My boyfriend choked me until I experienced something what's called "tunnel vision" he now tells me to "get the fuck over it" because I didn't die?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I got into the worst fight today. He got a text on Facebook from this girl who said "we should totally meet up babe" when I saw this I threw his phone and attacked him with all y strength. He retaliated and attacked me then choked me. This lasted a few minutes , it felt like hours. I said stop !! But he didn't and I experienced tunnel vision. It was blurry at first then my world around me was dark then black. All I could see was a small circle of my vision everything was black. The circle was getting smaller and I started crying. when he finally let go of me my neck was very red. I still had blurry vision after the attack. When I explained this to him he said get the fuck over it because I didn't die. He's like "if your not dead after me hitting you, you're find babe" what the fuck?

Updates

+1 y

I'm sorry I'm just going Tito update this an ask how the hell do I get out of this relationship?

Updates

+1 y

To*^

[Anonymous]

Let this be a very important lesson to you, as MHO stated: for fucks sake, do not attack people stronger than you; and, the implicit lesson: Just because you're a woman does not mean that you get free passes in physically assaulting men. Maybe most guys would just try to defend themselves, but, as you now know, some men will fight back and even go overboard. Really, we could draw that back and just say 'don't attack people'. Pretty solid advice there. And, from what you've stated, he really didn't *do* anything to solicit that kind of aggression.

Honestly. If my girlfriend went batshit crazy just because some random girl texted me--when I hadn't done anything--and then started actively assaulting me, I might just get pissed off enough to where I lose it and attack her right back. They call it a blind rage. So, if he didn't even do anything, you were attacking him because of something someone else did, and he's done a lot for you in the past, I can understand why he would take it that far. That said, any healthy guy is not going to choke a girl almost to death, no matter how much they attacked him. And, of course, any healthy girl is not going to jump to conclusions based on an--what seems to be--ambiguous text then start physically assaulting someone.

I recommend therapy. A lot of therapy. And, yes, staying far, far away from that guy. How the hell do you get out of any relationship? You find the nearest door and leave and never come back or talk to the person again. Very, very simple--ESPECIALLY simple when you were almost killed in that relationship.

[Yalyublyutebya]

Do you know Nigella Lawson? Daughter of British politician Nigel Lawson and celebrated chef, her HUSBAND tried doing the same thing to her in a restaurant and she REPORTED HIM. What your boyfriend did to you was nothing short of abuse and he needs to be punished for it.
Second, There has to have been SOME SIGNS that he was a total weirdo at the beginning of your relationship! Don't tell me he was all Mr Gentleman, butter-would-not melt-in-my-mouth.
Third, throwing his phone and attacking him were pretty immature ways to deal with him cheating on you, (I probably would have done the same haha)
I think that the bottom line is, you have what I call "dirt syndrome", feeling like you are worth nothing so you put up with your boyfriend's behaviour, are not sure what you should be treated like, let him rule the relationship, etc.
Well LISTEN UP GIRLIE, YOU ARE WRONG! You are a special person that deserves respect, love, and kindness, and you CAN NOT deny that!
Hope this helps, and I hope you think about what I have told you, dump him, sue him, and find a guy that will treat you like a princess.

[Asker]

I watch nigella Lawson on TV she's a mad cook ! But I didn't know she was in an abusive relationship! Thank you for helping me out a lot of people have here

[Yalyublyutebya]

Well I think she is divorced now. I meant what I said, think about it!

[Yalyublyutyebya]

So, what did you do in the end?

[Vesuvius87]

Are you still in this dysfunctional relationship? It would be enough to for me that the relationship isn't working out if I even suspected a bf of cheating and he was trying to go out on a date with somewhere else. I wouldn't even have time to question him nor getting all upset about. It would be over right away.

Personally, I hate drama. Next time just leave the douchebag. They aren't worth your anger nor getting nearly chocked to death. What you need to know is not many guys are going to be like my ex bf. We broke up for other reasons and nope it never came to my mind reacting angrily suddenly (I would have actually felt guilty since he's not the type that would retaliate angrily) but if it were him and you did this, he would have just restrained you (or if it's getting harder, apply the bear hug position until he were calmer) but nope, your bf has his own issues too. You never know what guy you're dealing with.

Overall, you need to work on your personal issues and figure out why would you even have considered staying with a man that cheats on you or even waste time reacting; a man cheats or is going to is not the right bf. The only reaction for that is an ''Ok bye, it's over''. As for your bf, he's cuckoo. If you still want to stay in the relationship then you have no one to blame but yourself.

