Why are women rude to nice guys?

I was once a nice sweet guy, great sense of humor, a tad weird, and a self proclaimed romantic, I am 38 now, never had a true relationship, I lived in Massachusetts all my life. And over the years in my search for the love of my life, I have found that from the time of birth. Women have been told that men are pigs, scum, and jerks.ect. On the other hand…women are supposed to be the sweetest things, sensitive and caring, affectionate creatures.

I tried many tactics to entice a woman’s attention, from personal ads, dating services, bars, dance clubs, book stores, supermarkets, you name it, I been there. Even the train, on the street. One thing has never changed, the wealth on SNOBBY women!

No matter where I been, the plan was simple…SMILE! And say “hello.” In almost EVERY ENCOUNTER the result was…she ether (1) she completely ignored me, turned her head in the opposite direction than me, (2) she makes a sigh or a grunt in response, (3) or she gives a look that could most likely mean “how dare I say “hello” to her!

I was at a news stand and I noticed a cute lady reading a woman’s magazine…I noticed the article she was reading was entitled: “how to attract today’s man” so I worked up my courage and said “hi there.” She looked and me with blank eyes and went back to her magazine!

How about this one, I had to one day put change in parking meter 3 cute ladies walked towards me.did I say a form of greeting…you bet “hello” I said…one gal grunted. And all 3 kept walking. And I’ll bet you money they were out for drinks later and someone had to have complained, “I just can’t seem to find any nice men!” ahh if only she had said “hi!”

Now for some reason…some women are still complaining there is no equality among the sexes! This much is true…men are getting railroaded, ripped off in the dating game big time!

Of course you may argue, “Not all women are like this…you’re stereotyping all women on the acts of a hand full” ok, I grant you that one I only been single all my life and been looking for love for ever 12 years.

Your right…some women are not that rude. Some women know that playing hard to get is a big mistake because they would be alone forever if they were that rude…they may know deep down they have to offer what they can. I been told I should LOWER my standards and look into dating these women, and so I did!

Now mind you, as I lowered my standards, my goal became simple, find a woman I can ENJOY being with! Not too hard right?

I just start laughing when women I don’t like start trying to give me guilt trip "maybe you should lower your standards" or " you shouldn't be so picky." As if I had NO RIGHT to be happy!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Quite often being nice presents yourself as being weaker than them. that they are doing you a favor by talking to them.

    Meanwhile a jerk comes up and gets all the attention because he charismatic, witty and takes control.

    they see the challenge in taming him. the thrill of chasing him.

    Nice guys like us get shoved to the back and often become the shoulder to cry on when a relationship doesn't work out. but your never seen as anymore than " That good guy friend"

    you have so much to offer but no one wants to take the safe.

    i know your pain brother

    • You don't have to be either or. You can be respectful without being a pushover. If you get pushed to the back constantly it's probably because you let that happen. Jerks get noticed because they display confidence. A nice guy can display confidence and be upfront just like any other guy can.

What Girls Said 12

  • Yeah, sounds kinda sucky.

    I have three brothers and they had all the same complaints about women's attitudes. But it was our fathers that warned us against you and our brothers' friends that we overheard talk skanky about us, and our ex-boyfriends that gave us a "raw deal". So, a lot of it is based on how we were exposed to men. Don't hate us.

    Keep up the good attitude around the women that you are attracted to. When a woman brushes you off, just think how lucky you are not having to deal with an attitude like her's day-in, day-out.

    And this should have nothing to do with being picky. You are absolutely right, we should all be picky about who we choose to become close to. Your woman should be equivalent to your best guy bud that you can talk to and get along with and want to spend your free time with. But also to share moments with that you can't complete with the guys.

    I have never acted that way towards a guy who has greeted me or smiled in my direction and I know a lot of other girls that feel the same way. But if a guy whistles and grabs himself in front of me, sure I would ignore him or give him a dirty look. So, maybe you are sending out some weird vibes or something, that you are totally unaware of.

  • Uh - about that. I'm engaged to a fantastic man who is the epitome of the word "nice." The only "jerks" I have dated, I stopped dating when they became such, unless it was caused by stress or some temporary incident and went away with an apology upon discussion.

    Additionally, some "nice" girls might take your rant, although well deserved through experience, as rude itself.

    I don't know why but it does seem like women, as a generality, up to a certain age like being treated like sh*t, or don't want nice guys and instead just want to talk about them. But the fact is you're generalizing, as much as you said you didn't really want that point. Most of the women I personally associate with would dump a guy if they found them to be a jerk in a heart beat even if they didn't have a nice guy to fall back on and instead had to deal with the single life.

    I do have some friends, that although nice, do ignore the "hellos" guys give them as you described. In fact, I too have done so on occasion. Some reasons being that they want someone to get to know them in a mutual setting instead of on the street, they live near places with prostitutes (like me) and are tired of getting cat called, or they are busy and normally when you say a hullo it leads to something else which they didn't have time for at the moment, or they did simply just not hear you because they were absorbed in their own thoughts or in a conversation with friends. Additionally many people grew up with the "don't talk to strangers" deal.

    If someone I knew, even casually or just through facial recognition said hullo, I would respond in a heart beat. If someone walked up to me in a social setting and said hullo and I didn't know, I would respond. But responding to a hullo on the street, when those seem to be caused either because someone is physically attracted to you or wants you to sign something, makes many women I know reluctant.]

