Women - Are you having children young or Are you waiting until your 30s?

[Anonymous]

What are you personally doing?

Are you planning to have children in your 20s, and put off or avoid a career? (Of course, this depends on what type of career you want, some take more years to establish than others - doctors, lawyers, etc. for example)

Or are you focusing on goals and career first and having children in your 30s or even 40s?

We all know the risk for some birth defects and autism goes up around mid-late 30s. However, I'm used to older moms, many people in my family have had children later. My aunt is 47 and her youngest are 4 and 5 and 7. I'm traveling and here in Spain it seems like the parents are often older. Not always, but I've heard people say its a European thing to wait longer to have children. I've stayed with families here and met families here and several families have parents much older than mine. My host family I lived with for a while had 3 sons, oldest 21, youngest 14, and the parents were and their 50s. A guy I just met, around my age, 24, has retired parents. Things like this, and my other friends here have noticed the same as well. I wonder what the stats are on European ages for childbirth. Seems different here. But then again, back in New York, plenty of women have children later as well.

There is an increase of women having children later in the States as well, and a decline in women having children in their early 20s. Nothing drastic though, I don't think.

So I'm curious about what the women think specifically. How old are you, and are you having children any time soon, before 30s, in your 30s, etc.? Or if you have children already, how old were you when you had them?

I just turned 24, and having children before 30 isn't a possibility for me because of life plans and career goals. I'd say I'll probably have children around mid-30s. Early 30s would be nice, but again, that seems right around the corner to me. Not enough time! Ah! lol

[SaskiaBlueRaySoul]

hi, well i was never interested in having children then bizarre things happened and at 31 i made a snap mental decision to have a child.. so 32 he was born, never again i said, 35 almost i had my daughter... when i hear of a woman even at 35 let alone 40 plus having a baby omg i literally cringe with the thought of it... what it takes out of you, the energy... the lack of sleep... rachel wiesz 48 first child well i guess money will make that easier... the classic sayings in our u. k culture, if you have them young you're free earlier to do things you want, however, truth is most people actually dont... have them later and youve lived a freer life and had more fun... true but that spoils you and i would admit i perhaps am a more selfish parent because of that... IMAGINE THIS my 12yr old daughter who is savvy as f.. k by the way said why did you have me.. I didn't ASK TO BE BORN BE HERE... she ftr is not having children not getting married and will love any person she so chooses despite any gender, colour, race etc etc you get the picture... i actually love that about her, i know she's only 12 but that confident manner assures me if that seed is nourished she will not be a soul to be messed with.. and she already see / feels this world why would you bring a child to this? xx

[EmeraldSky]

I am all with you, girl! I really love you you've included such a variety of examples.

I do not want children before the age of 30. If I had a child before the age of 30, I would be incredibly depressed and feel like I just flushed my dreams down the toilet. Children are amazing and it is a magnificent thing to experience motherhood. However, motherhood is a defining role in life. It will dominate your lifestyle and completely alter any goals you desired to fulfill. Motherhood Is the ultimate sacrifice and I'm not ready to tackle that. Not only do I want to enjoy what's left of my youth, but I feel that I'm not the best possible example I could be as a mother YET. I am incapable of providing the best possible framework for a child's life.

Call it selfish, but I want to be able to travel, go on spontaneous adventures, and live my life without the burden of having a human being depend on me to survive and having to calculate them into EVERYTHING. I guess it is a selfish mentality, but I'm sure it will disperse when I fall in love and actually have a child.

[Asker]

Yes! I actually disagree. I think being a happy, fulfilled, and accomplished mother to share experiences and stories with your child and set an example is a wonderful thing. Not all moms want to be that way, some people feel fulfilled with children. It isn't enough for me though. And knowing that you're not ready, and acknowledging the consequences is far from selfish imo. That's the best thing you can do in deciding to have children.

I'm already traveling. I honestly don't know when I could stop

[EmeraldSky]

True! it just seems like such a chore to me right now at this phase in my life.

I absolutely adore children, I babysit my niece all the time and I love her so much. I cried when they moved. But I remember there were so many times when I would be watching her and I couldn't wait for her mother to come back home and start supervising again!

[Asker]

Yeah and when theyre yours, you usually can't walk away as easily lol Or you shouldnt. I think I'd be a really good mom actually. I'm mature enough emotionally and I have pretty clear ideas of how I want to raise a child. But I'm not established in my career yet, I'm still in school and will be for a while (grad school and law school), I'm traveling all over Europe and living like a vagabond right now, just enjoying life and doing what I want. Children are not an option yet.

