Am I just aiming too high?

I'm 20 and I'm still single...I feel like the girls I'm attracted to will never like me back...WHY? Am I too ugly for an 8? I'm honestly looking for girls who are like 8 out of 10.

I hate putting numbers on girls :/

I'm just sick and tired of being single when I know I can be a great boyfriend.

Also I'm like only 5'7...too shortt!
Wow so I'm getting yelled at by the women here because I'm classifying women based on numbers. But I'm sure I already sympathized with you by saying I don't like doing that.

You guys need to relax more. Girls rate guys all the time and guys do it as well. You can't scream "douche" because its hypocritical and just "over the top."

Sorry you think I'm a douche, because I'm really really not. I don't go out often and I have close friends. I'm loyal.

From where I come from, the "rating" thing is just a loose and general way of describing people's looks. Picking girlfriends based on "rating" is obviously dumb; we all know that.

But it is a distinction, a "first impression" if you will to describe the collective group of females I'm interested in. That entails 8+/10. It is what it is. It's subjective. I don't see any reason to be offended by that because we all internally rate people we see. I'm just vocal about it...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Give girls ratings, but keep them to yourself. It is fine to have standards, but it is offensive to share them. I realized I have high standards and this is why I am still single, but I am currently at peace with myself and I am taking my time to look for her.

    Do not believe what women say. They WILL rate us, even subconsciously. However, they are nice enough to not tell us our ratings directly. They do not like us rating them, because looks is much more important for women than for men. It is like a woman rating you on your social and financial status. Wouldn't you be offended and perceive her as shallow or even a gold digger?

    5'7 is not short. You are still taller than the vast majority of women on Earth. While taller men are more attractive, your height is not working against you now. It is just not giving you any bonuses too.

    You say you work out. But what do you have to show for it? Working out and being fit alone is not enough. What you want is some muscles on you to increase your chances.

    I believe you are being too impatient, maybe because you are young. You want to become a prince over night. But you do know that physical and psychological transformation takes many months of hard work and reflection, don't you?

    In your previous thread, I gave you advice on how to improve your looks which will in turn boost your confidence. Did you take my advice to heart, or did you get offended that I do not think you are prince charming and brushed it off?

    I hope you will act less defensive and realize that we are trying to help you, not offend you.

    gummybear888 gave you the gentlest, sweetest and most truthful answer I have read on this thread so far. Read it again thoroughly.

    Little-Hippie gave you an advice that actually works, albeit sort of in a sinister way. It is the player's way to improve. Train on average women until you level up and then you can tackle the more attractive ones. Now we know you are looking for a relationship and we assume you are honest and not a player, so let us not take this route.

    I wish you all the best buddy.

    • Most of that advice though is still making him put women on a pedistal, I agree with the part you said about taking many months of relflection and hard work but there is nothing wrong with even dating an average woman because you never know what you may find in them, you can't predict who your going to feel things for or who your going to be with, even I don't know that and I never knew I would end up with a dark guy but I don't care he is dark, I only care for what he offers from inside.

    • Also he does not need to work out and get bigger muscles, he needs to accept that he is not perfect and he is fine the way he is not try and be all ripped and all that like JLS or something, let him be who he wants to be not tell him to make his muscles bigger, it's all about accepting people for who they are. I said in my comment though the reason he's being impatient is because of movies that teach you love happens "just like that" lol a lot of people do that these days bless em.

What Girls Said 29

  • Your defeating yourself before you've even tried. The girls you like, do you ask for their numbers? You have to take risks and go for what you want. If you like a girl, there is always a chance she will like you back, but if you don't take a chance you'll never know.

    I'm 5'7 and I would date a guy that height.

    You know what attracts a girl the most even beyond physical attributes? It's your attitude. If you believe your attractive and that you are desirable and that you have a lot to offer a girl ( I'm not talking cocky/arrogant more like an assumption that you are attractive), girls will pick that up. You will be seen that way because that is the vibe you will give off if you let other people tell you how attractive you are, then you will always feel "less-than". It's like going to a store to buy something. If the store let you choose what price you wanted to pay, you would always make it less than what its actually worth. Same with people. You have to rate yourself as an 8/9/10, because people won't necessarily do so.

    You also want to look at why you want a girlfriend. Is it because all your friends have one? You don't want to be alone? You need to feel attractive and desirable through a girl liking you? If its for any of those reasons, you will probably stay single for a while longer. A girl doesn't want to feel like she is filling a void in your life. She wants a guy who likes her for who she is and like you truly want to get to know her. She doesn't want to feel like you like her because she is available and you're tired of being single.

    • I want a girlfriend because I want to love someone and be loved in return. I guess I was just mad when I typed the OP. But ya.

      I do have to increase my confidence. But I feel like I'm ready! Can't I work on my confidence as I'm in a relationship?

      Also, you're correct that I defeat myself. I don't ask for the numbers because I always fear that the girls might reject me.

    • How about this. You work on your confidence as you look for the girl you like. Someone gave me this advice and I think it will help you. Make it your goal to talk to one new girl everyday whether or not you are attracted to her. You will 1) gain confidence 2) make new friends 3) take the pressure of yourself when talking to a pretty girl 4) potentially meet a girl you really like and get her #. It's hard at first, but then its really fun! You will meet some interesting people.

