My boyfriend (of six years) and I are about to have a baby. We went through a major rough patch a few months ago before I found out that I was pregnant and have since gotten back together (kind of). Everything was going well until my boyfriend's friend started coming over all of the time. This is his BEST friend, his main bro, and I respect the hell out of that. Now, his best friend is always over. Always. Everyday, without fail. If he's not over, he's on his way over.
Before we broke up, his friend wasn't always around physically but now that we are back together and about to have a baby, his bro is always around. Sometimes I just want a day without seeing his friend. After a long day at work, maybe I just want me and boyfriend time to watch a movie or whatever.
I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about this, but he tells me I am being over dramatic and need to just calm down, or he tells me he is getting his "party" out before the baby comes. It's gotten to the point where seeing his friend's car in front of our house just pisses me off and I am trying really hard not to turn into a psycho woman and freak out on them. I would talk to his friend about coming around less often, but the man smokes so much weed, he wouldn't remember the conversation two minutes later.
I cannot have him coming over all of the time after the baby is born because he is loud and would wake the baby up. I don't know how to get my point across anymore because my boyfriend refuses to listen to me or take what I have to say seriously. Help?
Most Helpful Guy
I know what I would say if you were not pregnant. I would tell you to lose him... and his pot head friend.
However that is not the case. So I think you need to have a conversation with him that goes something like this:
"We did a "grown up" thing when we had sex, and that had a consequence to it. Not one that I expected or you expected, but it happened. We knew it could happen and it did. Now we have a child on the way. We can either choose to raise this child as best we can, knowing that he/she is innocent in all of this. Or we can continue to act like children, hurt one another, and most certainly hurt this baby."
Then assuming you get his attention you can just say "Pregnancy is tough, relationships are tough, sometimes I NEED YOU to help me. To encourage me. To be there for me." Hopefully he will get it.
There is a chance that he will not get it, and you need to be prepared for that. You will then have a choice to make: Do you stay with an immature dude or do you go to plan B and go out on your own? Hopefully if you have to go to Plan B your parents can help you.
You may think I am being extreme... and I suppose that I am, but there are two reasons for this: 1) he is being immature and he is not going to get better on his own... sooner or later you two are going to have to talk about this and sort it out, or you are going to be in a very difficult place. 2) I believe there are enough troubled children in this world, heck read many of the questions and answers on GAG. I think you owe it to this baby to do everything you can to help him or her in the best way possible. That is not staying in this exact situation.
This is a tough place, I am sorry you are in it. I hope that you find excitement and joy in your baby, but I also hope you can work it out with your boyfriend!