Oh yeah, lol. I did this a LOT actually. I have/had some major commitment issues. The reasons. basically my whole childhood was f-ed up. BIG TIME. If you want to hear all the gory details I have no problem telling you, I'll just message you directly. I have no problem sharing it all anymore but I still feel weird just posting it online for the whole world to read, lol. But basically I came to the conclusion at a VERY young age that I couldn't trust ANYBODY and no matter how close I got to anybody they were all going to leave, die, or betray me. So what's the point? Right? So during my dating years I spent a lot of time picking guys (I didn't realize this at the time but do now in retrospect) that I figured I wouldn't get attached to. I would say that probably about half the guys I dated, I didn't even like all that much. With the guys I did find myself getting close to, I would try to keep them at arm's distance so to speak. One guy I almost broke up with because I was sick one day so he got a little bag and put some cold medicine, herbal tea, an orange, and a couple small pieces of candy in it. Topped it off with a bow in my favorite color (which I had only mentioned once in passing so it showed he paid attention to me) and left it on my doorstep. How sweet, right? Yeah I almost dumped him for it because I was afraid I could get too used to stuff like that! But the absolute WORST was my husband. When we had been together about 3 years and we started making real plans for our wedding I went out and cheated on him. Didn't even try to hide it and got caught right away. I figured I was going to lose my guy eventually somehow or other. Might as well have the control over when and how. The whole thing got VERY ugly and needless to say, it was like another 3 years before we got everything back on track and finally DID get married. Luckily that "incident" was like a major breakthrough for me and it made me stop and look back and really realize all the "issues" I was having. And just how far I was willing to go to avoid being hurt by someone I loved again. I still struggle with it. It's so twisted too. Like most people cheat when things are really messed up in their relationship. I start getting the thoughts and urges when things are at their best. How twisted is that?! It's like something in my brain won't let me be happy without fearing that it's all going to fall apart and I start making stuff up in my head to tear the relationship down. It's insane. But I'm aware of it now so I always catch myself doing that and remind myself of the epiphany I had after I cheated on my now-husband. In the aftermath when things were REALLY ugly between us I realized that all the hurt (if it came) was worth it for all the joy that came from being loved and loving someone else. That if I lost him down the line, it should be for a good reason and not just because I pussed out. And that if that happened, I would still have all the good stuff that we shared together.
I don't mind at all (: Well after looking at a few more sites to find people with the same problem I read that sometimes people push others away because of a recollection of a/or past experience/’s, and so I began to think if I had a past experience, in which I did. I realised that throughout the whole of my childhood my parents teased me and my sister over guys and so therefore I began to think of having relationships with them as something that was negative, as something you shouldn't do, something that was wrong to even think about. Growing up with that permanently in my mind has definitely effected me now and I'm not sure if I can break through not being able to think that every time I get close to a guy, as the sudden instinct of thinking that when I get close to a one, I’m doing something dreadful that should never do or think about doing, but it's not. The other thing is that I can get very close to a guy, like with one guy, I flirted with him and he flirted with me and we sometimes held hands, and teased each other but at the end of the day, it meant nothing, we were still just and only friends, and it meant I had no attachments, that I was still freely just myself. Although if he were my 'boyfriend' I don’t think I would have behaved in the same way with him, instead I would be shying away, not being able to talk to him as much as I usually would have done. I think it's the fact that having the title of a 'boyfriend' gives your relationship as two people a certain seriousness and you start to feel pressured to behave in a different way, as now you're kind of attached to this person in a way you aren't with others, and so you feel pressured to have to hug them often and hold hands with them etc, but to do it out of pressure, like I did with my friend was spur of the moment, was fun, for no reason, and at the end of the day we went away, it meaning nothing and putting it to the back of our heads. Also, I have realised that I am often scared about relationships because I don't know what to expect from the other person, for example if I like a guy, I know the limits I will go, how far I have previously gone, what to expect of myself, how far I feel for him, but with the other person, I don't know how much they feel for me, how far they are willing to go, what they're going to do with me right at the moment I’m with them, how far they've gone with other people, and more seriously, I know that if I decide I don't like a guy anymore, I can move on without either of us getting hurt, as nothing has happened, but If I like him and he decides he doesn't feel for me any more, then I will get hurt and it will be harder when I see him, or If I decide I don't like him any more then I will feel very bad for hurting him, and won’t be able to put the feeling away until I know that he has moved on from me and it’s as if we had rewound to the time when we didn’t even know each other properly.
