Do you ever feel like you are never anyone's first choice?

[MissNowhere]

What I mean is that no matter how close you are with someone, they ALWAYS have someone they're a lot closer with. You're always the second option, or even third or fourth. You're NEVER anyone's first choice. I feel like that's how it has always been for me, everywhere I go, with all the friends, everything. Even when it comes to crushes, you may find out that a boy likes you, just to later realize they like someone else more :( I just wanna be someone's first choice for once in my life.

Anyone can relate? Anyone? How do ya deal with feeling like garbage basically?

[existing_not_living]

Yes. I feel that way all the time. It always works out that I'm not. I made friends with these two girls in my new school last year and I started considering them my best friends because we got, or I THOUGHT we got really close. They knew each other a year before I met them and were already best friends, and while I know that knowing someone longer usually makes them a little more on top of the list, but I don't think it should affect other friendships. I guess I was wrong though because one day I was at an event at school with one of the girls and the other was absent and the girl I was with complained about how she missed the other and I said "Well, you have me." and smiled and she said "Well, I don't mean to be mean, but it's different. She's my other half and like we are the same." So she was telling me that I don't matter to her as much.

Then when my best friend got a girlfriend he one time told me "She is more important than you" repeatedly one night and it hurt so much. He was being an idiot at the time and he talks too much (which he admitted also) and I know he feels bad about that. He broke up with her too. I always feel like #2, but I now that I'm #1 in his heart. He's the one person that I never feel like I'm not important to him. Even if I say I'm not, I always know deep down that I mean a lot to him and he does to me. I am the #1 girl in his life which is kind of awesome. <3

It took me a while to find him though. A VERY long while, but he has always been there for me and even when I'm pissed off at him to the max, he always someone wriggles his way back into my heart. He never gives up when it comes to me being mad and not talking to him. He will apologize as much as he can until I finally give in and forgive him. Until I met him, my life felt soooo alone. Now, not so much. He is annoying as hell all the time, but I wouldn't give him up for the world no matter how much I complain about him. He's the only one that deals with all my shit no matter what. I am a very difficult person to deal with when I get close to someone and he knows that all too well, but yet he stays with me. I don't know why...

[MissNowhere]

What a great friend you have 😊

[existing_not_living]

I took him for granted for a while, but after losing him to his bitch girlfriend (she really was), I realized just how important he actually was to me. :)

[Aud_Queen]

Girl, if your never a first choice, then I must be most people's 18th choice 😲😅

I don't think like that. Things happen for a reason. If that cute guy or hell even a group of guys don't go for you initially or even at all it means they're simply not into you. Maybe your personalities are completely different or they don’t feel any connection with you. You don't have to waste time nor energy on the wrong guy and when the right on comes along you going to appreciate it a lot more. To me, this is a blessing. Life is too short.

Whether or not the guys likes me first or at all doesn't change me. I have such big plans for my future, there's no time to worry about things like that.

Don't focus on that. There's so much more to life then trying to change how people feel about you.

[MissNowhere]

This isn't even about guys/crushes/whatever that much, just people/friends in general.

[Aud_Queen]

Oh, sorry. The same applies to everyone else for me anyways.

[Aud_Queen]

My solution: Work hard and invest in yourself, do the stuff you love. Work with what you can control.

Hopefully you meet people who'll make you there first and are decent friends.

[AvaMarina]

I feel like that constantly. Even my closest friends always had another friend who was more important, more loved. It seems like every person in my life has someone else they value/like more than me.

Honestly, I just distance myself a little more. If I don't care whether I'm a specific person's first choice, it doesn't hurt when I'm reminded. There's still the general loneliness to deal with, but I try not to think about it. I distract myself instead, try to find something to keep me occupied, do things that make me happy.

It still sucks, though. It'll probably always suck.

[MissNowhere]

Distancing yourself actually sounds like a decent idea.

[AvaMarina]

I like to think so, thanks. It's better than always hoping and always being let down, anyway.

Sorry, I'm clearly not in cheer-up mode tonight. :/

[MissNowhere]

Don't apologize, you're actually being helpful and realistic! :)

[AvaMarina]

I'm glad I could help, then. :)

[AvaMarina]

Thanks for MH. :)

[Shutupman]

I got a best friend, who I know I'm number 1 off and vice versa :P I got an amazing sister we're super close and I do feel like I got lot's of amazing friends (perhaps not 'number 1's ' but it doesn't ussually bother me. What does bother me is when they are super attached to you and expect you to do everything with them, but when another good friend of them comes into their lives they almost don't have any time for you... Haha stupid people :p you'll find those kind of people sweetie ;) never give up!

[MissNowhere]

You're lucky! Lol

[Shutupman]

Not lucky, I just put myself out there and make an effort to be kind to others. There was a time no one liked me and I had hardly any friends ;) times change, people change, you will find people that will love you for everything you are you just gotta keep on being an awesome and happy you!

