Best (guy) friend went down on me and we both are quiet now, what should the next step be?

[Anonymous]

I am in a predicament where I'm in a committed relationship to someone (relationship has been rocky), I have been helping my current bf with food, other small issues concerning money and well being. He's kind, sometimes over-emotional, into different hobbies than what regular guys are into and an ok bf.
My guy friend and I know each other longer than I have been with my current bf, often have been telling my guy friend about the lack of money and other emotional issues that my bf just can't handle at the moment. no gifts lately, and not enough gas for his car etc almost on a weekly basis
often my 'friend', had complimented me on my traits, saying I deserve better, & said he doesn't want to sound offensive but doesn't feel my current bf can take care of me. Yesterday, because my 'friend' and I are close, we were alone and things led from playful massage to fooling around. Yes I feel guilty and don't need blame shaming, but I do need advise. I am sexually attracted to my 'friend' but this is the first time we ever did anything, we both stated it was wrong however he still wanted to remain friends, invited me to stay with him on a trip. My emotions right now are a bit messed. I haven't gone that far yet with my bf, yet I got seduced by my 'friend'. I Don't have anyone to talk about this to. I really want to 'right' the wrong. I want to do it in the least painful way to my bf. I know my 'friend' said he had been interested in dating me, however said the fact I'm 'too pure' turned him off since he's more into sex, I'm not- I thought our relationship was platonic, but the way things were yesterday, I wasn't aware of how I would react to him, I thought I would brush him off or push him off, which I did but I let and he let our hormones get in the way and potentially ruin our friendship. We didn't have 'sex' but he did 'oral' and said I wasn't 'cheating'. What the hell should I do?

[J-bird]

The truth will probably kill him. Some guy went places with his girlfriend where even he didn't go yet? He respected you and wanted to do things slow and this is what happened? It bloody hurts us guys. I do not think you can not hurt him. You have to break up with him. The relationship does not sound like the right kind.

Your friend, my God what a scumbag. He had no right to ever even physically touch you, you have a boyfriend. He undermines him and the two of you went behind his back? Someday, somebody is going to grab a bat and teach him a thing or two about the bro code. If I were you, I'd end the friendship with this guy. No moral code and I think he's going to use you solely for sex.

But obviously, you know him better. If you like the guy, you can start something with him. Give yourself the time first and definitely break up with your boyfriend first. I'm always pro truth even if it kills. Better to know and live with pain than to live life a lie.

I am sorry this happened tk you. Good luck

[Asker]

thanks, your answer to me sounded the most liberated from judgement and helpful so I Selected MHO. I did tell my bf the truth. I told him how I felt about things, it was a moment of weakness. I've never intended to hurt the guy or cheat, it just lead up to it and I Trusted my guy friend. now I have lost a friend in a way, and I am dealing with it. thanks again for your helpful answer.

[Anonymous]

tell your boyfriend because I am sure you wouldn't like if a girl gave a blowjob to your bf and he didn't tell you, then try to get some space and think what is the best for you and both of you, if you think that your current relationship is not going that well and it won't work then try to find a better one, and if your friend is the kind that really wants sex and you dont then dont even try that because if it bothers you to do it, it would bother him to not do it so it wouldn't go that well... you will find another guy certainly that can take care of you and if you think your current relationship is good as it is now then dont leave your bf but remember you gotta tell him about wht happened

[Asker]

i honestly didn't intend for anything to happen with me and my 'friend' however he admitted that he saw that I did have some feelings for him a month or two ago. I respect the fact that my bf is a good person and I told him. all he said was that guy is a jerk and that it doesn't change his view of me. it was purely hormonal. I don't know how this current relationship will turn out. but my 'friend' keeps saying 'we'll see how it goes' and left it at that; he says he 'realizes it's wrong' and that we need to 'nip it in the bud'-all i can see from that is that I'm hurt from this. I just want to be alone for awhile

[Rei02]

Girl, first things first, don't jump or do the next process in disorder:

First, STOP CONTACT WITH YOUR GUY FRIEND TEMPORARY, your comitted relationship should be first priority. If he really, really like you, he will have to understand and give you the time you need for the next steps.

Second, evaluate the next: is it good for you to go on with your formal relationship? yes? no? why?

Once you reflexed about it, talk about it with your formal bf. Just don't mention the sexual parts of what has happened.

Girl, you must be strong, in both sides, with both your formal bf and guy friend, they should respect your final decisión and don't make you change of mind. Of course, if your bf decides to break up (either you mutally agree or not), let him do it.

Also, as long as you have a formal relationship, don't engage in another relation, either serious or not. About what happened, let's say that it was just a moment and no one expected it to happen.

[Asker]

talking to my him today, I won't be 'hanging out' with my 'friend like usual. I find your answer most helpful so far. thank you for not judging me. it was a moment & I feel like my 'friend' took advantage of the fact I wasn't happy, but this isn't right and if he did want to date me, he shouldn't do this sort of thing- I honestly wanted a break this year from dating all together and this shit happens. it's been 2 days so far and I regret it, I've never cheated on anyone in my life till now

[meatballs21]

You want out of the bad relationship, don't you? He's simply 'ok', which shouldn't be good enough. You haven't gone that far with your bf because you're just not that into him. You feel a much stronger connection with your guy friend and hard as it is to admit, you wanted it and so did he.

He's right that you deserve better, but who? That's up to you.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Just tell the poor guy or break up with him, pretty messed up that you say you "havent gone that far with him" but did with your friend.

[Asker]

I didn't set out to cheat on my bf, my 'friend' got horny and told him to stop- trust me the guilt is there and I told my bf.

[serp777]

dump your shitty boyfriend clearly.