Why is it wrong to tell someone they should work out more often?

[Vander]

Today i told this girl at uni that for her own good she should start going to the gym (shes very overweight) and she completely lost her shit, started crying and then all her friends came over and started going off at me too, telling me to mind my own business, its her body she can do what she wants and all this other dribble. I wasn't being a dick about it either, i was saying it for her own good and not to make her insecure about it. This attitude of doing whatever you want makes me sick, its just an excuse for people with bad habits and no self control. anyways rant over.. does anyone agree with me?

[oldanddecrepid]

Ummm it is not that you made her insecure that she started crying dude... its the fact that she probably was really insecure about it already!

Golden Rule: Never tell a women she needs to start working out! The majority of women are already insecure about there weight. To have someone point it out does not help the issue.

In general, there are a lot of women that are really conscious of their weight when they don't have to be... it is quite often the stupid magazines, etc., that make them feel as though that's the norm, what a load of BS!

You may think its easy and she should just be able to turn it around and work out and start losing weight... but there are a lot of factors! Genetics is a huge contributor to body type... just look at your own parents, you could very well have the same body type as them some day! She may not be able to lose weight even if she tried! There is also food intake and metabolism, if your metabolism is low, then you don't use up food as quickly. The list goes on and on!

I am not trying to bash you here... and it sounds like you meant well. I would apologize to her though and tell her that you only said it because think you can help. It just came out all wrong and you did not mean it that way. Yes you should help her... you don't drop a bomb on someone like that and not be held somewhat accountable.

I would do this sooner rather than later... bc if you don't, you will look like a dick to all the other women in the group and beyond. Remember, women talk about these things so if you want to have a reputation among women as being a dick... then you are well on your way!

[marksmith108]

Because even average weight girls already tend to have low self esteem because of all they see on the media, TV, movies, so imagine how hard it must be to be overweight in this culture? She knows. Trust me, she knows, and she sure as hell doesn't need other people pointing it out.

[Vander]

i realise that as well, but when you go to the gym you build up self esteem after every work out, its gotta start somewhere.

[marksmith108]

Sure but she doesn't need someone telling her to do it. I'm sure it makes her feel terrible.

[ObviouslyBored]

This.. average sized women are shamed. I can't imagine being female and obese. even after i broke nomal healthy weight range. Men make shitty statements about my weight. this guy is totally right.

[Kiwedin]

I agree with you, some people are just way too sensitive about their weight. I also agree with her friends though. Having been overweight in the past, 195 at my heaviest, I knew damn well that I was fat and it hurt having people comment on it too. It's like when you have a pimple and you're super embarrassed about it, but then some douche says "You know you have a giant pimple, right?" Like um yeah, I own a mirror. At the same time, I feel like it says more about how that girl feels about her weight. If she was so hurt, then I think that only shows that she knows she's fat, she knows it's not good, she doesn't feel good, but she'd rather be in denial about it. So I feel for her, it's not fun being fat and have people comment on it, but she should stop being so butthurt over it. Suck it up and do something about it. It's like when I used to eat a whole bag of chips to myself and be sad about my weight lmao, so glad I smartened up.

[Vander]

Thats my point, if she was doing something about it then id feel really bad about what I said

[Sara413]

Her friends are right - IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Her health is her concern, not yours. There is absolutely NO polite, respectful way to say something like that to someone, so just don't. Whether she's "making excuses" for herself or not, it's none of your business. What on earth makes you feel like it's your place to try to "help" this girl anyways? How is it your business at all? Because you don't like looking at her? Because her body grosses you out? That's YOUR problem. Chances are, she actually exercises way more self control on a daily basis than you do. Read this: www.cracked.com/.../

It is incredibly cruel to comment on another person's body like that. It's one thing if it's your family or best friend in the whole world, and you've noticed them putting on weight recently, to tell them you're concerned. But to comment on some girl's body at school? Total douche move and completely socially unacceptable.

[Vander]

First of all she's not some girl at school, I've known her for a long time. Whats the difference between this and telling someone they have pneumonia

[MissMinaaaa]

Like you said, it's for HER own good. Keywords: her own
I'm pretty sure she's not stupid, she probably knows that working out=losing fat.. but for some people, their biological makeup wouldn't allow them to lose weight/create muscle as easily as other people. And what happens if she actually did start going to the gym prior to you telling her that she should. You just make the automatic assumption that she's not trying just because you look at her. It takes time to lose weight, so you can't just say stuff like that without knowing all the facts.

