Do you ever feel like you are never anyone's first choice?

What I mean is that no matter how close you are with someone, they ALWAYS have someone they're a lot closer with. You're always the second option, or even third or fourth. You're NEVER anyone's first choice. I feel like that's how it has always been for me, everywhere I go, with all the friends, everything. Even when it comes to crushes, you may find out that a boy likes you, just to later realize they like someone else more :( I just wanna be someone's first choice for once in my life.

Anyone can relate? Anyone? How do ya deal with feeling like garbage basically?


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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel like that constantly. Even my closest friends always had another friend who was more important, more loved. It seems like every person in my life has someone else they value/like more than me.

    Honestly, I just distance myself a little more. If I don't care whether I'm a specific person's first choice, it doesn't hurt when I'm reminded. There's still the general loneliness to deal with, but I try not to think about it. I distract myself instead, try to find something to keep me occupied, do things that make me happy.

    It still sucks, though. It'll probably always suck.

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What Guys Said 35

  • I've definitely felt that way before (especially when I was younger and heavier).

    But trust me, humans tend to focus on the negative, more than the positive.

    You're an awesome beautiful girl, trust me, there are probably 3 guys that you know that have a secret crush on you, but don't act on it because of fear of being rejected!

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  • Yeaaah I know the feel. I can relate to it with friends, crushes, whatever. My friends have an inner circle and then they have an outer circle of people. I'm in the outer circle, so they'll invite me to something if they feel like inviting a lot of people, but a lot of times I'll just be left out. For family, my sister is the shining star of the group while I'm the person they assign chores to and don't get along with. For crushes-- well, I never really have found a person that actually has liked me so it is difficult to say on that. First I'd have to be someone's choice in general. 😅

    Hey it may not mean much you can be my top choice for GAGer 😁

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  • Feelings are feelings. Eventually you will get over it and soon become somebody's first choice, but you got to remember these 5 tips.

    1. Be yourself at all times.
    2. Socialize with people.
    3. Go to many events, travel, and meet new people/see new places.
    4. Never be alone, always find someone to chat with
    5. If you are lonely, depressed, love sick, and/or annoyed with every person who is in a relationship/ or dating then...

    stop looking down upon yourself and look up to those who you want to be with every second of the way. Keep yourself busy and move forward otherwise you will miss out on all the fun life as to offer.

    - YOLO ;P

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  • When I was dating this one girl I told her that she is the 5th most important thing in my life.

    I come first
    My career/goals come second
    My brother comes third
    My dog comes forth
    Then she comes.

    If people are living their lives properly, you will never come first. This is something you need to deal with.

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    • yeah, but I mean just people 😛 for u obviously your brother came first when it came to people

    • Same thing applies, but change girl to person.

      My brother only comes after me and my goals because nobody will ever do more for me than he has.

    • lmao at the white knight that downvoted.

  • Yes, i know the feeling I've always been second
    I never had a high school sweetheart so yes that's
    why i like younger women.. I never had no friends
    in high-school just one friend who was a fair weather friend
    I been through abuse with people i thought were my friends
    I got family that made me their second choice but never
    had time for me so i can feel for you ,

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  • All I can say is you are so young - Plenty of time to be someone's first choice - Don't give up just yet.

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    • I'm not giving up but I also don't wanna expect smth that might not happen.

    • You are very young to be thinking like that plus you have a lot going for you, you are very beautiful and seem quite clever

  • Yeah I used to feel like this but I made some cool new friends so that thing changed , try meeting some new people 😃

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  • I've had that the one time I thought I was close to a relationship :o
    She liked me a lot and told me she felt at ease with me.
    Than I learned there was someone else she had already met and was closer to than to me. Damn I was feeling down... my face must have become white when I learned it.
    So I know the feeling :o

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  • I can relate
    I hate that feeling, I felt that way earlier today, the girl I have been talking to has been talking to my friend and has been sleeping with another guy

    We both feel played...
    I don't know I really want to be someone's number one!
    I hate placing second!

    I am sorry you feel that way
    I know it really sucks!

    Feel better sweety 😚😊

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  • I'm usually not everyone's first choice but I end up being the better one.

    If it's any consolation you'd be my first choice, you could keep me supplied with quizzes till the end of time lol.

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  • Only every single day of my life. The only people who have never treated me like that are my mom and my brother. :/

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    • well even my family members treat me like that

    • Show All
    • I'm sorry your family does that to you as well :(

    • eh it's alright. used to it.

  • Thats not a very cool feeling ... I think i was the first and the second. Sometimes things change, you can be the first one for some time and viceversa.

    Maybe you are just impacient and wish people trust you more quickly? And then you loose interese for that person and that just make things worse?

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    • Well I'm certainly never the one who loses interest.

    • But it's weird. You seem funny and cool to talk. Your people does not understand you...

  • Yeah, but the sad truth is that nobody is really with their first choice. This is something you wouldn't know because you're a woman and don't have to trouble yourself with the hard parts of courtship, but you know all those guys you have to keep turning down? Those are all guys who are going to end up with someone who was a lower choice than you.

