Guys, what do you consider drama?

Question

I've read that the way to a mans heart, is through his heart. And, to do that, you have to connect to him emotionally. However, us women are lead to believe men hate emotions and feelings. But, I also read that it's not feelings that men hate. What they hate, is drama. 
 I was hopeing the men on here could give me some in sight into what they consider drama.
So, men what do you consider drama? 
Could you give me some examples?
 
And, how can women connect emotionally to a man and get him to open up to her without being "dramatic"? 
How can a woman get to a man's heart? (and, please don't say sex lol. This is serious to me and I'd really like help and serious answers. I'd really appreciate that. Thanks) : )

mrf284212 · Accepted Answer

Everyone has emotions, likes emotions, and hates emotions. We like them when they make us feel good and don't when they make us feel bad. Some people have more intensity in certain emotions and some lack certain emotions. Serial killers tend to lack empathy. Most likely if you have too intense or not enough of certain emotions then you are typically considered mentally unstable. Most people are in the middle with most emotions straying a little above or below.

Drama and emotions aren't the same thing. Drama, in terms of gender, is used as an insult. I don't think it should ever be used unless you plan on using it as an insult because most likely the other person will see it that way. So I would't use it at all. Drama is a way for men/women to call women dumb without using the word dumb. Just because it is not an issue/interest important to you doesn't mean its not an important issue/interest. That goes both ways. I'm curious to find any man to give me proof of a woman talking and acting less logically than a man. And pop culture is not proof.

The way to a man's heart is the same to a women's heart, respect. Respecting each others interests, faults, insecurities, pet peeves, basically anything about a person that makes them unique. I saw some guys mention that women make a big thing about the little things and the little things don't matter. But the little things matter just as much if not more than the big things. Little things happen everyday and little things build up. Diffuse them as early as you can, but the question isn't which ones to diffuse and which arguments to choose, its how to diffuse them. If what you say makes the other person feel insulted or small, then you need to change the way you say it. And asking questions is the best way to learn how. Its tough sometimes to have a conversation with someone when it seems they aren't listening. Patience and respect go a long way. And sometimes you just have to say the relationships not working.

1932ct · Accepted Answer

"the way to a mans heart, is through his heart" --
not so sure about that quote yes his heart is important but it isn't the way to get to it IMHO

"men what do you consider drama?" ---
if it is going to give me a headache its drama , most guys at least I don't want a sparing partner at home we want peaceful enjoyable time with someone other wise what is the point of a relationship

"Could you give me some examples?" ---
making a public seine, nagging repeating about stuff that really isn't important or even that is, agreeing just for the sake of it, these are just a few examples

"How can a woman get to a man's heart?" ---
you said not to say it but then ask for serious answers so here it is , men aren't completed! we can basically trace everything back to two main things (food & sex) as everything revolves around them. Yes guys have hearts and emotions though we are far more conservative about showing them or fully giving them then a girl is. If you really want to get to a guys heart then start with those two things as a bases an have a good compatible personality that you two can enjoy spending time together without the drama and you will get the guys heart

chikitap19 · Accepted Answer

to get a man learn to cook well. Men hate that we over react over simple issues. If something is bothering you just say it, they hate to ask if something is wrong and have to dig it out from us. From my personal experience saying something rather than waiting for him to ask is a good clue. So if something bothers you just say so don't make a big deal out of it, i think that's what the "drama" means

CommieDearest · Accepted Answer

Women ARE more dramatic than men  But, you just gotta learn how to remove yourself from the situation. It's also not a bad skill when you slip up to learn to swallow your pride and admit you overreacted.  Caveat- If you have a real reason to be pissed, don't let a man tell you you're "just being dramatic" and stand your ground.

1cubby1 · Accepted Answer

Sex is emotional and that's when you know closeness with a man. If you can feel the passion, openness, and joy being with that person it translates outside the bedroom as well. Do not undermine sex because it is a form of connection. That's why there if fu**ing and making love.

TheHoneyBadger · Answer

Guys don't mind emotions. Emotions are what make relationships work.

I think drama becomes an issue because guys and girls ultimately tend to deal with their issues differently. Girls tend to bring their emotions into discussions/disagreements/arguments more, whereas guys just want at look at the facts and be done with it. This is why fights get nasty, because guys think girls aren't willing to look at things logically, and girls get upset because when guys don't bring their emotions into it they think they don't care. The misunderstanding is the drama.

