Do looks really matter more than personality?

It's a question I see a lot on here. Guys and girls arguing about this. So, poll time to answer this question.

For me, personality is important. I cannot be with you if you are a douche, simple as. However, I cannot be with you if I am not attracted to you. There has to be a balance.

So, basically, what I'm saying is you don't have to be the next model for Mens Fitness, far from it, but I have to love your look and your personality for it to be a chance.

Who agrees/disagrees? Let's settle the argument.

  • Looks only, you can act how you want.
    3% (2)7% (4)5% (6)Vote
  • Personality, you can be as ugly/gorgeous as you want.
    13% (8)12% (7)13% (15)Vote
  • Mix - you don't need to be a model, just attractive, and I need to like the person you are.
    84% (51)81% (45)82% (96)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
(Btw, the reason I asked was I keep seeing this argument and it's annoying me!)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • its a mix.

    looks are definitely important to make me approach her and odds are ill approach the cuter girls more often but if I don't like their personality I would probably stop talkign to them

    i have met average looking girls too who had great personalities and I thought they were very very attractive cause personality makes them look a lot hotter not sure why

    but if she doesn't look at least average even if she has a great personality id end up just being friends with her cause I won't be attracted to her. sounds superficial but I can't help who I'm attracted to

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What Guys Said 17

  • Okay, let's break this down:

    There are two main categories of attraction: Sexual and Emotional.

    If a girl or guy is going to consider someone as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, they must FIRST meet the sexual requirements. If they meet those, THEN personality will be mostly what matters.

    For those who are emotionally attractive, but not sexually attractive, they are usually "friend-zoned" in a sense.

    But the idea is that the sexual standards are the first obstacle, because we're most sensitive to it. You can tell someone's sexual attraction fairly quickly, and for men, you can tell this from a distance.

    But emotional attraction takes a long time to develop. Empathy has to grow from a seed that is planted by initial attraction. So you have to start with sexual attraction and use the relationship's "honeymoon" phase to built emotional bonds from sexual energy.

    Once those bonds have been made, emotional and sexual attraction reinforce each other. If I'm married at 60, I can easily see my wife just as sexy as when she was 30, because emotional attraction reinforces sexual attraction. But sexual attraction is generally needed to give you time to develop emotional attraction.

    So just remember that:

    -Barrier 1: Sexual attraction.

    -Barrier 2: Emotional attraction.

    You can't become emotionally judged if you don't get past the first barrier.

    (Long friendships that turn into relationships are the exception, since you found another way to build the emotional attraction.)

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  • On the first night one meets a woman ONLY looks matter but afterward, in romantic -sexual dynamics and relationships, personality matters more and more. If a woman is unattractive I have had zero interest in them in intimate ways no matter how great their personality. Looks are EXTREMELY important but personality is where comfort and meaningfulness in a relationship derives from surely !

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    • I completely agree, you need the look to draw you in the personality to make you stay.

  • They don't matter more, but physical attraction is important. That said, a girl I really like for her personality will automatically look more attractive to me.

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  • Looks it what draws me towards someone, personality decides if I want to stay.

    If you are unattractive, you get less approached, so yes: the pretty people get all the attention. But an empty shell does not make people stick (unless they are all looks - no personality themselves).

    In the end, you need good personality to land a nice partner. But in the beginning, you need good looks to attract them in the first place.

    So you need both.

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  • If looks didn't matter more than personality, then people like Kim Kardashian would not be celebrities.

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  • There are far more factors that are deal killers when it comes to personality then looks... If someone is cute to hot in my eyes they pass the physical attraction barrier, but they can be ripped to shreds on some many personality factors... In all relationship personality is most important, but in order for a friendship to progress to dating/sex there has to be sexual tension and physical attraction.

