My boyfriend said this girl has a nice ass?

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Ok, well I've been dating this guy for quite some time, 4 months. I admire womens beauty, I have a small butt lol, so me and him were at this bar, and the bartender had a really nice butt lol. I said to him, "She has a nice butt! Wish I had that." My boyfriend said "Yeah she does." I was not expecting that reaction. I thought he would just laugh, now I am feeling self conscious, and he doesn't really compliment me anymore, and I feel offended, but some of my friends are telling me that I shouldn't be so offended, and some of my friends are saying that was disrespectful of him, and he shouldn't have said that. What do you think? I need more opinions on this, because I don't know if I should talk to him about it. Thanks.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone for commenting! I don't have time to go through each comment, but you all have very good points. Thanks for your insight. Much appreciated.

[heavensgift2girls]

You may not have meant to, but you set up a trap for your boyfriend to fall into. If you come across as having the self confidence to compliment another woman's body, then naturally he will think you have the self confidence to handle his agreeing with you.

If you talk to him like a friend, instead of as your boyfriend, then he is more likely to respond as if he is talking to a friend instead of his girlfriend. If you can't handle these kinds of conversations, then you need to learn to be more careful about what you bring up around him.

It is normal for boyfriends to stop complimenting their girlfriends as much. People start to fall into a routine where they stop putting in as much effort as when they first met. It doesn't mean he doesn't still find you attractive. It just means the honeymoon phase is over.

[HandsomeRaj]

1. EXPECTATION is always the silent killer of any relationship :)
2. You expected him to say something that he didn't and hence the predicament :)
3. You think you have a small butt and naturally you look at girls with larger butts thinking and wishing you had that
4. You looked at your guy for validation by him saying something like 'I prefer your sexy ass any day baby' and that didn't happen
5. The poor soul thought you were genuinely complimenting her butt and went along with what you said (I'm not saying that he didn't think her butt was good but he didn't look at it and compliment it, you did & you referred it to him, he merely concurred)
6. I don't think this is a topic worth discussing out with him. You need to understand your psychology first :) (that's your subject as well :) )

[HandsomeRaj]

Thank YOU beautiful young lady for your charming, generous and kind gesture of selecting my opinion the MHO <3 :) :)

Been a while I got that from you (or a comment lol)

[jesshkah]

I don't think you should be offended, especially because you were the one who pointed it out. He just agreed with your comment. It would be a different story if he said it on his own, but he's with you, not her, relax. Don't make this bigger than it needs to be. What if you were walking on the street and he said, "damn that dude has huge muscles" and you said "omg yea he does" and he got offended? Doesn't that sound a little silly?

[BrunetteBabe1005]

That's a good point. Thank you for showing me a different perspective. I appreciate it. <3

[somebodysaycheese]

What I've learned is even though you want your boyfriend to be your best friend if your self conscious don't treat him like one of your girl friends and flatter another woman's body. Most likely he will agree. imagine if he complemented a guys face or body and you agreed he'd feel a certain way especially if he doesn't have that.

[former_teenmom]

Okay just some advice learn to pick your battles and this isn't one of them. Let it go, he was agreeing with the comment you made, nothing more. Stop over thinking it, it was in no way disrespectful towards you at all. Learn to Love yourself a little more.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

That is true. Thank you. Yeah, I have really low self esteem, and I guess his reaction caught me off guard, and I feel like because he doesn't compliment me anymore, and what not, I feel like I can say it because I am not sexually talking about her bum, I am envying it because i don't like my butt lol, but he is saying it in a way that is sexual because guys don't just admire girls butts and that's it, they admire it, and also want to have sex with them, so i guess it makes me feel uneasy because his agreement with my compliment is sexual, where as my compliment is not sexual. If that makes sense, but you're right about loving myself. Thank you for commenting! <3

[former_teenmom]

You're welcome, you are a beautiful girl, your boyfriend is lucky to have you & don't ever forget that.

[funny_strange_man]

@BrunetteBabe1005 Why are you saying that anytime a guy know matter who he us says anything positive about a ladies appereance it is always in a sexual way?

[Yumix]

you start talking about another girls ass and say how nice it is and when he agrees it is offending and he did wrong?

wait, let me quickly check that again

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/AxyVqtGCAAAs55Q.jpg

[Grungenoreos]

Actually the guys in my family, though being men appreciate other hot women, would always say something along the lines of "but your butt is my favorite because it is mine" or say "yours is better though" to their girl (because sometimes is true lmao)

[thorthorley]

Nothing wrong with a little appreciation for the human body. But i do think maybe he should express more appreciation for you. Just tell him how you feel that you want more compliments and im sure he probably thinks a hell a lot of you but doesn't express it enough.