Yes, I do this a lot and I do regret it afterwards. When we are friends and I notice things are getting serious. I don't know why but I just want the guy away from me! I'm so mean. Sometimes I even look for the dumbest reasons why we would never work as a couple to comfort myself.
There was one guy I met in a club he was really nice but at the time I didn't want him because I met him in a club (I was thinking about virtues) and then he happens to be a male nurse (I didn't like that). But after, when he was completely out of my reach I wanted him back. I mean he was ready to commit, to commit to me for that matter.
Then there was another one who I dismissed because he was a little younger than me. The truth is we got along so well. He is one of those well read people and knows almost something about everything. We would talk for hours until one of us just had to say time to stop. I'm usually shy but with him I was so comfortable and felt free to be me. I miss him.
There are lots of others. I know I'm an idiot. I cannot help it. It’s like a reflex action! We can flirt with each other and be just friends but nothing serious.
I was told that this has to do with the fact that in my life I've moved a lot and goodbyes hurt me too much. It is easier to leave a person that you don't know so well than one that you do. Then there was one guy I did try to open up too and he broke my heart. So it’s a combination of things I guess, me wanting to keep my freedom, protect myself from getting hurt etc.
I have had this happen to me recently. I had been working at the same company in the same office as the New Guy for a few months, emails started to arrive asking personal questions after a few weeks, flirting in the office and then lunch nearly every day, didn't think anything of it as I am a good few years older than this girl... flattery right.
Then one night one of the guys from the office invited me to his house as his girlfriend was away and we could watch a few movies , and basically get drunk, he had also invited the girl in question as well which I didn't have an issue with. After my mate had gone to bed the girl and i started talking and carried on talking all night until the sun rise and then beyond. She got kinda emo about history and what had happened to her in the past... basically opened up a fair bit which was a surprise as we didn't really know each other that well.
Some months later after "dating" if you could call it that, one morning in the office she decided to end it all... WTF? Not a clue did I have this was coming, all seemed to be going ok.
We had a heart to heart shortly after privately and she told me she felt trapped, got depressed when thinking about me, "its too hard", I didn't understand any of that. I thought we were ok!
Thinking back to comments and conversations made such as "Please don't do nice things for me" and the killer after we broke up..."You got too close" kinda makes sense what's been said here.
The only questions is what to do now as I still have strong feelings for her, she seems to have feelings for me?
I want to give you props for asking this question. I've just been yet another statistic of a girl doing a 180 and pushing me away. I tried to convince myself that I would not be hurt and I'd be okay but that is DIFFICULT when this girl I've been talking to shared so much of her annedotes of her as a child and would share our love for travel, food, and culture. I had to visit her dept at work for a tour of her department and then I commented later on what a great job she did giving her tour and how she was soo pretty that I couldn't believe I kept my composure. She texts messages me thanking me but that we are just co-workers. I'm like WTF? This is the same girl that would be all flirty with me and joke around and now It's like I'm her number one enemy.all this craziness started five days ago when I came back from vacation. I don't know what the hell happened.
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I push guys away in order to protect myself. I don't want to get hurt again, and I'm a huge tease so I don't want to hurt anyone else. I hate that I do it. Even when I like a guy, I'll start to make excuses for why things would nver work out between us or why he's really not attracted to me. Part of the problem is that I am a very future minded person. I want to be a doctor and that comes with the unfortunate situation of leaving very little room for a socail life. So I shun those I am attracted to in favor of my career path, which majorly sucks! I don't want things to be like that. I would love nothing more than to date some of the guys that I'm close with right now, but I just can't allow things to go so far. These days my mind says to me "those guys are distractions that are fine for casual conversation but if you really want to be a doctor you'd better ignore them and move on to your studies, stay focused!" And of course I can't get my brain to shut up! It's frustrating beyond belief. However, even with all of that, there is one guy now that is trying to push past the barrier my mind has set up and if he's sucuessful he might just break the destructive pattern I've got myself in. We'll have to wait and see.
