Am I the worst brother ever

[Anonymous]

my brother (who's 9) was in a crash car and both my parents died but he is a survivor. Child services call me asking if I want take him in or he'll be in foster care. I didn't want to take him in because my girlfriend (of 2 years) just move in with me and space is pretty tight. And we (we're both 19) both work full time and we decided not to take him in. Plus my girlfriend and me doesn't like kids and thinks money would be even tighter.

My bro is in foster care now. When I call him today and he couldn't talk because he was "busy" with homework. I know for a fact doesn't do school work. This happen before and he's not talking to me.

My brother's foster parents call me saying his grades are dropping (he use to get c's and he's f's subject he's taking) and he's picking on other kids at school. Is this all because I wouldn't be his guardian?

Now I'm feeling like the worse brother ever.

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so I call my brother today ands he ask me straight up why I didn't take him in. I think he was crying a bit. I didn't know how handle it so I hung up on him. could I have say something to him?

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I talk to my girlfriend about what did and she said tell him to be a man and over it. As for my brother call him to say sorry and he call a asshole and hope I drop died.Then hung up. I'm not sure what to do anymore, help

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I went on my bro's facebook and he had this whole post about me and my girlfriend saying we're assholes and can't be trusted. He also said my girlfriend is a dumb slut for sleeping with me. I was going call child servces to see

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if I could to see talk him in but he can forget it now.

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My brother's foster mom saying he caught shoplifting headphones and is suspended getting in a fight at school. She said he's out of control. His grades are horrible and getting worse by the mintune. Does have something to do with me.

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my brother went to visit me and my gf. I tried make get him to his homework (the school theating to hold him back if he doesn't keep up) he tell me to f*** off and that I'm not his dad. Then my girlfriend get involved saying

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he couldn't talk to me like that. It cause this huge fight. Until he got piss off and went to guest room. He went home the day and hasn't talked to me since. Did I do something wrong?

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his foster parents kick him out because of the way he's treating everyone. I had no choice but to take him in. He's still resenting me and my girlfriend tho. He's lipping off to us and I just let him have it told himhe either straighten up or he's on the

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streets. He hasn't talked to me since. What's his problem?

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So my girlfriend went on a trip with her friends she'll be back in 2 weeks. All of a sudden my brother went from a evil child to a angel. He's listening to me for once. Behaving at school. I haven't any from his school. What going on?

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+1 y

So found out my girlfriend cheated on me well she's on her trip (her friend told me). Should I dump her? I know it would make my brother a lot happier.

[Anonymous]

Well dude, no offense but you probably shouldn't be with your girlfriend if she doesn't understand the importance of family. I have a horrible relationship with my older brothers and family in general for that matter. Yet when I needed them and vice versa they were there for me and I for them. My bros were never very supportive as far as watching me do sports, concerts, etc. but when they committed to coming they came, no matter what. One of my bros girlfriends wanted him to ditch my game that he was going to watch so they could go out with some of her friends, she made him choose her, or me. I never saw her again.

You have to realize that your little bro looks up to you a lot and wants to spend time with you and even though he has said all these nasty things to you, still cares about you and wants nothing more than your approval. If money and space are tight, well let him know things will be tough, you can skimp on going out to eat, dvds, cable tv, you'd be surprised what one can live without and still live decently as far as comforts go. As far as his grades are concerned. Let him know that if he wants to stay he has to keep his grades up and do chores around the apartment to earn his keep.

I can garuntee you you will regret not taking your brother in at all, so I recommend that you do it now, and if your girlfriend makes such a big fuss, give her a choice; both of you or neither of you.

[AOgixxer750]

alot of peopel are tearing you a new one here. and I don't blame them. I would go to the moon and back from any of my brothers. but this isn't about me, its about you. and from what I've read no ones really giving you any advice on the situation. being that he is a minor, you should qualify for child care money from the government. you'll have to fnid out for sure tho. look it up for the state that you live in. or call up child services and ask them about it cause if money is one of the reasons why your not living with your bro then this could help you out.

