If a guy doesn't want to talk, should I take it that he's not interested?

For some reason, he doesn't want to talk. Even if I want to hear his voice, when I call, I get the feeling he thinks he did something wrong (or maybe he just doesn't want that kind of relationship...I don't know, even though I'm pretty sure I thought he was at one point). He just avoids me for a week and then goes back to talking to me. So I try not to bring things up. But then, all my feelings get bottled up and I cry because I can't even have a 'chat.'

I can't even be open with him. I know that it's not a good relationship, so I should move on. But I don't understand it.

Did he not like me after all? Do guys tend to not want to talk? I know guys don't like talking over the phone. But even when I tried to bring things up in person, this time about the relationship, he avoided it, said he had to go to a meeting, and left. I cried after that. Yet, he still tries to keep in touch.

I've been feeling like the horrible needy girlfriend, or like some kind of stalker, but I'm not needy nor am I a stalker. I just don't know if I'm supposed to expect this kind of behavior from a majority of guys in the future.


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  • I'm certain that it is much more complex than what words can explain here. Which is to be expected. With that said...

    How long have the two of you been together? How did your relationship bloom? How long ago did this start - where he is disinterested in talking? And... was there a catalyst to this behavior? I both agree and disagree with some of the points made here by others. In any relationship, open communication and honesty is essential for it to thrive into something great.

    Depending on how long you have been together then it is possible that you might be feeling 'needy' as some said. Yet that isn't necessarily something negative or proper to assume. For instance if the relationship has been going on for months and the interest he gives you seems to have died, then it would only be natural that you miss that, which can be confused as being 'needy'. I wouldn't blame you and I think anyone would feel that way.

    If there was an argument, then if he truly cares about you, he should find a way to talk with you in order to resolve it. It really takes two people to make it work and you are trying to. As long as you are doing it in a well composed manner there's nothing wrong with it. You're entitled to your feelings and concerns and should not have to be placed on the back burner. If he is not attentive to your needs and feelings to some degree he most likely doesn't deserve you.

    It is true that communication can be difficult for men. Or women. Although if it's something holding back a relationship then it is up to them to have it resolved. It is not fair to subject the other person to being ignored and uncared for.

    Sometimes men lose interest in women. A lot of guys have the thrill of trying to get with a girl and once they get what they want, the interest is gone. I am not saying you are a boring person. I am certain there are both good characteristics and quirks of yours that are charming. It's just a matter of finding someone who appreciates you to that level.

    I'm merely throwing examples out. If you can respond with more information then maybe all of us here can pin point more possible reasons (without assuming).

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      We've been together for a year. We always communicated by long emails and multiple texts. We had a pretty strong connection: lots of things in common. But he rarely called me on the phone. and so I mimicked that, except when he called, I'd pick up.When I call, he'd reply via email a 1-3-7 days later. The relationship was unclear. There was touching, flirting, short hugs. He'd stare at me from across the room, even 6 months into the 'relationship'. But he never communicated what we were.

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      If I had to pick the point when he became disinterested in talking to me, it was when I said I couldn't meet up with him to see a movie. That week was really stressful but I still kept in touch with him through email. Then, after he met up with his buddies from college, did he start to really distance himself. But he was never one to communicate even from the start of the relationship: That never changed.