[Asker]

I actually think older moms often make better mothers in many ways. Not that younger moms can't be good moms as well, it largely depends on the person, but I think life experience and time offer something in terms of personal development for many people. - Not all though. Plenty of older people are not very impressive.

[XRabbitHeartX]

My mom had me when she was 40 and she was/is a awesome mother. I would not have had it any other way! So she definitely influenced me perhaps without me even realizing because I myself also only want to start having kids in my 30's. I want to first build a career and get financially stable before even thinking of kids. I do not want to have children when I'm still struggling, trying to build a good life. I want a good life already and then kids so that I can provide them with the best I can with less financial strain placed on me. I don't see how I'll get there before the age of 27/28 at least. Plus I want to make the most out of being young and having freedom. There's a lot of limitations as soon as kids come into the picture and when I have kids I want to be at a point where I want to make them a top priority. I don't see that happening soon as I'm too selfish at the moment and enjoy life as it is without having kids. I'm sure it will change someday but right now I am 19, soon to be 20. I'd rather leave it till my very late 20's or early 30's.

[Anonymous]

I always wonder about the women saying "well I want to make progress in my career before I have kids."

Are they planning to go to med school, or law school, then just work part time after a few years, once they decide to have kids? That's a notable problem in the medical profession, that women doctors drop out or just work part time at a much higher rate than man doctors. (med school costs a fortune, so there's usually a lot of government funding, private funding, and/or massive debt, you know.)

If not something like that--what, they need to put off kids so they can get their awesome career in human resources/dental assistant/elementary school teacher off the ground? I mean, seriously, when you consider it--about 98% of jobs, men or women, are pretty much just dreary ways to get a paycheck.

[Asker]

Everyone wants different things. No matter what I "end up doing", I couldn't have a child now at all. I would have to change everything about my life and not willing to do that. Not worth it.

What does that matter? A. Some people love their work. B. And even if you dont, dreary or not, you still need the paper, so I'm not sure I see the point. I could never rely on a man to take care of me. And I actually love being in school (Nerd.) and all the internships and traveling I've done.

[Asker]

I personally get a thrill out of setting goals for myself, meeting those goals and accomplishments, and looking for something more after that. I can do and see so much that I couldn't really with a child right now. And yes, you may have to switch things up later on when you have a kid, depends on your career, but so what? All the life and work experience, and likely well established financial standing at that point is worth it. Easier to deal with everything at that point, even switching careers

[Asker]

Some women want to be homemakers and don't have career goals...thats their choice as well. My cousin is like that. She didn't bother with college because she knew she wanted to have lots of children and wouldn't put as much effort into establishing herself in any field. If you know its not worth it for you then I guess do what you gotta do. We grew up very differently, we are different types of people, so its no surprise there.

[Opinion Owner]

I used to be more eager for a career... then I got a full time job. Ugh, lol, now I'm the stereotypical man who works for the weekend, haha. So what do you do, your career?

And how is letting a spouse be the breadwinner that bad?

[Asker]

Because its not what I want. It doesn't have to be "that bad" for me not to want it. Lots of things in this world aren't "that bad". That doesn't mean I want to do them. I could NEVER feel fulfilled being a wife and mom and that's it. Its not for women like me. At all. My mom was the same way, and although she loves me, she did regret having children so young. It holds you back from other things you want to do in life because children are the ultimate commitment.

[Asker]

I don't have a career yet. I'm in graduate school, but I took off a year and I'm just traveling all over Europe right now. (However, I am teaching English for money.) Probably will do Peace Corps as well after Grad school is finished and then Law school. I've done a few internships as well, along the politics/government/journalism route. But I haven't even stepped into an actual career yet, which is why I couldn't have a child now. Also, I'm poor. Not smart. lol

[Asker]

Once I have a wealth of academic and work experience and established career (especially if I'm successful), if I need to switch careers, start a business, change the path somehow in my mid/late 30s to have more time with the baby, it will be SO much easier to do that at that point. Easier than having children young and trying to juggle motherhood and all these opportunities or waiting until I'm older to compete with people the same age who have already been through the game.

[Asker]

So question - DO you want to be the breadwinner and support a woman in the future? I never understand this. Unless you're one of the wealthiest men, why on earth would you want to encourage women to rely on guys to support them, when you have such a dim outlook on your own work? You want to work more hours in a "dreary" job to support a woman who just wants to be wife and mom?

[Opinion Owner]

I considered law school too, then looked at horrendous employment rates, lol. I was just reading about 15 law schools getting class action lawsuits for lying about employment rates for grads.

Switching careers in your mid to late 30's to have a kid might be easier, but considering that pregnancies after 35 are medically considered "geriatric pregnancy" that might be the only easy part.