[RedneckGirl-06]

I'm not gonna say anything mean or judgmental to you cause that's not what you need. All I have to say is that it probably would have been better for him if you had said yes. he really needs a strong positive roll model and I don't think that its all your fault. he may put partial blame on himself for yall's parents.or he may feel like you don't really love him all that much because you said no.but more importantly what you need to remember is that he is probably still grieving over the loss. and as far as the last part no you didn't do anything wrong a nine year old has no business speaking to anyone the way that he spoke to you. just try to be understanding and if you haven't already explain to him one on one that the reason you didn't take him in was because that didn't think you could give him the life and care that he deserves. don't tell him yall don't like kids cause that will just make him feel worse.be loving, be kind, be VERY patient, and be understanding. remind him that he wasnt the only one who lost loved ones. your grieving too. I'm only 20 but I have had to deal with tough stuff too. not that bad but still tough.hope this helps.good luck

[Asker]

Finelly the answer I been looking for

[RedneckGirl-06]

I'm happy that I could help..... :)

[Gotcha]

You do realize that this guy's story is bullshit.

[RedneckGirl-06]

Well are you "this guy" do you know him personally? if not then how would you know what is bullshit and what isn't if your not there you don't know....

[Anonymous]

your brother is rly mad at u. his still recovering from your parents death and execpts to be comforted and supported by his brother. but when you kinda turned him down, you rly hurt him. in his eyes he feels like your girlfriend is much more important to you then him and he kinda feels betrayed by u. anyway so when you hung up the phone on him after he asked u, that kinda showed him that you don't rly care and don't want him. if you answered him, that mite have helped.

when your brother swears at u, his expressing his rage and lets jst say that he doesn't rly like u. everything he is doing is a reaction to how he feels. and this is the only way he knows how to express himself. the sooner you solve this issue the better. and try not to include your girlfriend in any of your one on one brother time, cause he sees her as one of the main rsns that you are taking care of him. try to talk to him in a slow, calm, patient tone. don't rly try to authorize him, cause u'll be only pushing his buttons. jst lsn to him. if I were u, I would put myself in his shoes. and let him live with u. your family is in a rly vunerable state and family comes first.

[mzindependant92]

You should have too him in regardless that there's no room and you and your girlfriend don't like kids becuz the most important thing is he's your brother he's ONLY 9 so he can't be a man he can't suck it up he just lost the two most important people in his life,there are millions of families all over the world and in the united states who have a whole bunch of kids live in one tiny apartment both parents and even some of the kids sometiems have to work fulltime just to make sure the family makes it now compared to one little 9 year old kid who wouldve been in school the majority of the day and its onli you and your girlfriend he's not a whole lot do deal with he can do all the basics tie his shoelace read write tell you when he doesn't feel well feed himself bath himself you really onli have to make sure he has what he needs do you think when your parents had you both they said they didn't like kids or there's no room so lets give them up for adoption.think about it whatever else happens to your brother after this could be your fault becuz he was depending on you.

[mzindependant92]

Wow you have a lot going on in your life....i feel for you I hope everything gets better between you and your brother and yeah I think you should break up with her but work something out bout the apartment because you don't wanna be outside on the street with your brother at this point in time

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

I'm sorry but your one hell of a selfish person. He just lost his parents, and all he has in the world is you, and you turn him away. Now he's going to be in foster care, passed from home to home (hopefully that won't be the case) and already has some serious anger issues. Thanks to you. I just can't believe how selfish you are! You couldn't sacrifice a little bit for your brother, who is your flesh and blood?!?!? I sacrifice every single day of my life, and so does my husband to help people like you he doesn't even know. Yet you won't even help your own family. And this is the slum my husband is putting his life on the line for. You should be ashamed of yourself!

[AJtogo]

I believe this story is bogus. His younger "brother" anonymously posted a question too. It was wondering if his "brother" still cared about him.

[Asker]

Prove it

[AJtogo]

You just did, idiot!! Thank you.

[sha1980]

I can't believe what I'm reading.this is crazy.how old is your bro 9 he still a baby .honest to god if you don't take yo bro and get a bigger place you will regret that decision for the rest of your life.your parents are gone sadly to say.yet you have a responsibility that baby is out in this big ass world which may swallow him.all the stuff happening to kids now in these days mentally and emotionally he crying out.girlfriend my ass.you will be highly blessed if you grew up a lillte faster and took on the responsiblility of your brother.basically save his life.girlfriend come and go . IS SHE YOUR WIFE.

[ImJustTheGirlForU]

I would resent you too if you didn't take me in, because it shows how important your brother is really to you. So what if you're with the girl of 2 years. Blood always comes first. Your parents are gone, so all You guys have are each other. Blood's thicker than water.

