Am I just aiming too high?

I'm 20 and I'm still single...I feel like the girls I'm attracted to will never like me back...WHY? Am I too ugly for an 8? I'm honestly looking for girls who are like 8 out of 10.

I hate putting numbers on girls :/

I'm just sick and tired of being single when I know I can be a great boyfriend.

Also I'm like only 5'7...too shortt!
Wow so I'm getting yelled at by the women here because I'm classifying women based on numbers. But I'm sure I already sympathized with you by saying I don't like doing that.

You guys need to relax more. Girls rate guys all the time and guys do it as well. You can't scream "douche" because its hypocritical and just "over the top."

Sorry you think I'm a douche, because I'm really really not. I don't go out often and I have close friends. I'm loyal.

From where I come from, the "rating" thing is just a loose and general way of describing people's looks. Picking girlfriends based on "rating" is obviously dumb; we all know that.

But it is a distinction, a "first impression" if you will to describe the collective group of females I'm interested in. That entails 8+/10. It is what it is. It's subjective. I don't see any reason to be offended by that because we all internally rate people we see. I'm just vocal about it...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Give girls ratings, but keep them to yourself. It is fine to have standards, but it is offensive to share them. I realized I have high standards and this is why I am still single, but I am currently at peace with myself and I am taking my time to look for her.

    Do not believe what women say. They WILL rate us, even subconsciously. However, they are nice enough to not tell us our ratings directly. They do not like us rating them, because looks is much more important for women than for men. It is like a woman rating you on your social and financial status. Wouldn't you be offended and perceive her as shallow or even a gold digger?

    5'7 is not short. You are still taller than the vast majority of women on Earth. While taller men are more attractive, your height is not working against you now. It is just not giving you any bonuses too.

    You say you work out. But what do you have to show for it? Working out and being fit alone is not enough. What you want is some muscles on you to increase your chances.

    I believe you are being too impatient, maybe because you are young. You want to become a prince over night. But you do know that physical and psychological transformation takes many months of hard work and reflection, don't you?

    In your previous thread, I gave you advice on how to improve your looks which will in turn boost your confidence. Did you take my advice to heart, or did you get offended that I do not think you are prince charming and brushed it off?

    I hope you will act less defensive and realize that we are trying to help you, not offend you.

    gummybear888 gave you the gentlest, sweetest and most truthful answer I have read on this thread so far. Read it again thoroughly.

    Little-Hippie gave you an advice that actually works, albeit sort of in a sinister way. It is the player's way to improve. Train on average women until you level up and then you can tackle the more attractive ones. Now we know you are looking for a relationship and we assume you are honest and not a player, so let us not take this route.

    I wish you all the best buddy.

    • Most of that advice though is still making him put women on a pedistal, I agree with the part you said about taking many months of relflection and hard work but there is nothing wrong with even dating an average woman because you never know what you may find in them, you can't predict who your going to feel things for or who your going to be with, even I don't know that and I never knew I would end up with a dark guy but I don't care he is dark, I only care for what he offers from inside.

    • Also he does not need to work out and get bigger muscles, he needs to accept that he is not perfect and he is fine the way he is not try and be all ripped and all that like JLS or something, let him be who he wants to be not tell him to make his muscles bigger, it's all about accepting people for who they are. I said in my comment though the reason he's being impatient is because of movies that teach you love happens "just like that" lol a lot of people do that these days bless em.

What Girls Said 29

  • Your defeating yourself before you've even tried. The girls you like, do you ask for their numbers? You have to take risks and go for what you want. If you like a girl, there is always a chance she will like you back, but if you don't take a chance you'll never know.

    I'm 5'7 and I would date a guy that height.

    You know what attracts a girl the most even beyond physical attributes? It's your attitude. If you believe your attractive and that you are desirable and that you have a lot to offer a girl ( I'm not talking cocky/arrogant more like an assumption that you are attractive), girls will pick that up. You will be seen that way because that is the vibe you will give off if you let other people tell you how attractive you are, then you will always feel "less-than". It's like going to a store to buy something. If the store let you choose what price you wanted to pay, you would always make it less than what its actually worth. Same with people. You have to rate yourself as an 8/9/10, because people won't necessarily do so.