Yes. I tried, so hard not to push him away, as this is my usual instinct with a guy, but after a month of trying, my persistence with my instincts (which I sometimes hate) collapsed under the pressure of something that happened at home. As I was off from work at this time It meant I had a lot of thinking time, which was not good as my head is very good at concocting things up in which once said over enough times to myself, I will eventually start to believe and I went on to push him as far away as I could as quickly as I could to end the pain.
From the start I was afraid, afraif of commitment, afraid of change, afraid of being 'tied' down, afrais of having attachments, afraid of things not working, afraid of getting close to him.
I was fine for a few days as my life seemed back to it's 'safe' usual self, but now I am missing him, and I long to talk to him, but he is not replying to my texts. It's cutting me up and I am only filled with regret, remorse and pain. I wish I could rewind back the time so that I could change this, but I can't. I wish I was stronger, but the truth is I'm afraid and the fact that I tried to stop this from happening is something for me, but the fact that it happened in the end...is typical.
I am still determined to change and hope and wish that he will talk to me. I just need to know how to come close to him without all ofthis, even in the toughest of times when I just have to end it all, as I know that the next day I'll regret it. For anyone who is considering pushing a guy away, I advise you to seriously think about this, even what things would be like after, you push him away because I thought that by doing so my life would be fine, but instead I feel cut up, shredded like a piece of paper, scattered in an empty, lonely place..
I do that a whole lot. I know a major reason is I'm terrified of getting hurt or rejected because that's all I have ever experienced. Up until now every single guy I have ever liked has turned me down, and they've all done it in an asshole-y way. Insulting my appearance, saying I'm not good enough, all kinds of stuff like that. I've had one guy who "liked" me but it turned out that it was all a joke amongst him and his friends, and they paid him...go figure. So ever since all that stuff I've pretty much figured that if I'm an ass to them then they can't hurt me, if I pretend to just be nonchalant no one can get to me on an emotional level and screw me over. If there is a guy who might like me I immediately think it's just a joke again and I push him away because it's like "Really? He likes me? Not possible."
Another big part of it was that my dad died when I was just six months old, and my extended family is basically all female (due to divorce, just being single, or death of a husband like my mom). My mom was an only child, and my dad had two sisters who I don't know very well. I never really had any male influences at all besides my older brother (he's six years older than me), but really he doesn't count that much. So I'm just not used to guys and I get slightly uncomfortable at the thought of a guy wanting to hold my hand, or calling me pretty, or wanting to cuddle with me because no guy has ever done it. I didn't have a dad giving me that unconditional love so I desire it from someone else but I'm also scared of getting it.
I really don't want to be this way but I mean that's just how I turned out, and the one thing I want more than anything is for a guy to just see past the facade I put up, put in the effort to REALLY get to know me, and care about me for who I am. It's hard for me to open up but when I become comfortable enough and someone proves that they care...I become an open book.
I do that a lot, actually. I have a lot of trust issues. It's hard to explain, but my family was always really close, and one of my cousins did something he shouldn't have that made me lose all trust in him, and if I can't trust someone who's supposed to be there for me no matter what, how can I trust anyone else?
So, when a guy is interested in me, I push him away. Especially if it's a guy that I really like. I regret it most of the time, but I find reasons to justify it (although they're never legitimate reasons). It's definitely a defense mechanism.
I can relate to your situation because i have had been in 2 serious relationships where the first, i got cheated on, and second, he just plain out did me dirty. Ever since then, whenever i came across i boy i liked, i would end up thinking about the things I've been through knowing that that was something i NEVER want to experience EVER again. So i end up pushing them away (as said).. Yes, its a habit/ problem, whatever you want to call it. I literally can't help it.. Also whenever i figure out that a guy likes me, i turn them down without giving them a chance.. I tell my friends that once you experience a bad relationship or go through shit like that, you never want to be in a relationship again. And when people ask me if I'm single as if they're showing interest in me, i tell them yeah but that Im not looking to be in a relationship; that I'm too focused on soccer, college, and working. That's it. If anyone has any advice to give or anything to say to me, feel free! I would love to hear them all.
