How do you get a boyfriend if you're a nerdy, homebody, average looking girl with no special talents?

[Anonymous]

never had a boyfriend in my life, and I'm 22, soon to be 23.

guys in school my age rarely approach me or rarely get hit on except by extremely age inappropriate guys, and I'm scared it will stay that way for a long time because time flies by once you hit 20.

I'm not outgoing at all, I stay stuck home usually on the weekends and study or work out. I don't have any friends near home, and I feel lonely most of the time. I am trying to cope, but there's just only so much loneliness a human being can bear.

i won't try approaching guys first, because it's too much for me, and I'm really terrified of rejection.

i think the problem is that I look innocent and give off a strong nice girl image, which guys around my age don't go for (they go after the loud, confident, reveal it all girls).

i have been called attractive a few times during my lifetime, but I don't believe any of them.

Updates

+1 y

should I just give up on making a fuss over why I'm unable to attract a guy at this point in my life and just concentrate on studies?

after all, why is an unattractive girl caring about/expecting to get a boyfriend at all? I'm just wasting my emotional energy.

[the_opinion_guy444]

I know how you feel im the same way I dont have any friends either I stay at home 90% of the time and your right after you hit 20 time flies. Im 28 and have had a couple of girlfriends since school. Its tough when your by yourself and you got no one believe me i know your situation but its not all bad even though you feel lonely it won't stay that way forever. Nothing stays bad forever things do get better you just have to have a positive attitude and be happy with yourself. I know this is not always an easy thing to do I know this to i also have delt with depression for a long time but I learned to be happy with myself over time and learned to be happy alone. Now im not saying im accepting being alone i to hope to meet someone to fulfill my life someday but i to am shy and dont go up to women which makes meeting people hard but im ok with it if it happens cool but if i dosent i guess it wasn't meant to be all i can do is live my life the way i want to. Now you may not want to live your life this way and thats ok you just have to live the way that makes you happy whether it be with or without someone. Just know that even though i dont know you you are beautiful. Outer beauty does not matter people get so hung up on how they look not focusing on what really matters there inner beauty and personality. Thats what really matters a person who really wants to get to know you and you want to get to know is going to focus on these two things. So never sell your self short its inner beauty and personality that trumps over outer beauty. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. dont give up hope you will find someone even if you dont go up to someone they will come to you it just takes time. Personally i wish there were more people like you its hard to find a fellow nerdy homebody but i hope this opinion helped you and remember you are beautiful.

[Inq100]

It has been shown in scientific studies that having a partner in life will have a huge positive effect on you. You will live a longer and healthier life. Your perception of not having any special talents may be subjective. Try familiarizing yourself with the concept of "social anxiety" and try to determine whether you have this condition. On the other hand, you may wish to wait until you finish your studies and try to find a guy for yourself then. This postponement decision may actually bring a relief. It is also interesting to know that the proportion of people who never marry is quite small.

[Asker]

i do have generalized anxiety, taking meds for it, but it doesn't seem to be working on its own, except making me feel tired.

[Inq100]

I am very sorry but I am not qualified enough to advise you on your medicine. Try contacting your doctor and inform him/her that your medicine does not work for you. Usually, the doctor should be able to choose a different drug. This condition cannot be fixed quickly. You have to wait and see whether the new drug will work. Behavioral therapy is the most effective treatment. If you ease the symptoms, you'll find it much easier to find a boyfriend.

[iwant_altoids07]

You could start by joining campus clubs, usually there are plenty of guys there, one might even be your type! (:

Also, do you wear makeup? You could try that. It will increase your confidence and make you look more feminine. Makeup, makeup, makeup! (:

Also, clothes, just wear nice form fitting clothes, no matter your body type. Wear something that makes you feel good and comfortable.

Last, but not least - be yourself. I know it has been said way too many times before, but, guess what it's true. No more giving in to your negative thoughts, if ands or buts, no more excuses, just results (: Just do what makes you HAPPY... focus on that and guys will like that. Live your life to the fullest.

If you're smart - be smart. If you're nerdy - be nerdy, but still fun. (: If you're quiet - it's OK, be quiet but don't let that hinder your fun! You can still go out and have fun no matter how you are. (:

One day, when you least expect it, you will find someone who likes you and all of you. Who will want everything that you are because that is what he's always wanted! You just gotta see yourself in the same way you would want a guy to see you. Improve on that.

Good luck!

If you need any help, you can always add/message me. I've been through that before and still am kind of but I'm sure I can be of help. (:

[Asker]

wow, you're so sweet.

i do wear makeup and have recently been shopping a lot these days for clothes...hope it works

thanks

[iwant_altoids07]

Aww, you're welcome! Glad I could be of help. (:

[hypractive]

I know how you feel, I used to be exactly like that. I still am a nerd and a hermit but I've embraced that part of me and I wouldn't change myself right now.

Don't focus on trying to obtain or get a boyfriend, because that just makes you desperate and that is not an attractive feature in a person. Be more confident in yourself which is easy to say but extremely hard to be, I understand. Start by at faking it and pretending to be confident in yourself and eventually you will be.

I would also suggest trying to make friends before trying to pursue a boyfriend, because for me my friends are a source of support and helps me feel better about myself when I'm feeling down about myself.

[Asker]

i can't make any friends. I don't have any.

and I'm scared of approaching people :/

[hypractive]

Don't say "can't". It's nerve wracking and you're scared of how people will react. I know, I've been there. All you can do is try over and over again talking to random people. Try joining clubs or going to events where there are people with similar interests as you. It'll be easier to talk to people.

You only have a 100% chance of failure if you don't try. What is the worst that can happen if you try to talk to someone? They world won't end, and most likely they're not going to bite.

[Asker]

i have depression and social anxiety, so it's really hard for me to put myself out there. I'm getting treated, though.

once somebody approaches me, I am very open and makes me feel really happy, but nobody really approaches me.

[Red_Raconteur]

You're going to have to get over being too scared to talk to guys. The only reason I ever got a boyfriend is because I asked him out first and I actively pursued him after he initially turned me down. If I hadn't asked him out I'm fairly certain I would still be single.

[Asker]

but it's so darn hard :( I have a lot of insecurities and anxiety problems

[xzinax2]

wow,you are future-me.

you have choices,you can just hope someone will ask you out,you can get an arranged marriage-or,you can start going out and getting yourself out there-doesn't even have to be a club-go to a library,go to the movies,a play-somewhere people similar to you would go.

[bunnyfrancis]

I feel ya girl. I'm terrible at talking to guys and I've only ever had like one boyfriend. my advice is to try and make friends with a guy first! like if you go to school or work and there are guys you're comfortable talking too there, try getting a beer with them or just hanging out in some capacity. that'll help you get over the shyness and get guys seeing you in a different light.

[honeyltsme]

If you have a lot of insecurities and anxiety problems, I would start off by taking what life readily gives you and go out with a few of those extremely age inappropriate guys - if they are good looking and sincere enough and successful.

Get pampered by them, get some attention, you'll feel lots better and that brings confidence which can lead you in new directions.

[Asker]

you mean those 70 year old men?

[honeyltsme]

I thought they'd be more like 38-42

[doctorwhofan23]

I understand it is scary I am kind of scared of girls and in a similar situation. I am almost 23 as well. I get scared of girls and I am nervous talking to them. That being said I am working on being better at talking to them. there is this girl in my class who is kind of cute that I am kind of trying to talk to.

[sikoo31]

just talk to them first

[Asker]

if you read my question carefully, I've already stated I'm too shy/scared to talk to guys.

[sikoo31]

well, just fix that and you're good.