He's feeling a lot of resentment, and anger as well hurt. You can't blame him for feeling that way he does. How would you feel if you were in the same situation? You should have taken him in right away. Don't expect him to open his arms to you in the future when you're in need of help. Because you dont' deserve it.

Even though you're trying to make things better now. Your decision making in the beginning was the cause and effect of this outcome.

That's just my opinion. If I were him, I'd hate you, but God always said to forgive, he'll forgive, but he'll probably won't ever forget how kind you were to have child services take him to a foster home instead of taking him in yourself.

[melle]

why are you even questioning its something to do with you?

Of course it is, he's just lost his parents he's nine years old. can you imagine what's going on in his head, and you arnt even there for him. you chose a girlfriend of 2 years for a brother of 9. that's low man.

your not acting like a brother at all, you should be there for him to raise him the way ur parents would want you too through money problems and everything he's your brother afterall.

sort it out before any more damage is done, get him to live with you and what he posted about you on facebook is most likely him just taking his anger out but there's only one way to solve all this and tbh I think you know tha answer already you just don't want that to be the answer you want an easy way out of your responsibilities as a brother. well that won't happen

be a man, and take care of your brother.

[jayj17]

He's your brother, he's practically your flesh and blood because you have the same freaking parents. It's sort of hard to believe that you let him go into foster care with all that shit that's out there, but I can tell that you probably thought you did it because financially you can't afford it maybe. But jeeze, he's your brother, he's probably heaps confused because you are right there and he can't live with you. And it doesn't matter if you don't like kids, he's not just a KID he's your BROTHER! take him back in, your parents would have wanted you to help him through that time.

[ladygothicka]

I think your brother misses you. You're the only person he had left, and in his eyes you've deserted him when he really needed you. I understand how he feels, and I understand that you must be having a hard time making ends meet, but I think you and your brother need to sit down together and have a chat. Try and get him to understand that space is tight and that you haven't got a lot of cash. Don't, whatever you do, shut him out. At the end of the day he is your brother and you should at least try. If he doesn't want to listen, I would get in touch with the school and ask them if there is any support that they can offer him. Please don't shut your brother out, though.

[banna25]

you can't play that whole "but he can forget it now" he is crying for you in the inside.do you have any idea how hurt he must feel.get your butt on the phone and get tell you brother he can live with you.and if he says he doesn't want to because you an asshole, just ignore it. he's just mad because you left him and he has every right to be mad at you, in time he will thank you tho, do you have any idea how screwed up some of those foster homes are. kids can get raped in there. GET YOUR BROTHER OUT OF THERE NOW

[wonderingwhy]

I think for now you've done the right thing by not taking him in because in order to raise a child you have to actually 'grow up' yourself. You didn't handle it responsibly and just hanging up was not the right thing to do. But don't beat yourself up too much, but it was a little bit selfish to let him go off into foster care, but at the same time, you knew you couldn't do it on your own(even if you have your little girlfriend too) so you let him go somewhere where he would be remotely cared for. That's the only good thing out of it.

[self1]

I think he is acting out because A.) both of his parents are dead, B.) I'm sure he feels like you don't want him and C.) Everything in his life has changed , he's with these new people he doesn't now, everyone he loved seems to be gone.

I know your tight on money and maybe right now really isn't the best time to have him staying with you.

But make sure to call him everyday.and maybe have him sleep over your house on weekends or something.

You have to make sure to engrave in his mind how much you love him and how much you care about him.

[self1]

You seriously just hung up on him?

That's horrible..and I seriously have no sympathy for you.

Grow up.

[self1]

GAHH! You make me SO angry!

You are a huge idoit and your parents are looking down on you in disbelief and are ashamed.

You're horrible and I just don't understand.

seriously, f*** you.

You just totaly altered your LITTLE brothers life in a VERY negative way.

[AJtogo]

Heads-up. This story is bogus. Have a look at his younger "brother"s" question posted in this section too about 18 hours later.

[coolguy93939]

dude I hate to say this but you are

man he's your little brother. your all

hes got left that's his blood. your

the closes thing to his parents.

your the only one who can tell them

how your parents where. he's acting

up a lot, he needs that bigger brother

or father figure to take over.

i don't think the foster parents are

able to control him, or don't know

how to control them themselves.

i would never pick a girl over my little brother

bros before hoes.

it would have been just like having a kid for you

just that you didn't have to deal with the

early over night feeding and stuff.

if I were you id get that kid back. not only

that, he's the last thing you got that are

from your parents. you think your parents

woulda liked for some strangers to rise their

kid? hell nah, they would have rather had

their big brother, someone with their

same ideals, and values. someone that

was rised by them.

