Love at first sight or friends first...which is better?

Do you believe in Love at first sight or do you think a good friendship is the foundation for a good relationship? Have any of you had experience with a friend becoming your lover/significant other after a number of years?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To really love someone, you have to know them. You cannot know someone when you first see them. 'Love' at first sight is really 'lust' at first sight. Physical attraction helps, but really know one someone as a friend first is needed to really love someone.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally , I couldn't fall in love at first sight. I'm initially attracted to a guys appearance , but it's his personality that I fall in love with. So his personality determines if the relationship progresses and develops... this is only over time though.

    I need to know a guy really well before I could ever fall in love with him. So a friendship is a great foundation to build a close and loving relationship with him. As our friendship grew, our feelings would also grow stronger too. So in time , love would blossom, and our bond would become strengthened

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What Guys Said 16

  • Of course. I have had such an experience where someone I've been friends with for years suddenly the attraction kicks in and you suddenly realize what's been in front of you the entire time. You get to talking and you come to that conclusion, we have so much in common, why aren't we dating. It is the logical choice then to ask each other out, see where the relationship might lead. However, I do caution anyone about to head down this path to never, absolutely never, cross a line of that friendship that you can never rebuild.

    What I mean is, if you take your friendship to the next stage and you actually start dating, don't ever ruin what you originally started with; your friendship. You really need to continuously talk to one another and the first time you have your first fight as a couple is the time you should sit down together and discuss if this is really right for the both of you, or you should back-step and go back to being friends.

    Sure you believe at first it is the most natural thing in the world; two friends, you get along so well, certainly you would make the perfect couple. This is not always true, because being friends is a lot different than being lovers. Doesn't matter if you are even best friends; it still isn't the same as being lovers together. The dynamics is truly unique and not something to be taken lightly.

    That being said, I've had friendships that turned into us being lovers and then we decided it wasn't really for us and went back to being friends and I've had such actions ruin friendships, so I've seen it from both sides. Just be careful and if you have even the slightest doubt it may ruin what you already share together, you might consider just shrugging it off and continue on just being friends, because in the end you need to decide what's most important. The 'might-be' of finding a lover, or the 'surety' of having your friend continued at your side in life.

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  • To me ideal often for dating has often been acquaintance -- not a close friend and not someone I've seen or talked to often, but I've been able to get a little more of an impression of her than a first one.

    And I don't believe in love at first sight. That sounds like a "crush" maybe from a guy who has never been with any pretty girl before and values her looks/charisma way too much. I stopped doing that after teenage years.

    I also don't think it's usually a good idea to be very close friends for a long time first unless the guy or the girl asks the other out the moment some slightest sense of physical attraction arises. Otherwise it can lead to be a very lopsided interest which is often doomed to fail and also get very awkward because of that long and close friendship first.

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    • 3mo

      Well, I can sort of believe in "love at first sight" because to me love is just fantasy land -- it's when someone builds hopes and dreams around another of being together.

      The problem with guys who can do that just because they see some girl and she looks pretty is that their dreams and fantasies is born so much out of inexperience. Typically only inexperienced guys will fall for a girl so quickly.

      Experienced guys will usually need something a lot more substantial to start developing such hopes and dreams. Their love will be rooted more in reality.

  • Neither. I become friends with someone because I want to become friends with them. Becoming friends with someone that you eventually hope for more out of is completely pointless. Love at first sight is unrealistic, you can't love someone instantly, true love builds over time.

    I meet someone, I talk to them, I ask them out, we see if we like each other, if we do we get into a relationship, if we don't, we go our separate ways. It's not that hard.

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  • There is no such thing as Love at first sight. to truly love someone means you can never NOT love that person. If you can ever say "I don't love you anymore' to someone, you never truly loved them. Now the way you love them can change. But love will always be there. The most you can have is Lust at first sight.
    and Men and Women cannot be "Friends" in the strict definition of the word. THey can be friendly. sometimes it can be almost the same thing.

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  • This very question is the basis of a therum I am testing currently. Up to this point all my relationships have been based on sex (love at first sight, or love at first kiss depending how you look at it) I want to find that one that can be my best friend, confidante and go-to person and not have the relationship hinge on my ability to keep our sex life active and interesting. That being said my longest relationship was 12 years which ain't bad for a sex based one.
    I will keep everyone posted how this other method works for me once I find a female friend I didn't sleep with that is willing to overlook that fact that I am one royally fucked up dude in many aspects and date me.
    Ohhhhh, it's the life of a Borg for me
    hi hee hi hee hi hee
    Sailing life's fucked up seas
    You'll see you'll see you'll see
    I'll make it through and when I find you
    I will keep you next to me.

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  • I don't believe in love at first sight crap. Friends first

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  • I've done both. love at first sight is the most magical. friends then something more looks good on paper, but typically goes a bit too mechanical, too businessy, too lacking in passion. Further-rarely at the same speed/gear. Love at first sight is buku passion-but can also be a disaster if one is a fake (narcissist)

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  • Always good friendship.

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  • It should be both. If you don't have instant attraction to someone it's never gonna get better than that.
    Of course you want to click with them on a relating level as well. So it's both.

    It's either hell yes or hell no. You can't negotiate desire.

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  • Friends first.

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  • Love at first sight hands down (though maybe because that I have not experienced working out - but don't see a reason it wouldn't feel right)

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  • I think friendship is bullshit, and I also think love, at first sight, is in the imagination. So yeah. I do think however, sometimes acquaintances, happen in similar career contrasts.

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  • Neither, lust at first sight is better.

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  • You got to know him/her before you get into a relationship. I'm in a situation right now where i'm crushing on a girl i barely know. I'm not going to date her until i find out a little more about her, no matter how hard i fall for her right now.

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    • 3mo

      It wasn't love at first sight either for me, it tok me some time to notice her that way first. Then it tok some more time for me to fall for her.

  • If there's no intense initial attraction, I consider that a bad sign.

    On the other hand, if you're not feeling like you've known each other for a long time fast, that's bad too.

    I think the best is everything clicks right away, and you work to maintain that going forward.

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  • Which one gets me laid quicker?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Friends first. Love at first sight is just a whole load of bull ti me.

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  • Live at first sight for me as thete has to be chemistry I find the longer I'm friends with a guy the more I see him as a brother type rather than sexual partners.

    I have friends who would be a great partner match for me but when you've been friends for so long it feels wrong and I had a relationship with a male friends who I loved, got over the brotherly feeling and it didn't work out which ruined a 20 year childhood friendship I still miss his friendship to this day but it's so awkward

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  • Both but friendship is better

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