Sex on first date? Does it really matter if it happens on first, second or third date?

[Anonymous]

So I started dating after taking a break after a long term relationship. One time a friend (guy+girl) said "Well you can't expect to get serious with someone, if you sleep with him on the first date... you at least have to wait 3 dates." But then I am asking myself: if someone just wants sex from you, isn't he also willing to wait 3 dates, then sleep with you and then let you down? I don't get this whole thing. I mean, I understand that if you are a person, who wants to built a relationship first and then have sex a little further down the road, I get that. But I can't believe that a guy that just wants to sleep with you is not willing to wait another date to do so. You know what I mean?
In general, for me sex can happen early, because for me it is an important part of a relationship.

I also believe that there is a difference between "first date", where you maybe wrote with someone for two days, then go on a date, or if you have been in touch with someone for longer and then go on a "first date", no?

I am asking out of the following situation (and obviously bad experiences haha). I started writing with a guy about 5 months ago (we got in touch on social media due to mutual friends). We did not manage to meet in person till mid January because he lives in another city and I was out of the country for about 6 weeks. We met 1 time, got along reaaally great, talked the whole night and also ended up kissing. After meeting we have been in touch more or less every day but have not seen each other again because he is out of the country. Getting back he will pass through the city I am living in and said that he would like to stay for a couple of days, to get to know me better, hang out etc, if I would like that, too (I definitely would). So now I am obviously thinking about sex with him and wondering if it could screw up the chances of getting into something more serious with him if I sleep with him, lets say, on the first night he gets here.

Opinions? experiences? Thanks!

[GraveTruth]

No, you are wrong. Let me explain what people mean.

People who say you can't have a good relationship if you have sex straight away. The key word is "GOOD". You can still be with the person but it isn't going to work out well.

People who do well in long term relationships have an important interest with another persons psychological aspect of the other and emotional value. A person who wants compromises and wants to fullfill the others happiness uses their good qualities on the other such as morale integraty and sensitivity. there's a ton to talk about but here's one simple example.
A person who wants to build trust and wants to care for the other (make them happy) etc would never consider having sex with them because it's degrading to devalue the other and yourself. A person should have a little self respect for their body.

People who just have sex are not long term relationship types. they can't be because the physical part of the relationship is where there concern is.

[Anonymous]

Well you already know more than someone else that's a first date that you are only just meeting so it's not really the same so I don't think it's a bad thing if you did have sex on the next date you see him before he is gone again

[Asker]

Yeah, that is what I was thinking... we had a great time when we met, talked a lot and he also told me afterwards, that he really had an awesome time and was sad that we could not manage to meet up again before he left. I already know a lot about him, because we text or send voice messages on a daily basis. Also if he stays with me some days, when he is getting back from his trip, he would have to get a new ticket to get home... so that means that he would really like to stay, no? He also sends me pics from his trip etc.
Besides that I was thinking that if he is that kind of guy, that would judge me for "having sex with him too soon", I better also know right away and not keep making myself illusions, right? ;)

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly, you seem to have the right way of looking at it from what you said so just do what you feel comfortable with

[Asker]

Thank you :D

[xHoneyxBeex]

Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't believe that people have to wait "X" amount of time before having sex in a new relationship. It depends entirely on the individual person. If YOU are comfortable having sex that early, then that's all that matters. Sure, maybe some people would just "use" the other person for sex and then leave but I don't feel like that's always the case. If that person has expressed interest in dating you and you have been in touch for a long time then I think it's safe to assume that they are genuinely interested in you so having sex or not is unlikely to change that.

