of course there are jerks ou there and of course life can suck sometimes, but we can't spend our lives being scared of every worst case scenario. Its all about attitude and perception. I really feel for you because you remind me of myself and how I was just a few months ago. Just start surrounding your life with positivity and things will get better.

I used to be suicidal back in the day. Now the thing that makes m saddest is thinkg about how mean I used to be to myself and how much I repressed myself. . I promise that there is nothing wrong with you. :)

2fr3sh_ · Answer

Okay I know you don't want the "im so sorry's" so I'm not going to tell you that at all, but I can tell you that there are so many people that can relate to you whether their ugly or not whether their fat or not etc. because everyone in life struggles at least once, or for a period of time we know what your going through no ones perfect lonliness rejection feeling ugly we know.

im kinda like you too I bottle up my emotions as well and I've been where you are I was at a point where I felt so bad about myself and I felt so lonely and so worthless because I thought no one cared about me that I never even did anything but you know what I started helping myself instead of sulk in my misery and that's what you should do too. Don't hold anything in even if you have to cry for a week straight DO IT you will feel better after it lets out all of the negative emotions you feel.

CHANGE, not just for other people but for yourself I'm still in the process of doing that and I can tell you that am am happier than before. You say your fat, ugly, greasy, and you have acne yadda yadda yadda so I suppose you don't like the way you look right? Well change it. Go to the gym exercise get acne products get a hair cut get some new clothes hook yourself up don't just sit there and stare at yourself feeling bad for yourself like you can't change, YOU CAN. Think of this though, not everyone is blessed with being hot that's just the way of life. And beauty IS in the eye of the beholder so man think of it as there is someone out there in the world that thinks your the sexiest man alive and don't doubt it believe that there is someone out there for you willing to give you a chance. We are all just programed to think being hot is the best thing anyway and it isn't so don't 'want' to be the hottest guy alive just want to be you and just want to be happy. Looks aren't everything and looks don't last either think of that too, who YOU are remains when you get older and the way you look won't matter. So believe in yourself make goals for yourself and people will follow your lead sooner or later.

You need to get motivated and commited to helping yourself because no one can help you or make you feel better but youself. And I understand the fact that you can't change over night no one can but push YOURSELF try because walking around with an attitude like that does not help you. Smile even if you aren't happy I did it so you can do it don't give up on yourself get active join a sport go to church. DO something.

By the way you seem to have a great personality. Most guys in the world aren't romantic aren't nice and are just assholes. You seem like a rare type of guy so let women know who you are WE as women look deeper than just looks trust me.

Lastly I wish you the best of luck things will change for you, you will find someone to love you you will be okay I promise keep your head up keep your goals infront of you and work hard towards them best wishes to you :)

valo712 · Answer

dude f*** all of that

you ain't ugly

get some self esteem

if you think ur sh*t girls will think ur sh*t

girls like self esteem and confidence and you obviously lack it

anyone can get anyone

u just got to know how to

sure there some people that are ugly f*** that

ok ur classmates are just poking fun at you don't let them get to you

u like someone ask them out

an "ugly" dude can get with a hot ass girl

and well you can do stuff to make yourself look presentable greasy hair? really dude take a shower ur fat work out go ride a bike and well that should get rid of the gross looking cut your hair short girls like it short

key is confidence and if you think ur all of this do something about it

key is confidence and self esteem I know its hard but work at it

so

cut ur hair

SHOWER

smell good

get some good clothes

work out

and when that's done

go pick any girl

ask her out

i know its going to be hard and ur going to sh*t ur pants

but do it

is a win win

why

1-even if she turns you down you get the experience and confidence of asking a girl out

meaning next girl will be easier

2-if she says yes its a date

i mean what's the wrost that can happen she saying no?

if she insults you WHICH I HIGHLY DOUBT you call her a bitch and walk off

but always be yourself dude

btw relationships are not that awesome

girls are full of drama and they are f***ing annoying just hook up lol but that's just me

either way good luck bro if anything I be here

MariahSch · Answer

U don't need hope...u will find someone some day...just well when you put ur self out there don't seem despite..being despite will get you no where...just try talking to some people as in girls around u, not all girls are the same...myself and many other girls I no don't judge a person before they get to no them, and if I no girls like that ur bound to find some=]