This also comes into play because guys get through an argument or disagreement and figure things are sorted out, whereas girls are more prone to holding grudges for LONG periods of time. This leads to girls still being mad long after guys even remember what the problem was in the first place. Drama.

So do guys hate emotions and feelings? No. I think most guys (at least guys interested in a relationship) generally like the positive emotions that come with liking someone/dating. Drama is just emotions guys don't understand because they deal with things differently than girls, and that's what guys don't like. Maybe it's because they feel like they have no control over it. Maybe it's something else. I don't know, but that's the best description I've got (and its generalized of course, but it's a trend).

WhiteSteve · Answer

Drama to me is any kind of uproar in day to day life. There's obviously the crazy type of drama, like a chick who will flip and key your car or put hands on you or something. But day to day drama is a more common problem than the psycho chicks who can't control their tempers. The psychos are one and done with me. You act up in a crazy and unreasonable fashion? You. Are. DONE. Zero tolerance. Lose my number and make sure you have everything before you leave.

More common are the ones who ALWAYS have some sort of problem. That's more of the drama I tend to avoid. It may not be an instant dealbreaker like the crazy shit, but I'm also not going to be able this for an extended period of time. If the "how was your day" question is constantly responded to with some stupid beef you have with another girl you work with or something...I'm sorry, I can't. Chris Rock pretty much says it all here...

DanAG · Answer

First of all, I don't know where you read that men want to be connected to emotionally.I can't speak for anyone else, but I definitely do not want to be "connected to emotionally". I want to be connected to by common interests, activities, interesting conversation, common goals in life. Even love is not all that important to me. I want someone I want to spend time with, someone to talk to, do things with, and experience life together. I want someone who is emotionally independent, a whole person who can stand on their own, who supplements my life, and I supplement her life - rather than a crutch to make them whole. I also want someone who can sit in a quiet room without saying a word, and be perfectly comfortable. If they can't do that it starts to get clingy.

As for drama, I suppose it's a matter of degree. Everyone is going to have their own tolerance. Drama is basically being overly emotional and making a big deal out of petty things.

To get to a man's heart is really about chemistry. It's just a connection that exists or doesn't exist. I don't think there is any way to get a man's heart unless he feels a natural connection with you. If you try to change yourself in a way to attract a man it will seem phoney and unnatural.

However you can do things to make him notice you in the first place. But once he notices you, it goes back to being about chemistry. There can be a million things that could make him notice you. It's going to depend on the guy and what makes him go "hmmm, maybe there's something to this girl".

godfatherfan · Answer

Drama is when she makes a huge deal out of something that should not be a huge deal.
You can sit down and talk through feelings. Most guys, especially as they get older, will open up and talk about their feelings (your in the age range where guys will start opening up).
but if you act like not making the bed, or leaving the toilet seat up, or clothes on the floor, are the most tragic things on the planet.
or if we are talking feelings making a large production out of something instead of being able to sit down like adults and talk through things.
My ex wife considered talking about anything we disagreed about as fighting and me telling her that she is wrong. I was so fed up with that I couldn't see striaght. (but I was not the one that filed for divorce).
...
that being said...as much as women don't like to hear it sex is the way to a mans heart. we are driven by sex. doing some things that might not be your favorite thing to do but makes us happy goes a very long way to us giving you a lot of other things...

ketfoen · Answer

A drama can be detected when you hear a lot of question and answer repeats during the conversation like for example: "Why did you eat the last chocolate, why did you eat it, why why why, I can't believe you ate it, why why why?" this is called the repeat drama cycle.
When I detect this as a guy we go into a clam up cycle like the pokemon Shellder https://www.giantbomb.com/shellder/3015-2156/ .
This way we can protect ourselves of not saying anything hurtful we will regret later on, because believe me when guys dig deep into their emotions and blurt it out, it is more then any woman can handle, it's like hurricane Katrina on crack.
And here is were it gets tricky, you have 2 sort of guys that come out of these situations;
1) the guy that will walk away, think about what you said , try to make sense of the whole thing in his mind and comes back at a calmer time to you when he has an answer he is okay with. (in many cases these are the guys with plenty of relationship experience)
2) the guy that walks away and hopes that the trouble and drama will also walk away in the other direction.

