Ex initiating contact, do I need to know the story first?

[Anonymous]

I think she cheated. She never said she did but I asked her and her response said I'm sorry. We have been broken up for a couple weeks with no contact. Talked for a little while the other night and now she wants to meet up. I would like to be amicable with her. If she wants me to move past this and either be friends or setup the stage for an extended break and then try again, I need to know who it was with right?

[Bella9191]

i was in a relationship for 2 years. he was cheating for the WHOLE last year like crazy and I was so blind and brainwashed that I didn't realize until the end. he never admited it he kept denying denying but it was so obvious in hindsight and I even had proof and yet he would still deny it and call me crazy to my face when I confronted him. some people will never confess to cheating.

one thing I can tell you though is my gutt the whole year felt he was cheating. and I was right.

99% of the time if you seriously think the person might be cheating/ cheated then you are right. so if you are suspecting cheating I know it sounds cliche but honestly they probably are. because a gutt instinct is simply your subconsious picking up on signals that are off.

secondly if you are broken up. most people pick fights and blame you and make you feel guilty for the break up to shift the focus off them that they are broken up. then like a week later will text saying they miss you. or make it constantly seem like the break up is your fault.

bottom line is if someone breaks up with you. they are running the risk of someone else stealing you. and if they are doing this its as if you want someone else and don't care if you are with someone else too.

bottom line is if someone can dump you once they can do it again and will. I would say leave it over.

[CrystalMinds]

If you feel you need to know the person she cheated with, that's your choice. But it's a common question in those situations, even though if we don't know the person, we would want to know who that person was, if feelings were involved or if it was just physical, ... It's not something you just get over, trust is damaged and trust is also needed in friendships. Just ask her what you want to know about it. If you don't want to know the story or person or details, don't ask them. But if I were you, I'd keep on wondering who that other person was.

[Asker]

yeah I feel the same way. Regardless of what happened, I want a long break like 6 months minimum to see if I can be happy without her. But, I want to know what happened for my future knowledge both in case of a relationship with her or with someone else

[CrystalMinds]

You can be happy without her, people should be happy on their own and don't let their happiness depend on others. So yes, you can be happy without her, the question should be: "do I want to be with her?" and see what that answer is.

[Asker]

i do want to be with her yes, but she has hurt me too many times. She needs me more than I need her (im the provider, she doesn't even have a high school degree), and she's pretty young and everyone says I can do better. But we have problems like this once every couple months and the pain for a few weeks sucks ya know. So, I want to try dating other people for a while, see if I can get on and not want to be with someone who hurts me over and over

[CrystalMinds]

Loving someone isn't always enough to be with someone. You say she hurt you too many times, it's good that you're willing to move on and wanting to date other people. If you feel you deserve better, it's a good thing to go on dates with other women.

[Asker]

Yes I have already seen a couple other people and am enjoying it. The thought of her with someone else stinks but its better than being with me and someone else like she has been doing for too long. Maybe I'm old school but I'm not into cheating. OK so finding the story will hurt but at least I will know and be able to have some control over things rather than being in the unknown. I just texted her saying I need to know who it was before we can have any dialogue.

[CrystalMinds]

You could ask more information about it when you see her in person to talk. Talking about serious stuff like that through text isn't the best idea, but that's just my opinion. If you feel you deserve better, I would just try to remain friends with her and move on, like you're doing already :)

[Daffodils40]

well..no because that's the past. If you can't trust her otherwise, then ask about it but if she doesn't want to tell you don't make her. In my opinion it will only make you angrier if it's a close friend.

[JamielovesKU]

Yes, there are always 2 sides to every story.

[Anonymous]

yes you do.