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  • Personality is a major part of attraction to me. That's not to say they can be fugly and the most awesome person in the world and I'd go for them, but they can be even below average in looks and if they're an awesome person, it will make up for it and I'm sure I'll see them as more attractive than their physical outward appearance is to most people. I'd say there needs to be a balance, but that balance can be tipped more toward personality and still work for me.

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  • Looks don't matter MORE, but they do matter because that's what you see FIRST.

    I have this handicap compared to most men; I can't f*ck a girl whose personality I didn't like. I have to genuinely like her for her to get some of me. :)

    I say the ratio of looks/personality for dating and relationships is about 40 / 60.

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  • I really don't care.

    Looks aren't as important. I don't think being attracted to someone necessarily has to be about looks.

    I've been attracted to women that= either surprised me or didn't. The personality said more than looks for sure.

    pretty or ugly; A bad personality is still bad, you're not going to get along with anyone if they're that terrible of a person.

    I picked B only because I've met girls who were both pretty and ugly.

    At the end of the day if you're really sensible you rather have someone who really nurtures you over someone who neglects you.

    I think it's a bit hypocritical to ask for much if the irony were to be placed. If someone told you were ugly, don't complain because that's exactly the same ideology being applied upon yourself.

    Personality wins (for me) because you both bring out the most out of the relationship. I rather have a great relationship than a trophy relationship. And if I'm correct there are a lot of people capable of great romance but are never given a chance. Simply because their personal traits are being overlooked.

    Physical attraction or not. Sex wouldn't be great if your partner can't even turn you on. lol

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  • Looks matter most for both parties. Personality comes in second place.

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  • Looks are what get our attention. Personality is what keeps us.

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  • Looks probably matter most to begin with for...for at least a lot of males...but then personality usually replaces looks...I voted "C" btw...(:(:(:

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    • LOL! Rest assured that my goal in life is NOT to annoy you..(:(:(:

    • Show All
    • I do see your point. Problem is trophy wifes are rarely seen and entertained with whatever money can buy. I mean real life relationship. I doubt there is many celebs on here, but it annoys me when you see these boys and girls arguing about it. There HAS to be a mix, and as the poll proves, its true! THEREFORE GUYS, THERE IS NO JUST PERSONALITY OR JUST LOOKS, ITS BOTH

    • Heh Heh..yeah a balance is always the best way..Reminds me of a "Question of Balance" by your countryman's group the Moody Blues---> link

  • i'd rather have a woman with a 7/10 body and 10/10 personality, then a 10/10 body and a 7/10 personality.

    but I wouldn't settle for someone I wasn't attracted to, or a weak personality.

    i'm sure this answer is the same for most women.

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    • I agree with you entirely, tadpole25. Good answer.

    • and just to be clear, even if a woman was a 7/10 physically (with a 10/10 body) I would gladly go out with her. since attraction, in my eyes, is half personality. and I'm not just writing this for women, but for men too. I'm sure some of you guys out there have seen a really hot girl, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she was attractive to you as a rotting cold cod.

  • I mean if I'm not attracted to a girl I'm not attracted..period. So looks is my first thing. If she has a bad personality, I might still go on with her sexually knowing that it will probably end at sometime. Now if a girl is sweet has a great personality but doesn't look good to me, I wouldn't want to be romantically involved with her. We;d be friends. That's it. So...lesson is..good looks and a good personality would lead to a longer relationship.

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  • Personality is the only thing that truly matters and can last. Appearances ALWAYS fade. Always.

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  • I've been attracted to some girls but once I got to know what some of them were like the attraction went out the window. Then there were those who were not knockouts but the more time I spent the more attractive they became.

    Take Kari Byron from the Mythbusters show for example. Not your typical model knockout but her personality makes her perfect & sexy as all hell. Now If I can just find a girl like her my search would be over.

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  • Mix there has to be physical attraction and I want an upbeat type of girl.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You need physical attraction in a relationship. If it's not there than at some point it will influence the relationship negatively. Physical attraction gives that spark and special chemistry. It's what gives you those butterflies. Without that the relationship just feels bland and boring. A mix of personality and looks is the ideal. I went 3 months in a relationship with a guy whom I had no physical attraction for because I thought I'd give it a go and see if my opinion changes. It didn't and I learned my lesson.

