How to dump my possessive clingy stalkerish boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

He fights with me if I casually meet a guy, even if he's a common friend. He doesn't like me texting or calling my male friends. He says why do you need other male friends when you have me? If I do something wrong according to him, like being too friendly to a guy, then he stops talking to me and ignores me till I cry and call him.

Once upon a time, when we were still just friends and not even in a relationship, I went out on a date with a guy. Now he tells me that he was so mad that he would have done something physical with me. Don't know what that means but it's scary.

He never has a conversation with me, its just "wow you're hot", "your hair looks great", "you look cute in this" and also "what happened to your skin? it looks so bad", "please change your clothes, I am not going anywhere with you if you're wearing that"

He has very few friends and these friends treat him like crap. He wants me to hang out with him all the time. Even if I have a test 2moro, he'd want me to be with him.

I just find him weird so I've tried dumping him 3-4 times. It never works, he begs for me to stay and tells me how much he loves me and wants me. He said that he cried when I tried breaking up with him. He tells me how wonderful his life is because of me and how nice I am etc etc.

But now I've had enough of this guy. My friends hate him. I am not in love with him anymore.

How should I dump him? I don't know how he will react when he sees me with someone else.

Coz I don't want him to do anything crazy

[ishell]

I'm so glad you've realized the most important thing here: What your boyfriend does is unacceptable. If your relationship EVER makes you feel this bad, especially for the reasons you stated, you need to GET OUT. I can't emphasize this enough, even as other comments have said - it is so highly important. This is an unhealthy relationship and no matter how happy you may feel at other times, in the long run this is not going to be what's best for you.

The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to leave. In many possessive relationships, the "possessor" reacts negatively (more so than the average person) to a breakup. Your boyfriend has already done this before, so you need to keep in mind before going to break up with him that he may cry, try to convince you to take him back, try to follow you or keep you in one place, or even try to harm you physically or emotionally.

Whatever happens, do NOT change your stance on the issue. Stay firm. If you feel like you might be in physical danger, you might have to break up over the phone (although many people do not like doing this). Even bring a friend or adult with you.

Do NOT immediately begin another relationship after breaking up with him. This is just common courtesy to any boyfriend who has not had time yet to process the emotions of the breakup. Additionally, a possessive boyfriend could have a very negative reaction to this and act irrationally. He may insult, stalk, or threaten you or the other guy.

The fact is, if you are no longer in love with you, you can't wait any longer. Whether it's on the phone or in person, say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry, but this relationship isn't working out. I don't feel the same way about you that I used to, and we seem to expect different things from this relationship. This is what is best for me. We will both be better for it." No matter what, do NOT say something along the lines of, "I will always care about you" or "the time just wasn't right", etc. Even if these things are true, this will only give him hope for a relationship with you in the future.

Good luck.

[onemoreplease]

You already know how to carry out the actual act of dumping him (it's a fabulous idea and you should do it as soon as possible, by the way.) Don't talk to him even if he's calling you over and over, and don't let him suck you back in with overdramatic displays of emotion. The feelings he's professing when you break up with him aren't even real- if he really loved you so much he wouldn't treat you this way- it's just that he's learned he can get his way with you if he says these things.

I don't know exactly how dangerous he is, but he does not sound stable and you are right to be cautious. After you break up with him, tell your friends and your parents/roommates/neighbors (whoever is physically near you when you're at home and such) what has happened and that you are worried about what he might do. Allow the people around you to help you by watching out for anything suspicious. Watch your back for awhile until things calm down. I'm not saying you need to be paranoid or fearful every moment, but it's better to be safe than sorry so just take some necessary precautions to protect yourself.

[brettb]

Yep I agree. there is this one thing my ex got (when we were still dating so it wasn't for me.) that is called lightning bolt. I'm sure you can find it online. its supposed to be 100 times more effective than mace and it comes in a caution bochure that has an endless amnt of things it can do to u. she bought cause she was going to vegas. I was really more worried about it busting open than any other guy in vegas after I saw the test video of 2 guys testing it. look it up on google. goodluck

[Shlei3]

Just tell him that you cannot handle his insecure ways and that you are done with the relationship. Tell him that it's not working out and leave it at that. If he starts crying or carrying on tell him that you are not happy and that it's over. Walk away, he's just trying to manipulate you into staying. He knows it has worked in the past so he will pull this again. It's annoying of course but it's what you have to do.

[larry69]

Tell him to lose your number and don't contact you or you will call the POLICE and get a restraining order and then if he violates you again its stalking charges!

[fdsa1]

Dump him striaght up, "don't call me anymore, don't text me anymore, leave me alone, you'll be fine, grow up, bye bye"

[lost-angel]

Send him a goodbye email, and then block him from all your accounts, including cell phone...

If he tries to stalk you, or comes by your place, tell him you will call the cops. and do so if he doesn`t stop.

I had an ex like that, and he really made my life miserable after we broke up. He almost killed the new guy I dated, and he harrassed my family.

[SavannahBanana]

Be blunt, and no matter what he says, stand your ground.

Girl your worth more than that, just keep reminding yourself of that.