Why are men so focused on looks?

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends who are women don’t care about the guys looks, they date really chubby and overweight guys or unattractive guys even though they are pretty because they focus on personality the most. But when it comes to men they focus on looks more than personality, I used to think it was because of immaturity but even as I started getting older I realized they were the same. So why is it looks matter so much? Is it biological or is it because society has sort of brainwashed men? And yes some girls are like that but most of them are pre-teens or a minority of adult women.

Updates

+1 y

I received a lot of good answers thank you for them, I don't hate men or think they are horrible for having attraction to looks. It makes sense it has to do with reproduction and I can completely understand that. Humans just want security in their lives whether its financial or in their offspring flourishing. And looks go into that.

[sadiefluff]

I have been frustrated by this fact before as well. But then I thought about it and I realized that it’s kind of the equivalent of women who will only date (or mostly go for) rich men or successful men, even when they’re not attractive, or even on their death bed! 😂 After realizing this, it occurred to me that it really IS biological. Men look for an attractive, thin woman because I think for them that biologically it shows she can “take care of herself” and is healthy and therefore she’ll be good at taking care of him, children etc. And women biologically go for men who can “provide” and “protect”. Of course there are exceptions and definitely in this modern age a lot more people are redefining gender roles etc. But on the most basic level of how we’re made as men and women... I think that’s just how our brains tick.

[Celtero]

The main thing that seperates a friendship from a romantic relationship is physical intimacy. So we wanna make sure we're going to be enjoying that.
If a girl has a nice personality but is ugly then she's a prime candidate for the friendzone.

I'm going to point out that a lot of women date for status and money, so I kinda doubt your friends are in it for "personality the most" just because they're with fatties.

If they're with fat poor guys then I'd suggest they're stupid, and ask "why not just keep those guys around as friends and date all the good looking or wealthy dudes?

[Asker]

They aren’t dumb and the guys aren’t wealthy or have a high status, it’s because the guys treat them right and are nice/funny. But the guys are usually with the girls because of looks even if the guys are really unattractive. That’s how incels are created, way too high standards for way too low of a guy.

[Avenoma]

As a person who has only dated women who look "plain" or even ugly "they were beautiful to me" and overweight women, I'm done with that. I thought they would be kinder and even smarter and less shallow. I was wrong. I might as well go for slim beautiful women now.

[Asker]

The thing is girls can’t control the way they look if they are beautiful or not but they can control personality. Same with guys. And the thing is I know some girls who are unattractive or overweight who are very kind because it makes up for their looks.

[Anonymous]

Look$ are not what mo$t women look for in a $pouse. There are $ome other thing$ they value more. OF cour$e they want him to be $ucce$$ful. How he treat$ a woman i$ important-he mu$t make her feel $pecial. Neb focu$ on look$ becau$e it is an indicator of reproductive health.

[Rob17792]

because guy's can't get turned on by something they're not sexually attracted to, but looks can only get you so far. If you don't have a personality guys will see right through that and use a girl as a fuck n chuck or pump n dump and not consider her relationship material because she has no substance to offer.

[Bhavin2184]

It's just that initial attraction like looks is necessary thing for relationship in our human society type thinking which both gender some people blindly follow.

[funride74]

Do you really believe that men are different to women in that? Maybe they are more openly talking about it and admitting it in front of others, but als women deserve and want a good looking guy.

[Meatunnel69]

“So” focused is very abstract and cannot be measured. Girls also very much judge a mans looks dont even play that card

[Asker]

They don’t, girls just care about personality and some girls want a guy to be taller then them and that’s it. They don’t care his body type or the way he looks in the face or anything. When it comes to dating personality wins overall. But with men it’s always based highly on looks and a bit on personality.

[Meatunnel69]

Well if a man is strong, is a provider and protector he is desirable and these traits often accompany calloused hands, rough masculine features you say this is not a good look and they just want personality? These features are attractive to a woman she surely won't go for a string bean weak man with no backbone or courage.

[Avicenna]

It's biological, but a lot of guys prioritize personality.

[es20490446e]

It's not men, it's you who think that.

I rejected the hotest girls due to having horrible attitudes.

Perhaps they thought as you do.

[tHISpLACEiSbONKERZ]

Because this gives the potential offspring a higher chance of finding a potential mate in the future. No one wants and ugly fat chick because we have eyes.

[JKingOff]

Just the way guys are. Why are women so focused on the guys income?

[Cryptic-Game]

Men are visual creatures only a lot of times and he fails to see that women are good in other areas too.

[Twalli]

Looks are typically the first thing that attracts you.

[In_Trance]

everyone is focused on looks. What else can you focus on when you don't know the other person?

[honestyIsBestPolicy]

I give following weightage Choosing a girl freind.
Personality 40
Looks 40
Values 20

[LeRetard]

Men are focused on looks? That's a first.

[Anonymous]

What do women have to offer other than looks and sex?