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  • Looks often help capture the opposite genders eye in the first place.

    Then you bring out a lovely personality.

    Hook. Line. Sinker.

    Looks shouldn't be the fore front of all criteria, but they do indeed matter.

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  • This is what I think: good looks serve as a catalyst for meeting someone, afterall, the reason why one would get approached directly out of interest in the first place is because of his/her good looks. This is not to say that an unattractive person won't get approached, but usually, among unattractive people, (this is what I think, it might not be so), the approach is not initially because the person is interested in them since they might not be physically pleasing. The approach is usually because of work/schoolwork (i.e. maybe they both need to work on something together) or some other means (maybe if the unattractive person is very social and outgoing and does the approaching instead), and through that, as they gradually begin to know each other and find out their personalities, they can then have something to be attracted to (his/her personality) in the unattractive person.

    Good looks is a catalyst because without good looks, there would now have to be some other reason for approach (besides being initially out of physical interest) before the personality of the unattractive person can be discovered, which thus might result in a slower occurrence of meeting someone.

    Now if someone had ONLY good looks but incompatible personality, it's equivalent to a reaction not gaining enough energy to overcome it's activation energy, thus resulting in a failed reaction. (pls excuse my nerdy analogy). I say this because the person with just looks WILL get approached certainly more frequently than the unattractive person, but when the approacher comes to realize that the good looking person has no personality, he/she's gonna show the deuces (unless of course the approacher doesn't mind that the pretty person has no personality). With that, pretty person may not be able to keep any guy/girl.

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  • I chose C.

    We all say we want a guy or girl who has an awesome personality doesn't matter if they're lacking in the looks area. Thing is in reality we want both but in getting the chance to date a insanely handsome female/male we overlook the guy/girl with the awesome personality but average looks. So where does that place us is the question I want to ask

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  • Basically, I have to be able to tolerate being a single digit number of inches from his face. If that is the case and you have a great personality I would probably enjoy dating him.

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  • i think it's a mix for most people, but I think personality is definitely more important. If someone has an amazing personality then I could go for them even thought aesthetically they may not be what I usually am attracted to. However, if someone has a rotten personality I can't find them attractive even if they look like Brad Pitt.

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  • No, it doesn't. Personality is DEFINITELY more important

    BUT you still need to dress properly , have a good figure, and try your best to show your beauty. Because you must give others a reason to look at you twice ,which open the door to your personality.

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  • Oh boy. I used to think it was all about personality. My mama used to encourage me to date guys who I didn't find attractive - simply because her theory was that they could either blossom into something amazing, or attraction will grow due to their personalities, considering looks can fade. However, I did this over the years and I can say one thing. Personalities can change far more than looks can.

    I remember one boyfriend I had - he was so sweet when I first met him. He was someone I was completely repulsed by looks-wise in retrospect, however. But I looked passed that because he had such a dynamic and happy personality when I first started dating him. However, things changed. He became angry, bitter, annoyed, snappy. He'd criticize me for little things after a while. And most likely because the sexual chemistry was simply not there. I was simply not turned on by him. And my reactions probably showed up in subtle manners, even though unintentional.

    And once his awful side came about, he then became REALLY unattractive. That's when I became literally repulsed by him. So, never again will I dismiss my instincts of attraction.

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  • Sorry to sound painfully shallow, but I want a combination of the two. I have known very sweet guys, but if there wasn't something about them that caught my eye, then we end up just friends.

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    • Not shallow. As I said, I want both too. Greed might be a better word! :P

  • I think personally is most important. But than again... look is also a bit important, even if it shouldn't be, but it is! you have to get attraced to that one person.. and it's to bad, becasue it should just be about personally, and love, ay?

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