Flirting, touching?

So, touching is supposed to be crucial to flirting. Well, I have no problem approaching women, getting plenty of eye contact, and making them smile and laugh, but when it comes to breaking the touch barrier, I'm hopeless. I feel like a creep if I suddenly start touching her. How exactly is this supposed to be done?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Start with her back. Alil higher than the small of her back is perfect, for the first touch.

    If she doesn't look uncomfortable then the NEXT touch should be the small of her back.

    Do it casually. Like it's nothing.

    You can do it when opening the door, like everyone else said. And you could do it when you are moving in closer to her to hear what she is saying. (i.e. at bars, or crowded places, where it's pretty loud).

    When you touch her back, make it seem like you are just protecting her from people who might bump into her, or supporting her and yourself so you don't bump heads when you move close.

    DONT leave your hand back there TOO long. It will creep her out, and make things awkward. But Don't make it too quick either. Leave enough time for her to notice it, then let go.

    This gesture makes a girl feel protected. And that is what a lot of girls want to feel with a guy.

    After you pass the back touch, you will feel more comfortable with other touches. But start off with the back first. That is the most subtle, sweet, innocent way a guy could show a girl he is interested in her. For us girls, we take it as, he's so strong, and will protect me from harm :) haha

    Good luck :)


What Girls Said 14

  • The thing with touching usually is, no matter how small, if a girl doesn't like you or consider you a good friend she usually won't let you touch her. She'll do some sort of avoidance if you reach out, so if she does let you, take it as a good sign. There are lots of small ways to start off just grabing her hand to lead her somewhere or leading by touching the small of her back (I usuallly don't like this one as much). You can do something silly like if you hit a akward moment you can be like "let's thumb wrestle!" or something stupid. Hugging when you first see her or say goodbye (don't usually do both, it gets kinda overbearing). I know it seems like the whole "touch barrier" seems like a big deal, but for most girls I really don't think it's a major thing.

    Good question. Luck!

    • I agree...until the hug thing. I like getting hugged hello and goodbye. it kinda feels like he's half-assing his greeting if he only hugs me once, haha

  • i guess just don't touch a girl in a creepy way


    a guy once had his whole arm around my shoulder and he was like just touching me for way too long and I had to pull away

    i'm not used to people touching me. I kinda get creeped out easily but this guy, it's like his arm was on my shoulder for more than a minute and it creeped the hell out of me out

    so I think

    just like maybe brushing her hand or a pat, something that isn't deemed creepy would be good, if that makes sense. hope so.

  • hugs are a great way to touch a girl. you can push back a piece of her hair or if she did something different, touch her hair and at the same time say 'your hair looks nice like this' or 'did you cut your hair or something?'

    like a lot of girls mentioned, taking her hand throw a crowd or placing your hand on her mid-back to guide her through a door you're holding open for her is a good thing. you can also greet her with a kiss on the cheek (idk about other cultures, but I know that's a big thing with italian and caribbean cultures.)

    sometimes tho, you don't really have to touch her. just walking/standing closer to her will put you in her space enough to grab her attention. but I'm definitely a hug girl. guys give the best hugs.

    try not giving her the 'this is how I hit my boys' love taps. shoving her or playfully punching her might make her place herself in the friend zone mentally because if we see you act more affectionate towards other women and then shove us halfway into the street when we joke around, we might think we're one of the boys instead of the cute girl you're feeling.

  • okay I guess I'll be the first girl to answer [and Gorce, you do have some good ideas]:

    well after talking to/flirting with an attractive girl for a little bit put your arm around her shoulder or even give her a hug. I know this sounds really bold and maybe a bit scary but trusts me if the girl's the least bit interested then she'll really like it! it definitely works for me especially since it helps me realize more that the guy is truly flirting with me rather than just being a friendly nice guy.

  • hand her something...and just accidently touch her fingers.

    It psychologically makes the other person like you more.

  • I'm sure you DO have a natural ability to "know" when and how to touch her that you just haven't quite tapped into. I think if you're the one to approach the girl, or the one to ask her out, it's usually the girl who ends up touching, and you can reciprocate that touch. Of course, if she doesn't brush your arm or something, why not just grab her hand and hold it. If she really doesn't like it, (or she's shy which gets more complicated), she'll pull away and you know it's not the right time. Then don't feel bad, just learn from that and when another time or way of breaking the touch barrier presents itself, try it out. Flirting is about taking some chances :) it's not about stressing.