    You also want to look at why you want a girlfriend. Is it because all your friends have one? You don't want to be alone? You need to feel attractive and desirable through a girl liking you? If its for any of those reasons, you will probably stay single for a while longer. A girl doesn't want to feel like she is filling a void in your life. She wants a guy who likes her for who she is and like you truly want to get to know her. She doesn't want to feel like you like her because she is available and you're tired of being single.

    • I want a girlfriend because I want to love someone and be loved in return. I guess I was just mad when I typed the OP. But ya.

      I do have to increase my confidence. But I feel like I'm ready! Can't I work on my confidence as I'm in a relationship?

      Also, you're correct that I defeat myself. I don't ask for the numbers because I always fear that the girls might reject me.

    • How about this. You work on your confidence as you look for the girl you like. Someone gave me this advice and I think it will help you. Make it your goal to talk to one new girl everyday whether or not you are attracted to her. You will 1) gain confidence 2) make new friends 3) take the pressure of yourself when talking to a pretty girl 4) potentially meet a girl you really like and get her #. It's hard at first, but then its really fun! You will meet some interesting people.

    • Thanks for the B.A! If you ever want anymore help, you can friend me.

  • You're having trouble because you're focusing on the wrong things. Think about what you have to offer to the types of girls you like. If you feel that you are a good catch then your height and all that shouldn't matter. Also, the girls who you think are 8's are really just "pretty" to you. A number doesn't apply when everyone has different tastes in people. So what you want is a girl who is pretty to like you, but you feel you either get nothing or girls who are not what you're looking for. I have this problem myself and I'm thinking it's just that you haven't found yourself yet. You don't really know what you want so you aren't attracting it. Instead you're attracting people with the things you focus on like your height and not feeling good enough. If you don't feel good enough, get good enough so that you can feel confident about the girl you like liking you back.

    • That's all easy to say isn't it? I do work on myself. I workout, study, and do whatever I can to improve myself. What more can I do? How do I find myself?

  • Okie I am going to give you some advice that will probably already be obvious to you but you have to start taking chances, not just on any girl that you may fancy, I got stuck into this trap myself for a while and I wondered why nobody liked me until I met my now boyfriend :), I got sick of my parents too they always telling me guys over the internet are always perverts so I don't really care what they think and I just a big chance to meet him and to and keep seeing him even when he lives all way in london. He comes to see me every other week and understands I can't afford to go see him, we have been together for almost 3 months now and everything is just getting better and better. The reason you need to start taking chances on more girls is because love isn't always that obvious at first, it can't always be love at first sight and movies have taught over that love just comes like that... and it will be a total "shock" moment out of the blue but the honest truth is you have to go out and take a chance on it, of course by all means make sure they have things in common with you first because you for sure need someone who is on the same page as you but make sure you be the best you can be and take those chances. Also remember not every girl is made for you and there is a lot of frogs to get through until you find the right one :) so don't get discouraged easily and let nature run it's course, if a girl doesn't stick by you then obviously it was never meant to be and you deserve better. Good luck and I hope you find a nice girl out there but don't stick to girls who you know you like that's just in the places you go to, widen your search.

    • Also love wasn't obvious at first with me and my boyfriend, not for me anyway but the more I get to know him the more he opens up and shows all the goodness him that he has to offer and I love him more and more every day, what I do with guys is I say give me some time to open up and be comfortable with you, I noticed a lot of people these days try to force it out of us like we can just love them just love them just like that by magic lol, but you just gotta do the research and just have fun :).

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    • Thanks for the response! I'll have to approach more girls. Thanks for pointing that out.

