My boyfriend (of six years) and I are about to have a baby. We went through a major rough patch a few months ago before I found out that I was...
My boyfriend (of six years) and I are about to have a baby. We went through a major rough patch a few months ago before I found out that I was pregnant and have since gotten back together (kind of). Everything was going well until my boyfriend's friend started coming over all of the time. This is his BEST friend, his main bro, and I respect the hell out of that. Now, his best friend is always over. Always. Everyday, without fail. If he's not over, he's on his way over.
Before we broke up, his friend wasn't always around physically but now that we are back together and about to have a baby, his bro is always around. Sometimes I just want a day without seeing his friend. After a long day at work, maybe I just want me and boyfriend time to watch a movie or whatever.
I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about this, but he tells me I am being over dramatic and need to just calm down, or he tells me he is getting his "party" out before the baby comes. It's gotten to the point where seeing his friend's car in front of our house just pisses me off and I am trying really hard not to turn into a psycho woman and freak out on them. I would talk to his friend about coming around less often, but the man smokes so much weed, he wouldn't remember the conversation two minutes later.
I cannot have him coming over all of the time after the baby is born because he is loud and would wake the baby up. I don't know how to get my point across anymore because my boyfriend refuses to listen to me or take what I have to say seriously. Help?
I know what I would say if you were not pregnant. I would tell you to lose him... and his pot head friend.
However that is not the case. So I think you need to have a conversation with him that goes something like this:
"We did a "grown up" thing when we had sex, and that had a consequence to it. Not one that I expected or you expected, but it happened. We knew it could happen and it did. Now we have a child on the way. We can either choose to raise this child as best we can, knowing that he/she is innocent in all of this. Or we can continue to act like children, hurt one another, and most certainly hurt this baby."
Then assuming you get his attention you can just say "Pregnancy is tough, relationships are tough, sometimes I NEED YOU to help me. To encourage me. To be there for me." Hopefully he will get it.
There is a chance that he will not get it, and you need to be prepared for that. You will then have a choice to make: Do you stay with an immature dude or do you go to plan B and go out on your own? Hopefully if you have to go to Plan B your parents can help you.
You may think I am being extreme... and I suppose that I am, but there are two reasons for this: 1) he is being immature and he is not going to get better on his own... sooner or later you two are going to have to talk about this and sort it out, or you are going to be in a very difficult place. 2) I believe there are enough troubled children in this world, heck read many of the questions and answers on GAG. I think you owe it to this baby to do everything you can to help him or her in the best way possible. That is not staying in this exact situation.
This is a tough place, I am sorry you are in it. I hope that you find excitement and joy in your baby, but I also hope you can work it out with your boyfriend!
At the end of the day, you're going to have to have a discussion with your boyfriend. Maybe your boyfriend needs to go OUT with his buddy instead of always coming over to your place to hang out, but whatever, he needs to figure out that:
- things are changing, and he isn't going to be able to have the same lifestyle anymore.
- this is affecting you, and to some degree your child.
- it's HIS job to keep his buddy away from the house, and he needs to figure out how to get that done, one way or another.
He needs to understand that having a child doesn't begin at the child's birth; the child exists TODAY, and needs the proper environment TODAY, even as it's growing inside you. And that means that MOM (you) needs to be given some extra care and consideration right now.
NOTE: I am assuming when you say "all the time", you mean 5-6 days a week
Normally, I would say to suck it up because it's not fair to make your boyfriend choose between your friend and you...because you would most likely be the option that is "cut"
But your scenario is a bit different.
Seeing that you talked to him about this, and seeing that he doesn't seem to give a damn about your feelings about him spending quality time alone with the mother of his child...i say that you deserve to "bitch it up" in this regard.
After sharing your feelings and being honest yet tactful about your emotional support needs not being met...this guy is clearing neglecting your feelings.
Would two (2) days a week of "no visitors" (for you nor for him) be satisfactory?
you can go psycho on whoever you want, your pregnant, blame the hormones. nobody gets mad at a pregnant woman lol
in all seriousness though, the friend has some nerve smoking a ton of weed in your house with a baby on the way. its not a healthy environment. I'm not one of those anti-weed people or anything like that, but around a pregnant woman?
and your Boyfriend getting his party out before the baby comes? he really should be taking care of you like a man.
maybe first ask the friend directly, in a not angry way, if he wouldn't mind giving you and your childs father a day or two to just be together and relax because you need it and the stress is bad for the baby. If he ignores that request, go apesh*t on both of them lol
1 He is the baby daddy and has the right to see the child as much as the mother.
What is KIND OF you are or your not there's no in between
That being said your PREGNANT get that weight off your back toss his ass out tell him you can't raise two kids by your self. He's not there for you now he won't be there when you need him most. This is not "I'LL STOP AFTER THE BABY COMES" thing it's because I GOT MY "BROS" BACK now calm down baby you got it all wrong B****
Sorry but I know this from FACT that was me TO YOUNG TO STUBBORN to listen to anyone except my "BRO" party party...You are the B**** you do not know what you are talking about I ain't sleeping with nobody sorry to say this but I will bet you a nickel you have heard those words before
Don't be a hypocrite. If you really do respect their "bro" status, then leave it alone. Otherwise, you're only option is to become the psycho woman girlfriend so that he won't want to come over anymore to listen to your bitching and whining. You'll have to gain the upper hand here.