Rawrzz · Answer

The best way to get to a man's heart isn't sex. It's blow jobs. Lots of blow jobs.

But seriously, the whole, 'males aren't emotional or don't like emotions' is more of a societal pressure more than an actual fact. Sort of the same way women in the west are pressured to look beautiful and thin.

Male and female emotions really aren't too different. Of course the hormones are a little different, so guys tend to be more apt to anger while girls are more apt to depression or anxiety (though, of course males can have those too). We just have a lot more testosterone, and you have more estrogen.

Drama could probably be like going crazy and throwing things because the dude said that he thought that the table didn't really need to be moved or he liked the color of the other drapes better. So, basically like making a big deal out of nothing.

As for getting a guy to open up to you, that really just takes time, I think. You really can't force or manipulate the issue. It'll just happen naturally. Or, it won't. Depends on the guy.

But if you want to sit him down and have him spill all his feelings, that would be drama--especially if you get upset and start throwing things (I notice you gals like to throw things a lot). To him, you should already know how he feels really. If something is wrong, he'll probably let you know, loudly.

Though, keep in mind that just how all girls aren't exactly the same, not all guys are either. When we talk about what a 'girl' thinks or what a 'guy' thinks or does, it's a generalization and that might not be how it is for all girls or guys.

So, you really have to tailor each person to their own traits. If a guy is naturally (or socially conditioned to be) closed off, then it might take a long time for him to open up. Maybe never. Other guys will gladly tell you whatever's on their mind when you ask or gladly spend the night talking to you about their emotions and bla bla bla. Be careful about the generalizations.

Brontosaurus · Answer

To me, drama is the manufacturing of conflict for the sake of attention.

Drama is my brother and I having a free night and deciding to see the X-Men movie while his wife was at work, then having her flip her lid when she gets home because we saw the movie without her... even though she dislikes action movies and knows nothing about X-Men. She didn't really want to see the movie, she wanted a reason to fight so that my brother would feed her attention by way of apologizing and making it up to her.

Both men and women can instigate drama, but our culture basically trains women to believe this is how relationships are supposed to be. One argument in support of it is that it eventually leads to a renewing of one's love for each other. Personally, I think it's mostly colossally stupid and avoid it whenever I can, but I've actually had an ex tell me when we were dating that I didn't actually love her because I never fought with her about anything.

Anyhow, if I were to write one of those "Love is..." messages, mine would read "...appreciating someone for the things they want to be appreciated for." If I want to be appreciated for being intelligent and rich, I want to be with someone who appreciates me for being intelligent and rich. That in my opinion is the way to somebody's heart. Mutual respect, to me, is a requirement for long-term stability, but you can love without it. There are people all over who consider themselves in love who nonetheless get horribly disrespected.

So the question to ask is what does the guy you're interested in want to be appreciated for? Sometimes it's obvious. Other times you have to search for it. It gets even trickier when he wants to be appreciated for something that you wouldn't immediately appreciate about him. If he wants to be appreciated for still being able to have fun doing kiddie things, but you think it's stupid, then what? Learn to appreciate it, or redouble your efforts in another area.

In before TL;DR

Charming27 · Answer

I thought a way to a man's heart was through his stomach :oP

Drama is also when there is something that a girl is capable of doing themselves but they pretend to be helpless to get attention, never garners respect, only gets sympathy for a little while.

Seems most guys will tell you "sex" but lets be honest, how is that going to make anyone open up emotionally, more likely they will just feel more comfortable talking about how they like more sex. (not to mention, most people have so many sexual hangups and really are naive in the bedroom to the point they really don't perform that great in the sack or are anxious about something and won't open up. Others just assume they are a sex god because the size of their equipment when they really have no clue and are no more likely to open up)

Some people are able to talk openly about how they feel compared to most and when you find it, you notice. they won't require sex because just being with you will make them happy and they will tell you as much. Quite often these are "nice" guys who are usually overlooked. Doesn't mean they don't like sex, just means they can actually express themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

I've always heard that the way to a mans heart is through is stomach. To me, this isn't something just about feeding a guy, but showing your love for him through the food. Now of course, if a girl doesn't know how to cook, it's not an automatic deal breaker by any stretch of the imagination.