[Anonymous]

He thought it was cool because you said it to him about it as well. I honestly don't even think it means much more than that. And noticing a nice ass when you see one isn't a bad thing at least he didn't say anything until you said something yourself.

[TheFlak38]

If he'd said that without you commenting on the ass first that would be bad. But since you started it you can't blame him.
He thinks that other women have nieces asses when he sees them without saying anything and you can't do anything about it. Just like he can't do anything when you see another handsome man on the street.
The only reason he opened up and commented on her ass was because you di the same thing which made him feel comfortable about doing so.

[singlebee]

Oh come-on we guys look at other females which if normal... Also if a girl has a nice body usually we would say in our minds like wow she is hot... But not in front of our gfs..

But it's not a big deal if he says that... You are overreacting

Now tell me how was that bartenders butt different from yours?

[Anonymous]

I don't see any problem with it, I've done the same. He would have been lying if he said it wasn't nice, or that he didn't see it. Its not easy to just not look sometimes. He may be committed to you, but he's still a guy, and is still going to look; can't pass up booty.

[Grungenoreos]

Thats funny because the men in my family always like to say something along the line of "But your butt is my favorite butt because its mine" or "yours looks better" (because sometimes it does like my cousin telling his wife that cuz she has a Very big bubble butt) after checking out another woman.

[TadCurious]

So to get this straight, you're offended --- and some of your friends think it was disrespectful --- that your boyfriend agreed with you? That's messed up.

[anonman32]

it is you who said the bartender had a nice ass and now you dont know what to do because he has agreed with you? if you dont want him to agree with you on such things then dont bring it up.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Well, that is a good point. I guess, I get a little upset because he doesn't compliment me anymore, but yet he'll agree with me and basically compliment the other girl, but I just might be upset. You have a good point though.

[Anonymous]

First of all, 4 months is not "quite some time".

Second of all, Well, what did you expect? Did you want him to say "oh no, that's a horrible butt".

People look, and admire, it doesn't mean he's going to leave you for her or something. Your friends need to mind their own business.

[Baconburger]

Nothing wrong with that. I'm sure you've looked at another guy, or more likely at a male movie star and thought they were hot. Doesn't mean much.

[thomasmore]

you should stop to put every word of your boyfriend on the scale and enjoy the relationship.

[Relentless_Hippie]

Well maybe your nonchalant persona makes him feel like he can be the same.

[Anonymous]

Well you may be attractive but there are other attractive women as well, it doesn't mean he loves you less. If you are too concerned about it try squats. That will give you a nice ass... lol.

[CaramelCookie]

Technically he didn't say this, he just agreed with you.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Yes, that is true. I just look for other opinions because that's my problem. I over analyze everything, and that's why i am cautious now when to react because I always seemed to over react my whole life, and it always caused problems, so now when I feel something is wrong, I go to other people, and talk about it, and see what they think, and then rationalize with myself as well. Thank you for commenting <3

[apple24]

You should talk about it if it bugs you. Never be afraid to voice how u feel.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Thank you <3 <3

[Kaylyne]

Personally I would have said something to him right there and then, but that's just me.

[funny_strange_man]

@Kaylyne you would say something to him even though all ge did was agree with you

[Kaylyne]

@funny_strange_man Absolutely right I would, I'd want to know right there and then what he thought of mine, and whether mine was better than hers.

[funny_strange_man]

@Kaylyne You come across as someone who automatically assumes that the guy they are with thinks other women are better looking than you if they agree with you if you say another woman has pretty hair.

[Kaylyne]

@funny_strange_man As the "guy am with" will become my husband in just a few months, then I think I have perfect right to ask.

Not only that, women generally are always comparing themselves to other women, so it's nice at times to have that reassurance.

[funny_strange_man]

@Katlyne Do you think you can say whatever positive things you want about another man's appereance when you want

[Kaylyne]

@funny_strange_man Absolutely, I can and I do.

[funny_strange_man]

@Kaylyne then he can say whatever positive thing about another women's appereance he wants to when he wants.

[Kaylyne]

@funny_strange_man And believe it or not he does just that.

We have this very solemn saying that we can each do our "window shopping" providing we don't "go in and purchase!" :)

[funny_strange_man]

@ kaylyne And you don't do that right

[Kaylyne]

@funny_strange_man Have I not said WE?

[funny_strange_man]

You are over reacting to him agreeing with you. If you are going to talk to him then talk about how he makes you feel by not complimenting you.

[Anonymous]

He was just agreeing with you, every woman is different on how they take things, some are open and some get mad

[ikissedtheskyonce]

He only agreed to what you said

[Anonymous]

It's 100 percent your fault for everything. All he did was make a comment just like you did.