    Guys have to try a LOT of women just to get a date, much less a relationship. We typically start with our first choices.

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    • I've never turned anyone down cause no one has ever asked me out -_-

    • @Asker
      I'm sorry :(
      I know how that goes.
      You may have to ask some guys out. You'll probably be rejected. It stings. Keep going, though.

  • I think before you can be any one elses 'first choice', you need to be your 'first choice'

    From observing you, it is obvious you are beautiful, smart, wise beyond your years as well as being a very nice person with a good heart.

    But you always beat up on yourself, I never get that.

    By doing this, other people sense this and it repels them somewhat for they think if you have a dim view of yourself how can I really like you?

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  • There are many guys, I'm sure, that would like to make you No.1.

    I don't know if they would match the high standard you should expect. You are everything a guy could ever want.

    Please take this as a compliment, and not a purvey statement.

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  • Hmm yes i have. But I always follow the idea that I should never allow someone who places me on the back burner to simply care about weather or not I am a viable friend... I simply do me.

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  • Oh yes, i get that when i actually go out on a date. it's this insecurity i have that in my head i think 'she'll find someone better stop being with me' :/

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    • That could be part of a reason why I don't wanna be in a relationship actually. I know I'd always worry that someone better would come along eventually.

  • Yeah my wife did that to me, I had to prove I was the better man than the other guyshe was seeing. Now it's happening all over again and I'm done with her this time after all these years

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  • MissNowhere, my GAG adopted daughter :-) , you might not be there first choice , but you will be some guy's BEST choice , your journey forward as just started today ,. well maybe not but I've noticed today.

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  • Almost always 2nd. I'm like supporting character in every case. But I don't mind being 2nd choice. I've rarely gone below 2nd. Consistently 2nd.

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  • Yeah of course that's just life

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  • Yeah I can relate to an extent. I think we all have friends or situations where something like that occurs a lot. I think that's where groups are important, the group of guys I'm close with, we just do whole group invites to things... nobody feels as though they're more or less important.

    But with other people who it's just them and I as friends, yeah sometimes you can tell they'd prefer someone else before you.

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  • I feel that way all the time. I'm only the first choice when they need/want something other than that I'm more an afterthought

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  • Im garbage to @arabianpwincess 197 😢
    Altho i nvr gave up on chasing ma true LUV cuz i have the gutz to nvr give up! 😡
    Hopefully one day ma stingy Pwincess will kum to realize ma LUV for her 💏

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  • Ya been there its the worst 😭

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  • I'm no ones choice. not first, not last. just an unimportant caterpillar who will never become a butterfly.

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  • yes I have thought about it but I really haven't cared I guess, I don't mind being some girl's second choice when I know I'm not in love with her and neither is she... all couples I know are settling on some level

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  • i know how you feel girly.

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  • I feel like that many times honestly :(

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  • I have only one friend who I think sees me as their best friend. For anyone else I'm like a second or third or fourth or whatever choice.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 24

  • Yes. I feel that way all the time. It always works out that I'm not. I made friends with these two girls in my new school last year and I started considering them my best friends because we got, or I THOUGHT we got really close. They knew each other a year before I met them and were already best friends, and while I know that knowing someone longer usually makes them a little more on top of the list, but I don't think it should affect other friendships. I guess I was wrong though because one day I was at an event at school with one of the girls and the other was absent and the girl I was with complained about how she missed the other and I said "Well, you have me." and smiled and she said "Well, I don't mean to be mean, but it's different. She's my other half and like we are the same." So she was telling me that I don't matter to her as much.

    Then when my best friend got a girlfriend he one time told me "She is more important than you" repeatedly one night and it hurt so much. He was being an idiot at the time and he talks too much (which he admitted also) and I know he feels bad about that. He broke up with her too. I always feel like #2, but I now that I'm #1 in his heart. He's the one person that I never feel like I'm not important to him. Even if I say I'm not, I always know deep down that I mean a lot to him and he does to me. I am the #1 girl in his life which is kind of awesome. <3

    It took me a while to find him though. A VERY long while, but he has always been there for me and even when I'm pissed off at him to the max, he always someone wriggles his way back into my heart. He never gives up when it comes to me being mad and not talking to him. He will apologize as much as he can until I finally give in and forgive him. Until I met him, my life felt soooo alone. Now, not so much. He is annoying as hell all the time, but I wouldn't give him up for the world no matter how much I complain about him. He's the only one that deals with all my shit no matter what. I am a very difficult person to deal with when I get close to someone and he knows that all too well, but yet he stays with me. I don't know why...

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    • What a great friend you have 😊

    • I took him for granted for a while, but after losing him to his bitch girlfriend (she really was), I realized just how important he actually was to me. :)

  • yea, i feel like that sometimes. it sucks :( but i guess you can't be the first on everybody's list so u just gotta not take it personally.
    im sure ur #1 on some ppls list :)

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    • True, but would be nice to be #1 at least on SOMEONE'S list.
      And trust me, if I was #1 to someone, I'D KNOW xD Wouldn't have asked this question otherwise.