    • No problem :) I'm glad I could help again good luck dude

  • Well none of us here knows you enough to make that judgment. But look at girls you find attractive/datable and think about what kind of guy they would want to date. If they have a boyfriend, look at their boyfriends, if you know them a bit ask them what they look for in a guy. And then compare to what you have to offer.

    It goes without saying that a super hot,smart and warmhearted girl won't go for a guy that is unempolyed, overweight and selfish.

    From my expierence most girls care less about looks than guys expect. If you're within the average category don't expect to score a VS model but most gilrs (yes even the attractive ones) will be totally fine with that as long as it's not the only thing you have to offer

  • If you're not an 8 you can't expect to deserve an 8. You're average so go for average girl. Generally, like is attracted to like. Really good looking girls tend to be with attractive guys and vice versa. Also, don't be so hung up on looks and putting a number in people. There is much more to a potential girlfriend than a number out of 10. Very shallow

    • Wow that's kinda mean isn't it? Also you're very contradictory. At first you say I don't deserve an 8 because I'm not one. And then you proceed to say numbers shouldn't matter?

      You've already got 2 thumbs down, so I'm just not going to take you seriously. You should work on your anger issues.

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    • It doesn't matter what I think I am but it totally matters what you think?

    • Yes actually. It matters what girls think of your look. If you think you're an 8 and therefor deserve 8 girls, doesn't it matter whether or not the girls actually think you're an 8? You could think you're the best looking guy in the world but if women don't think so they aren't gonna go for you. Sorry

  • People tell me I'm beautiful/hot. I don't care about that but maybe this will help your situation:

    I put effort into the way I dress. I pick out things that suit my body and are classic/elegant.

    I whiten my teeth.

    I exfoliate the hell out of my skin.

    I moisturize.

    I do my hair, I cut/color it so it suits me.

    I paint my nails.

    I don't leave the house unless I'm 100% comfortable in how I look.

    BUT! I don't do it for anyone but myself. I look how I want to look.

    Basically, over all I put effort into my appearance. THIS is what I swear makes the difference between being hot/not.

    Other than "working out" do you do this?

    In chemistry class you learn "like likes like." This applies to life as well. If I put effort into my appearance, I want someone else who does too and all in all, I don't think it's the appearance I'm after, it's the EFFORT. Generally, those who put effort into appearance put it into everything else as well.

    Your body is how you present yourself to the world. Make a great presentation.

    You can't expect to get what you don't give.

  • It's likely because of how you classify girls with a number... You sound like a douche.

  • I have dated before I met my fiance ( I am getting married soon)

    my guy, fiance, he has never had a girlfriend till me

    he's a very sweet guy

    super protective and loving

    sometimes the diamonds are just hidden in the rough

    sometimes there is that person but it's not the right time or place yet

    the only thing I advise is patience

    when you have patience and wait

    or have a good feeling, act on it.

    to each their own. I can't give you a number out of 10.

    all I know is beauty is in the eye of the beholder

    a lot of people would say my husband to be is kind of nerdy

    I find him very intelligent (he's a teacher) and very loving

    I dated a lot of handsome guys before, they were not all they promised to be

    looks aren't everything

    and again I can' t rate because everyone's opinion is different.

    if you are concerned about your appearance/ image

    you can always go clothes shopping or work out

    but never put yourself down

    good luck with everything :)

    • I'm sick of waiting! A wise guy once told me that sometimes I should just go out there and grab fate...but I guess I just don't know how? People here tell me that I need to increase my confidence. But how? And how can I do that fast?

    • That's not how it works though. The best things in life takes time. You need to get rid of your expectations. Expectations lead to disappointment when they're not met where as if you get rid of them you can be impressed.

  • Most people aim too high. Have you ever noticed how everyone who likes you is not good enough for you and everyone the people you are interested in go for are way too good for them? It goes on and on like that. But eventually someone turns around.

