Why do guys get so mad about being friend-zoned?

[rosaliethayer]

Why do you get so mad just because she doesn't want to date you?

[pnl86]

Well, I suppose a lot of therapists would say that there are an infinite number of angers. I like to start breaking off the tree diagram by starting with just two: rational anger, and irrational anger.

First, I'll start off with "irrational" anger, which is the type of anger younger people (15 to 24) usually experience. The "cause" of the anger is simply not getting what you "incorrectly" feel you're "entitled" to get from someone else or the world in general. For example, "I made it through college, why isn't the job that I want available and waiting for me?" or "I was nice to that girl, why doesn't she want to love me and have sex with me?" Instead of taking a step back and looking at how "irrational" the person's "expectations" are, it's much easier to let that process flow and instead conclude, "I'm so mad the world or other people are making me feel something other than how I'm SUPPOSED to feel."

Second, there's "rational" anger. This is the kind of anger people feel when someone "stole" something from them, or "used" them, etc. It's a rational emotion that's a heightened reaction to some form of social injustice. Our inner social justice system (i. e., emotions) haven't quite fully adapted with the fact that we live in a society where laws control our relationships and the courts and police deal with violations of those laws; thus, even rational anger is best dealt with by taking a step back and "learning" from the whole experience, and being more conservative and safer in the future to not fall victim to such theft or usury again.

Guys are usually "mad" because they "do" all these things, and "give" all their time, money, and energy into "X" (whatever X is), because the girl makes it seem (or leaves it 'open' that X 'could be') like X is "more than just a friendship that will never lead to love or sex or anything more, ever." So, she sits silent as he continues to "GIVE" under the assumption that it will lead to something more.

[pnl86]

As an analogy, that's like you giving money and putting in the time into a business that you thought you and your "friend" were going to turn into a profit. After 8 months, you discover that your "friend" just initially just interested in the project as a fun hobby, and then took the opportunity of learning from you and gathering all these great resources that you paid for with your money, to improve himself as a person and become more employable at a real job while your "project" sinks.. once you realize that you basically just "wasted" your time and money by being "mislead" by your "friend," anger is the very first and most basic emotion you feel towards your friend for possessing those negative human qualities that would allow him to even permit himself to "use" you like that.. to his benefit.. at your detriment.. without a care about you.. while leading you on with meaningless tokens of nothingness.

[MothMonsterMan]

Because guys are never "just friends" with girls. If they befriend you, they're looking for more.

Girls have a tendency to lead guys on. She will constantly tell the guy about all her problems, and how he's such a good friend and good listener and she wishes more men were like him but yet she will stay with the douchebags who treat her like shit. Or she'll let the guy take her out to dinner or lunch or activities and spend his hard earned money on her hoping to show her that he's serious about her.

Then all of a sudden the girl just says "Oh we're just great friends, I'm sorry" after the guy has done all that.

[Mesonfielde]

That's a cultural problem, though.

[carol85]

the only time I put a dude in a friend zone but not perm. was when he just got out of a 4 year relationship.
A group of us are all friends. I not only friend zoned him but bro-zoned him for the moment. after some time and healing I came around. and gladly!

guys get mad because one they put themselves there by non communication. you're stll young. as we get older, girls or guys we deal with rejection and move on. I look at it as if you can't at least stay friends wit the person, its better than nothing right? maybe something in future will happen, maybe not. since you're young yet, maybe one day you'll look at the dude in a different way.

[kittykatg]

Due to rape culture in the US men think they are owed sex by being nice. Niall actuality if they were really these nice guys they claim to be they wouldn't be nice only to have sex, they'd be nice to be nice.

[RationalMale]

Who knew the rape culture was so real? Apparently 43% of high school/college guys report an unwanted sexual encounter, and only 5% of those times was it a gay guy harassing them.

www.usatoday.com/.../

[kittykatg]

See rape culture is all around that says guys always want sex and girls always want to give it. That no doesn't really mean no. That study shows that it hurts men just as much as women.

[isaynononono]

Ego. And sexism. "I've inserted respect and money in this machine, where's my sex in return?"

[CuriousCatbug]

Not at all

if a woman were to be there for a guy whenever he needed a talk, was told how "perfect a gf" she would make
do anything the guy wants, because she is ridiculously attracted to him... and for him to go "Na thanks, but ya can be my friend and carry on doing that stuff"
telling me that wouldn't affect women?