Now, that doesn't mean things will work out, there's always a chance that the relationship will fail. But you take that risk ANY time you enter into a new relationship, regardless of the sexual aspect. So honestly, if you're cool with having sex on the first date then go for it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[Asker]

I think you are right... that is why I also think that it is a big difference if you are already in touch for a longer time, sharing things etc But nevertheless I am also that kind of person that says "anything can happen"... if you get to know someone and have reaaaally a great chemistry for me sex can also happen on a first date and not mean that things are doomed, but also not mean that something more has to happen afterwards. Because as you said you never know what will come and how things work out. Thanks ;)

[xHoneyxBeex]

Exactly. There's no harm in being optimistic and as long as you are doing it for your own reasons and you are comfortable, then you can have sex at any point in the relationship, even on the first date. :)

[SarahD094]

I agree to be honest. I think it's more about "social standards". There is a set amount of time before it's acceptable to have sex, say "I love you", move in together, etc. If you wait too long or don't wait too long then it's weird and not right. But who cares at the end of the day? In my culture we don't really do dates like in America. But I've slept with guys the first time I've met them. It was a bit different for me though because I did know them beforehand online. It hasn't ruined my chances or ruined the relationship though. Both times it has turned into relationships. I was with the first guy for 3 years and engaged to him before we broke up.

You should do what feels right for you and what makes you happy. You can't control how the guy feels or what other people are thinking so just do what feels right and if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world.

[live4love]

I had sex on the first hang out with a guy now we have sex once or twice a week. I don't believe in relationships so I enjoy just finding some guy that doesn't make me want to throw my head through a wall and can be good in the bedroom.

[Asker]

Sounds good... I had a friend like that too, after getting out of a long term relationship which left me with mayor trust issues... if it works out for both parties, it is perfect :) But in general I am more of a relationship person, so I want to see how that is working out for me again ;)

[live4love]

Relationships are useless anyways. They all end anyways.

[Asker]

Hahaha you are probably right... but you can still have a good time together the time it lasts ;) But every person works different ;)

[Pipi769]

Well I've been told that the point is not to be too easy when it comes too sex. But also, you should't wait too much. Oh and when you do have sex it has to be unforgettable for him... I'm telling you, it's really complicated -_-

[JohnDominik]

I totally agree with you. If a men is really interested in you, the time of the first sex is irrelevant. If a men is not interesset in you (except physically), the time of the first sex is irrelevant too. If he just wants sex, he will wait until he gets it. You can't magically make him fall in love with you by postponing sex. There are other things that decide whether a man falls in love or not: you have always something to talk about, you have similar interests, same aims in life, your characters fit together etc.

Let's assume two strangers hook up the very first night the met and have great sex. They at least know from the beginning that they click very well on the physical level which is one very important requirement for a serious and happy relationship.

A couple of years ago, I met a girl in a night club, lets call her Julia. There was an instant chemistry between us. Physically, she was exactly my type: Tall, long hair and curvy. After her best friend had left and had went to meet some other friends, Julia and I made out. A bit later, we went to a park next to the club and started to touch each other on a bench. Then we went home to my place. Usually, sex can be a bit uncoordinated in the first night but with her it was really great. Although Julia basically went home with a stranger, she did a bit of dirty talk and was very demanding. I was so thrilled and impressed by that. I just wanted to do her again and again.

We planned to meet again on Saturday afternoon in the park and to go on an actual date in a nice cafe. You know how it is - the first time after a hookup: Shall you kiss her on the mouth? Shall you just hug her? So, I kissed her left and right cheek. I hugged her and instantly felt that chemistry again. We started to make out and I asked her (against all protocol) the one thing that was in my head: Would you like to go to my place first? You mean for a drink? Yes, for a drink. So, we went to my place and had sex again. In the evening, we finally arrived in the cafe. We had such a fun night. I started to figure out what an interesting and wonderful person she is. One thing that we definitely have in common is that we are very talkative after sex.

I guess I have a quite healthy self-esteem but of course I did not assume that I was the first guy that went home with Julia on (or before 😊) the first date. She had a lot of sexual partners before me which really turned me on. We kept seeing each other and four months later, we started officially dating and I'm sure by now that she is my life partner.

According, to some people we've done everything wrong: Having so much sex before the first date... But why waiting if there is a strong sexual tension in the air from the very beginning? To this day, sex is really an important part of our relationship and I'm very thankful for that.

[Daphne_Naiad]

Absolutely it matters. More and more research shows that delaying sex leads to a more stable and gratifying relationship because (a) you're building towards greater intimacy and (b) it shows confidence and discretion to be decisive about when sex occurs

www.livescience.com/...ationships-study-finds.html

[BoredAllTheTime]

What are you an idiot? Some guy you met online isn't gonna be a love em and leave em Cassanova.