[heywat]

well although your reaction (to the message) could've been better, his was WAY out of proportion! You need to leave him, call the cops, make a report, and press charges. this is the first time, but not the last! I've been in relationships like this! due to lack of evidence (no visible bruising due to my dark skin color) there was no way to prove anything even when I was ready to leave.
if he says you shouldn't worry cuz you didn't die, well he's wrong you should be worried NOW! what will you be able to do if you wait for him to kill you? will you wait till he crushes your windpipe? or until he starts beating you and causing internal bleeding? your choice! get out while you can and don't fall for that "i'll never do it again" bullshit!

[dominiquois]

Get away from him and never see him again in your life.
First off don't hit people, especially people way more stronger than you who are borderline psychopathic. Next time don't get involved with a douchebag as best you can, especially an OBVIOUS one.
Press chares if you wish and/or get a restraining order. Especially the restraining order.
I understand you are upset after he humilatied you but after cheating multiple times he's clearly a piece of shit who's not worth the anger.

[GreenSpice]

This asker... follow this. Definitely leave this relationship.

[dominiquois]

Yes, please. I don't want you to get hurt.

[dominiquois]

Thank you for MH.
And please stay safe.

[AleDeEurope]

Leave him. Both of you aren't good people to be in a relationship.
I'm not defending neither of you, because you attacked him violently, and he answered. It's not Ok to hit a woman, but if she hits you trying to hurt you like you did, then I see nothing wrong in hitting her back.
What he shouldn't have done is choked you, because that put your life at risk, you wouldn't have died, because it takes time to kill someone by choking, before dying you would've passed away, but still, it's not a justification for what he did.

As I said before, end the relationship.

Btw, take a picture of you neck, because he looks like a violent man, and he can get violent when you break up with him, so if he hits you again, you have proves that it's not the first time and you can sue him.

[JulyAndrews]

About this: He got a text on Facebook from this girl who said "we should totally meet up babe" when I saw this I threw his phone and attacked him with all y strength.

So he receives a text and you throw his phone and attacked him with all your strength and now you're crying here. I'm sorry if this sounds bitchy, cruyel, hard or whetever but this is not acceptable behaviour. Using physical violence to express your anger and disappointment is a 100% wrong.

How to end this: by saying I break up with you, we're over, I'm out and never contact me again. Very simple!

If I come across as hard it's because I have little patients with women who abuse men and think they can get away with, just because they are female. What do you expect if you are abusive yourself? To be treated with respect?

I'm surprised by the soft reaction of the guys here at GAG. Or are the anti-feminist men from the US still sleeping hahahaha ;)

[Asker]

I understand why I did was wrong and I didn't post this question to gain sympathy I needed to vent and I needed advice on how to leave him. I still think what he did to me as fucked up

[JulyAndrews]

Of course it is. I would NEVER allow that, and if it happens it's immediately over! I don't see what's so difiicult about ending this. Aren't you just repulsed by him now?

[Asker]

I can't stand him he keeps on calling me but I'm not answering his calls now :( Im finding it hard to leave him because I'm scared :( im a young girl an this is my first relationship so being with a guy is new to me :( I'm scared to love again

[JulyAndrews]

Love is a scary thing and yes when you're hurt in a relationship it takes a lot of time to get over it and it takes time for you to be able to open up again to someone. But don't let this 1 extremely bad experience scare you of. Just ignore him, block his phonenumber (possible with most phones) and he will stop trying to contact you at one point. Block him from your social media accounts as well, if you haven't done that yet.
Learn from this bad experience and also look at your own actions critically in this relationship. Sometimes people don't want to admit that they've acted wrong and never change and always end up in the same type of relationship. And end up in this vicious circle.

You'll be fine!

[PT1911]

I will say this now, after having an extensive background in martial arts, and several self defense seminars, and being in situations where I've applied my training, this is your damn fault. You made the first attack, you say you attacked him with all your strength, I would be pissed as well. However, the fact that he started choking you keeps you in the clear, for the most part. Call the police, don't speak to him, don't see him, let the police handle everything. And for the record, if you start seeing someone else, don't do this kind of shit again, your rash and impatience brought on a situation that nearly killed you, you should have recognized beforehand that with all of the arguments you've been having, you should have left him

[Onyx277]

It was wrong for you to assault him over that. Assault is not okay regardless of sex. However, if he choked you when he knew why you were upset then he is clearly abusive and is a worthless sack of shit. He is already flirting and possibly seeing another girl which is another sign that he is an asshole. I would recommend you report this to the police and not speak to him again. If he did that once he will do it again. I would not recommend you hit a guy when you're upset again because its about a 50/50 chance that they will hit you back and it could become deadly. Nobody should ever made a remark about killing someone even if they're upset from a fight. It may be wise to move away to a different town and change your contact information once this is over with.