And no offense, but you'll not only be poor, but probably have a ton of debt after grad and law school.

[Asker]

Everyone has debt after any schooling. This isn't my news my dear, I don't know how old you are, but we all know this going in lol However, depending on your parents, scholarships/grants, TA/RA positions, etc. the costs aren't the same for everyone. I got a pretty good deal for grad school. And not all law schools are expensive, but the less expensive programs are often more selective/difficult to get into. I have lawyers in my family, connections, and I've been researching for years. I'm good. :)

[Asker]

I think employment rates have taken a dip in general - economic crisis. However, with both law and grad degrees, I'm still in a much better position to do the things I want to do. Doing nothing would leave me with...well, nothing. Most likely, unless you're a star entrepreneur. And I can still going into business on my own with both degrees. Law school isn't my only option though. I'm also interested in another grad degree or a PhD program personally. So much to do, only one life! lol

[Asker]

older moms are better at/more prepared for motherhood in a lot of ways. Some women have difficulty having children after 35, but in my family that doesn't seem to be an issue at all. And I'm also open to adoption. If I want to have 2 kids (max), I do want to adopt one anyway. I doubt I'll have issues with having children, but we can deal with that when we get there. Gotta prioritize. I want my children to have a happy, fulfilled, well educated and experienced mother who can provide for them.

[Opinion Owner]

Sweetie, I graduated last year with $2400 in debt from getting my Bachelor's, I'm wagering that you're going to be in debt enough to make the down payment on a decent house by the time you graduated, 50k at the very least, though probably closer to 100k, given law school rates. Where did you learn math?

And statistically, *the majority* of women will have a lot more difficulty conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy after 35. It's also different from when you started having kids at 25.

[JudgmentDay]

If you are overly concerned about it, you can considering freezing and preserving your reproductive cells for later use. It's gonna come with costs though. So if things didn't work out by the time you are in you mid-30s or later 30s, try and get your eggs preserved some time no later by then. Then when things work out later in your 40s or even 50s you still can have kids from those preserved reproductive cells.

www.huffingtonpost.com/.../...zing-_b_5656344.html

[washize]

I'm not having children. If I get old and regret my decision I'll adopt or foster children.

But I want to focus on my education and career. I want to travel the world, and live life. I've never had interest in children. I've even had less interest in getting pregnant and passing a watermelon sized child through my vagina.

[Asker]

lol Adopting is something I also wanted to do, but I would still like to have my own child. However, I'd probably stop after 1, 2 max.

Yeah labor looks like not such a picnic...

[washize]

There are plenty of children that already exist, If you want to be a good parent I don't think the child's biology should matter. There is so much more to being a good parent than biologically producing them. I can understand why people want their own children, but I also believe it is a human responsibility to provide for the unwanted children of society,

Child birth is one of those hit misses things. Some women die/have complications, others do not. I don't want any part of it lol

[Asker]

I totally understand. I still want my own biological child. I'm sure its a personal vanity thing, wanting to see the kind of miracle you can create with another human being and then seeing your physical traits. Also, you may have a better understanding of any medical problems, family history, etc. And adoption is no picnic unless you get a baby. Even small children have developmental/behavioral problems because of their relationship with parents and the foster care system. Its challenging.

[Asker]

Definitely know what you're getting into with adoption. The older kids are the ones most likely to be left in the system, babies are easier because you can more or less start from scratch. Ironically, almost all my adopted friends have said they would never adopt.

Pregnancy is a risk, but I think I would like to experience it. Not saying its all roses lol But there's a connection I think that builds from having a human grow inside you, then nursing, etc.

[Asker]

But we need more of the *right* people adopting children. If that's you, go for it!

Childbirth is a miracle but its not for all women, not even motherhood.

But it does hurt like a bitch. So I could live without it at the same time lol

[washize]

I agree with you 100% many children in the system all over the world are screwed up. However, many of them aren't. Its really a luck of the draw thing, you may get a kid who wants to kill you, and you may get a kid who just wants to play PlayStation 4 all day lol. Being informed and ready to deal with your kid biological or not is the job of any parent. Bio kids can be crazy too, even if your family has no history of mental health issues.

[washize]

But you are right, the *RIGHT* people need to be come parents. Either to biological children or adopted children. Parents who have patience, parents who WANT to deal with all the negatives associated with parenting, and parents who WANT to have healthy/successful children. Its a 24/7 job that doesn't end once the kid turns 18, may people don't realize that.