  • I got a best friend, who I know I'm number 1 off and vice versa :P I got an amazing sister we're super close and I do feel like I got lot's of amazing friends (perhaps not 'number 1's ' but it doesn't ussually bother me. What does bother me is when they are super attached to you and expect you to do everything with them, but when another good friend of them comes into their lives they almost don't have any time for you... Haha stupid people :p you'll find those kind of people sweetie ;) never give up!

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    • You're lucky! Lol

    • Not lucky, I just put myself out there and make an effort to be kind to others. There was a time no one liked me and I had hardly any friends ;) times change, people change, you will find people that will love you for everything you are you just gotta keep on being an awesome and happy you!

  • I've never been super close to anyone, since I was constantly "the new girl" from moving around so much. My closest is my best friend, and I know she confides in another girl more than me. I guess I'm used to it.

    I do get what you mean, it would be nice... some day...

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  • Hey, at least you are someone's choice at all ^^ - but seriously, don't waste your time on those people, it might surprise you how many people are around you that you might get along really well with and that would be happy to have you as their first choice friend or girlfriend, you just need to be open to meet them and give them a chance :)

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  • Oh god fucking yes

    This feeling suck to the max. It's the worst I can ever feel. Like I made you my priority and you fucking made me an option or a back up of yours? I especially hate it when my best friend becomes someone else's best friend. )=

    How do I deal with it? I haven't quite found out how to deal with it, yet. I just wish people would be more considerate :/

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    • Omg yesssss :(

    • Maybe that's why half the time I'm too afraid to put in any efforts into anything anymore :( it's like I could do my very best yet someone else will be credited for all the shit he's done and they'd only look for me during emergencies like wtf i am to you :/

    • Totally get ya, I feel the same way.

  • Work on improving yourself and never say never. If you work hard and live a good life and continuously act with humility you will be somebody's first choice someday.

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    • Hopefully.

    • I didn't want to be that person but I use to tell myself the same thing yet all my hard work since I was her age (now 27) and I'm still the same. Some people are born with crappy luck is all. no ammount of hard work can change that

  • Girl, if your never a first choice, then I must be most people's 18th choice 😲😅

    I don't think like that. Things happen for a reason. If that cute guy or hell even a group of guys don't go for you initially or even at all it means they're simply not into you. Maybe your personalities are completely different or they don’t feel any connection with you. You don't have to waste time nor energy on the wrong guy and when the right on comes along you going to appreciate it a lot more. To me, this is a blessing. Life is too short.

    Whether or not the guys likes me first or at all doesn't change me. I have such big plans for my future, there's no time to worry about things like that.

    Don't focus on that. There's so much more to life then trying to change how people feel about you.

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    • This isn't even about guys/crushes/whatever that much, just people/friends in general.

    • Oh, sorry. The same applies to everyone else for me anyways.

    • My solution: Work hard and invest in yourself, do the stuff you love. Work with what you can control.

      Hopefully you meet people who'll make you there first and are decent friends.

  • well i haven't really been with any boy.. after one... but i do know it sucks.. really.. really sucks.. being the most important person in someone's life is awesome.. if one gets to be that person.. :(

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  • Yeah that's my situation almost all the time with my peers/friends. The older I got, I gradually just stopped caring so it really isn't something that bothers me anymore.
    As cliché as this will come across, you'll most likely meet a few people that you really click with and will put you/your feelings first as you expand your horizons, it just takes time and possibly putting yourself out there more. Good luck to ya.

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  • oh yeah
    i felt that way with the first guy i was with
    he left me for a girl he later ended up marrying
    she was very pretty too
    so it stung a lot
    it impacted the way i went about myself
    at least i was young when it happened
    that was the only good thing about it

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  • sometimes but not never, it depends who I am with...

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  • How... How did you know!(?)

    It's not like that with me for friends it for guys it's true. Though when that happens it's usually this one friend that always is number one.

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  • Oh my god yes.

    It sucks but.. How do I deal?
    I uh.. Don't? I haven't found out how to deal with it quite yet.

    And the feeling fucking sucks. 😒

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  • Way too often actually. Sucks when you make people priorities and you're only one of there options.

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    • Omg yes, just makes me wanna stop putting in any effort in making some people so important to me :(

    • Ditto babe. But those people aren't worth your time anyway.

  • Yes except with a couple people... sadly they aren't my first choices.

    I want to have a friendship with an equal amount of interest on both ends

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  • Most people settle. That's nature.

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  • I'm not even anyone's any choice

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  • I'm not even second choice. Be your own person, basically.

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  • Welcome to my life :D

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  • I KNOW RIGHT omg I know how you feel girly :(

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  • You never know when life will open a new page for you. Just dont lose your hope and love yourself.

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  • I 1000% can telate to this. This is a fact for me.

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  • I know I'm never anyone's first choice.

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    • Sucks, doesn't it?

    • Yeah in fact I made a question asking people if they think they're loved the most by anyone. So sometimes it gets to me but I try not to think about it.

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