Are Australians narrow minded or just plain racist?

I'm from an Asian background and get asked out by white Aussie guys a lot. I'm happy to go on dates with them, but I'm very uncomfortable with how fast they move.
They get all touchy and try and smooch me on the first date, and expect me to put out for sex before we even commit.
It's very confronting for me, as in my parents' culture, women aren't meant to slut around. We're meant to look for guys who are intelligent, supportive, caring etc. I'm not wired to sleep with a guy who doesn't have those characteristics, no matter how good looking, and so dating really is just an opportunity to get to know them in person one on one.

If I refuse their advances and politely explain to them what I'm looking for, they start complaining about how I'm "friendzoning" them and make slurs about my background e.g. "if you want to live like that, people like you should go back to where you came from". Their friends would then make fun of the guy for dating a "chink" or "third worlder" or how he "won't be getting any noodles any time soon".

I hate it. Why can't people just respect that everyone makes individual choices?
To me, looks are very important, and I can't help that I am attracted to Caucasian men, but why is it that they're not interested in getting to know me or respect me? I just don't get it. Are they just narrow minded or racist? I don't know

Sorry, I don't mean that EVERY Australian is like that..but 90% of the one's I meet are like that, and it's not just in the field of dating.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Have you considered dating people from other backgrounds?
    To answer your question, I believe that like in any country, racism does exist in Australia and it is extremely prevalent here. Much more so than in many other developed countries I've visited. There are stupid, narrow minded people where ever you go, and unfortunately, it is sad to see that there is a very high concentration of such people amongst the younger generations in Australia today.
    Now, with respect to dating. Let me say that I don't believe you are any different from the vast majority of women I meet in Australia today. Like them, you seem to have a preference for the white man, and hope that he'd be prince charming inside out. Good luck. Keep in mind though, that by denying other men a chance, the older you get, the less desirable you'll be on the attraction scale and will hold less power to reject. By then, the good men from other backgrounds might be taken!

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    • I do not think it is racism. I live in Australia, snd the majority of Australia is Asian , Indian or other. Caucasians only account for 20% of the popilation now, at the most. Young Australians are used to all nationalities due to living in such a multicultural environment, so racism is generally very rare amongst the youth. I think it is more a matter of the choice of guys she is interested in. They're attractive, and used to getting what they want. Most likely some arrogance present. And when they do not get what they want, they want to get a girl where it hurts; whether it be race, appearance, personality or religion. Believe me, if they were racist, they would not have gone on the date to begin with. I think a lot of it comes down to choice of who we date, and what our priorities are. Maybe it might be a good idea to go for personality, e.g. a kind heart, over appearance.

    • Show All
    • Bethany surely you aren't trying to say that only 2/10 australians are Caucasian now?

    • In largely populated metropolitan areas, yes, that is the case.

What Guys Said 3

  • 1. Racism exists all around the world - Racism is about insecurity nothing more
    2. I have a lot of friends who are white Aussies and they are nice people, better than most but I've known a few of them who are racists too so it's ok. The good guys are more in number than them ;)
    3. You say they call you 'chink' by which I assume you are SE Asian
    4. Cultures in various places differ. In certain places kissing or even making out is a nominal thing while in others it's not that way especially in Asian countries. Though people migrate they carry around the culture for generations to come. There are also a lot of people who are Caucasian or Hispanic background who toe the same line too.
    5. The way people perceive 'good looking' in a woman by and large today boils down to SE Asian women thanks to their lithe body frame & ofcourse the extreme exposure and actions in p*rn industry
    6. Subconsciously they tend to zero in on SE Asian girls cause they find them sexually attractive. Whether they want to go forward or not into a relationship they'll probably decide later. There are always ofcourse exceptions.
    7. As of those who make remarks, those are the ones who are insecure about various things like (a) inability to go in for those girls other than their 'general culture representation' cause they are scared of their own society (b) insecurity about being rejected (c) having to probably work too hard to get them (d) peer pressure etc. These are those who are scared of being singled out for thinking differently :)
    8. Such people are seen and experienced more in smaller towns or in educational institutions where not only are people younger and thus immature but also their exposure & experience is limited.
    9. I'd say you should have a 'don't give a fuck' attitude. Be confident and don't let yourself be bothered. Easier said than done but not impossible :)

    Good luck :)

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  • Sorry about your situation you shouldn't have to put up with being talked to like that.

    Im kiwi but I've spent time in australia and met quite a few Australians. And they're a lot more straight up than kiwi's and English they will swear a lot more, try to have a go at you a lot more , get in a lot more fights. I don't think you should take what they say too seriously but that's just the way they're. They forgive and forget things and don't hold grudges as much.

