Am I too hard on my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

We been dating for 6 years already, sometimes I would go off on him (punch him, yell at him) and he seems to just take it. He is far from wimpy, he's captain of collegiate wrestling, and he's been doing martial arts since he was a kid.

I'm going to be honest, I'm a very jealous person and I feel bad about one time for punching him in the face because I thought he looked at another woman but he said he was just looking at what she had in her grocery cart.

I look back and wonder why he is still with me? he has never hit me or yelled at me but I don't know if he takes it out on the people that he spars with. Ever since I punched him I've noticed he would always look down to the ground when I'm around and when there is girls around us(its been that way 4 years). Now I'm finally realizing what I'm doing and kind of sorry.

Am I too harsh on him? and am I just hurting him in some way?

Updates

+1 y

He went to Mexico to see his mother, she dieing from cancer so it is pretty hard for him since she is all he has. So I've been thinking about him a lot and this question popped into my head

[Panopticus]

I hope your man is still your man when he returns because his family will be asking how much moral support he has at home to help him get through all this. It is time for reflection for him as well, don't forget.

There is so much recognition to "Tough love" .. to the "Macho image" and to the "Girl power" movement that we don't know where we are any more. As a lady answerer says to you, whatever our muscles or lack of them we can hurt every bit as much as you and it is twice as bad for a man because he is socialised to 'keep face' .. to bottle it up inside, his mates won't let him share the same way a girl can share and feel supported.

The most common perception [and rightly so] is that it is wrong for a guy to hit a girl, it is also wrong for the girl to hit a guy without due cause Suspicion if he checks every girl out blatently justifies words - strong words .. but not the shame you put upon him out of your own selfishness. If he rather than you had been writing on this board I would have told him to look for another girl because just as most violent guys don't change, your jealousy won't either, without help.

I will be candid with you here, you need counselling in my opinion, and if the person helping you later on reccommends bereavement counselling for your man [if needs be] you need to ask your guy if he wants you there with him as a sign you are going to try to be all you can be to him.

I once knew a man who took up wrestling, he was a big chap and was a good fighter. He came from a tough family and learned wrestling as self protection. I learned later his mother beat hell out of him as a kid so he took that out of his opponents ... he could never have a proper relationship with a woman, his mother had seen to that.

You may have changed his basic ability to relate to a woman openly and freely just as something has occured to make you so intensely jealous and has made relating difficult for you.

I hope you can share your feelings about yourself to him as you have on here because you have a lot to change, a lot to apologise for and a lot of supporting to do, if he is able to let you. Don't be surprised if he says he is "Man enough to take the loss when it happens" and all the macho stuff - because that is a barrier to keep away the further harm you might do him. I wish you both the very best of what can be and I hope things work out for the best.

[only-lonely-me]

He really loves you BUT there is only so much of this that he will take.

Maybe tomorrow or next week.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm going to be brutally honest with you...

You need to learn to respect and trust your man. He may not fight back to you, because he loves and respects you enough to not be physical, but you're hurting him in more ways than you can imagine. For one, you're bruising his body. More importantly, you're damaging his pride and ripping away his power. Physically strong people have the same hearts that anyone does. We all feel the same pain.

I'm going to tell you, if you keep treating him this way you're going to lose him. No one stays in abusive situations once they come to realize that they deserve better (and we all do). So I suggest you change your act, or lose him forever.

[lauraelise]

wait till he f***ing knock one on you! uh YEAH your obviously hurting, like jesus melow te f*** out and respect him.

[asianstp]

wow your too much...havent you ever thought that maybe you shouldnt hurt him because clearly you don't deserve him...i feel bad for him.

respect is a very imporatant factor in a relationship and clearly you don't have any for him...