A guy friend of mine was in a terrible fire when he was an infant...he nearly died but he survived, he is now 19 and he has serious burn marks on his face arms and some other parts of his body that will never go away...he has also gotten teased and laughed at throughout his life in and out of school..but he just ignored it and tryed to make other friends, there are a lot of rude girls out there but it is just the kind ones that matter...he never really lost hope though, now he owns a house and has a beautiful girl friend he met in his first year of collage...he met her just by trying to talk 2 her, and she came to fall in love with him...

so you see there is always someone out there for everyone...it is just that some people have to give it time for gods work 2 come in play=]

i hope this helps you =] just remember you don't need hope because she will come..u may just have to help find her=]

elliwhite · Answer

Ugly guys can get dates, too, and not just with ugly girls. I think I am an average looking person, but my boyfriend is pretty goofy looking. But that's the thing about women: for some of us, it really is the personality that is the key. A guy that is confident and attentive, but not overly so, is always a plus.

Having said that, no one wants a boyfriend that wallows in self pity, so whatever you do, don't dump all your insecurities on the first girl that comes along. It'll freak her out. But before you can worry about that, there has to be a girl present, huh?

You need to increase your confidence slowly. Do little things that help you reconnect with humanity. I know that sounds cheesy, but really, just holding the door for someone and getting a thank you, or smiling and getting a smile in return, these seemingly insignificant things are like mini-interactions that I know I always enjoy.

I know one of the things that always brings me out of my depressions is volunteering. Not because I'm out doing good deeds, necessarily, but because I've found that some of the kindest and most outgoing people are volunteers. Who know, you could even meet a friend. And, I'm always impressed when I find out someone volunteers, so this could be one of the little things about yourself you can be proud of.

ILoveCefalu · Answer

You should go to your dermatologist to help you with your acne. As for your weight, go to a nutritionist and get a solid plan of what you'll eat and consider getting a personal trainer to help you get in shape. As you start getting in shape, consider redoing your wardrobe when older clothes no longer fit you. As for your hair- go to your hair dresser or local barber and talk to him about your problems with greasy hair and ask him what he suggests you do about it, and what type of cut would suit your face.

Being good looking takes work, no matter how much it may seem easy for other people.

As for your personality change, why not take up an active hobby that can allow you to engage with other humans in a conductive way and that will help make you happier by releasing endorphins. Being good at something will raise your confidence, and being assertive in what you want will come in time.

Also, it's not a biggie that you're only 19 and haven't done anything physical with a girl. You're young, there's time to change and be happy, and the opposite sex isn't as important at this stage in your life as they may seem. Focus on your studies, try and get ahead and try and have fun.

Lizeth · Answer

okay, I can say that by reading this, I actually really like your personallity (:

your different, and I really like and enjoy different =)

and I know how you feel...im social phobic to...i can't even walk into my school caf.

i can't even eat at school because I feel like everyone is watching and making fun of me...

i even had to go to a psychologist last year...it really blows lol =P

and I know that people always say to just be positive, and that its WAY harder than people can imaginge, but it is the truth..i know it can't happen in a day...but maybe over time, for example looking in the mirror and telling yourself something nice each morning...it doesn't have to be anything big, it can be something as simple as that essay you wrote last night was great lol

i believe that some people out there still have humanity, and that there will be atlest one person who isn't a jerk to you. and a girl will come around, a girl who truly appreciates you for who you are...you just have to wait for the right time(: and trust me, sometimes its better to not be in relationships...some people are major ass-holes lol =P (i've only been in one relationship haha)

well I truly do belive in you and that your situation will get better, and with all my heart, I hope I'm right(:

-liz<3

antivenin · Answer

Acne is a bitch. I feel for you. I'm sure you've been to the Dr. to get that worked out but if haven't it would be well worth your time to do so.

Being over weight can be fixed, but it requires a drastic reduction in calories, a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.

You have some issues here that are going to take about a year to fix but that's all.

Once you've dealt with the acne and have gotten yourself into shape you can get a better haircut if you want or at least fix it where it is stylish. Maybe grow a goatee if you have a small chin and get a tan. Always keep a three day growth and keep it groomed. That drives women nuts. (Think George Clooney)

Get some nice clothes, something that says "I'm somebody" - read men's fashion magazines (Again think George Clooney)

Get a persona. Something that identifies you as being a man, like being a firefighter, cop, businessman, fighter, motorcycle guy, "you get the point."

Learn how to walk with your head up and speak from your chest instead of your throat. Learn how to boom a bass sound from your mouth.