    It sounds like all that sort of stuff goes against what you have been brought up on.australia has a huge history of racism. Even today a lot of lebs don't get on with whites and Islanders/aborigines.

    If you want to find some ones that aren't like that and still date white boys then look for the more intelligent ones eg the ones that don't party, hang out at library's and places like that. I think those people will be more like ypur type

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  • I am SO sorry for an attractive Asian lady such as yourself to undergo such humiliation... But i have heard that australians don't marry any more and they just go straight to sex. I guess it's because they have everything soooo easily, i mean, prostitution there is legal right? I really think it's because they're so laid back that they forget the customs... and to an Asian , OH Man, i'm sorry.

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    • okay, i recommend that u find europeans and americans; they are much more conservative about this... especially europeans (*cough* British *cough*)

What Girls Said 7

  • It's not the fact that they are Australian and that you are Asian .
    I am Australian, 27, and a virgin, I value the same things as what you value in looking for someone, and I my full background is caucasian. And I've actually had not only caucasian guys treat me the way you've listed above, but Asian background guys aswell. So it is wrong to generalise.
    I think it is more the culture of the day now, everyone is influenced by the media, and the media is incredibly over-sexualised, it is literally sex-saturated. We can thank p*rn for a large portion of that. Many men cannot help but view women a particular way...that her value lays in her ability to sexually satisfy him...and if she does, then she's a slut, and if she doesn't, then she's a bitch (according to many males, and the p*rn industry).
    Unfortunately it is more likely to be found amongst caucasians, being raised in western culture and hollywood, but many races are guilty of this.
    The only reason they are making slurrs at your background, is because they are angry that they havn't got what they want, when they're used to getting what they want. So they want to hurt you as a result of that. They do the sane to me, but they make insulting comments about my religion.
    Good on you for respecting yourself.

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    • Maybe you need to reassess your values. For example kind hearted and genuine, regardless of race, rather than appearance? As the good looking guys you are going for would be used to getting what they want, with some arrogance present. So when they don't get what they want, they often try and get a girl where it hurts, this may be race, appearance, personality, or religion. And believe me, if they are truly racist, they would not have gone on the date with you to begin with. Maybe it's time to reassess your priorities when dating...

    • Complerely agree

  • well as an Aussie myself, i will tell u that Australia has developed this disgusting 'trademark' of being a racist country. of course, this is a broad generalisation, as u will also find aussies who actively fight against racism and make sure appropriate action is taken to stop it.

    another thing, is that this type of behaviour does exist a lot among the guys, since they are brought up by their parents to be very carefree and yolo kinda thing lol. thats y I'm sooo glad my parents aren't australian :P

    but honestly, dont worry about them, theyre pricks. i feel though, that it would b my duty to tell u that there r aussie guys who r more gentlemanly than u could imagine… so it really is a harsh title that we have all had to bear, just because of the despicable behaviour of a bunch of idiots. you'll find them, in all races.

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  • I think this is relevant to they type of vibe that is put out and they types of guys you're attracting. Yes the Australians are laid back but we are not all rude. It's easy to attack a person on personality or cultural traits (doesn't make it ok) but I'm sure they guys are acting out cause they're being rejected. I think in response to the question, the ones you're seeing are narrow minded and or racist. But again sex is important to guys and they tend to expect it sooner than what you are (culturally) used to

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  • Institutionalised racism is a plague spread wide across our country. The Australian attitude is that people are very lucky to be in this country, and should therefore assimilate.

    That being said, I'm first gen Australian and haven't had too many problems in adulthood, but that's probably because I've embraced the Australian culture pretty happily.

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  • hmm Karma bit you on the butt? Here you are, liking white guys because of their appearances and these white guys perceiving (fetish for Asians ) the same as you do and you both are reacting in the same way. It looks like they are mirroring back what you are doing to them too.

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  • What state are you in? I'm guessing you're in an eastern state.
    If any guy is after only sex from a girl and they're refused, they get petty and nasty. That's just the way it works. I'm sorry they were horrible and nasty to you, but there are people like that out there. That's why dating is great, so you can weed out the assholes/jerks and find a keeper.
    Not all Australians are like that, there are nice ones scattered around the place!

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    • I also recommend that you use something deeper than looks before dating someone. If you're judging just on the exterior of a person, I'd be very surprised if you're able to find someone decent.

  • There's mostly bad goods than goods out there. They take longer to mature when they reach into their forties and fifties.

    It's just good looks, it doesn't mean they're good inside. Lust and greed has many disguises through skin colour and ethnic groups. Question everything they say to you and why do they do ask you?

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