  • No one wants to be the bubble buster, but yes

    I know you think you deserve an 8, but clearly you don't. That doesn't mean you have to settle for an uggo but you need to be realistic and stop living in a world where your thought of being a good boyfriend is supposed to magically attract hot chicks

  • If you hate putting numbers on girls then don't do it. There are plenty of girls out there who are attractive but aren't 8s. I don't really think that I would consider myself an 8 but I don't think that anyone can really judge themselves very well because they are always too biased so I don't put a number on myself. Instead of thinking about girls number wise think about them in regards to what is attractive about them and what is good about their personality. The thing about the whole number thing is that it doesn't put someone's personality into the equation. Girls who are attractive but aren't beautiful can seem really beautiful because of their amazing personalities.

    • Oh but I can rate myself. I think I am a 6.78426089, give or take.

  • Sorry. I've come in later than the rest, so I've seen your justification for rating people and it still doesn't go. Yes, we all rate to an extent in our minds and yes that is what first impressions are based on. The problem lies in the fact that you think you are so brilliant that you will only go after girls who are an 8+. Don't be so shallow. Whether intentional or not, you are saying that if you found a perfect girl who was only a 7, it would be such a shame cause she just wouldn't cut it for you. Open up. Don't be so full of yourself to believe that you deserve not less than an 8 and accept people for more than their looks. Start this, and you can probably stop asking us why you're still single.

  • Okay, honestly. I'm going through the same thing too. But I've come to the conclusion that if you want to be in a relationship (like it's on the fore front of your mind) you're not ready. you just need to take some time and enjoy being single. and it will happen naturally. and a little confidence it cute in a guy. universally. so don't worry about your height or feel like you shouldn't be going for 8's. but not a lot. though because it gets annoying stoking his ego. but also equally annoying if he's like conceded. By the way, NEVER ask about blemishes.

    hope this helped!

  • right that's life I don't think your ugly everyone has their own personalities beauty I know how you feel what I did was just I hang there talk to your friends hang with them . Try to be friends with girls if you like them don't directly say I like you get to know her <3

  • Once you're in love, looks are not AS important.. But anyway, lets see on a more realistic perspective... POST a pic of a girl you'd like as a girlfriend... And we'll say what your chances are with girls with that particular look, since we already saw your picture.. What anyone says here will never be 100% accurate of course, but it's closest to what really is! Than the answers you're getting now just based on this question.

    • I like this idea.

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    • Oh... I didn't get any request for some reason lol. =/

    • well can you at least send me a FR.

  • lol go to her-->

    If it works out, thank me later! :D <3

    I'm playing cupid here! :P

  • First stop the ratings crap. Go for what you like. Second women love tall guys sorry but we do. If you are 5'7 go for girls 5'4 and under. You have a better chance

  • It all depends on your confidence ! If you walk in a room with your head down, no one will look your way but the girl with her head down. If you walk in the room like you own the sh*t, then BAM you own the sh*t xD

  • nah bro, just those girls want a jerk and a lot of times the D

    good luck man

  • A lot of men, you included, over estimate their looks. If you honestly think you're an 8 to most girls you're out your damn mind.i'm sorry but I have to be're looking down your nose on average girls when you're no better. Your an average guy with overly high standards.this is why you're alone. You want a girl who's out of your league, like lots of guys do.come back to reality.

    • Best answer

    • Stupid answer - there's no picture of the guy, so you have no idea how he looks...

      and you posted anonymously - so you've got absolutely no grounds to rate someone on their looks

  • How are we supposed to say if you're too ugly when we have no idea what you look like?

    Generally, beautiful girls will go for handsome guys. The height is a problem because most women like someone significantly taller.

  • yup. the number scale is totally douchy

  • An 8 is still pretty hot.maybe you'd have better luck with 6.5s and 7s.go for caverage and cute girls instead of the hotties.

    • No thanks, I think I'll stick to 8s. Now that I think about it, I've never actually approached them and asked for numbers. I'll have to work on my confidence.

    • Out of your're too scared to even talk to these women lol

  • 5'7 isn't too short. I think it's your attitude that needs adjustment.. not your looks!

