If a guy is scared of getting hurt, will he push you away and be mean?

i was talking to this guy for 5 months, we were really close but then whenever I asked what we were he flipped out. I know he cared about me because... Show More

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think there are people that will just say "I'm too attached" as an excuse but I believe there are both men and women who sincerely mean it.

    But I do have to say, in my experience, these people have had some severe trauma in their lives. Enough where they don't respond the typical way. It's not always true but people who are molested, beaten, abused in some way as children, can have severe problems with attachment because they simply do not trust anyone.

    But what is important to see is that even if he is one of the people who was traumatized severely in life, then he does sincerely mean 'I am too attached.' He does mean, 'I don't want to be attached'. He may go back and forth about it. Because he is human and still wants love. But what that means is, if he is one of the people who struggles with being attached, then your life is going to be a rollercoaster. One day he will call you up and then he won't call you for 2 months. He may really want to be with you but it doesn't mean he is going to treat you in any way that is going to make you feel loved. You might have a really bumpy road of intense pain when one day he stops calling completely.

    So whether he really feels too attached or not, there is going to be a lot of pain for you because you want to be attached. I know sometimes we want to help fix people of their problems but if you want to help him get over attachment issues you have to dedicate yourself to many painful years of this kind of thing till he feels comfortable. Telling him you love him every now and then doesn't do it.

    So for the sake of your heart, I think it's probably best to take him at his word that he just wants sex.

    • @hisangel,"One day he will call you up and then he won't call you for 2 months. He may really want to be with you bt it doesn't mean he is going to treat you in any way that is going to make you feel loved."

      Omg, That is exactly how I behave around girls I'm in love with. Judging by your explanation you've been with a boy like this. Has his behaviour/attachment style normalised by now? I need to know for myself if I could ever have a normal attachment style.

    • So basically it IS possible he loves me and just can't admit it because he is scared so instead he is acting like a complete d***?

    • To the questiom asker and Wolfie, I posted a longer response above. Just in case you missed it. ;)