  • Girls are more sensitive to touch. We don't need it as rough (although, some of us like it that way). But when you touch a girl, don't touch her the way you'd make contact with a male buddy. I've actually had guy friends give me firm back pats... like he was burping me!

    A gentle hand between the shoulder blades, or if you think she likes you back, about mid back. Keep in mind what they said in Hitch (too high, means friends... too low means you just want a piece of a$$.) You can do this if you hold the door open for her, almost guide her in. Or if you're trying to get her attention. After a while, you'll find what she responds best to. For me, it's pulling me into a hug (I love a good hug). It's almost full-body contact.

  • I love it when a guy (that I have a crush on) hugs me from the side or front. I also like it when they poke me... but not too hard.

  • playfully shove them, "accidentally bump into them" give them a hi-five, etc

    • I agree with the first two, but no way am I giving a girl a high five unless I'm trying to prove a point to her that I see her as a friend.

  • hugs, walk closer to her and bump her arm, brush back her hair, touch her cheek, lightly touch her arm. the first kiss wrap you arms around her waist or lightly brush your hands on her cheek.

  • I think a good way to touch her would be to guide her through a door or a crowd, with your hand, on the small of her back or her elbow. Also, when you or she tells a funny joke or you start laughing about something, you can nudge her gently with your arm. If you feel things are going well, just hold her hand. If she's into you, she'll let you. Another you can do is pretend there is an eyelash on her cheek and brush it off. Good luck!

  • You know what, girls hates to get touched if they have no crush on you. They have to like you to allow you to touch you & get intimate. There's a solution which will be suitable for 1) break the barrier you have 2) avoid any unwanted intimacy for the girl...which is ask her! Can I hold your hands? asking will make the action easier for you & also her. Good luck!

  • Rubbing the lower back. So nice...


What Guys Said 17

  • Don't go too fast

    What is too fast? Huh, how long is a road? It all depends on HER mood, ideas, hormones, principles, religion even:

    One can be making out after a minute or so or after two weeks-or never, despite waiting a number of months or even years:-P. It all happened to me.

    Give up after a reasonable time. How long is that reasonable time? Sorry Idk.

    There is no universal rule because every girl is different AND changes with the years

  • What you are talking about is called "kino"

    Google it along with seduction or check out link

  • touch the shoulder while you are talking, when you made a point in a sentence gracefully pull back. If your lucky she will do the tapping move. Ok the tapping move is while she is talking she will gently tap you with her fingers as she is talking on your hand, forearm shoulder etc.

    Then you kinda palm her shoulder but next time you do it last a millisecond longer. Its communication, you hear sounds and word from her mouth and then you two speak to each other with body language and touching.

    Touching is just another language and a really fun language to boot. your going t like it, I promise you.

    Sex is also a language your going to enjoy speaking to her also, somehow I can almost garuantee it. lol

  • I didn't read every comment, but I'd say that the majority have no idea what they're talking about. I feel that you have to know the person at least a little. If your talking about something bad that happened to her then that's an imediate sign to give her a hug. Other then that just little things. I like the first comment I read about opening doors and touching the small of their back usering them in. Then again sometimes it can be as playful and jokingly pushing the person. At least that's how it is in high school. I see it a lot.

  • Yeah, I feel the same way around girls too, but it's not necessairly a bad thing. If you find the right girl, she will like you a lot for respecting her and not being all touchy/ feely. It just makes a good first impression. Personally, I like giving hugs; try it. It makes me feel wanted, and I'm sure girls think the same way, and its not like they can hate you for it if they are really touch sensitive. There's a girl I've been trying to go out with for some time now, but it's really hard because she doesn't want anyone to touch her at all, so its hard to have a physical relationship with her. Good luck

  • If you are going to touch a girl you should strive to make it purposeful and not without reason. Random attempts at body contact can often be thought of as creepy. Associate your body contact with your other interactions and it'll make sense as to why you are touching her. Compliments before body contact usually work well. So for instance you may mention that you like her hair then you could proceed to fondle with her hair a little. Or you could mention that she likes good in her shirt and then stroke her arm.

    Now once you found your reason for why you are going to touch her, don't make any hesitant motions before you do. If you think it will be awkward chances are she will too. Just think of it as being natural since you are such a touchy feely person with the people you flirt with.

    A really easy way to start contact is to ask her to play a game, like thumb wars.

  • You need to go slow, start by just lightly pushing her on the shoulder as you are saying hello the next time you see her.

