Why are guys so vague?

[HappyGirl10]

I just broke up with this guy after 5 months of dating-- it was a mutual break up. However, I don't think either of us is really over each other but there were issues in staying together. We work together so its been a little uncomfortable to say the least. We kind of "checked in" with each other the first month but since then we go on as normal even though I am constantly wondering what he is thinking. So, last week I texted him to ask, "How are you feeling about us? Do you feel okay?" I was hoping for an answer that made sense. But all I got back is "I'm okay. You don't need to worry". What does this mean? He didn't say, 'Im good" -- it was just "Im okay". And, why don't I need to worry? I am confused. Any insight here?

[Terdog]

Oh, us guys, even if we were hurting want to show we are tough and handling things just fine. Keep in mind, you asked the questions "do you feel okay", so he responds, "I'm okay". People respond in kind. Meaning, you didn't ask him if he was "good", you asked him if he was "okay", and that is how he responded. He probably feels like you are just feeling guilty for the breakup, that you hurt him and he is responding that there is not need to worry and he is moving on.

[HappyGirl10]

Okay, that helps a lot. I later thought I shouldn't have asked a "yes" or "no" type question (Are you okay?). I should have asked him how he is "feeling" about the break up. That's not a yes or no question & maybe I would have gotten more from him. What you said is my concern though--that I hurt him. I know he won't tell me if I did but it worries me. Is there anyway to know if that's what he is feeling? Or, do I have to come right out & ask him that?

[Terdog]

Perhaps if you had rephrased the question you might have got a better answer, though I doubt it. The fact he said "dont worry" means tough guy and he may be hurting. The fact you are so concerned means there is something still there. If there is still a chance for you two and you still care for him, tell him that - in person, no text. Whatever issues caused the breakup may be fixable. Go see a counselor and work through them

[HappyGirl10]

Thanks so much. Yeah, I still really like him. Its really complicated though because we work together in a small office so its really hard to be seeing someone in that situation. I will take your advice though & at least tell him I still care about him in person at some point. But, that might take a while since we only see each other at work & there are few times when we are alone that I can do that. But, I think I will cause its better to be honest.

[Terdog]

I understand office relations, been there done that. Though you shouldn't pass up on something good for a job. Best policy is to be open and express how you feel. It's risky, but then anything worth going for is. Ask him to go out to coffee or lunch and talk then. You should be away from work to remove distractions.

[Anonymous]

He thinks you are worrying about how he is taking the break up, and thus, he is saying you don't need to worry about him and that he's doing fine. He's probably not looking to continue with you or he would have been pursuing you unless he is really shy.

I would suggest not mixing the workplace with romance. It usually ends up badly because its difficult not to spend too much time with each other, which can ruin a relationship.

[HappyGirl10]

Okay thanks. That makes sense. Yeah, it was a mistake for sure. Too late to go back at this point but just trying to stay on friendly terms.