There's this guy I like and whenever I would see him in school I would try to avoid him, but we had a class together. No matter what I couldn't bring myself to have a normal conversation with him. It was hard looking him in the eyes. However, we would text each other and would have the best conversations, but I would read the texts over and just feel disgusted. I don't know whats wrong with me, I've even told him that he should stay away from me because I'm complicated, but he insists that I explain to him how I could be so complicated that Id want to leave him alone. I can't explain it and I feel like I'm just better off without any relationships in my life. I've pushed him away so many times before for stupid reasons, but there's things he's done that make me this way, like how he knew I liked him and he started kissing a a girl in front of me at a school dance, but later says they weren't together. I think I just need to live life happy so I'm officially letting him go. I think I turned out the way I did because my mom and dad split when I was 6 and after that my mom basically got in a relationship with any guy that took interest in her, but they all ended the same way, broken hearts and moving around. It's complicated...
I did that. Well me and this boy dated for about a month. I've never ever had someone end the relationship I've always ended the relationship myself and he ended it this time. He said with his biking, work and assignments he'd have no time for so he broke up with me. I was heart broken. And a few days after I could finally listen to a song and talk to him without crying. I mean now I still get hurt inside when I hear he's out with friends. But we're still talking normally and it breaks me that we'll never talk like we used to and it really hurts. And he said to me today 'why do you treat me like shit ever since we broke up? You're blunt and everything else why it's like you hate my guts.' I don't hate him... idek if I still love him. I'm scared to love him again because I know what we had before I'll never be able to have back it won't be the same and that will really tear me up it really will. So I'm only blunt and 'mean' to push him away from any possibility of us getting back together and so myself and himself never get attached again. I guess I do still love him. But I don't know :/ I know a month may not seem long to you but to me it felt like years.
Long story short, I'm 20 & never had a boyfriend or been kissed but I have pushed a couple of guys away. There's one guy I can't stop thinking about & I really regret it, I guess I was afraid of getting close to him & letting him in because no guy has really been that forward with me before. He was in one of my classes & I guess liked me as he found out my name.. and added me on Facebook. He did try and make conversation with me on fb but I just freaked out because I didn't know him all that well so I deleted & blocked him. I basically had a panic attack but after I deleted him I instantly regretted it, I still do. I do want to apologise to him but we aren't in any classes together anymore so I haven't seen him to talk to, I've seen him in passing but I'm afraid to go & talk to him because he might not want anything to do with me. How am I ever going to meet a guy if I'm too afraid to let them in, incase I get hurt? I've asked my friend for her advice & she basically said it'd be a disaster if I tried to talk to him & asked if she could watch because it'd be funny. I know what I did was awful I feel bad everyday, I just wish I hadn't pushed him away... because he seems really sweet. I made a big mistake. My insecurities always seem to get the better of me & I never think that they could actually like me. I guess being friend-zoned many times could have something to do with it.
I've done this before and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. This guy was perfect for me, he was sweet, sincere, honest, loyal, adored the ground I walked on, etc. We could talk for hours without getting bored. He made me laugh without much effort. I was young and scared. I ended up moving away. When I came back to visit my mom I called him and again we connected. We talked for hours that night and he told me if I had stayed we would be married by that point. This only freaked me out more. Now it's been several years and my mother mentioned him in passing as she knew his father and somehow a convo with him in it came up. Since then I haven't been able to get him off my mind. His voice, eyes, smile, smell, laugh...all haunt my dreams. I keep wondering what if I had done this instead. The what ifs are driving me crazy. Part of me wants to call and say hey! and see if we reconnect. The other part is scared. Ugh! Love is a crazy mess. Has anyone went after the one they lost? If so how did that work out? lol
I don't think people realize how much this happens..
I do this a lot and ermm actually I'm still doing it now even though I wish I didn't but its not something you do on purpose its like you try to stop yourself from pushing the loved ones away but eventually it happens anyway..
Being scared to get close to someone is horrible, it leaves me feeling depressed and down all the time but I never talk to anyone about it, that's why this is anonymous because its the first time I have said anything.
Being scared of getting close is horrible, its like you have a lot of issues stopping you from being happy all of the time, at the moment there is a guy that is trying his best to get close to me and so far all I've done is slowly pushed him away, its not because I don't like him or he isn't my type because infect I've had a crush on this guy for quite a while and finally he's noticed me and want to get to know me and get close.