[Anonymous]

I would have preferred to have children around 25-27, but my relationships fell through for various reasons. I'm 31 and feel like I'm really late in the game. I'm from a smaller town where many, many people have kids before 25. Unfortunately, there are plenty who are already divorced, which is something I wanted to avoid. I always thought I'd have kids when I felt like I was with a good person to have kids with who I was in love with and could see spending my life with.

My advice is that you can work on your career later, but finding a good partner and good father is a vital first step. I wouldn't put off trying to find someone, because sometimes it doesn't click into place and you don't want to be scrambling. Finding for someone who is a genuine good fit and is a good person takes time and effort!

My other advice is to straighten out your baggage sooner than later, if you have any. That was part of my problem after a fairy turbulent childhood.

[Meedo]

solid advice... by the way 31 is not late..if a guy loves you .. he will want your children even if you are 45... just saying

[MrOracle]

Great advice! People should read this.

[ambertaylor]

I wanted to wait until I'd finished my education, settle in to a job and have my own house before having children... however, things happen and I had my daughter when I was twenty but that has made me become a young lady, not a little girl anymore and I love it. I'm all for woman who wait till their thirties, even forties but being a mum is so exhausting, I cam't imagine what it must be like for a woman twice my age dealing with the lackof sleep and tantrums so in the long run I'm so glad I had my daughter at a young age.. also means in years to come, if my daughter has children eventually, I will be able to be a younger grandmother and help her out more and be more involved with my grand children. I'm all for being a young mum, as long as you believe in yourself, are realistic and in a stable situation.

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 34, girl. Second boy at 36. All perfect as I have completed my studies and with a set career. I would not want kids in my 20s when I was focusing on my study and I got to travel. Now Ivan bring my kids to those places I visited and I have the money to do so. Working out for me.

[Asker]

Awesome. That's what I want for my future.

[LovelySerene]

I don't really want kids, but I might change my mind if I get married...which I don't want to do until I'm 30...I'm working on being an actress and photographer, and having a kid would ruin that.

[Asker]

Definitely, not all women want children.

[LovelySerene]

Hehe, I just don't see the appeal

[Asker]

I understand, I used to not want kids. I definitely want them now but kids are definitely another job on their own and you have to sacrifice a lot for them unless you live a very privileged life. I don't know if I would be devastated if I didn't have a child, if I accomplished everything else.

Women should want different things! I don't like how women are expected to want kids sometimes. Well some people are that way anyway.

[LovelySerene]

Right, but If I ever get married, I may have to think about what he wants

[Anonymous]

I don't really plan of ever having children.

I don't want to be a mother, it's just not in me.

I get a lot of weird looks when I say that, I guess people think EVERY woman wants to be a mother, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Im 23 and I have a 2 year old, so I was 21 when I had my daughter. I'm finishing up college and going to go for my career choice just as I planned pre-baby. Having a baby "young" doesn't mean you have to put of things, unless you choice to allow it too. It is hard juggling everything, but it makes accomplishing things mean that much more to me.

I think you can definitely have a child and focus on your career as well, it just takes balance.

[Asker]

Oh wow I totally disagree lol Many of the the things I'm doing with my life right now would absolutely not be possible with a child, let alone a baby. Other things would be ten times more difficult. Also, in certain circles, they look down on you if you have children and you're trying to progress in your career. Depends on the kind of work you do. But if you're the one chick in the office of career obsessed, driven snakes, with baby problems all the time, you're not going to survive most likely.

[EsperanzadeOaxaca]

At 30, mom had my baby brother at 31 so meh 30 is good enough for me, especially if I want to have my own career and be well established to provide for (with love of course)

[UberTroll]

I'd prefer to wait til just about 30. I want to at least have my BA before I have kids.

[GodHatesKaitlin]

I don't want to have children. I'd much rather adopt kids. Probably when I'm around 20, to be honest. I have hearing problems and I don't want to have a child that would inherit that.

[musicbrain5]

I'm 23. I plan on having at least one before I turn 30. I'll be established in my career within the next 2 or 3 years anyways.

[Stacyzee]

I had a kid in my early twenties.

I might have another kid in a year or two, or at 30.

[Asker]

How old are you?

[Stacyzee]

I'm now 27

[DakotaNorth]

My wife and I were in our early 30s when our daughter was born.

[chocolateismylover]

I'm 20 and I prefer having kids sometime within the next 8 years.

[bombdotcom]

I want to start having kids between around 25/26

[Asker]

How old are you?

[bombdotcom]

20

[eileen_ruth]

I want to have kids young

[COCOCHANEL]

i'm not trying to rush into it just yet

[Anonymous]

30’s is still young lol

[Anonymous]

I plan on having kids in my 30s.