Did my girlfriend cheat? Or is she just extremely gullible?

[Wrashan24]

Her ex bf constantly calls, I tell her I don't like it. She says "We're just friends, he has a gf; I can be friends with whoever I want; It's sad I have to end a friendship because of your blind jealousy"

She goes to her hometown. I call him and say she's my gf and to respect that. He tells me why he dumped her and doesn't want her.

My gf texts me "YOU can't CONTROL WHO IM FRIENDS WITH" I tell her the things he said about her. She gets mad at him. He screen shot their texts so I would end it with her.

Over the 2 years we've been together she's texted him "I miss you" "come visit me" every few months.

When we got together she told him "A guy I've been dating asked me to be his gf and I said yes. I wish things were different but I'm trying to be happy"

When she first got to her hometown she says "I dreamed I got to see you but then you left and I was sad" he says "Ive been dreaming about you too since you said you were coming to town"

I have a bouquet of flowers delivered to her parents house, she says she loves me and she's going to bed. She then texts him to "come over to hang out and smoke weed"

The next day she texts him and says "You made me feel uncomfortable so it was a factor. I care about you deeply but I have someone. Sometimes emotions can be ravaging."

The next day he says "Your bf called me, I'm gonna assume that us being friends is an issue" She says "No" and he says "Im not going to stop being friends unless thats what you want. Your bf will never be comfortable with that and by talking with him you add another level to this that is not positive" She says "we can't be friends you're dragging me down with you and cusses him out for talking bad about her to me"

She told me "they have a complex friendship that I couldn't understand" that her dream texts were "innocent nostalgia" she lied about having him over since "I would be mad" She said "he made a move and she kicked him out immediately"

I dont know what to believe

Yes

No

She broke your trust either way

[LastGirlScout]

Totally ditch her man, she's not been properly emotionally invested with you for the whole time, real shitty way to treat you. Those messages show how often she thinks a out him and that is not a normal relationship. They're still playing with each other's emotions and you do not need to be stick in the middle. Sorry dude but I don't think she cares for you anywhere near how much she does for her ex. I'd leave her if I were you. Walk away with your head held high before she abuses your trust in a more damaging way.

[Wrashan24]

she claims she was just being friends and doesn't talk to him now

[Wrashan24]

also thanks for your opinion

[LastGirlScout]

That doesn't change what's happened already. Its quite obvious she wants him in her life, that isn't healthy and it isn't fair to you. I bet she's real sorry now she's been caught out.

[Wrashan24]

yes thanks its nice getting other people opinions

[lumos]

And that's what I would call emotional cheating. There's no evidence of her physically cheating on you with him, but she definitely still has some lingering feelings for him. And she doesn't seem to have a problem with expressing them, either. I would dump her if I were you, clearly she's not over whatever they had. You're better off finding someone else.

[Wrashan24]

thanks for the advice. thats what im thinking because I dont really know what other option there is that will lead to any good

[Rcjh1987]

Either way she broke trust.. Why be with someone you can't trust.. Your situation is the number one reason I refuse to stay friends with exes... it's bad news... And instead of understanding your concerns she flipped out on you and said your trying to control her... Red flag she got defensive to quick..

[lurker]

how did you get through the last 2 years without losing your mind?

I'm usualy against seeing the exes, but I would say it would be ok to sometimes get a cup of coffee together, not late night calls to smoke week together. Jesus.

[Wrashan24]

thats what I said! why not get coffee and she had some excuse. And good question it was a lot of mental torture especially because if I just tried to talk about my feelings she sided with him and made me the bad guy

[lurker]

I'm sorry, I just can't picture a close friendship when there was intimacy. I think one of them isn't over, maybe both; it's much easier to blame you for being jealous than trying to walk in your shoes to see if she would tolerate a similar behavior. I also think it's odd that you are in contact with him... were you friends with him before being in a relationship with the girl?

[Wrashan24]

now she claims he wasn't over her so she was the victim of his schemes. I contacted him because it was my last option, she didn't like when I brought up the subject. I met him once when he went to me and my girlfriends college graduation (yes weird). I thought I could just tell him I didn't feel comfortable with the lines he was crossing

[lurker]

I understand why you contacted him but it's the girl that should set some boundrieds. even if he was the problem, she shouldn't allow him to get too close.

so he wasn't over her, and she thought "let's call him late at nigh to smoke some weed; that will help the poor guy get over his feelings, I'm such an altruistic soul"...

so she cares about her exes feelings, she cares about herself ("YOU can't CONTROL WHO IM FRIENDS WITH"), there's only one person who she doesn't care about in this sweet sweet triangle of love...

[Wrashan24]

yep i completely agree with you. she said she thought his intentions were good until he made that move and then realized he wasn't over her

[lurker]

god, this is infuriating!

[heavensgift2girls]

There is no way asking an ex to come over late at night and smoke some weed is acceptable. This isn't about her having a friend you don't like. She has consistently been crossing lines. If she isn't physically cheating, she is at the least emotionally cheating. It sounds like she has already chosen him over you, so doesn't look like she is invested in your relationship.

