Why don't women like an honest, blunt, straightforward guy?

Question

Its strange to me because I would imagine when it comes to getting to know someone these traits are vital to gaining trust. But I have been on the single side of the status for over two years now and I have learned a lot of women get turned off or uninterested because of these traits. I'm not secretive about them, I literally tell ever girl that I am this way, and most respond positively. Then when we have conversations and it shows, either they get offended, lie, or simply just get uninterested. I'm really lost how this can be, can someone help?

hisangel · Accepted Answer

If you like honesty I'll be honest with you.

Honesty is great. Straightforward is great. Blunt is never great. Blunt means "I don't realize my words are like taking a knife out and stabbing someone."

Certain people, in both genders, have a strong belief that anything that comes into their head is the truth and should be told in the exact way it came in their head. They feel like if they filter it, they are lying. But they don't realize they aren't lying. They don't realize every thought that comes into their head isn't always right, isn't always kind, and is completely counterproductive to building relationships.

You need to realize that no one is bulletproof. Even blunt people. Blunt people always act like you can say anything to them but they have soft spots too. A lot of the time, the soft spot is that people think they are jerks cause of how blunt they are.

Just like men, women have no problem with straightforward, honest people. But both men and women have a problem with someone when that person is more focused on saying what they think is true as opposed to caring enough to not want to hurt you.

A woman wants a man who will protect her and not hurt her. If your words are always hurting the women in your life, even if you think you are being honest, then that's why they pull away. Because the best relationships are the ones where people support each other and are kind to each other. Always telling them what you think isn't being truthful, it's hurting them. And no one wants to be hurt by a lover.

I just think you need to realize there are certain traits that are completely detrimental to relationships. Like being thrifty is a great trait. It's great to save money for the future. Being thrifty in a relationship actually hurts it. There is nothing wrong with spending time with friends every night. But doing it in a relationship will kill the relationship. It's the same with being completely straightforward.

It's one of those things that you can refuse to stop it and make it a hill to die on but you'll be doing it alone.

Miss_All_Time_Low · Accepted Answer

It depends a lot on the kind of girl. I know many that proclaim they want an honest guy. The trouble is, they also want to hear nothing but praises, agreements and things like "you're beautiful".

But I guess most people would prefer hearing something nice instead of "the ugly truth".

Personally, I love this sort of guys. No - really. :D I can't stand cowards or boys that are afraid of having their own opinion. And if that means I'll have to hear something I'd rather not sometimes, it is OK. As long as it's true, almost everything is. It's SO much better than deciphering some liar's compliments and similar.

In fact, I find bluntness attractive. Just not if you use that as an excuse for being overly critical or nasty. Those things are better kept under control.

I am also very honest and straightforward. Sometimes, it's just better to keep a certain opinion to yourself when you're dealing with a total stranger or someone non-tolerant, but never lie. And don't try to change yourself.

You can say stuff girls like to hear, but it will only get you a vain, self-absorbed ... um, girl.

Every girl is different, really. I rpomise you will find someone who will love your bluntness. In fact, I don't think that'll be difficult at all. :)

soulfulleyes · Accepted Answer

haha its funny that you say that because all I ask for is a straightforward guy.. I feel people should just say what they mean and mean what they say but people just bullsh*t to much.. if everyone in the world would just say things they way they are the world would be less complicated

TimeAndTimeAgain · Accepted Answer

There's a paragraph in that. It goes like this: "It would seem, that the male gender role has been socially engineered so that if a human that is born male is emotionally weak and easily manipulated, controlled, pushed over and able to be walked all over; he is of use to women. But if he is emotionally too strong, to the point where he cannot be manipulated, controlled, pushed over, or able to be walked on; he is of no use to women. In fact, as Esther Villar suggests, the previous statement would create feelings of sexual desire in women. For women punish male behavior that doesn't cater to their needs, and reward male behavior that caters to their needs. There is a motivation to change others to cater to her needs, while ignoring, belittling or vilifying his. For this reason, there is no attraction to a man who is already a useful & properly programmed. One who isn't however, is an object of interest, and in need of changing so that he can be useful to her like all others. This is how the "fairer sex" has crafted gender roles; to cater to HER needs, with very little to no emphasis on others." Basically, If you're honest, blunt and straightforward, and she didn't do anything to "earn" that, she's not gonna be attracted to you. I know it sounds silly, but it is what it is. Not all girls are like this, but the vast majority are childish, immature, and hopeless to the point that they have no clue what it is they want and/or what they're attracted to. These girls are completely oblivious to the fact that there are perfectly decent guys right in front of them who are more than capable of making them happy, and instead they go after assholes who lie, cheat, and treat them like garbage. Because to them, those guys are more "interesting". Now here's how you deal with this - if a women becomes uninterested over the fact that you're honest, straightforward, and caring, ditch her for the piece of garbage that she is, and move on to someone else. Some girls just aren't worth your time.