When you talk to a girl, look her in the eyes and have soft friendly eyes that project no harm but a hint of sexuality. (It'll come with practice) Smile at them because they'll smile back if you do.

Women will project to you what you give to them. If you're insecure, they'll be insecure. (You get my point) If you're confident then they'll feel comfortable and confident.

There is much, much, more but that will take you a year or two to master. Believe me, if you do the above you'll be annoying to every guy around in school and girls will love you for it.

CuddlyCarla · Answer

Honestly, if you are unhappy with any one aspect of yourself, change it.  In this day and age, you have far more options than anyone else. But in truth, just because you think you are ugly doesn't mean the whole world sees you that way. There isn't a single person on this earth everyone finds unattractive. I bet there's a girl out there secretly pining over you without the guts to tell you. Don't change who you are for other people, if you feel you need to make a change in any direction, do it for yourself. The socially awkward part is going to count against you far more than anything physical. If you can learn to be confident and assertive, that will be far more noticeable. No one wants to be with someone who feels sorry for themselves or doesn't like themself, no matter what they look like. There's nothing wrong with you being 19 and waiting to find someone special. Regardless of physicality, people do that. 19 isn't even that old, why get a hooker when you could wait for someone that really cares about you? Patience, man. Nothing you described is unworkable. Fat? Gym. Acne? Proactive. Greasy? Proactive. Long-haired? Haircut. I know a guy (one of my best friends, actually) who was everything you've described. After he got tired of feeling bad for himself, he dropped 180 pounds through gym and exercise in a two-year period, got braces, dyed his hair and cut it short, used skin cream, developed new hobbies and interests he could feel good about, and he's a total chick magnet now. True story. If you want it, it's yours. If you devoted this much time to feeling bad, why can't you spare the time to feel good and start building confidence by being the person you want to be? Nothing's set in stone, my friend. It takes work, but so does anything of value, and what's better than realizing your true potential? You have NOTHING to lose by this and everything to gain.

shawna · Answer

well that attitude twards yourself wil never help I hate to say ... and no just because you have a skin problem and are heavier than most doesn't mean you won't ever find "the one" or even date ... for instance my current boyfirend and I have been together for 4 years and we have a beautiful baby girl together ... when I first met him we were in high school and I was one of the popular girls and he was a nerd someone I would of got made fun of for talking to ... the tipical glasses zit face guy he was ... and iw as the pretty close to perfect girl ... he would always follow me to my classes basically stalk me and he annoyed me ... I would tell him off and everything preppy girls do in school to the not so popular kids I did to him ... well after a year or two ... we actually started hanging out where none of my firends would see us ... and I became really attracted to him ... he may have had big dorky glasses and a face full of zits and greasy hair ... but the way he talked to me made me feel terrific about myself ...then he started dating another girl that's when I knew how I really felt about him I was unbelievably jelouse ... I made him break up with this girl for me ... and here we are ... he still has his zit face and glasses and I love him more than ever ... so don't act like a charity case because your not ... there's nothing wrong with you ... nothing at all ... act alittle more confident even if you don't feel it just act it ... girls like a confident guy ... not cocky! I promise you will find somone ... my boyfirend found me ...

Allidink · Answer

Well I'll tell you it's true. Unless you find a girl with equal looks as you it'll be hard to find anyone. Studies show that people date those that are equally as attractive as them. If you want to find a girl, first, go to the gym lose weight, go to a dermatologist to take care of your acne, start taking care of yourself, shower your "greasy" hair. People don't just start liking someone for their personality their looks have to attract them first. It's important to want to look good for the person you are with. Looks are surprisingly important to a relationship. A lot of people might disagree with me but it's true. Even to girls. Of course girls are usually more compassionate and less shallow but it's still important to them otherwise why do they even bother putting on make up? You know? Honestly dude, just start taking care of yourself and you'll find a gf, but it's not going to happen for a while if you just stay the way you are. My bestfriend since I was 2 has always been really heavy. She has now weighed over 300 pounds for years. She is stuck with this fantasy that someday some hot guy (bcuz she only fantasizes about being with super hot unattainable guys) will fall in love with her despite what she looks like. And that is just not true. I'm sorry it's just the way of the world, and humans, and all animals, the more attractive you are the better chances at mating you know lol? Not to say it's all about looks but that's what initially attracts people then they stay for personality which you have :)

Is there any hope for ugly guys?

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