[Onyx277]

If you're scared of him, having a restraining order filed against him while the police are investigating the case.

[Aly007]

What he did is assult! I mean I think you should call the cops. I mean if you want to start with him, he could hurt you again, it maybe even kill you. Hun, I don't want you trapped in an abusive relationship. I hope you leave him. I hope you call the cops so he can't hurt you or any other girl again. Note that's been said, it was nut a good idea to attack him, you did the wrong thing to. I know how it feels when you see those kind of messages, but you never get physical with him over that. Just saying...

[King_Diablo]

Here is what you need to do.

1. Go to the police. Do not tell him you are going.

2. Tell them what happened. Show them the choke marks.

3. File a report. They will arrest him for abuse and assault.

4. Pack up your shit and get the fuck out of town. Change your phone number, email, etc. Tell only the people you trust and know personally this information.

5. Never look back.

You might think this is drastic, but a man that would choke you for throwing his phone is a man that would kill you for not cooking chicken properly. You need to make sure all your loose ends are tied up and your assets settled and leave that town before he can get you for good. This is a serious situation where not just your life is in dnager, but the lives of your friends and relatives. That man is unstable and needs to be put in prison before her hurts someone else.

[Asker]

I'm crying right now

[King_Diablo]

But, in all honesty, you kind of brought it upon yourself. You attacked him first instead of asking him who this girl was.

[King_Diablo]

Just follow the advice and you will be fine. Just get out of there while you still can. People who are prone to violence will continue the pattern of violence until someone is in the hospital or dead.

[RationalMale]

You realize she "attacked him with all her strength" over seeing a text? She's not a victim, she's a criminal who committed assault and battery over a text message. @QA has years of prison/parole ahead of her if she goes to police.

[campylobacterjejuni]

You can't do a stupider more harmful thing than to blame a victim of abuse for her abuse.

[King_Diablo]

@RationalMale Well, if she goes to prison, then she goes to prison. I'm just answering the question.

@campylobacterjejuni So what, if she attacked first, then it's her fault that she got bit back. I'm not going to turn a blind eye when someone brings things upon themselves. She may be a victim, but she started it over a text message, so it's her fault she got attacked. I don't condone what happened, but you need to realize that it was her fault in the first place.

[RationalMale]

@campylobacterjejuni

She's not a victim of abuse. She committed assault and battery and her victim attacked her back. You did read the question right? She attacked him "with her full strength" over a damn text message, now is crying foul that he didn't lay there and take it. You pick a fight and commit assault and battery, you damn well better be ready for the consequences. Most people don't lay there like whipped dogs when you attack them.

[campylobacterjejuni]

That is exactly condoning what happened. If you push a guy and he shoots you in the head did you bring it upon yourself? If a girl wears a short skirt and gets raped did she bring it upon herself? What she did doesn't at all justify choking someone half to death. How is it her fault and not his? He put his hands over her throat and chocked her, didn't he? How is that not his choice, his action, his fault? Take a moment to realize how wrong you are. Self-blame is the number one reason why abused women don't leave abusive relationships, and you're causing exactly that.

[RestlessYouth_]

She attacked him first, so hopefully they BOTH get arrested for domestic violence. Neither of them are "victims", just angry idiotic people who can't use their words.

[King_Diablo]

@campylobacterjejuni You don't understand what condone means if you think that's condoning it. To condone means to support something. I do not support domestic violence, I merely stated that she brought the violence upon herself. If I condoned it, I would be calling her a stupid bitch and saying her boyfriend should hit her some more.

Every action has an equal or greater reaction. You act aggressively, you better expect some aggression directed back at you. You act kindly, then kindness shall be returned. That's how the world works.

Dressing in a skirt does not mean you should be raped, but acting violently towards another will only bring violence upon yourself. I rest my case.

[RationalMale]

@campylobacterjejuni

Thing is, she didn't "push a guy" and get shot, nor did she wear a short skirt and get raped. She saw a text message and "attacked him with all my strength" like a madwoman. He evidently kept things to hands only, or she would've stated so. You attack someone with hands and feet, you better be read to receive blows in return. People aren't punching bags, and the law about assault and battery doesn't care about sex.

[RationalMale]

I'm sorry, you "attacked him with all my strength"?

Now you're acting like you're the victim after you full on attacked him over a text?

You think it's ok to "attack him with all my strength" over a text? Lady, you deserved to get the shit kicked out of you. Assault and battery over a text message is not something civilized people do!