[Opinion Owner]

I got a couple of downvotes, but not an answer. Like always. Truth is, women have a long list of things they find desirable in men, but don't have much of anything to offer in return. That can only mean they want a man to serve them instead of being a real partner. And that's exactly what I've seen through experience.

If I cook a nice dinner, buy a nice bottle of wine to go with it, and give her a candle-light massage followed by a relaxing bubble bath, what do I get in return? Nothing. Not one time has a woman ever reciprocated.

[sadiefluff]

Ooof! That’s harsh! I’ve done that thousands of times for the two men I married and then divorced me and left me with my life destroyed. I’ll tell you what women bring to the damn table, at least the ones worth knowing! : love, emotional support, companionship, an additional income, the carrying and birthing of your children, oh and yes, her body and mental health going through the ringer in the process while the husband decides maybe after all (because her body is no longer the same because she had your damn freaking kids) (and is now freaking RAISING them for you.) that she’s no longer what you wanted in a wife... And that’s ALL that women bring to the table after all RIGHT? LOOKS AND FUCKING SEX.

[Opinion Owner]

I've never received any kind of emotional support from a woman.

Love = you are useful. Once a man stops being a utility, a woman's love ends. Been there. When a woman has a man's kids, she no longer needs the man himself to keep the utility. She can divorce him, keep his money, and find another fool to foot the bills for her. There's no such thing as love.

Companionship is what women crave, so it's not something you bring, but something you require.

Congrats on having a job and paying toward the bills like a real person.

"Carrying your children". As if its not the women begging to have kids the whole time. And then she changes into a completely different person because she knows she has you where she wants you.

"YOU REALLY NEED THIS PRODUCT! IT'S EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED! BUY NOW!" No, you really need me to buy this product, and you need me to think I need it. But I know I don't.

[sadiefluff]

I think you and I have met some really shitty men and women 😔

[Asker]

I know this sounds stereotypical but I'm more traditional and I like to cook and clean and help around the house, so in a relationship I would be helpful there. I also want to become a baker or a counsler for income. I'm great with emotional support and being there for my significant other whenever they need me. And most women are loyal and want love. There are some (a few) women who cheat and are disgusting, such as my aunt, and i despise them with all my being. But there's also men who cheat and sleep with a bunch of girls so it goes both ways.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, that's what my ex said before we got married. Once we had kids she stopped caring about the marriage, let the house go to shit, always fed our kids "quick and easy" meals, and starting fucking any man who'd pay attention to her 250lbs of "baby weight that just hasn't come off yet".

Why? Because "love" is just a chemical. And chemicals change depending on conditions. Once a woman has the situation in her favor, the love fades away and the man becomes a waste of time. I've experienced it myself, and I've seen it happen all around me. Its a lot like a hostage situation: as long as the status quo remains, the situation is stable, but once one party gains enough leverage, the endgame begins

[sadiefluff]

There are so many women who are NOT like this. Don’t let your ex and maybe some other bad examples of our gender forever make you hate us. I’ve been screwed over by plenty of men when I did NOTHING even close to what your ex did. It does go both ways. There are crappy awful people out there. But I haven’t given up hope that there are good men out there.

[Asker]

Not all women are like that trust me. My parents have been in an amazing relationship for years and have had kids and worked hard enough for their dream house and I’ve never heard an argument from them once. But my aunt is exactly what you described in your ex wife being overweight because of baby weight, feeding her kids those kind of meals, and sleeping with every guy at her work. She has serious problems for that and us normal women DO NOT claim her. I hope you find a woman who is way better then that because she sounds like a piece of crap

[Opinion Owner]

I know men who've been married four times because they think they'll eventually find a good one. Meanwhile, they've worked a thirty year career and have nothing to show for it.

I also know men who have been smart enough to stay single. They have nice houses, nice cars, airplanes, etc, and are never wanting for "companionship", even at 55+ years old.

The ones who've stayed married to one woman are easy to spot. They look older than they are, have no spark left in their eye, and just look beaten down by the world. One of them comes in with broken fingers and bruises all the time. Another one gets sex twice a year (birthday and anniversary).

I DON'T, however, know one man who's been married for thirty years and is truly happy. They'll say they are, but that's only because they've been trained to. Once you start asking questions about what it takes to be happy after a long marriage, you find out they're just as miserable but better at faking it.

[sadiefluff]

This makes me so freaking sad. 😔 Seriously. I’m a woman, but I feel like those men you’ve described. I’ve been married twice and hurt twice. I am a very warm, positive person and I showed them endless love. I feel like it’s hard to find a good man. 😕 I’m not saying there aren’t any, but I seem crappy and picking them. I have many examples of beautiful successful marriages in my life. And I actually know a guy turning 50 this year, he’s been married to his high school sweetheart this entire time and he looks like he’s 38... So I guess for me I just have some more positive examples on my life. I just wish I could figure out how to find that.

[Thisperson98]

I don't really care about looks.