Flirting, touching?

So, touching is supposed to be crucial to flirting. Well, I have no problem approaching women, getting plenty of eye contact, and making them smile and laugh, but when it comes to breaking the touch barrier, I'm hopeless. I feel like a creep if I suddenly start touching her. How exactly is this supposed to be done?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Start with her back. Alil higher than the small of her back is perfect, for the first touch.

    If she doesn't look uncomfortable then the NEXT touch should be the small of her back.

    Do it casually. Like it's nothing.

    You can do it when opening the door, like everyone else said. And you could do it when you are moving in closer to her to hear what she is saying. (i.e. at bars, or crowded places, where it's pretty loud).

    When you touch her back, make it seem like you are just protecting her from people who might bump into her, or supporting her and yourself so you don't bump heads when you move close.

    DONT leave your hand back there TOO long. It will creep her out, and make things awkward. But Don't make it too quick either. Leave enough time for her to notice it, then let go.

    This gesture makes a girl feel protected. And that is what a lot of girls want to feel with a guy.

    After you pass the back touch, you will feel more comfortable with other touches. But start off with the back first. That is the most subtle, sweet, innocent way a guy could show a girl he is interested in her. For us girls, we take it as, he's so strong, and will protect me from harm :) haha

    Good luck :)


What Girls Said 14

  • The thing with touching usually is, no matter how small, if a girl doesn't like you or consider you a good friend she usually won't let you touch her. She'll do some sort of avoidance if you reach out, so if she does let you, take it as a good sign. There are lots of small ways to start off just grabing her hand to lead her somewhere or leading by touching the small of her back (I usuallly don't like this one as much). You can do something silly like if you hit a akward moment you can be like "let's thumb wrestle!" or something stupid. Hugging when you first see her or say goodbye (don't usually do both, it gets kinda overbearing). I know it seems like the whole "touch barrier" seems like a big deal, but for most girls I really don't think it's a major thing.

    Good question. Luck!

    • I agree...until the hug thing. I like getting hugged hello and goodbye. it kinda feels like he's half-assing his greeting if he only hugs me once, haha

  • i guess just don't touch a girl in a creepy way


    a guy once had his whole arm around my shoulder and he was like just touching me for way too long and I had to pull away

    i'm not used to people touching me. I kinda get creeped out easily but this guy, it's like his arm was on my shoulder for more than a minute and it creeped the hell out of me out

    so I think

    just like maybe brushing her hand or a pat, something that isn't deemed creepy would be good, if that makes sense. hope so.

  • hugs are a great way to touch a girl. you can push back a piece of her hair or if she did something different, touch her hair and at the same time say 'your hair looks nice like this' or 'did you cut your hair or something?'

    like a lot of girls mentioned, taking her hand throw a crowd or placing your hand on her mid-back to guide her through a door you're holding open for her is a good thing. you can also greet her with a kiss on the cheek (idk about other cultures, but I know that's a big thing with italian and caribbean cultures.)

    sometimes tho, you don't really have to touch her. just walking/standing closer to her will put you in her space enough to grab her attention. but I'm definitely a hug girl. guys give the best hugs.

    try not giving her the 'this is how I hit my boys' love taps. shoving her or playfully punching her might make her place herself in the friend zone mentally because if we see you act more affectionate towards other women and then shove us halfway into the street when we joke around, we might think we're one of the boys instead of the cute girl you're feeling.

  • okay I guess I'll be the first girl to answer [and Gorce, you do have some good ideas]:

    well after talking to/flirting with an attractive girl for a little bit put your arm around her shoulder or even give her a hug. I know this sounds really bold and maybe a bit scary but trusts me if the girl's the least bit interested then she'll really like it! it definitely works for me especially since it helps me realize more that the guy is truly flirting with me rather than just being a friendly nice guy.

  • hand her something...and just accidently touch her fingers.

    It psychologically makes the other person like you more.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Don't go too fast

    What is too fast? Huh, how long is a road? It all depends on HER mood, ideas, hormones, principles, religion even:

    One can be making out after a minute or so or after two weeks-or never, despite waiting a number of months or even years:-P. It all happened to me.

    Give up after a reasonable time. How long is that reasonable time? Sorry Idk.

    There is no universal rule because every girl is different AND changes with the years

  • What you are talking about is called "kino"

    Google it along with seduction or check out link

  • touch the shoulder while you are talking, when you made a point in a sentence gracefully pull back. If your lucky she will do the tapping move. Ok the tapping move is while she is talking she will gently tap you with her fingers as she is talking on your hand, forearm shoulder etc.

    Then you kinda palm her shoulder but next time you do it last a millisecond longer. Its communication, you hear sounds and word from her mouth and then you two speak to each other with body language and touching.

    Touching is just another language and a really fun language to boot. your going t like it, I promise you.

    Sex is also a language your going to enjoy speaking to her also, somehow I can almost garuantee it. lol

  • I didn't read every comment, but I'd say that the majority have no idea what they're talking about. I feel that you have to know the person at least a little. If your talking about something bad that happened to her then that's an imediate sign to give her a hug. Other then that just little things. I like the first comment I read about opening doors and touching the small of their back usering them in. Then again sometimes it can be as playful and jokingly pushing the person. At least that's how it is in high school. I see it a lot.

  • Yeah, I feel the same way around girls too, but it's not necessairly a bad thing. If you find the right girl, she will like you a lot for respecting her and not being all touchy/ feely. It just makes a good first impression. Personally, I like giving hugs; try it. It makes me feel wanted, and I'm sure girls think the same way, and its not like they can hate you for it if they are really touch sensitive. There's a girl I've been trying to go out with for some time now, but it's really hard because she doesn't want anyone to touch her at all, so its hard to have a physical relationship with her. Good luck

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