Drama could be something as simple as turning a small issue into a big issue. The problem with this is to the girl, the issue is extremely important, but to the guy it's not important at all. So, she may get mad that he doesn't care or doesn't find it important.

One thing that annoys me is the taking out the trash. If the girl notices that the trash needs to be taken out, instead of taking it out herself, she will tell the guy to take it out.

One way to connect to me, I don't know about other men, emotionally and get me to open up is by using logic and not emotion. By reacting emotionally, you're using the little bit of emotion that I have in me on something that can be tackled by using logic. So, by the time you try and connect to me emotionally, I'm all tapped out. This frustrates girls because they have a surplus of emotion that is just waiting to be used. Sometimes, the drama ends up filling up the emotion meter of the girl. Whereas for a guy it just wears us down. What I'm saying isn't true for all men or women, but speaking generally. So, use logic and reason when talking with a guy, and late at night, he would be emotionally filled up and ready to connect his emotions with you instead of running on empty.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm weird but I would consider this post drama. When a girl is focused on getting into my heart and trying to connect to me and analyzing all I see is manipulation. To me when girls does this it doesn't feel like you genuinely like me. It feels like you're just trying to manipulate me into being with you to fulfill whatever it is you think you need. Much like a guy trying to manipulate a girl into sleeping with him but it's worse because relationships last much longer than sex and involve much more pain then sex. You wouldn't sit around trying to figure out ways to make your best girlfriend stick around so why do it to me. That to me is the root of like 95% of drama. Sending accidental text, checking my phone, having your friends watch me, delaying messages to seem busy, canceling dates to test him, making a scene over something petty like Facebook, lying, pretty much anything you've ever read out of magazine. Just go be you, enjoy life, and quit stressing yourself out about relationships. Eventually as a guy you just get used to the drama because you know it's never going away. But rule of thumb if you wouldn't do it to your best friend don't do it to him

GoldCobra · Answer

How can you get to a man's heart? I think there are two ways to do this. The first way, is completely based off the man's personality in which case you would have no control over this. It is his physical attraction to the girl, with a just a little bit of getting to know her. Yes, i know that sounds really shallow but based off my empirical views, that is what I have seen and even experienced myself sadly. Some men, not all, will fall for a girl very quickly and i'm not talking about just wanting to get laid. No. They are romantics and they love to love.

The second way is a matter of you being able to connect with him. To be able to understand why he does the things he does. You have to actually spend a lot of time with him to learn his personality for this. Overtime, connect with him by sharing laughs, interests, and joy. If you can make him genuinely happy and be genuinely happy yourself, he will fall for you. I don't want you to take this the wrong way and think you have to throw yourself at him and do all these things for him. It should be a natural, mutual attraction. If he sees that you are having a good time as well, thats what will really matter.

tfgmg · Answer

Drama, simply, is 1 uppman'ship on attention. Let's start with how you's feel if:

During your graduation, your boyfriend spent all his time talking about how he graduated from a different, "better" school.

You have a sick aunt, and your BFF talks about how her mother defeated breast cancer and everything will be ok even though your aunt's condition is far more serious.

Drama come from competition for emotional priority. Attention, at the end of the day. Your man wants to share everything with you, but he needs to feel secure. He needs to trust you. He needs to know that when he tells you that he slept with a Teddy Bear until 11, that you hold that information sacred, because it was for you. He wants you to understand him, the good, the bad, the weak and tragic.
He will only do so if he knows that when he shows his weakness, you are there and it doesn't end up on Twitter.

promethius · Answer

In my past relationships some of the worst dramas came from girls that have sisters who felt that they were part of our relationship. I made the mistake one day of admitting that i never really wanted to get married. Apparently her sisters heard this and turned it into im just using her for sex. This is only one of a million fights her sisters caused. Yet it was our relationship not theirs. But she was always willing to allow their opinions to ruin an otherwise loving and happy relationship. Unless you're being abused, running to your friends with the details of every fight we have so they can treat me like shit in order to make you feel better is unnecessary dramatic bs. And the way to my heart is loving me for who i am. Dont try to manipulate and change me because you read some artical in Cosmo. Its degrading and a turnoff ( besides the fact that i almost always notice theyre up to something)