[Vander]

No I've asked her whether she goes to the gym and she said she hasn't been to a gym in her life.

[MissMinaaaa]

Well, I don't know if you figured this out or not... but you don't need the gym to lose weight.

[Vander]

Im not the one who needs to figure things out, sometimes being brutally honest is the kick that people need. Hey i used to be a fat kid too i know what its like

[MissMinaaaa]

Anyways, back to my point, you said word for word, it's for her OWN good. Let her make that decision on her OWN. My oldest stepbrother has Cushing's syndrome, and he has the same eating habits and workout habit as the rest of my family (we're a pretty fit bunch), but the disease inhibits his body to store. use fat properly, so fat builds up no matter what. He works out at the gym and sometimes tries p90x at home, and he started being vegan not too long ago so he could limit his fat intake; however, he doesn't appear to be fit based on his biological make, it's hard for some people. Kudos for you on losing the weight, but like I said... that's just you.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I'm positive she knows her weight and health status. How stupid do you think she is? If you think overweight people don't know they are unhealthy then wow. This girl likely knows this well enough and for personal reasons hasn't gotten around to it. I agree that you are wrong if you think it's up to you to point to people out that they are overweight and need to gym. That is called stating the obvious and yes, it's very rude. She can live life how she wants to. It's her choice. Whether it makes you sick or not... you're not perfect either and have flaws too and I'm sure you wouldn't like people trying to dictate how you should live your life either...

[Vander]

If someone is trying to help me id take or at least agnowledge their advice

[XRabbitHeartX]

That's what you say now but if it's something very personal to you or something you are insecure about I'm positive you won't be as chilled about it.

[Greece1990]

Its not wrong its your opinion you can state it but that also means people will have their own opinions about your opinion. Im with you, being fat is bad. I usually dont make friends with people who have problems like being obese but if I did I would want to know why she is so fat and perhaps at the least ask her friends why she is so fat. Being that fat is a type of illness, it has to be because being that fat seems so uncomfortable and is very unattractive. If your not attractive now in your youth then when the hell will you be?

[lumos]

Because
1. It's none of your business (like they said), especially since it doesn't seem like you know each other that well. It would be different if you were a friend expressing your concerns, but now you're just some random stranger with an irrelevant and rude opinion.
2. it's insulting because society deems fat/being overweight as unattractive/undesirable, so basically when you tell someone to lose weight, you're also telling them that they look undesirable
3. "This attitude of doing whatever you want makes me sick" that's ironic, what makes you think you have the right to say whatever you want to her, according to your own standards?

[Vander]

Some people can't handle the truth..

[TheINTJ]

Your intention might have been good, but most probably all she heard was you practically telling her that she's fat, doesn't know how to take care of her body, and is basically just ruining it.

Some people are just very sensitive. Emotions kick in first, overriding logic and practicality.

[Vander]

theyre too sensitive for their own good.

[TheINTJ]

Can't really do anything about it, unfortunately.

[evenlift]

The funny thing is, if you were to see someone about to jump off a bridge, and you were just to walk past and to shrug, people would call you heartless. Yet, when it comes to a fat person, you are being told that at a minimum you should walk past, and that perhaps you should even cheer her on.

Note the false alternative presented by her friends: either you force her to lose weight (which is wrong), or you forbid yourself to express a negative opinion.

[Vander]

Exactly, people and their hypocitical standards

[Ulyss]

yep I find it sad that you can't put your opinions without getting hate

[CommieDearest]

She doesn't want you to tell her to workout more for the same reason you didn't want her and her friends to go off on you.

Because you both are being told shit you already know.

[Vander]

Yes well not doing anything about it is the same as not jumping off a sinking ship.

[CommieDearest]

Are you referring to her being overweight or your rude and unnecessary comments? I'd argue the same could be said for both.

[Vander]

So now im rude for being honest, i guess its also good for everyone to tell her that her body is perfect and she should keep living a bad lifestyle that will one day lead to serious health conditions.

[CommieDearest]

Well it's also honest when people tell you that there's no purpose in you pointing out shit that she already knows. Don't be so dramatic, people don't have to tell her she's perfect but you don't have to point out flaws in people either.

[Vander]

im not here to debate, at the end of the day its her choice to either changefor the better or keep being stubborn and suffer the consequences

[CommieDearest]

Exactly, so no need to say anything.