[dangerDoge]

Yeaaah I know the feel. I can relate to it with friends, crushes, whatever. My friends have an inner circle and then they have an outer circle of people. I'm in the outer circle, so they'll invite me to something if they feel like inviting a lot of people, but a lot of times I'll just be left out. For family, my sister is the shining star of the group while I'm the person they assign chores to and don't get along with. For crushes-- well, I never really have found a person that actually has liked me so it is difficult to say on that. First I'd have to be someone's choice in general. 😅

Hey it may not mean much you can be my top choice for GAGer 😁

[MissNowhere]

Yay!!! You can be my #1 GAGer too, fo sho 💜

[dangerDoge]

Hahaha yay! :D

[Illusive_Man]

Yes BUT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RISQc8mptK4

[MissNowhere]

HAhhahah xD

[Illusive_Man]

JUST KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN WHAT?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYnFIRc0k6E
IF THEY DON'T CARE THEY I DON'T CARE!
ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

[MissNowhere]

lol u r so perky

[Illusive_Man]

WARRAGHAFHAHFHAFH
https://i.imgur.com/7I6zGbP.gif

[MissNowhere]

sorry bud I have no clue what WARRAGHAFHAHFHAFH means :x

[Illusive_Man]

Good , cos I have no idea either.
i probably should talk to sigmund freud about that.

[MissNowhere]

ok u do that u have my full support

[Illusive_Man]

COOL!
Amho just fo-
God damn it

[Prof_Don]

I've definitely felt that way before (especially when I was younger and heavier).

But trust me, humans tend to focus on the negative, more than the positive.

You're an awesome beautiful girl, trust me, there are probably 3 guys that you know that have a secret crush on you, but don't act on it because of fear of being rejected!

[MissNowhere]

Thank you
eh

[Nuqood]

When I was dating this one girl I told her that she is the 5th most important thing in my life.

I come first
My career/goals come second
My brother comes third
My dog comes forth
Then she comes.

If people are living their lives properly, you will never come first. This is something you need to deal with.

[MissNowhere]

yeah, but I mean just people 😛 for u obviously your brother came first when it came to people

[Nuqood]

Same thing applies, but change girl to person.

My brother only comes after me and my goals because nobody will ever do more for me than he has.

[Nuqood]

lmao at the white knight that downvoted.

[ZeroCoolX]

Feelings are feelings. Eventually you will get over it and soon become somebody's first choice, but you got to remember these 5 tips.

1. Be yourself at all times.
2. Socialize with people.
3. Go to many events, travel, and meet new people/see new places.
4. Never be alone, always find someone to chat with
5. If you are lonely, depressed, love sick, and/or annoyed with every person who is in a relationship/ or dating then...

stop looking down upon yourself and look up to those who you want to be with every second of the way. Keep yourself busy and move forward otherwise you will miss out on all the fun life as to offer.

- YOLO ;P

[simplyadorable]

good list you got there

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yes, i know the feeling I've always been second
I never had a high school sweetheart so yes that's
why i like younger women.. I never had no friends
in high-school just one friend who was a fair weather friend
I been through abuse with people i thought were my friends
I got family that made me their second choice but never
had time for me so i can feel for you ,

[MissNowhere]

Awwh, yeah, I can definitely relate :(

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yeah, i agree :/

[PiuBelloAmante]

I can relate
I hate that feeling, I felt that way earlier today, the girl I have been talking to has been talking to my friend and has been sleeping with another guy

We both feel played...
I don't know I really want to be someone's number one!
I hate placing second!

I am sorry you feel that way
I know it really sucks!

Feel better sweety 😚😊

[MissNowhere]

Ahah, thanks :)

[mskay]

Oh god fucking yes

This feeling suck to the max. It's the worst I can ever feel. Like I made you my priority and you fucking made me an option or a back up of yours? I especially hate it when my best friend becomes someone else's best friend. )=

How do I deal with it? I haven't quite found out how to deal with it, yet. I just wish people would be more considerate :/

[MissNowhere]

Omg yesssss :(

[mskay]

Maybe that's why half the time I'm too afraid to put in any efforts into anything anymore :( it's like I could do my very best yet someone else will be credited for all the shit he's done and they'd only look for me during emergencies like wtf i am to you :/

[MissNowhere]

Totally get ya, I feel the same way.

[Transigence]

Yeah, but the sad truth is that nobody is really with their first choice. This is something you wouldn't know because you're a woman and don't have to trouble yourself with the hard parts of courtship, but you know all those guys you have to keep turning down? Those are all guys who are going to end up with someone who was a lower choice than you.

Guys have to try a LOT of women just to get a date, much less a relationship. We typically start with our first choices.

[MissNowhere]

I've never turned anyone down cause no one has ever asked me out -_-

[Transigence]

@Asker
I'm sorry :(
I know how that goes.
You may have to ask some guys out. You'll probably be rejected. It stings. Keep going, though.

[idkwtftoputhere]

Yeah that's my situation almost all the time with my peers/friends. The older I got, I gradually just stopped caring so it really isn't something that bothers me anymore.
As cliché as this will come across, you'll most likely meet a few people that you really click with and will put you/your feelings first as you expand your horizons, it just takes time and possibly putting yourself out there more. Good luck to ya.

[MissNowhere]

Thanks!
I feel like I really don't click with anyone these days.