[Asker]

I wasn't acting like the victim I needed a way to get away from him. Now you're telling me i deserve to get attacked? You're defending my boyfriends disgusting behavior?

[RationalMale]

If you "attack him with all your strength" over a damn text, then yes, you deserved to take blows in return. You think because you're a girl, you can attack someone, and they have a duty to take it like a punching bag? nope. don't start a brawl if you can't take your share of the blows.

[JulyAndrews]

Exactly @RationalMale. I'm sick and tired of women thinking they can get away with violence just because of the fact that they have a uterus, ovaries, vagina. Fuck off! If it pisses me of as a woman, I can imagine how men feel about this. Action = reaction in this case. If I smack a guy in the face I'm not gonna cry afterwards because he knocked me out cold. He has the right to do that actually. I smacked first! And when a guy is pissed, he is pissed and will act on his emotion (like any normal human being) and probably can't control his strenghth at that momen. Even who are really pissed don't hold back on strength. It's an emotional reaction.

I was one of the very few who actually also blamed Ray Rice's girlfriend for her actions in that short video. Both were abusive.

[GreenSpice]

So chocking someone till they nearly passed out is the correct response?

[GreenSpice]

I'm not talking about a retaliatory hit. I'm talking about clearly chocking someone.

[Vesuvius87]

Don't agree with her actions either but it sounds like you're completely defending her bf''s (I'm now assuming ex bf) actions and putting him as a hero; downplaying what he did and maximizing what she did. He's no angel either and is guilty of the same thing. You're only focusing on her part and failed to read he choked her for several minutes till she nearly passed out.
The fact that you even include the word ''deserves'' is quite alarming. It would be a different if both were blamed but you're only blaming her, which is the very same reason many women stay in those unhealthy relationship.

[RationalMale]

@GreenSpice @Vesuvius87
Perhaps he should be responded in kind by "attacking her with all his strength"? The QA started a fistfight and almost got knocked out. She's lucky she didn't suffer injury. He didn't attack her out of the blue--she full on attacked him like a psychopath, over a damn text message.

When someone commits assault and battery against you for no reason, it's not "abuse" to fight back. What next? Should I get to slap a girl over a text message, then cry "abuse!" if she hits me back?

She's not a victim here. She's just crying that she got treated like an adult when she decided to act like a psycho. She would've deserved to get knocked out--which isn't an uncommon thing in fights. Ever heard of the sleeper hold? Same thing.

[Vesuvius87]

If you slapped me over a text, I would left and report you for assault. If I then can't get out, you're clearly cornering me and I'm absolutely scared, yes I would defend myself in that case. I only believe in self-defense not an ''Oh you slapped me, how could you... now I'm going to fully cold punch and knock you out'' thing.

But honestly, I don't think it should even reach to that level of wanting to cheat in a relationship. I would seriously reconsider the relationship if there is no trust and one of us have to think about hiding things.

You example of you slapping a girl and getting hit back isn't self-defense but retaliation and too many of you confused those two terms. Yes, I've heard about the sleeper holder and it's used when truly needed. Her bf was joking about her not dying and tell her to get over it. That seems like a disturbed individual to me.

The only true case of a guy that truly was defending himself is:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1165175-can-you-ever-hit-a-girl-in-self-defence-if-she-s-strangling-you

[Vesuvius87]

But what I'm seeing most of time isn't true self-defense but retaliation done in anger mainly and guy overdoes it or those ''Oh you dish it out, you take it'' mentality. That's not self-defense.

Read the link I provided and you'll notice the difference. That guy was actually scared and hit once to free himself from her unlike other guys that overdo it and hit more or apply even more force than what it would be needed.

[Argus14]

3 options:

1. Leave him
2. Call the police and try to get some sort of domestic violence charge.
3. Stay and as he put it: get the fuck over it.

You both fucked up so I'm not going to take either of your sides.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

well shit call the police then... no offense but how is it that you don't call the police after you basically were a victim of battery, assault and attempted murder? this guy should be in jail. you can get out of the relationship when they put him in handcuffs

[Asker]

I'm very afraid of him what if he gets out of jail?

[H2OMan]

Get your stuff out of his place and text him. as for the fight, you both were in the wrong. Why is It his fault if a girl finds him cute? Maybe they are friends and it's an inside joke. If your first reaction to a girl hitting on your guy is to physically attack him you need to seek help. That's not healthy. If I misunderstood something, let me know.