    • Thanks for the B.A! If you ever want anymore help, you can friend me.

  • You're having trouble because you're focusing on the wrong things. Think about what you have to offer to the types of girls you like. If you feel that you are a good catch then your height and all that shouldn't matter. Also, the girls who you think are 8's are really just "pretty" to you. A number doesn't apply when everyone has different tastes in people. So what you want is a girl who is pretty to like you, but you feel you either get nothing or girls who are not what you're looking for. I have this problem myself and I'm thinking it's just that you haven't found yourself yet. You don't really know what you want so you aren't attracting it. Instead you're attracting people with the things you focus on like your height and not feeling good enough. If you don't feel good enough, get good enough so that you can feel confident about the girl you like liking you back.

    • That's all easy to say isn't it? I do work on myself. I workout, study, and do whatever I can to improve myself. What more can I do? How do I find myself?

  • Okie I am going to give you some advice that will probably already be obvious to you but you have to start taking chances, not just on any girl that you may fancy, I got stuck into this trap myself for a while and I wondered why nobody liked me until I met my now boyfriend :), I got sick of my parents too they always telling me guys over the internet are always perverts so I don't really care what they think and I just a big chance to meet him and to and keep seeing him even when he lives all way in london. He comes to see me every other week and understands I can't afford to go see him, we have been together for almost 3 months now and everything is just getting better and better. The reason you need to start taking chances on more girls is because love isn't always that obvious at first, it can't always be love at first sight and movies have taught over that love just comes like that... and it will be a total "shock" moment out of the blue but the honest truth is you have to go out and take a chance on it, of course by all means make sure they have things in common with you first because you for sure need someone who is on the same page as you but make sure you be the best you can be and take those chances. Also remember not every girl is made for you and there is a lot of frogs to get through until you find the right one :) so don't get discouraged easily and let nature run it's course, if a girl doesn't stick by you then obviously it was never meant to be and you deserve better. Good luck and I hope you find a nice girl out there but don't stick to girls who you know you like that's just in the places you go to, widen your search.

    • Also love wasn't obvious at first with me and my boyfriend, not for me anyway but the more I get to know him the more he opens up and shows all the goodness him that he has to offer and I love him more and more every day, what I do with guys is I say give me some time to open up and be comfortable with you, I noticed a lot of people these days try to force it out of us like we can just love them just love them just like that by magic lol, but you just gotta do the research and just have fun :).

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    • Thanks for the response! I'll have to approach more girls. Thanks for pointing that out.

    • No problem :) I'm glad I could help again good luck dude

  • Well none of us here knows you enough to make that judgment. But look at girls you find attractive/datable and think about what kind of guy they would want to date. If they have a boyfriend, look at their boyfriends, if you know them a bit ask them what they look for in a guy. And then compare to what you have to offer.

    It goes without saying that a super hot,smart and warmhearted girl won't go for a guy that is unempolyed, overweight and selfish.

    From my expierence most girls care less about looks than guys expect. If you're within the average category don't expect to score a VS model but most gilrs (yes even the attractive ones) will be totally fine with that as long as it's not the only thing you have to offer

  • If you're not an 8 you can't expect to deserve an 8. You're average so go for average girl. Generally, like is attracted to like. Really good looking girls tend to be with attractive guys and vice versa. Also, don't be so hung up on looks and putting a number in people. There is much more to a potential girlfriend than a number out of 10. Very shallow

    • Wow that's kinda mean isn't it? Also you're very contradictory. At first you say I don't deserve an 8 because I'm not one. And then you proceed to say numbers shouldn't matter?

      You've already got 2 thumbs down, so I'm just not going to take you seriously. You should work on your anger issues.

    • Show All
    • It doesn't matter what I think I am but it totally matters what you think?

    • Yes actually. It matters what girls think of your look. If you think you're an 8 and therefor deserve 8 girls, doesn't it matter whether or not the girls actually think you're an 8? You could think you're the best looking guy in the world but if women don't think so they aren't gonna go for you. Sorry

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What Guys Said 10

  • As far as numbers go what you find to be a 8-10 others may find to be a 5-7, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So don't give up. While attraction should not be the complete main focus in a relationship it is still important. What should be in a relationship is yes attraction but also the love for one another. That love comes from partial attraction but mostly from liking one another's personality. These two things are what makes a relationship. Don't let what you find in your own personal appearance hold you back. Because when it comes to self-esteem we can be our own worst enemy. I'm sure someone you are attracted to will also find attraction in you. It just takes time to find that right person. So go out and be yourself. Don't let how you feel about your own looks hold you back. Because you may be surprised and have someone you find to be a 10 or even a 20 to like you. It just takes confidence and matching ppersonality. So good luck and keep trying, you'll find your soul mate sooner or later as long as you keep at it.

  • Crawl before you walk.

    Become a superstar with sixes before you move to the sevens and eights.

  • Lol bro, who cares about numbers.

  • these number don't determine nething...ur character is more important ...take advantage of your character and grab your self confidence of luck

  • very likely you are

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