ScruffyNerfHerder · Accepted Answer

Honest and straightforward are fine. Blunt isn't. Blunt = ignorant/naive/rude/inconsiderate/etc. Women tend to prefer their men be **socially savvy.** Blunt/rude/inconsiderate isn't socially savvy. Speaking your mind is fine--speaking your mind without any filter whatsoever is not (because that's just the same as not having a mind).

Illustration:

**Blunt**
Girl: "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Blunt Fool: --deadpan expression, muted speech, glancing off to side-- "No."
Girl: "Oh... so [generic, conversation ending question]..."
(he just revealed he's an idiot other women don't find attractive, so time to stop speaking to Blunt Fool)

**Socially Savvy**
Girl: "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Sexy Guy: --devious, alluring grin, strong eye contact-- "Hmm, now why would you want to know that?" --leans in toward Girl-- "What do you think?"
Girl: **blushes, getting wet**
(obviously the answer is... well, it doesn't matter, because he's interested in her, and fuck, she wants him since he isn't Blunt Fool)

See the difference?

mortame · Answer

Well, Like all things are you keeping a balance in your honesty? Regardless of the issue if you go too far it might cause issues. I am an honest, blunt and straightforward kind of girl. Everybody thinks I am a hard ass cause of that but I am sensitive in the inside. With friends is hard sometimes, cause I am honest with them but sometimes truths have to be fed in tea spoons not  bucket fulls. Like if a girl asks you " I am fat" BOOM that is a killer question cause if you say yeah guess what happened you hurt her feelings and most likely she will not want to deal with you. but if you cushion the fall and follow it through with" I like you just the way you are". You might have some grace on the matter. You might be a Sagittarius if you are truly shockingly honest, but just remember keep a balance on what you say, because people are more sensitive than what you think. I have the same problem you do with guys lol This society is base on sugar coats so when you break the norm you might run into issues.

BrainsandBrawn · Answer

See, I tend to get very skeptical when people say they have a "blunt" personality and people just "can't handle their honesty," because what I tend to find is that they don't realize that you can be honest/straight forward AND nice about it. Blunt people tend to think that anything other than brutal honesty is just babying/sugar coating and that's simply not true. Women, respectable women, want an honest guy who can communicate his feelings, but it has to be with tact and respect for people's feelings. For example, a woman is trying on a dress that is too small for her and does not look good on her. She comes out of the fitting room and asks you how she looks in it. You can either say "That dress is way too small for you and makes you look fat" or you can say "That dress does not flatter your figure, let's find a better dress". BOTH are being honest and telling the woman that the dress does not work on her, but one is showing tact and respect for her feelings. I don't know how your bluntness works, but I'm just talking from my experience with "blunt" people.

superdudeman · Answer

Its not the traits that they are being turned off by, its what you say and how you say them that they are.

Social interactions are about saying the right thing at the right time and the right way.

You can be honest as hell, but at the end of the day, that's not what gets you a girlfriend.

Especially if you tell a girl you really like her within the first 3 minutes of talking to her.

OR you tell her that she has sweet delicious t*ts, as the first thing that comes out of your mouth.

Both of them your being blunt an honest. But both of them don't work.