[Asker]

He was texting this other girl for a while. As I read through the messages they were flirting then that's what made me throw the phone. If that isn't considered cheating I dont know what is

[Asker]

Yes I will admit my first reaction was to hit him :( there's only so much you can take before it gets out of hand

[H2OMan]

Then go talk to someone, that's bad for you and him. You could get stuck with a guy who uses your violence against you.
I'm a natural flirt, I don't mean to or want to but I flirt with everyone and it doesn't turn off. again I don't intend to but I do. I don't consider flirting cheating, if its just texting then it's his business. If they are meeting up to watch movies i consider it cheating. It's natural to be attracted to people other than the person you're daiting. But I set those ground rules when we first start daiting. I tell the guy what I don't stand for. My big things are don't stand me up and don't joke about suicide i give a guy three strikes on those before in done. But if my partner raised a hand at me I'm gone, if you cheat on me im gone. Those only take one time. That's just me though. If you started daiting him and told him I don't stand for flirting, you still shouldn't have hit him, but you had every right to get mad.

[Asker]

When we first started dating I told him not to text girls on Facebook because I consider that cheating, that's just me. he was hiding this from me, because he knew I would be angry about it

[H2OMan]

Then you had every right to get mad. Leave him ASAP. And please go see someone about this. You seem like a nice person, and some guys thrive off if nice people with hot heads.

[kittykatg]

Both of you are in the wrong. It's never ok to physically attack anyone. If he does something you don't like, you have two options: rationally talk it out or break up. You don't attack them. Also he should've just pushed you away to defend himself not choke you. You both need to get help for your anger issues.

[iambread]

I'm sorry. Try your best to escape this bad relationship. You should never experience this sort of thing in your life. I must say though you should never attack people (there are exceptions). I abhor his reaction but it was simply a reaction. He reacted to the negativity you put towards him and the negativity multiplied into something terrible.

[Asker]

I appreciate your response, it's not easy being with a guy who treats girls very badly

[meatballs21]

Get out of this relationship immediately. It doesn't help that you attacked him first. Some chick saying they should totally meet up does not justify you attacking him (he retaliated, but you attacked first and with all your strength! Girls can hit HARD).

Immediately means now. No further contact. Report it to the cops if you wish, but as the person who struck first it's mostly on you. Is it worth a fight in which someone could die over a message on Facebook.

[Irizzle_Fashizzle]

I shoulda broke up with mine. Do it while you still can man. He won't stop. Leave him because #1 he's cheating and #2 Because even though you hit him (my bf and i fight like that all the time) We as women are weaker then men. we will never be stronger unless we're in the olympics. He should know that HE'S wrong. I really hope you leave him because you shouldn't be treated
like that

[parkway]

Call the police and you are out of the relationship. There is a near 80% chance he will kill someone if not you the next one. He needs to be on paper now.

The remark you did not die tells the story. He could have crushed your wind pipe. You re in a position where he may kill you next or wish you were die.

Leave.

[RationalMale]

You did catch the point where she said she flat out "attacked him with all my strength"? And HE'S the violent one? She committed assault and battery over a text message!

[campylobacterjejuni]

It's pretty relative though what all her strength really is. He might not even have a bruise on him. But he came close to killing her, basically threatened that if it happens again she'll die, and she's too afraid of him to leave the relationship. That sounds to me like the law is a lot more on her side than his.

[GryffindorGirl]

To be honest, I don't think you should have attacked him, you should have talked to him... but all the same, if he tried to choke you and told you to get over it? What the fuck? That's horrible, and you should call the cops.
Considering how you both acted, this looks like a very toxic relationship and you should try to get out of it as soon as you can.

[ledfoot64]

dump his ass asap no man I repeat no man should ever put his hands on a woman in anger only type of man that does that is a god damn pussy if he puts his hands on a woman that he claims to love dump him move on you deserve better he did it once next time you might not be so lucky

[notgoodwithnames]

move on before breaking up with him. if you can't then break up with him and don't see him again. he's an asshole. while breaking up with him don't show emotions. don't talk to him. also do it in public so he won't hit you or anything. if you're living together pack your stuff before and ask a friend to help you with moving your stuff

[Anonymous]

Good thing you didn't die. Just a few more seconds, and you would have been dead. If you ever do, just relax, on the other side of the black hole or tunnel as you described is light.

If I were you i'd just tell him it's over, wtf he almost killed you.

[QueenofSilentFoxes]

"attacked him with all my strength"

SHE attacked him first.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah, but that doesn't give any guy permission to choke her to death or for several minutes... You can push her away or lock in her arms make her stop attacking in another way.

[chocolatedragon]

Yeah you should leave. He clearly doesn't have a problem imposing his much stronger strength in you. Carry pepper spray and a pocket knife on the day you announce your break up in case you do it in person. But I'd much do it in text instead.

[Asker]

I think I should text him soon