I don't understand myself why I do this but when you try to get close to someone its like a million things are stopping you, no confidence in yourself, trust issues, low self-esteem, and a lot more, unless your in this situation its quite hard to explain the feelings you get because the fact that you can't get close to someone you've liked for quite a while is upsetting.
Personally for some strange reason if someone is being really nice to me calling me beautiful and telling me how he'd love to take me out, its like I freak out and try to avoid things like that, its almost like if anyone is too nice to me I try to keep myself from getting close, like avoid getting presents from them, and them complimenting me also makes me want to push them away.
If anyone wants to give their advise feel free because I have no idea what to do anymore cause this has happened too often now and it needs to change..
But How?
AHHH! The story of my life. The very thought of a guy getting close to me sends me into a panic attack.lol which would explain why all my relationships with men- even just platonic friendships are usually short- lived. Why do I do it? I guess its the vulnerability that scares the hell out of me. questions pop in my head- like: what if he breaks my heart? Why the heck would he want to be with me? Then the endless over analyzing- basically I end sabotaging every relationship I had before it could even develop into one. As a result I am 20 years old now and never had a BF.
I have definitely pushed guys away because of fear of commitment. When I do it I really do like the guy, but because of my own issues I just have do end it. Its selfish I know but I am trying to cope with my own stuff. When I get to a certain point of the relationship I freak out and build a wall because I am afraid of getting a broken heart. It is working for me right now but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep every on out I mean how long can I get away with a loveless love life. I don't regret it yet but I will if I don't change it soon
yeah. but it was more because I didn't want it to ruin anything we had in the process because one thing I'm really good at is losing people. But its one of those things where you'll never know what could come of that relationship and you're stuck wondering what could have been. I don't know about you. but I hate the what if game.
oh ya, it was a horrible mistake though. I really really liked this kid, and he really liked me back, and he always told me he loved me, and like. I really didn't know what to ever say to him, because I wasn't in love with him. because ya. so one night we were watching a movie together, and he kissed me, and it was our first kiss, and for some reason I was just. so mad. I don't even know why. I didn't talk to him for like 3 days, and I just went weird. I felt really bad but it was like I was pushing him away, even though I knew I still liked him a ton, and a week later I broke up with him. who knows why. I just did. I still have feelings for him, but I was just afraid. I know, I'm pathetic haha
I've pretty much ended up pushing away every guy I've ever dated. For me its the fear that if they get to know me too well they'll realize they can do way better than me. I do it by becoming distant and putting up walls when guys start to get too close. Yes I regret it, I've hurt some amazing guys because of my fears of relationships, I'll never forget when this one guy said to me, "what happened to you, you've become such a cold heartless bitch".
thats a fun little game called
'playing hard to get' lol
i have pushed a guy away,
not because I was playing hard to get
but because I had starting liking him a little
and we had conversations every time we saw each other [long or short].
one day, a friend told me he was pursuing a girl.
and this girl sorta liked him [i think]
i felt so upset/hurt,
that I began to push him away by taking my frustration out on him.
its ironic, because about 10 minutes later,
he came by us. lol
i said angry things at him
and walked off. and gave up on him.
I have never been in a relationship so I do push people away. I feel too shy and not good enough for someone. I feel as though they won't really like me and will eventually push me away and break my heart. I regret it everyday that I can't take more chances. :(
I really liked this guy, and when I found out he liked me too I realised it was a total turn off. I don't know why, I think it's because I like what I can't have then when I can I say no. But now I reallly regret it, because I guess I was just scared to be in a relationship at the time.
Your supposed to do that. It's called playing hard to get. Woman must protect themselves from the men who wield power of them. You don't want to be emotionally vulnerable to a guy who will love you or leave you, or to one who will mistreat you or hurt you. I don't think a guy respects you if you don't demand it from him.
Yes, I just pushed a great guy away cause in a few days he is going back to iraq, I really don't want to get close to someone I might lose ect. I have already gotten close and its hard very hard, so I bitched and bitched at him and now he isn't talking to me, do I regret it yes I do very much I do this to a lot of guys its a fear of getting hurt cause I have been there so many times.
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