Vegvisir · Answer

Drama is usually someone taking something too far. a lot of people create problems because it makes them feel something. For example, some women start arguments over little things because they want a reaction from their guy. It's also pretty common to cause arguments when they have insecurities about the relationship. Arguments can be good sometimes, but it becomes drama when the guy gets frustrated cause his girl causes an argument over everything and nags him 24/7

Very generally speaking, guys tend to be more chill about things, especially later on in the relationship. We have emotions, but we don't need to feed on our emotions in the same way. And if we have insecurities about the relationship, we usually act upon them (in both good and bad ways). If we are in a long term relationship, we don't need to say we love you every few hours, or confess our feelings constantly, or talk about what's on our mind

ManOnFire · Answer

To me drama is needing to raise their voice in public with you and try to make a whole scene out of a situation, which sort of seems to me like an immature way of a girl wanting people to know that she has a man and that they're fighting or having an issue, as if she's proudly announcing in a way that "I'm in a relationship, and this kinda thing happens."

Drama to me is also their need to compete with other women and show venom towards them and fight, when they really shouldn't care what other women think or do. If anything, she should care what I think about her and what she does.

What I also notice is that women want men to care to about their drama and see her as having emotional moments, yet they will think of the guy as being a baby or a drama queen for expressing his emotions.

thecd1979 · Answer

always complaining about the problems in your life and not doing anything to change it, escessive jealousy, constant gossiping about other people, especially when you get together with your girl friends, verbal or physical altercations with other girls, especially when you talk about your weekends of drunken antics concerning this with your girlfriends. Assuming we can read your minds about what is bothering you and blowing a gasket when we don't figure it out. Anything pretty much to invoke negative attention just for the sake of getting attention from whomever.

thetundrawolf · Answer

"and, please don't say sex lol."

Go through my answers, and see how many of them are not serious.

Wanna know the way to a man's heart?

Sex.

If you give it to him before you are married, you will never hold his heart. If you want to know why, I will say.

After marriage, if you give it to him frequently, passionately, with love, without wavering, without denying your body to him, you will hold his heart- and nobody else will come close to touching it.

It is the great frustration between men and women. A man can love a woman dearly, but without sex, you will never hold his heart. A woman can love a man deeply and never give her body to him.

Wait until marriage, you will be happier in the long run.

JossMetal · Answer

Drama is overreacting to sh*t that its really not important, men are not as emotional as women, so if you think a little thing its a huge issue, for men it isn´t. You will notice, in fact we will tell you when something its an issue of relevance in our world.
We can talk about our feelings it comes with maturity, personally I feel more comfortable talking with girls about my feelings and stuff like that because they "get it" better, I feel awkward talking to my guy friends about that. If a guy opens up to you, talking about his feelings, he is comfortable with you, trusts you and definitely you are connecting emotionally to him, the best sign its if he initiates the talking, not you forcing it.
At that point you are already getting into his heart, maybe as a friend or as something more, but that needs more analysis.

Anonymous · Answer

Example: He puts a dirty shirt somewhere she doesn't like it and she shouts at him and troughs the shirt in his face or throws down a vase.

Generally I would define drama as emotionally overreaction.

Men like to connect emotionally with women as long as it is in a pleasant way for them, actually that counts for all people.

Before you act overly emotionally, just think if you would accept that treatment yourself or if you would behave the same around your relatives or in public?

I now you don't want to hear this, but in 70% of all drama cases the girl is just very very horny and doesn't know how to deal with it. Sex really helps in that case. Usually she is silent as a lamp and like a cuddly cat afterwards.

Anonymous · Answer

some women (not all) have a long history of taking minor issues and making major headaches where none need to be. an example might help.
say your boyfriend was raised a Jehovah's witness. but he is free of the religion now. if you know anything about them, they dont celebrate holidays, not even birthdays. no Valentine's day...nothing.
now the girlfriend gets upset when he forgets her birthday...or Valentine's day. and cries..has a temper tantrum...ect
keep in mind he was raised to totally dismiss such things. she was presumably told this when they started dating. you would think she took the info into account before freaking out.

Guys, what do you consider drama?

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