Have you ever had guy dump you immediately after fucking you? Probably, since most women are sluts, and you're thirty and not married.

It's not that a three date waiting period is going to filter out the men that want to use you for sex. It's that women don't want to feel like sluts. And they want to make men work for that pussy.

You should be able to determine whether a guy is a poon hound or not without dating him three times. How bad at reading people can you possibly be? (Pretty bad. All I see on here are women with stories about how they completely failed at judging a man's character.)

Yes. For certain men, if you give up sex to early, they will write you off as marriage material. These men are exceptionally rare, and are so sexually confident, that they weren't going to marry you anyway. So you have nothing to worry about with Mr. Beta Faggot Online Dating Site.

[PepperAnne]

Ur an idiot. Yes there is such thing as being able to judge someone's character but if half of u f*cks didn't make it so hard by being an absolute gentlemen then turning into a douchebag then maybe a judge of character wouldn't be so hard ! They'll b everything one min , then the next min they're someone else. It's really sad actually !

[wagsingle]

You m, are a sexist ass.

[dolemite68]

thats bs, i've had many really good relationships that started from sex on teh first date. it's fine on the first date cuz we're all so busy the older we get who has time to waste? i never understood when girls say they needed to have more dates and get to know me better before we had sex. So just because we waited a week and now u know my favorite color its ok to sleep with each other now? lol

[Anonymous]

I have sex before the first date lol? I didn't know there was rules lmao some people will say ur trashy but some people are boring as helllll girl if u want that dick go get that dick !!!

[Asker]

Hahaha ;) You are right... I reaaaaally do not get their "rules" :/

[MrKnowledge]

Its 2017 and people have sex. Hey if the sex is good and the attraction is there let it develop. My last relationship I had sex on the first night. It lasted 2 years. First date is possible but you want to see him long for you long enough and want you. Give him the chance to try to visually undress you. I always say at least 2 dates and no longer than 2 weeks or you might as well quit.

[vanessahelsing]

I don't think there is anything wrong with going for it or with waiting.
Do what makes you comfortable and happy :)

[JamesCX]

Vanessa's boobs are right!

[vanessahelsing]

@JamesCX they often are

[neoagent1]

I have never had intercourse on a first date but done oral. It only makes me want to see the woman more and more because she was open to sexual acts on the first date.

[Asker]

Interesting... because in my friends opinion that would make you easy and not desirable hahaha ;) For me, I see anything connected with sex as a very important part of a relationship... that is also why I think that if that natural connection is there you should not have to avoid doing whatever you feel like, just because some people have that opinion.

[neoagent1]

I never understood why a guy would not want to see a woman again because of sex on a first date. I've personally never had that "oh she's easy better not see her again" mentality. I say do what you want.

[TacosRAwesome]

Just because you wait doesn't mean you're wife material and just because you have sex on the first date doesn't mean your not. At the end of the day it doesn't actually matter

[Glen68]

I'm with you all the way in not seeing the point in waiting a certain number of dates to have sex with them. if all they want is sex then I'd rather find out sooner then waste my time holding out

[Asker]

That is exactly how I feel... thanks for writing ;)

[Glen68]

you're welcome

[VirginiaBeachBum]

My wife and I slept together on our fist date, so I'm in the "it doesn't make any difference" camp.

[meatballs21]

My best and longest relationships have all gone sexual sooner rather than later.

[Christinerose]

I don't think it matters but if u do some men wouldn't want a relationship with u or think your easy

[willwhitez]

What if we have sex before the first date. I have a problem with casual sex.

[jimi_gee]

Just do what feels right in the moment and not worry to much about arbitrary rules people make up

[Anonymous]

Just as long as it happens on or before the 3rd date.

[bunanababa]

just whatever you're comfortable with

[bunanababa]

just do*

[jacquesvol]

That depends on the persons involved.

[JennieF]

I've done it. It's cool.

[JohnHun88]

I think so too super hot actually would want to again soon.😍

[RebeccaSJ]

I did that once, and now he's my husband.