Could the man I'm having an affair with love and care about me or feeling guilty about cheating on his wife

I have been having an affair with a guy who calls me friend. I know his wife cause he has filled me in and it turns out that we attend the same church.Sex is great between me and this man but every time we have sex he holds back and it ends early and I be like why do you do that. Then he wants to talk about he could get addicted cause I'm like crack and his wife is weed and if he keep hitting the crack he could lose everything. So he decided that we should just be friends and not have sex. So I held him to that then a few weeks later he comes to see me. Then we have sex and it was better than before but after he wants to talk to me about he doesn't like the way I stare at him after we have sex its as if I'm looking into his soul. He says he cares about me and doesn't want me to end up getting hurt while in this affair so he withdraw from seeing me but calls me or I call him and we talk to each other on the phone about how much he cares about me and that we can't go on doing this forever because I'm going to get hurt and he doesn't want to see me hurt cause we are friends and he withdraws from me again saying he do it so he want get caught up in his feelings but lately when we talk on the phone he has been talking why do he do the things he do saying he is a good person who does bad things like cheat on his wife then I feel bad cause he feels bad. I tell him I don't want to hear that cause I don't want to end being sexuall with him and he goes into I care about you and we shouldn't do this even though it feels good people could get hurt. Then I'm like ok whatever you want. So we don't see each other but we talk on the phone everyday he misses me I miss him then one day I told him that he was the only guy I was sleeping with and we see each other in a public place poolhall with no intentions on having sex just to meet as friends and hangout I ride motorcycles so the bike club I'm in is having tournament there and its all male so he sees me interacting with other guys saying things to me when I pass by him like all these men are looking at your behind I give him space in public because he is a married man and he seems to appreciate it as if we can handle just being friends with no benefits then the next day or two he comes over and then we are all over each other. He use to just pull down his pants and lift up his shirt to have sex with me now he fully undresses and gets all the way in bed he use to withdraw during sex now he makes it last longer while having sex we intensley talk to each other and afterwards we hold each other and talk for a minute he gets up wash up while he washes up we are kissing each other and looking at each other and he asks the questioned why and what is happening he wants to know what makes me so attracted to him and I think he really wants to know why he is attracted to me when he is married


Most Helpful Girl

  • forget what joey is saying he can't put two and two together. I understand everything you are saying and to be real wit you the fact is either your content with being the side girl or you want more. there is no need to drive yourseld crazy wondering why he does this or why he does that.the fact is that he is married and if he is doing all of this cheating and he still hasn't left his wife despite how he tells you how he feels about you then chances are that he wont. I say if you want to be with him GET OUT NOW, because your feelings will get hurt it seems like you already really care for him. but at the same time that is his wife and when it comes down to it she probably paid her dues to be with him and when he thinks about her he will think about that. so my best advice is to do you. don't just talk to him talk to other guys you may meet someone who makes you feel better than him. but like I said in the begging it's all about what your content with. Do what makes you happy and don't be nieve and let him call the shots on how things should go comfront him and ask him the questions you are asking right now that is the only way to get the best results anyway right from the person who is confusing you. and chances are he does feel guilty about cheating on his wife but right now he doesn't want to be real he just wants to be selfish and please himself and he probably care but he doesn't love you like he love his wife or he would be married to you no matter what cause love is a strong word and when your inlove you don't care what the circumstances you be with the one you love


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What Guys Said 2

  • Their is no puncuation in this paragragh so I have no clue what your asking.

    no offense, but if you want your readers to understand your input then consider using periods,commas,question marks, and so forth.

    The man your having an affair with is no different from any one else.

    Hes want everything, but doesn't want to lose anything.

    I beleive this man loves you cause from your point of view he cares about you alot, but the fact that he's married could cause him to lose every thing which is why he holds back so much.

    Its his fear that drives him away from you.

    That man doesn't give a damn about his wife. If he did he'd be f***ing her and not you.

  • I'm going to go straight for the jugular on this one. If you have been having an affair with someone whom you know is married, Then you are in the wrong big time!! No if's, and's or but's about it. I seriously cannot wait for the day that you find Mr. Right and some other woman has an affair with him behind your back. You are not feeling love. You are feeling lust. If you feel you have gotten mixed signals from him, Then yes, He probably is feeling the guilt. But let me ask you this. If he is proving that he cannot remain loyal to his own wife, Then what in the hell makes you think he would ever be loyal to you? I can see that I am dealing with someone that is not playing with a full deck.

    • Since you are professing to us that you really love him, Then to you realize your actions and unwillingness to say no to this could cost him everything including his family? I am not trying to negate his wrongfulness because it's definitely there, But if you really care for the man, How would it ever make sense that you would assist him in risking everything? Get your head out of your ass!

What Girls Said 2

  • I'm in the same situation and know what I should be doing. It's just so hard to let go. I'm just so confused and can relate. I can't follow my own advice that I give to others.

    • Just understand, Your actions could be part of the reason the one you are having an affair with could lose everything. Let me clue you in. Married person = do not pursue, Off Limits! Karma can be cruel. Let's think about you finding that S. O and some woman, Knowing he was married to you sneaks off with him into the night? That would tear your world up wouldn't it? Obviously what we are dealing with is a complete lack of consideration.

  • i think that once a man or women married they need to be commited to each other, like asking back to yourself would you want your husband to have an affair with some gal? and you don't want to be forever to just be a affair girl to him? what I think is to go on with your life, find other guys which is single married and live happily:) Good luck!