[OrangeBoy]

Thats not a very cool feeling ... I think i was the first and the second. Sometimes things change, you can be the first one for some time and viceversa.

Maybe you are just impacient and wish people trust you more quickly? And then you loose interese for that person and that just make things worse?

[MissNowhere]

Well I'm certainly never the one who loses interest.

[OrangeBoy]

But it's weird. You seem funny and cool to talk. Your people does not understand you...

[gobsmacked3]

I think before you can be any one elses 'first choice', you need to be your 'first choice'

From observing you, it is obvious you are beautiful, smart, wise beyond your years as well as being a very nice person with a good heart.

But you always beat up on yourself, I never get that.

By doing this, other people sense this and it repels them somewhat for they think if you have a dim view of yourself how can I really like you?

[MissNowhere]

Yeah, thank you

[gobsmacked3]

Sending a net hug to you

Never nice seeing good people being down :(

[MissNowhere]

lol thanks again 😁🙈

[Hans222]

I've had that the one time I thought I was close to a relationship :o
She liked me a lot and told me she felt at ease with me.
Than I learned there was someone else she had already met and was closer to than to me. Damn I was feeling down... my face must have become white when I learned it.
So I know the feeling :o

[CocoRachelle]

I've never been super close to anyone, since I was constantly "the new girl" from moving around so much. My closest is my best friend, and I know she confides in another girl more than me. I guess I'm used to it.

I do get what you mean, it would be nice... some day...

[Jxpxtxr]

Hey, at least you are someone's choice at all ^^ - but seriously, don't waste your time on those people, it might surprise you how many people are around you that you might get along really well with and that would be happy to have you as their first choice friend or girlfriend, you just need to be open to meet them and give them a chance :)

[springocelot]

oh yeah
i felt that way with the first guy i was with
he left me for a girl he later ended up marrying
she was very pretty too
so it stung a lot
it impacted the way i went about myself
at least i was young when it happened
that was the only good thing about it

[dogbert444]

There are many guys, I'm sure, that would like to make you No.1.

I don't know if they would match the high standard you should expect. You are everything a guy could ever want.

Please take this as a compliment, and not a purvey statement.

[MissNowhere]

You're too kind, thanks, but far from the truth.

[dogbert444]

I can assure you it's not! :-)

[523206720]

Work on improving yourself and never say never. If you work hard and live a good life and continuously act with humility you will be somebody's first choice someday.

[MissNowhere]

Hopefully.

[KidanisCortes]

I didn't want to be that person but I use to tell myself the same thing yet all my hard work since I was her age (now 27) and I'm still the same. Some people are born with crappy luck is all. no ammount of hard work can change that

[cinderelli]

well i haven't really been with any boy.. after one... but i do know it sucks.. really.. really sucks.. being the most important person in someone's life is awesome.. if one gets to be that person.. :(

[MissNowhere]

Yeah, I just wanna feel like I'm fucking important to someone.

[OrangeBoy]

Things will be alright soon : ) you will see.

[cinderelli]

i don't know about boys.. but for others.. i do know the feeling. it is fucking annoying when you try so hard and still someone else gets all the attention.. :/

[MissNowhere]

I KNOW RIGHT? You put in so much effort just to later realize it was all useless :(

[cinderelli]

yeah.. it happens to me all the time. :( sometimes i feel like giving up.. oh well.. life is shit. hug it out..
shechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/hug.gif

[OrangeBoy]

I suppose we just have to accept it... sometimes takes time for the person to notice us... but they eventually may do it.

[cinderelli]

people are dumb.. :/ @OrangeBoy

[OrangeBoy]

And the worst part is that we both are dumb too and we may never realize it... probably there are people saying the same from us...

[cinderelli]

hahaha. i know.. ;P @OrangeBoy

[AmandaLynn1930]

yea, i feel like that sometimes. it sucks :( but i guess you can't be the first on everybody's list so u just gotta not take it personally.
im sure ur #1 on some ppls list :)

[MissNowhere]

True, but would be nice to be #1 at least on SOMEONE'S list.
And trust me, if I was #1 to someone, I'D KNOW xD Wouldn't have asked this question otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Im pretty sure a lot of people can relate to this especially since looks matter at first glance but once they get to know and you're a great person then maybe you will be first place. This is why its better to be friends first so they will get to know you.

[MissNowhere]

Yeah, but I'm not really talking about dating that much here. More about friends n stuff.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I see. I saw crush but I see the friends part. Yes had that happen to me with friends feels like a third wheel or sixth wheel depending. The way I see it if they dont treat you equal like the others then theyre probably not friends at all.

[Phoenix98]

I'm usually not everyone's first choice but I end up being the better one.

If it's any consolation you'd be my first choice, you could keep me supplied with quizzes till the end of time lol.

[MissNowhere]

hahaha it's something lol!

[Phoenix98]

Lol yup, now come here and quiz me lol.

[MissNowhere]

Easy tiger! 😧

[Phoenix98]

I kid, I kid lol, to tired lol.

Goodnight lol.

[MissNowhere]

Good nighty lmao

[Phoenix98]

lol.