Ladies, do you want your husband to be with you when giving birth; guys do you want to be there when your wife is giving birth?

[Octavius]

I read this interesting article and after reading it what do you think?
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-559913/A-obstetrician-men-NEVER-birth-child.html

I'd prefer it if you read the article before answering the poll.

Yes I want him there/I want to be there

No I don't want him there/I don't want to be there

Updates

+1 y

So I'm mostly just focusing on the supposed pros and cons for the woman and the baby when a man is not at the birth rather than how well the guy takes it. Sorry for the confusion.

[SunsetRose]

The article was really interesting. I could tell there was a bias when he talked about the home birth of his child. Then the midwife and the doula were brought up as the best people to deliver babies and then the mention of drugs and Caesareans seemed negative too. There shouldn't be anything wrong with drugs or Caesareans. I'm not a woman that's going to buy into the "natural birth" argument. I will (hopefully) be having my babies in a hospital with a trained medical team that can assist me if anything should go wrong. Complications still happen, and I don't want my baby and or myself to die because I wasn't at a hospital. I'm not criticizing any woman for choosing to have her babies at home, my cousin has done that three times. I respect her choice, and the choice of all other women to have home births. I also respect midwives and doulas and their knowledge. However, I will not accept someone telling me that I would be a bad mom to have my baby in a hospital, with drugs, and through C-section if it's necessary (and it probably will be because I'm quite small).

To get back to your original question, I want my husband to be there. He can sit near my head and he doesn't need to say anything. It would be great for him to hold my hand. He will be there with me through one of the most painful experiences of my life. This is our child. Our miracle we made together. I am scared for that day but I know my husband will support me and love me through it all. Just as I will always love and support him.

P. S. I also must say men are all about vaginas when it comes to sex but when childbirth comes into play (yes that is also a function of the vagina 😱) they need to deal with it. They don't need to be watching down there, but they should be able to accept that they are responsible for the baby.

[MargaritaPeach]

The article basically admits that men can't handle the 'trauma' of childbirth, and afterwards run screaming for the hills with PTSD; mentally scarred even to the point of schizophrenia. That they shouldn't be exposed to something so horrific and painful. That women should just 'handle it' while the men wait down the street, having a beer and watching a ballgame, while their lovers suffer through the most terrifying, painful and traumatic event of their lives completely on their own (or perhaps with another woman). That his image of our sexuality shouldn't be diminished by having to face the harsh reality known as nature. Because, you know, we should always present ourselves as a trophy for him; pretty and perfect. I call bu!!$h! t on that one. You helped put it in there, you help get it out. Man up, already. So sorry you are traumatized by watching us go through something grueling! Geez.

[Adelina00]

Totally agree! If we have to go through it and bring life into this world, then the men should be educated and mature enough to know what happens during birth and be supportive of the woman. If they're not mature enough to be there during the whole pregnancy and delivery then they don't deserve to be a father, in my opinion. Women don't sometimes get the choice of being pregnant so men shouldn't once again get an option to get out. Rant over, sorry.

[Octavius]

I probably should have stated I was mostly just focusing on the supposed benefits for the woman by the man not being there and less about the male psychosis of it all.

[Adelina00]

Of course it would help the woman if the man was there, the last thing the woman wants to feel at that time is alone or be worrying about what the man is thinking since that period in my head is about the woman delivering a healthy baby and everything should be focused on that goal.

[Octavius]

@Adelina00 I think the argument is with him being there your attention is divided between him and the baby (again this isn't what I'm trying to push just what the author I think was implying) whereas if he's not in the room she's not thinking about him at all. Again I'm not saying he's correct I was just asking people about what they think of a possible biological reason for the male to not be there some people are taking this way too personally

[MargaritaPeach]

Trust me, when you are trying to push a 10 pound baby out of a very tiny opening without ripping yourself completely apart, your focus is not being diverted to how your man might be feeling. He's really not that much if a distraction.

[dem134]

I read a few paragraphs of the article and it was straight up pussy talk.

I have two children which I love more then anything in the world. I would do everything and anything for them. That being said I cut the umbilical cord for my first child. I was the happiest man in the world. 3 years later and I'm friends with my wife's obgyn minutes before delivery the Dr asks me if I want to cut the umbilical cord again. I answer hell yes. The Dr my friend notices my enthusiasm and then asks jokingly if I wan to deliver the baby as well. I was so into the moment that I missed the sarcasm and answered fuck yeah can I really? Long story short. I got to deliver my second child and nothing I can think of can bring me as much happiness as delivering my child resting them on my wife's belly so I can cut the cord then wrap them up and hand them over to my wife so that she can have her first look at the baby. Being a part of bringing life into this world is a magical feeling I haven't the words to describe. The only downside was that i regret not being given the chance to deliver my first child as well.

[Girly1710]

That's so beautiful ☺️ I'm not crying or anything...
*removes glasses, wipes tears*

[NearlyNapping]

Interesting read. It's just one person's opinion, but still interesting, and probably has a lot of merit.

For myself, I was there throughout labor. At that time it was uncommon for men to be in the delivery room. When it came time for delivery, I took my cue from the hospital staff. Without saying much, they radiated unwelcome signals and hinted about the waiting area being down the hall.

To be honest, I don't think I would have wanted to be there. Maybe just because I'm old fashioned, and men being in delivery seemed so new age. If my SO specifically said she wanted me there, I would have gone (assuming they let me). But I would rather not.