Ok, they work sometimes, but mostly not.

lklklklklk · Answer

this is really good question . because honestly I found myself doing the same thing with my boyfriend . and I sat and thought to myself why am I acting like this? and as I was thinking about it I guess girls are so use to guys lieing and when they finally met a guy that's sraight forward then they don't knw how to react to the guy . for an example a lot of females believe that when their boyfriend's lie then that means that he loves her because he's willing to lie instead of being straight forward and faceing the consequences .(which can lead to break up) and he rather lie to keep her , so I guess that when a guy tells the truth that turn most girl's off beacuse they proubably think like damn he just says yeah I did this or did that with no promblem which makes it seem like he doesn't care about looseing he.

you should just explain to the girl that your a very straight forward and blunt man and you don't lie . and you rather face the consequences of your actions and be honest then to lie to her .

rihanarebel · Answer

they don't neccesarily have to be a turn off for a girl, we just usually want to make a guy work for our trust, because we can be unsure. It really depends on the girl though, because if she is shy, she might be intimidated, and if she's fiery she might just jump on you. and if she is stuck up or just isn't feeling it she can be unsure or annoyed at the moment. I personally need a guy who is straight up and forward, simply because I don't like guys who act like bitches. but some girls do.

good luck!

IversonFan · Answer

Hmm I don't know what girls you been seeing lol...no offense.. but I tell my girlfriend toya anything I'm thinking of doing she might not like. She is the same way we don't hide our feeling because we don't want to hurt each other.  I mean if your a straight forward guy there's certain things you can't really say on a first impression since first impressions are everything. If you see a girl and you been drinking actingall crazy and saying perverted stuff they obivously wouldn't like it, But I'm pretty sure if you meet a girl for the first time and you shouldn't come onto her too strong cause that's going to push her away...

Anonymous · Answer

Brother, there is no honest one in this world. We are all born to lie, manipulate, and decive one another. For example, if you girl is a bit fat, and you she wears fight tight wedding gown which not only shows her protruding belly but also her disfigured tights, boody,  and else,. And then she ask you "what do you think"? you don't say, "oh, holly crab babby, you look ugly on this, or take it off and wear someonething doesn't show your belly or blah balh." you have to use polite words and say, you are beautiful on this and maybe give a suggestion if you might. We don't say or share what we privately do when we are alone. We don't tell people minor crimes we commit every week, month, day. Some you can be arrest but we don't share nor do expect even to be arrest for it. Therefore, being honest and straightorward does not exist in the nature of human co-existence. Ask any business sales person to honestly describe the ingredients and value of his/her product. NO one can do that because it is not the interest nor the philosophy of business. Everthing is abased on tactics, time, and decietful but legal procedures to win the hearts and minds of everyone. I would suggest you  do not share your personal life or become honest and straightforward person in this world, but a tacticful, loyal, and manipulative who can win the hearts and minds of others even when they don't know your last name or where you were born. I have friends who do not know where  in the world I came from but they depend and love me more than than they do their families and they do  because I have to protect real private life for security reasons and do our business legally.

ManAmongBoys · Answer

Because many people use "being honest and straightforward" as their excuse to be "rude and offensive". It's completely possible to be honest without being rude, but most people are to lazy to figure out how. Also, "being honest" does not mean "say whatever the hell you want." Being honest does not give you license to not filter your thoughts.

People who don't understand that are simply unlikable and immature.

Chances are, women are attracted to your "honesty" and then get tired of you when they find your "honesty" is just you being an ass.

Memoryfalls · Answer

Some things you need to lie about, because honestly a girl lies about things too. Like a girl might be bothered by the shoes you're wearing to your date, but she won't say anything because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or just because she thinks that it's not so important.

So in return it's kinda appropriate if you don't tell a girl to her face what kind of flaws she has or that other girls are so much hotter than her...or whatever random thing might offend her. Now you don't know what might offend a girl, but some things are just obvious. Like she looks tired and just not as nice as usual - just don't comment on her dark circles.

So respect wins over bluntness and honesty - but otherwise be as blunt as you like.

Standingpretty · Answer

My current boyfriend was very blunt when he first met me. He told me he had heard good things about me and even though he didn't really know me he would date me. At first, I hesitated because the guy I dated before him was also very blunt and he turned out to be a jerk. But ultimatly, I decided it was a good thing despite the fact that my prior ex also had that trait. I can see how it would be a turn on and turn off at the same time. People like to be told the truth and hear about their good traits but at the same time don't like to have their bad points brought up.

madcat44 · Answer

we just want you to be honest...thats all...and some things should be kept private. I find that I'm very open and guys seem to dislike it...so I hold back...just don't act on every impulse. keep it balanced. be yourself...I really like that type of guy. just say what you mean...I don't like liars or people who say things to please them.

sunshine2 · Answer

I am all for the honest guy.. really. I just think some people don't want to hear the truth about what's bothering or what their partner wants form them. I have just grown up on a very direct family and so I'm used to it and like it. People should just get to the point.