    • So again, the question is asked,: how are guys supposed to even make friends with a woman, if she ignores the "hello"

      you yourself admitted you ignore the hello.

      you really didn't answer the question, you just went to point out flaws...a sure sign of a snob.

    • I pointed out some flaws but also said why there were two sides to the on the street "hello" scenario and where the venues a "hello" would actually be answered - bars, libraries, places of work, etc. Basically places where you are already co mingling, it doesn't interupt socialization with other people, and where she isn't running off to other places any time soon (social settings).

      I am sorry you feel I am snobbish and did not wish to come across as such.

  • I think confidence is one of the most underrated things, because I think we're very aware, maybe at least subconsciously, of how confident someone is. It's an important factor in a first impression especially.

    Firstly, I honestly don't know many women that would act that way towards someone who just said hello. I would never be rude to a stranger unless they were rude to me first. Whether I'm interested or not, it's common courtesy.

    But, and this is really just based on what you said & my experience, I think the fact that you care so much about their responses says a lot. If someone ignores you or brushes you off, I think you should be able to do the same to them because they're obviously not worth your time. That confidence should show when you're greeting a stranger. It's more impressive if it seems like you don't care much either way if they answer or ignore you.

    I guess I don't really know how to explain it. definitely don't be like an a-hole, but be confident. You know your standards and you know you don't deserve to be snubbed. You're better than that, just let your attitude reflect that :]

  • Women get this too. Trust me, every really nice friend of mine has trouble with guys, even the good looking one. And it seems like my friends that are kind of bitches, even the not so attractive ones, get men left and right.

    I've always kind of been lucky in the man department because I kind of understand men. My whole life my best friends have been men and I've always kind of been "one of the guys" so I've gotten a lot of the inside scoops. So to me reading men has become easier in general than it is to most women.

    Anyways, bottom line I think a lot of it comes down to self-confidence and self-assurance. In my experience the really nice people don't think as highly of them selves, that's part of the reason they are so nice, they feel they have to be nice so they are more appealing. But often others can read that lack of self-confidence on your face and in your voice.

    You should never lower your standards just to have a girlfriend or wife. But what you should do is work on your self-image. Work harder on assuring yourself that you are worthy of the type of woman you want. Because if inside you don't believe you are, she won't either. Good Luck with this whole thing. I wish you best.

  • Wow, I'm sorry you have had such bad luck with women. If you are a gentleman like you claim, then if you broaden your horizons and look outside of where you live, you may luck up and find a nice woman.

    Some women are rude to nice guys because they want jerks or men who have no intentions of showing them respect. That is a direct reflection of who they are as women.

    I say keep hope alive, travel and get out of the Mass. box. We are out there, come get us!

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What Guys Said 15

  • i really dont know why, they want a nice guy but when they can have one, they believe that it can't be true, woman are messed up these days. i blame it on feminism, woman are wonderfull beings but clearly lose the sight of what they are,

  • I have been through this, I'm a "nice guy" and I'm told that constantly. I am also told constantly that I'm good looking but do you think I can get a date? I know two girls that have both dated the same guy, he has hit them both...does nothing for them...us basically a useless slug but he sleeps with them both. I asked the one girl why she goes there and she can't tell me. She says she will never go back now since she has been beaten but constantly thinks of him and misses him at the same time as hating him. WTF I offered to hit her if she would date me and she just laughed it off because she knew I wouldn't do that, I also got in a fight with the other girl one night and raised my voice and she wouldn't speak to me for about a week. I just don't get it, the girls don't get it, and no one seems to but this guy can just do as he pleases, say I'm sorry afterwards and life is good. First of all how do I protect these girls from this guy, secondly how do I get to date someone looking for a nice guy? Girls, you gotta stop this kind of thing.

    • Hey bro, There are some girls who do actually get it. The ones who dis on the nice guys, What I don't see is why do the "Nice guys" keep going back to them? Truth is, If you keep going back to these disrespectful women, You are proving yourself a doormat. Not trying to sound mean bro, But you should aim your goals a little higher. In other words, If mutual respect is not present, Are you willing to continue dealing with the same treatment later on down the road?

  • try to be nice but never really know how I come off around people. likely awkward. I've been shy all my life, well at least as far as I remember moving to the city I live in. never had amazing friends or anything lost all childhood friends and all that, and girls never speak/spoke to me, unless they are forced to, or I am ordering something from them or shopping. they might become a friend (or just act friendly), because I work with them.

    I've never dated or anything, so I know how you feel about never getting women. So I basically gave up, I no longer care about getting a relationship... I really don't know what I would do in one anyways. If it happens it happens, but I'm not deliberately trying. can't even get the normal things I want in life, like a career that pays good money and that I feel a reason to pursue.

    the only thing I know about girls is that they pursue guys in silence

  • dude, I been there- ur not seein thangs clearly- them gals who were mean to you are the ones with the problem, not you. Why lower ur standards? Try a diff venue to meet women.. Take an adult education class, doin sumthin ya like- you can meet women there. Anything other than watya been doing... This is just sumthin you are gonna havta conquer, QD... Don't let these bad experiences ruin watya got inside.

  • I'm at the same point. I think treating them like shit is the only thing I haven't tried.

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