[skootz]

yu didn't dump her yet? dude that's your blood you should of took him in in the first place and kicked her ass out. tell her to stay with her parents for a few months until things got a little bit more stable so you can take care of your little brother. I don't mean to sound like a bitch dude but I think that's what your parents would want. they wouldn't want there 9 year old living with complete strangers. and that's a hard age and its just gonna get harder for him because here comes the pre teen years and then teenage years and boom he could be messed up about that for a while and be pissed at yu for a LONG long time. consider it. and have a serious talk with him. and I think you need to dicipline him too if I told my mom to f*** off at the age of 9 my ass would probaly still be sore today lol.

[Anonymous]

dude, his parents just died, then he felt you his own brother wouldn't take him in. he's 9 at that stage where they need a lot of help. pubirty will start to kick in honestly I'm not tryingto be mean but that was a big mistake not takeing him in. he's YOUR brother. your girlfriend needs to get that into her head too. your brother comes before your gf, that is that. he will always be your brother no matter what you do, she may not always be your gf. try to do stuff with him put him in sports bring him to the gym. have him find something that he likes to do that will keep him focused. most of the times if kids don't do stuff like that they get in truble. there's still time to trun him around. so do it. as much as you may not like it he's your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

youve got to remember he's a little kid 9! w.e he says shouldnt bother someone 10years older then him and he's just saying that to try to get ur attention he's mad at you right now and I wouldn't blame him for what happened he's mad and he doessnt know how to handle the situation he's in he's scared confused and doesn t know how to act think about it this is the only way any 9year old could get attention and his parents jus passed away you guys need to stick together what would ur parents want? what would you want?

[Anonymous]

wat ur doin is wrong take ur brother what ur girlfreinds is saying is pretty mean you never tell a little kid to be a man an to stop crying its okay to cry and okay to act childish because he is a child I don't think ur the worst brother ever you jus needed time to think it through but asof now I thinik that you should take ur brother in I mean he's lost his parents all he has left is you my advice to you is to take him iin if you were in his spot what would you want? to be in foster care and grow up to prob drugs or somethin of that sort or to live with ur brother all you have left think about it the choice is yours.

[confused1081]

I think the way for you to be a man is to take your brother in. You're the only family he's got. Yeah maybe you don't have tons of money, maybe space is tight BUT THAT'S YOUR FRIGGEN LITTLE BROTHER FOR GOD'S SAKE! You had what he didn't at his age.yeah it's hard for you but honestly, it's your responsibility to take him on and raise him up properly.

[Wants2KissYaaa]

Fucked up. I don't care what anybody says. That is your OWN brother. YOUR PARENTS DIED. HE NEEDS THAT OLDER PERSON THAT HE ALREADY KNOWS WELL TO BE THERE FOR HIM,. butt I guesds its yto late now. You already put him down, made him feel like he is not important, made him feel like SHIT, Well some people commit suicide over stuff like this. you need to talk to him, be nice, gentle, Who gives a f*** about your stupid girlfriend it's not her say in what you want to do, Just trie to win him back to you with Sympathy, understandingg, and kindness!

[cedarrose]

You're brother needs you. He's only 9 and both his parents just died. If you aren't taking care of him because your girlfriend doesn't like kids, I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with her. Does she realize that he's your nine year old brother, who because of her, is now living in foster care even though his big brother could take care of him? That's wrong.

[banna25]

You can't keep him in that foster home, take him in, you are the only thing he has left, after both parents dying and than his own brother not wanting him.He probably feels abandon. Let him live with you or things could become serious and he could get involved with bad things

[Wtfgirl]

I would say that was a selfish call you made. But if you did it mainly because of what your girlfriend said, then I would consider you a pushover. He's family, she's not. Take your pick.

I will sujest you do something to make it up to him so he knows that someone loves him that's related to him. I know it's going to be hard (how would you make up the fact that both his parents died and he thinks his older brother cares about his girlfriend more than about him). Just think about it.

[randomgirl13]

he is 9.. traumatic things happened.. what do you think your parents are thinking.. and if your girlfriend loves you then she wouldn't have let you say no.. take your brother in. he is already traumatized, now he is homeless. yes dump your stupid girlfriend