  • Why don't you stop rating women and just go for who you're interested in?

    The number system seems tedious and pointless (as it's all subjective anyway).

    Just ask interesting women out... it's not that complicated.

  • love don't have numbers. and 5'7 not too short, my guy is 5'3.

    i think your receiving a lot of bad advice from people about numbers. I never met you b4 so I can't possibility tell you what your doing wrong or not enough of.

    try to be friends with a girl 1st and ask her out after she had a chance to get to know u. if you see a girl you like do something wild or sudden to get her attention, give her a flower with a note and your phone number.

    • Your guy is 5'3? That's ridiculous.

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    • ohh big whoop. -.- how can you say I don't have grounds to insult when you started it? no1 was talking to u, that gave me more than enough ground to tell you what I thought and I did. you look sick, do you really think looking like you have AIDS is attractive? OK ill be nice, you look like you have cancer. does that work for u? dude, I don't ever wana be skinny like you so by all means keep calling me fat. good. I got a big ass, t*ts and no gut and don't give a damn about u.

    • haha private profile now? I don't blame u

  • I'm sick of tired of numbers.

    I guess you haven't convinced any female that you are a great boyfriend yet.

  • Well, I don't know if that's the problem, I have never seen you in person and personality, persona, etc effect attraction also. Buuttttt I think that while you should definitely be attracted to a girl, that should be no where near important. Are you going to be a good boyfriend to her looks? or to her as a person? I think that when someone is only attracted to certain calibers (like 8+s) that means they are putting too much emphasis on looks even if subconsciously. Some girls can tell that a guy is like that and are instantly turned off... so that could be hurting your chances..

    I have to add that guys and "Attraction" really confuses me, so maybe your way of seeing things is "right" for guys (probably normal, but that doesn't mean right).

  • I think that you're focusing too much on looks. It's not all about looks. Try focusing on having conversations with girls (NOT starting a relationship with them.. try making female friends first) and then think about the relationship that your friendship may lead to.


What Guys Said 10

  • As far as numbers go what you find to be a 8-10 others may find to be a 5-7, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So don't give up. While attraction should not be the complete main focus in a relationship it is still important. What should be in a relationship is yes attraction but also the love for one another. That love comes from partial attraction but mostly from liking one another's personality. These two things are what makes a relationship. Don't let what you find in your own personal appearance hold you back. Because when it comes to self-esteem we can be our own worst enemy. I'm sure someone you are attracted to will also find attraction in you. It just takes time to find that right person. So go out and be yourself. Don't let how you feel about your own looks hold you back. Because you may be surprised and have someone you find to be a 10 or even a 20 to like you. It just takes confidence and matching ppersonality. So good luck and keep trying, you'll find your soul mate sooner or later as long as you keep at it.

  • Crawl before you walk.

    Become a superstar with sixes before you move to the sevens and eights.

  • Lol bro, who cares about numbers.

  • these number don't determine nething...ur character is more important ...take advantage of your character and grab your self confidence of luck

  • very likely you are

  • I feel you man.

    I classify myself as an 8 also and yet I can't land a hot, steady girlfriend either.

    • Why the downvotes?

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    • Wow, iPood - troll somewhere else.

      That kind of hatred was really unnecessary and unwarranted.

    • I don't believe you :P

      You - I know I'm at least an 8...

      and why don't you let us see what you look like huh? You're probably a pig lol

  • You have a nice "widows peak" women love that !

  • Isn't it funny how a guy gets called a douche for classifying women with numbers but yet women do it all the damn time. Can you say hypocrite? I'm in my 20's and still single all may say what they want, but always go for the opposite. I'm only 5'11 and I feel short.

    • I'm 5'11 too - we're definitely not short

    • He's looking for an 8. He's wanting to date based off of hotness. That's the problem. I've never heard of a girl looking for a hot guy unless it's just for sex.

    • really harveykinkle? So I guess all those girls that date douche bags are only dating them for their intelligence? Yeah right.

  • You think and or try too hard.