[BellePepper]

IF I were somehow convinced to have a child, you can BET my so will be there. I would have carried his child for 9 months as it leeched nutrients from my body and then I have to push the thing out and go through the post pregnancy nightmare. The least he can do hold my hand and advocate for me.

What kind of monster just deserts someone in that kind of situation?

[vishna]

I want him there. It's our baby, he should be there to welcome our baby into the world :) It's a beautiful experience, one not worth missing. And having his love and support would help and mean the world.

[nalaa]

I don't know, undecided at this point. I can see ups and downs for either. If he wanted to be there of course it's fine. And it will hurt my feelings if he says he doesn't want to be there

[nalaa]

I don't really think the article has points tho

"Yet, motivated by a desire to "share the experience", the man asks questions" -- I'll tell him to shut up.

"No matter how much he tries to smile and appear relaxed, he cannot help but feel anxious " as I'm sure would anyone you could bring into that room. Your mom or a friend would be the same and I don't think doing it alone is a good idea at all. I mean what alternative is he suggesting here?

"are we sure that all men can easily cope with the strong emotional reaction they have when they participate in the birth?" So assuming they can't, instead of helping them cope with it, we should shelter them from strong emotions?

" the couple's intimate life would be ruined" that's a very old fashioned view and I don't think it's true really. How is it different from going to the bathroom and or burping, which many couples do in front of each other and are perfectly fine with. It's not 1950 anymore where a man would put on

[nalaa]

a three piece suit just to bring out the garbage

[Octavius]

I think he's suggesting just those that would be delivering the baby would be there. No one at her side to keep her from thinking too much. I'm not advocating for either or I was just sharing the article and wanted to see how others felt.

[nalaa]

Ya he was suggesting a midwife or doula but I'd feel awfully left alone without anyone I knew. I think something he is missing is, that with births happening in hospitals everything becomes super sterile, not comfortable or homely at all. And then you have like 5 professionals staring at your vagina under fluorescent light.
But unless you can afford a fancy private clinic, there's not alternative, because babies should be born in a hospital. It's what raised average life expectancy from 40 to 70.
So I think having someone you know there, to make it feel a bit more at home and comfortable is important

[Octavius]

That's fair enough. The current way is definitely more safe.

[redeyemindtricks]

"... where a man would put on a three piece suit just to bring out the garbage" LOLLLL I like you.

Yeah, that article was stupid. SOME men are emotional followers who get rattled by adrenaline quakes... but, others are emotional leaders, who stay unruffled in the face of crisis.
My man is the latter of those. Admittedly, he's so far down that road that he's pretty well sociopathic -- he is pretty much pure impetus and dynamism, and very little will affect him or change his mood or mind. But, at least, it's absolute bullshit to think that watching me go through labor would somehow traumatize him.

As if.

[nalaa]

@redeyemindtricks I know right, basically what he is saying is that giving birth is tough, so we shouldn't bother men with it.
He's so traditional in his views, but then says men can't handle it while women can. Aren't men supposed to be stronger? Supposed to be leaders?

That being said, I can imagine having him there would be stresssful and if so I'd tell him to leave. However I feel saying men shouldn't be there is def wrong, instead we should teach women to tell him to fuck off if she feels he in any way bothers her

[ChaosKilledTheDinos]

If I were convinced to have a child he better be there. I'm not doing that totally alone. I'd want the person I love to be there for support and to share the moment with.

[fauchelevent]

I'd be pretty pissed off if he wasn't there. This kid is his too, y'know? It's kinda his duty. If he doesn't wanna be down at the gory end, then that's fine, but he kinda owes his child this and he should be there to help support me too.

[rgb008]

If I were giving birth, yes I would want him there.

[Jay_jay_101]

Yes I would want my husband to be there while I am giving birth to his child. I get like if I went into labor when he was at work and he got stuck in traffic or something like that but if he had a choice he should be there.

[pooper89]

Interesting article. I say I agree with Odent's views on the matter. There are certain things that must be done in privacy. It is true that no where else on the animal kingdom is the father present during the birth of the offspring

[Zendrya]

I started to read it and realized it was utter bullshit and stopped. Yes I want him there

[Ginnyweasley97]

That article was bullshit. Of course I want my husband there.

[HookingSwan]

more men need to answer this question. the opinion givers plainly disappointed me...

[reptocarl]

I was present when my son was born and I regretted it. Fortunately I didn't have anymore kids but if I had I wouldn't have done it again

[redeyemindtricks]

Why?

[BellePepper]

Why?

[redeyemindtricks]

I guess that's 2 why's, from me...
1) why "fortunately" in front of "I didn't have any more kids"?
2) what was so bad about witnessing childbirth?

[reptocarl]

@redeyemindtricks first I didn't want kids at all and regret having one second the sight and sound sickened me

[9mfeo]

He started that whole hellacious business. He's going to be there for all of it.

[FilthyPervert]

yes, she needs to know that I am the alpha male in her life at all times. If another guy showed up at such a crucial time, I would never be the main man in her mind for a while.

[Nomad69]

Absolutely I'd be there but I don't want to watch it come out in seen it once and almost threw up

[chrisbigman]

I would want to be there. Why wouldn't I want to be there?

[Toad-1]

I would be there with her to see my child enter this world fir the first time

[Tabbie]

I never want to give birth.

[This_is_my_username]

amen

[CHARismatic110]

I want him there. He should want to be there.

[Waffles731]

I don't want kids so I voted B

[Octavius]

Neither option nor the question in it's whole would apply to you then.