CuddlyCarla · Answer

If you are offending women, then obviously you are doing something wrong and being rude. In fact, I believe that's what differentiates 'blunt' from other types of honesty, it's saying something in a manner that is not tactful. Girls love honesty and someone who can be straightforward about their intentions is refreshing. Clearly, it's the way you are doing it and going about it that is not working to your advantage, and if you are hurting people then you need to take note of how or why and if you are still clueless, ask and find out so you don't keep repeating it.

12midnight · Answer

I like guys like that because I never have to guess where I stand with them. Its either he likes me or he doesn't. I also try to be all of those things because that's what I want in a guy and some times its a turn off and others its not. Just keep looking.

peace-love-couture · Answer

Yes.We want an honest,blunt and straightforward guy.I don't do well with hints,I myself am pretty outspoken and will let the person know how I feel.

There's a HUGE difference between being honest,blunt and straight forward & being a rude,disrespectful asshole.

i.e:

"your t*ts are too small"----Disrespectful,rude and should be kept to yourself.If those were your thoughts,you shouldn't be with the person.

"you are ugly"----disrespectful and completely out of line,why would you be with them.

We wants honest,if we ask you something,be honest,if it's a "tricky question" find the right words to answer,we well,I want someone who is straightforward and doesn't beat around teh bush or give "hints" and blunt,says what's on your mind at the right time.

nickel · Answer

In any relationship there is the give and take of getting to know someone.  Yes we say we want honesty, and we do, but we want you to be on the same level we are.  If you are disclosing at a faster rate than we are, we may feel like you are rushing.  Another problem with it is the blunt factor.  We want honest but we want gentle.  Some people mistake being blunt for being rude or tactless.  That will also turn some girls off in the beginnings of a budding relationship.

kriskahn21 · Answer

I think I can understand your confusion. There are plenty of women who appreciate a man who is honest and straightforward--those are great personality traits. I think that your dilemma may have more to do with being "blunt". When I think of someone being blunt, I immediately think of them as being tactless, insensitive, crass. The dictionary suggests this definition for someone who is blunt: Lacking in feeling; insensitive. There is a major distinction between being straightforward and honest and being rude. I'm not trying to suggest that you yourself are rude, but the fact that you chose the word "blunt" suggests that perhaps you've come across as unkind or insensitive to the women you've dated. I require the folks that I date to be honest and straightforward, but if I catch them being "blunt" with me or anyone else who is undeserving of such treatment, especially early into the relationship, it just won't work out.

Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on your definition of straightforward. I have found that most people theoretically like the idea of someone being clear with them but when being clear includes espousing a lot of your opinions and emotions without a filter, most of us won't sign up for that. Some I have met who call themselves straightforward and blunt, should actually say they are insensitive and rude. In fact, I have met a few like this that are unable to take the exact same communication from others.

You would really need to provide examples of what you say and do. For example, if you told an overweight date without her ever asking your opinion "You are fat and could use losing some pounds.", not cool. If your date was to ask you if you liked her figure and you told her "I would prefer it if you lost some weight." well, that is honest, not rude, but of course, some still wouldn't like it.

xohelperxo · Answer

Well the girls who you been seeing are complete bitches I believe that honesty is one of the most important quaility. You will meet the right person just give it time. But when you first meet a girl don't tell her your life. Listen to her life to first. Women love to her themselves talk just be  a good listener and when you find a common interest then repsond in the conversation. But do not freak out that you want honesty , When the relationship becomes more serious then talk about honesty.

kiki_bu11 · Answer

I like honest guys. Does my butt actually look big? Tell me to change out of those jeans. Am I being a bitch? Call me out and tell me I need to take a chill pill. Don't be rude or insulting about it, just be straightforward.

Why don't women like an honest, blunt, straightforward guy?

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