[Vander]

im just uestioning why its so frowned upon to say something

[CommieDearest]

You really need to be asking whoever raised you that question because they should have taught you all this over a decade ago.

[bananatossing]

It all depends if she was the one who asked. If she didn't asked then you are socially fucked. Even if you did it with the best of intentions, political correctness has it all wrong because basically you have to be a careless hypocritical liar. That's why.

[ObviouslyBored]

Her body her choice. Being fat is not the worst thing a person can be. I can think of various other traits that repulse me. Extra weight doesn't calculate in. You were only expressing your opinion.. but that was rude.

[Climber]

If you told her the same way you would have told to a guy, I am not surprised of her reaction. Communication with females is on a totally different level (mars and venus) and as the others said, she did not ask for your opinion. So, if you felt you had to give her advice, you should have done it in a more subtle manner. But now; I really think she deserves a big apologize from you.

[Anonymous]

Wow these answers are shit. It's not bc she's a woman and women worry about weight it's bc it's none of your business.

If a random woman came up and told you should brush more often or take speech lessons or use stronger deodorant in front of everyone I doubt you'd be greatful.

Though I don't believe you that she burst out crying. I think you're embellishing. People usually act with more dignity than a cartoon character.

[Vander]

Id actually be forever greatful

[Opinion Owner]

It'd be intersting to see:)

[_Zara_]

Because it sounds like you're telling them that they are fat

[Vander]

Well they are, but i wasn't saying it in a derogatory way, it was more for her own good. This girl is on her way to diabetes unfortunately

[Anniroc]

This ^ ... He hasn't worked it out yet, but not even my husband has the right to say stuff like that to me!

[_Zara_]

She's probably already really sensitive about her weight and that comment just made her feel even worse. Women are generally really sensitive about their looks.

[Vander]

So when someone who cares for you gives you advice that will benefit you you're going to ignore it?

[_Zara_]

Not necessarily

[_Zara_]

That was a really general question

[Vander]

you know what i mean

[Ulyss]

I agree with you... and I suggest buying some armor incase they attack you xD lol

[RinXD]

Because the cold truth is she probably thought she was hot shit like a lot of bigger women do and you knocked her self esteem down about 5 notches by telling her she needed to lose weight

[Anonymous]

No you did the right thing! I wish someone would knock the fork out of my hand when I start over eating :-) But that's just me not everyone is as receptive to advice they're insecure about.

[tenofthepeaks]

so you lack good social skills.

well are you her father? no. then don't tell her how to behave. it's not your fucking business, and i doubt she gives a shit about your "norms" and morals.

[Anonymous]

I think you could of took a different approach to it. You could of been like we should go to the gym together sometime I think that you would enjoy it. The way you went about it was just kind of an asshole move.

[abundantlyrich]

I don't agree with you. Did she ask for your advice? It's her body, not yours.

[Vander]

So now its a societal norm for people to be overwight and its alright. Excess weight has so many negative effects on health its not funny. It irks me because i used to be real fat as a kid and i changed that and the difference with confidence is huge

[abundantlyrich]

Did she ask to be told by you? Shit you're such a dictator.

[abundantlyrich]

She is not complete cripple. She might have her reasons why she can't lose weight. Thyroid problems! Are you gonna doctor on that too? I mean its a private matter for her to take extra steps. It's not like the whole god damn world is full of overweight people.

[Vander]

No she didn't ask, but telling her doesn't make me a dictator, I didn't put a gun to her head and make her run around the block. But stubborn people will always be stubborn I guess, even if its to their detriment

[abundantlyrich]

I don't think you really about her health. You just like bossing around and assume they would like you doing that. Lol. Keep the draconian beast inside.

[abundantlyrich]

Care about her

[abundantlyrich]

You kinda reminds me these under 20 idealistic people in gag... :P

[Vander]

Its funny cause you're the one doing the assuming here. I for a fact know she isn't overweight because of a illness

[abundantlyrich]

Thyroid problems are not an illness.

Funny you assume, everyone should listen to you. Keep putting your foot in yer mouth.

[Ljubica]

Who are you to judge what a girl should do with HER body?

[Vander]

My name is jeff

[Peresphony]

Are you so close to the girl that you can give her such advice ？Girls do not like guys to judge their weight do u know

[Vander]

At the end of the day it was for her benefit, tbh if sh wasn't infront of her friends I doubt she would have made such a scene