[Wrashan24]

ya I told her she emotionally cheated. She hasn't talked to him since so im hoping things will change. thanks for the advice

[heavensgift2girls]

Yes, she is purposely leading her ex on in those texts, so I am not surprised he thought she was giving him a green light to make a move. If you want to work it out then I suggest you seek out some type of relationship counseling. I realize you are emotionally invested and don't want to throw away the last two years, but as you mentioned you are back to square one. If she contacts him again I hope you will consider ending things. She clearly can not remain friends with this guy if you want your relationship to work out.

[Wrashan24]

ya she's done talking with him. I told her it made no sense how she would talk to him like that and be in that situation with him and not expect him to make a move

[singlebee]

she is cheating on you emotionally... its just a matter of time when she starts doing it physically... or she will leave you for him...
i can let her be friends with whoever she wants but not with a fucking ex... and she does not love you man!!!

if she was my girlfriend and she talked to her ex i would have no problem dumping her!!!

[Wrashan24]

ya I should have done right away, i thought i was being "progressive" by having no boundaries. thanks for the response

[singlebee]

good luck man... do the right thing and end this torture... there are girls out there who have no baggage form the past... and who will love you for who you are... you just have to find them

[Wrashan24]

thank you, im doing it

[Bellibooo]

Dump her, things can't end well. She is obviously still in love with her ex, and you need someone who puts you first and doesn't lie.

[Wrashan24]

thanks for you opinion. She says she just was friends but he made it inappropriate. She hasn't talked to him for a while and says she will no longer lie

[Bellibooo]

But will you ever fully trust her again? The post you made answers that question for you, no you won't. This relationship is meant to fail, I am sorry :/

[Wrashan24]

agreed, i told her i have no trust so basically we are at square one after 2 years

[CommieDearest]

Fuck that shit.

I would have dumped her ass a while back..

[Wrashan24]

thanks for the feedback. She is good at "explaining things" and im good at being "forgiving"

[Nerdvana]

She still has feelings for him. To be honest, you are the one who is being extremely gullible. It's time to move on from her. She will only continue to hurt you. She has already told you she won't stop talking to him and misses him. Even if she promises to stop seeing him, she will eventually do it behind your back. Find a girl who is ready to focus on your relationship.

[psychedelic_paprika]

Sounds pretty toxic, to be honest. I think she's still really into her ex. I'd leave that relationship, if it were me.

[Wrashan24]

she says she is no longer attracted to him just friends. and after she found out the things he said about her to me she hasn't talked to him and now she knows he didn't want to be just friends

[Wrashan24]

and thanks for your opinion

[psychedelic_paprika]

Sometimes what people say is different to what they feel. Also, even if what she says is true, she still messed you around before that. I know it'll probably hurt a lot to think about breaking up with her, but it might be for the best. Do what you feel is right.

[Wrashan24]

thanks for the advice!

[MrFeathers]

emotional cheating leave this in peace. at the end of the day all it takes is the thought of someone else at which point its time to be honest about with yourself... she loves you but she likes him they have history. bro leave it. there is no respect here, no honour. if you keep this up you will hate her.

[Wrashan24]

thanks I really need to it will only get worse

[purpleluv]

she still has feelings for him... a lot
she's using u to help her forget about him
sorry to be harsh but i think thats the truth

[Wrashan24]

thanks for your viewpoint! her words are sweet but her actions are bitter.

[singlebee]

asker- exactly you are right actions speak louder than words... dump her!!! read the warning man!!

[Wrashan24]

thanks I am planning on it tomorrow

[Kkaos]

I didn't read the whole thing, but from the first sentence I would dump her. No questions asked.

[Wrashan24]

agreed, if I decide to end it I will stay away from the ex boyfriend baggage. never again

[Nathalyy]

Damn, just leave her. She will hurt you more if you Stay. Don't trust a female like that

[Wrashan24]

she makes it seem like she's the victim that he lied and said they were friends but really wanted to get back with her but she had good intentions the whole time

[Wrashan24]

thanks for you opinion

[Rogue2]

Ditch her. If she's saying shit like 'I miss you' and blah, blah, blah she's not over him and still has feelings for him. She's no good. It's all easier said than done but it should save you more heartbreak in the end.

[bandpantsnail]

All cheating starts with a thought, some people can control those thoughts and some people can't. That is fine. It becomes a problem when you act upon those thoughts, once you act upon it that when its a problem. She has a problem.

[Wrashan24]

thanks for the response. she's blaming the inappropriateness on him not her and keeps saying how she kicked him out when he made a move

[bandpantsnail]

Naturally people try to blame others for their mistakes, only problem with that is she's already inappropriately texting him and there is proof of it too. Even if its just a text its a problem.

[Wrashan24]

good point

[Sigma88]

Dump her. Seriously. That's nowhere near cool.

[Wrashan24]

yes thanks I'm doing it tomorrow