Online dating...are girls really that picky?

So I've been single for a year, I've been doing some dating but haven't found someone who's into me yet. I've been trying online dating because my job really doesn't put me in touch with many females (I'm a computer programmer) and most of my friends are married so they don't go out anymore.

Anyway one thing that bugs me is that I hear this from friends and girls I date:

"You're a handsome guy"

"You're really attractive"

"Looks and resume you're a 10"

So I get all this from friends and girls but I feel like I can't even get my foot in the door online, like I write to someone online and never get a response back. And I'm not just writing to everyone I see, I always read someone's profile and if they sound like we'd click, then I write... but yeah, no response.

Or maybe online dating is just like that? Are girls always this picky in person or is it just an online thing? I should probably find more ways of being out and about so I can test this, hahaha...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Online, girls are way pickier than in real life. Why? Because if a guy doesn't fit exactly what she wants, she can just click the next button and there's a new guy for her to look at. Having many options at your fingertips causes people to be more picky. Also, when you're dating in real life, women experience emotions. We can't really help it. That's why girls develop crushes on guys that other guys can't understand. She may have a perfect list of a man she wants, but the guy she ends up with may not fit half of those criteria. Because in person, it's all about chemistry and attraction. We can develop feelings for guys we never would've expected when writing our preferences down on paper.

    In real life, I think girls are a lot more likely to change their mind about someone than guys are. We can grow attraction to someone that we didn't initially have. For men, it's pretty much there or it isn't because so much of your attraction is looks based. So in that respect, women may have it harder. But like I said, things are different online, and men have it harder in this arena. She doesn't get to hear you talking, see how you carry yourself, or any of that. It's strictly whether you match up to the checklist she has in her head.

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    • Thanks, that was really well-written! I think you're right--the online aspect of it makes it easy to hit 'next' if things don't line up exactly right on their checklist, which sucks but I guess that's the nature of the game.

      "She doesn't get to hear you talking, see how you carry yourself, or any of that." This part is especially crucial: non-verbal communication is pretty much irrelevant online, and that's what trips me up.

    • I think it's still possible to find love online, but it's more of a bubble effect. The more easy and convenient it is to meet people, the less accepting people are. I would just keep all of your options open both online and offline. You're bound to meet a winner =)

    • you women have a fucked up checklist. He has to have job, car, money, tall, dark, handsome, great personality, is funny, blah blah blah. But these same women are fat, broke, have kids from different guys, are boring, uneducated, not fun, etc. Why do women have high standards when they don't even meet these standards themselves? Why do you deserve so much better?

What Girls Said 7

  • Well, as I was telling another friend the other day, online dating is a complete letdown because there are SOOOO many creeps out there that it's hard to tell whether or not the contents of a person's profile is accurate. On top of it all, even if two 10s meet up, there's no guarantee that they will have chemistry. My friend feels that she's wasted a ton of time with guys who pick on minutiae at some point in the date, while they may have a glaring personality flaw (or be 5+ years older than what they reported on the site)...

    It's not a matter of being too picky, but it's difficult to figure out who is legitimately right for you and who is just creepy...

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  • what is your goal? Are you searching for marriage? pen-pan or something else? Some girls set their goal and if you don't have the same goal, they will not click the button regardless how attractive and good you are.

    For example, you point out in your profile you have no interest in someone who already has kids or you like someone with certain height or weight..ect.. something like that.. I myself has been joining in online dating website. And I find there are some really nice and good looking guy but I go for someone who I find honest and simple. I can get that first feeling by looking at their pix and reading their profile..

    Hope some of my ideas can help.. Good luck!

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    • Thanks! I'm not exactly looking to marry tomorrow (lol) but I do want a serious relationship... and I think most girls on dating sites want something serious, too...

  • I've met most of my dates online. I like guys who are very open, honest, and confident. Who tell me exactly what they want and don't mess with my mind. Always fun and exciting when he says why he is interested in me.

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    • Well, I like to think I'm pretty open with my profile and my messages, and I always pick out details about their profile I like (I don't "copy paste" my messages, that'd be tacky)

  • I guess when it comes to online dating it's all about how you sell yourself. How do you describe yourself on your profile? What hobbies and values did you put down? What pictures of yourself did you choose to upload?

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    • I tried to make my profile funny (boring profiles are terrible conversation starters), I talk about what I do for fun (working out, hiking, going out to wine bars, traveling). I always write my messages asking questions about the girl, to give her an easy way of starting a conversation.

      One of the pics is the icon I have for this site. I'm not very photogenic, I think I look way better in person than through pictures. :-\

  • vmw2008 is totally right. I dislike online dating personally, but I agree, through our job (I'm a computer programmer too) it is definitely difficult to get out there and meet people. Have you considered just meeting people on forums relevant to your interests? If you are both passionate about a common interest, it's incredibly easy to find someone to have a good conversation with, and as you talked to them you'll most likely find many more interests you share. I know, forums aren't exactly the place you'd look for to find a potential date, but who knows? :P Maybe that was a stupid idea, but I think I'm in the same place you are so I'm lost too.

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  • we are all picky

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  • Yes. Yes we are.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hey computer programmer dude or any guy that had it with online dating. Traditional online dating is not the way to go since women are too picky, which just leaves desperate, unattractive women to realistically chase online. Not worth it. If you have a good job and extra cash to wine and dine then I strongly recommend Sugar dating sites like SeekingArrangement. On these sites the tables are turned. More women profiles then guys. Many will message and willing to meet. You get to date up the ladder!! unlike traditional dating sites. so if your successful and have good income I say ditch these dating sites where women are too picky and instead try enjoy sugar dating. You will not regret it. You're welcome in advance !

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