Na, sex had nowt to do with it, its using someone

[isaynononono]

I agree that girls using guys to boost their ego is bs, but being Friends is not a punishment, and i know there are plenty of girls who are nice people and just want good company. Are they using the guy? Just because they are not attracted to him?

[CuriousCatbug]

It is punishment if you know that other person wants a relationship with you.. know they are sat hoping you will change ya mind.. why? Because you keep taking things from them and doing things a couple would.
see "friend zone" is not just a person having another person as a friend... its keeping a person as a friend yet taking more from them that you'd expect from a relationship... yet... refusing to be in said relationship with them

[Mesonfielde]

Because that doesn't serve their interests. Why, how would you feel if you wanted to be in a relationship with someone and they told you that "Nope, no matter what you do, I WILL NEVER BE INTERESTED."

It sucks, doesn't it?

[Dionysos]

Think about it from their perspective. If you were really attracted to someone and really really wanted to do naughty things with them to the level that you'd been fantasizing about being with him and him feeling the same way about you...

(That's about how much it takes for a guy to get up the nerve and ask a girl to be with him)

Then when you finally did reveal your feelings, you found out he wasn't interested, but wanted to keep you around as a "friend" in stead. In essence, he pats you on the head and says "I know what you want, but you're not good enough for me. You can still hang around and be nice to me though if you want."

How would you feel?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Most guys are idiots who put themselves in the friend zone.

I agree guys shouldn't get "mad" at being put in the friend zone. But you (as a girl) should also understand that you rejecting me means I probably want nothing else to do with you and not get mad at that.

[Bubblesi]

It's not the woman not wanting to date you that sucks. The problem is that they won't reject him outright either keeping him around to boost their ego, help them with shit and so on... Friendzone is kind of pathological relationship. Usually both sides have their fair share of blame. The girl for milking it and the guy for continuing to waste time and energy on her not having the balls to 4bmove on.

[Imtheone88]

The problem is not rejection.
Worst part is that the girl who friend zone you doesn't say no to you she basically wants to use you, all your affection and money but wants to have sex with some one else. If a girl says no, that means no, but if she say no but we can be friends means she wants to use your love.

[Anonymous]

It isn't so much that they are mad, but rather they are in a lot of pain. It hurts a lot when you like someone, and they don't like you back. Guys commonly try to cope with emotional pain, by masking it with anger. They aren't really angry, they are just hurt, and not handling their pain well.

[CuriousCatbug]

Think most get "mad" not because she don't want them... but the fact she will use him for everything bar an actual relationship.

[MothMonsterMan]

Nice post! You summed up my post very well! :)

[Anonymous]

i can see if they get disappointed or sad.. i mean imagine someone you really like completely shun you out wouldn't you be annoyed?,, BUT if it gets to the point where they say stuff about and "get mad" then they are just acting like immature little boys.. accepting that not everyone is going to "want your D " is the mature and right thing to do.. and if they can't do that then your right for rejecting them...

[Yuten]

xD Rejection is bad and friendzoned is a young man's worst nightmare.

This is so "because young men are supposed to be having the time of their lives"...

[AceOtana1]

I don't, I accept it and move on. Also I'd never try to leave the friend-zone either. There's plenty of other women out there to choose from.

[Krushbrownies]

This will bring light to you hahahaah

thumbpress.com/.../Friendzoned.jpg

[AdamThomas]

Some people just can't handle rejection. Plenty of girls are the same.

[Nuns_in_Heat]

Friend zone is a fictional term made up by guys who just can't handle the fact that a girls not into them. If they get pissed about it, they're dumbasses.

[rUinSAYAN]

there is no friendzone for me. I don't want many friends and if I were about to get friendzoned I would break contact before.

[RationalMale]

The same reason why girls get upset if they really like a guy, but he just wants to bang her on the side while he dates other girls.

[Anonymous]

At your age it's just immaturity. Don't tell a guy "let's be friends." Tell him "I'm not interested in you." The former is just using him as a shoulder to cry on, and it breeds resentment when he wanted more to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Because you're a teen. Once guys are in their early 20's, most don't give a shit anyore

[richchang]

maybe it makes them puzzled. they can't figure out she is his sweetheart or just a friend

[Terrell456]

I don't get mad about that. I just don't care.