    Then the next time maybe grab her by the shoulders from behind, but keep mixing it up. After few more meetings, IF she is responding well, like smiling after the initial meet and greet touch, or better yet returning the touching with her own after you've been doing it for a bit, then you move into more sensitive territory like both your hands around her waist from behind and see how she reacts.

    If your still getting the all clear, keep upping your game both verbally and physically, but just remember to take it slow and PAY ATTENTION to how she is reacting to you

  • I know EXACTLY what you are saying.

    I used to be an extremely nervous person,

    but I've learned that sometimes just taking the risk is worth it.

    To people with really bad anxiety (like myself) even hugging the opposite sex can give you a huge adrenaline rush.

    Once you learn how to surpass the nervousness it'll be less awkward.

    Don't think about it too much.

    In other terms, the situation is only as awkward as you make it.

  • To be honest, if you're friends with the girl they probably won't have much problem with innocent touching e.g. arm round them, poke, tickle and hug exc.

    If they're not then just imagine how they feel and do a gesture that comes off as friendly, use whatever situation you're in.

    I know it's vague, but there aren't really any specific things you can do at any one time, just remember they're human too.


  • Boring!

    Don't listen to these"LOSER"

    Get creative with women a example:talk to a chick than look at the back

    of her shirt.

    And say something like she has a sign on her back that says kick me.

    Or look at her and pretend there's something on her and if she ask

    deny it.

    Than just say she has this or that it'll give you a excuse to touch her.

    Get creative and don't be boring!

    Like everyone else

    • Lol I love how 6 people have disagreed so far.

      I think us girls want guys to just keep it simple.

    • "Get creative with women a example:talk to a chick than look at the back

      of her shirt.

      And say something like she has a sign on her back that says kick me."

      Haha that's funny as!!

    • it least it an idea and not duhh

      how do I do this george?

  • Look for an accessory she's wearing (a ring or bracelet for example) and suddenly "notice" it. Take her hand and compliment the ring/bracelet like you mean it. That should break the ice.

    • Thats actually a real nice move. The best is if she shows you a scar on her hand or arm then you have a reason to touch her hand as you gently touch her scar. "Oh wow, look at that" but your not looking, you are touching her and..she likes it. you guys got to realize they want to be touched if they realy like you. Be nice and just touch her, for her sake....

      This has happened to me many times, they show you a scar or mole then you touch it. Great way to get past the touch barrier.

    • Not really. A guy in class did that to me today. Asked me what size my ring was, and I took it off gave it to him. He wore it. I thought it was kinda gay haha

  • Um...

    Depends on the situation...

    In a club, lead her by the hand through crowds of people.

    If she's in your way, gently guide her to the side by holding her WAIST; no higher, no lower.

    And... yeah... you'll get the gist of it.

  • dude, go for the crotch!

  • I know this question is old, but I would say the very best place to break the "touch barrier" is at a dance, club, or someplace else like that where there's dancing especially grinding.

  • I guess the simplest way could be to let your fingers slightly touch her hand when you are handing her something (as others have suggested).

    She will start to take and you won't look creepy either. I remember when I first met "her" it used to send electric sparks all inside me whenever there was the slightest touch ...

    I think she will reciprocate in some way if she is really likes you ... and then of course it is easier to take things forward from there on!

    But please please don't overdo this! :-D

  • If you feel weird, then its probably not the right time.

    But the best way is to let her do the touching FIRST.

    Just like you look for "signals" before approaching a random girl, the same principal apply. She has to give the go ahead, normally she touches/strokes your arm. your bi-cep or on some occassions you shoulder.

    THEN you play with her hands whilst still flirting; eg she strokes your arm, move your arm so your hands meet then play with her hands softly whilst pretending nothing is going on...And obviously make sure you back off first..

    To create that opportunity for her to initiate the touching, you have to sort of move into that "personal space" not too much but just a LITTLE. And if she moves back, then you're too close.

    Normally these things happens naturally when you're flirting...

    • You're acting like all girls are confident in totally flirting - including touching - a guy they're interested in...but in reality many girls are actually as self-conscious around attractive members of the opposite sex as guys are.

    • If the girl is super shy, you have to go super slow.

      Its because with time she'll open up and be comfortable around you and be herself, meaning you have to make her feel comfortable.

      The best way to make someone feel comfortable is through less touching UNTIL she is ready to intiate the touching.

  • Just talk to her you are lucky you can do that I am too shy to talk to girls. work up to it I guess.