Would you give closure to a cheating ex girlfriend?

Question

Ex-girlfriend cheated on me with her coworker and confessed the infidelity in tears a couple of weeks afterwards. She asked for forgiveness and after explaining herself, talking a lot and some time, I trusted that her apologies and remorseful were sincere and accepted to give her an opportunity to rebuild trust… but a few days later she threw away the second chance saying that it wasn't worth and even tried to blame me… she even had a call with her ex boyfriend during that time. Although I was furious, I always stayed calm… but surprisingly she asked me to yell at her and to take out all my anger on her… but I didn’t do it.

I went to zero contact with her since then. She wrote me an apology letter and even sprayed perfume on it. She has said to my friends that she misses me. I ran into her and she asked if we could talk, but I refused.

She seems extremely sad, but I don't want to know anything about her.

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

Well, I made the mistake of giving unrequited forgiveness to an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me once. He was my first love, so to speak. Our relationship happened when I was between the ages of 16-18. He cheated on me with the girl he married a few years later. They even have two children.

Our relationship and breakup was explosive. He was drunk all the time, and I was incapable at that age to handle it, so I handled it with a lot of outbursts and emotions. He slept with someone else, and I found out by her bragging about it to me.

Many months later, maybe even a year or so later, I talked to him on the phone, basically to say hello, and let him know that I've calmed since our time together. I actually apologized for the part I played in our bad relationship.

To my utter amazement, he didn't apologize back even though that would have been an opportune time to do so. But he took my apology and accepted it, as if he agreed, that I was the problem.

What I realized at that moment was that I cannot control the actions of others, or expect actions of any kind. I couldn't control the cheating, and I couldn't squeeze out his admitting of any wrongdoing. My closure was for me, not him. Sure, I was disappointed and angry that not only had I gone through so much hurt from an alcoholic, and the cheating devastated me! Now this? A one-sided apology?

I had to quickly realize that I should not be surprised by this, and to let it go. So I did.

I had moments that occurred years later that involved bumping in to her once, and him one other time years later. Both times, I confidently just remained who I was, not bringing up the past, not apologizing for a damn thing, and most important -- not being a vindictive bitch wishing ill on anyone.

The saying "living your best life is the best revenge" applies here. I merely remained cordial and good-natured, then moved on. I never saw them again. I did hear that he cheated on her and their marriage ended though. When I was told the news, I genuinely felt saddened for them. That's how much I actually moved on.

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

Honestly you just need to do what is best for you. You don’t have to give her closure, it is not your responsibility. If it makes  you  feel better then you should reach out and have your talk and then move on. If that wouldn’t make you feel better then just don’t do it. Keep focusing on yourself and healing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you will heal from it even if it takes time

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

What would you do if I punched you in the nuts and then apologized profusely for it. How bout after you reluctantly accepted my apology I punched you in the nuts again, followed by another profuse apology? How many times could I hypothetically get away with punching you in the nuts? At one point does my apology lose it's luster?

Based on everything you've described about this woman she's drama from head to toe. You probably bought into the fact that she loved you because she probably said it, showed it, with conviction. Problem she like at cat that likes to be petted then inexplicably at some point bites you and runs off. But later wants to be petted again.

I'm not going to tell you what to do but I'd drop her flat. Not even a breakup. I'd treat her like she never existed in my life. Because that's what she's earned. Does she feel bad? Will she feel bad for a little while? Maybe but only in her own toxic twisted little way. I wouldn't relish it. But I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about it either. He craziness is not your problem it's hers. Ignore her and get healthy man.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

The thing about cheating and why it is so unforgiveable is that once a person cheats, they almost always will have no problem doing it again. In any relationship they get into. It's because once they've breached that wall of trust that they never thought they would, it becomes so easy for them to do again later on down the road. It's the cycle of eating forbidden fruit.

So even if she's all said and apologetic - and she might be sorry right now, that honestly doesn't mean she won't cheat again in the future. She confessed to you in tears because it really was bothering her, but the real test is what she will do in the future. Which is not a test or chance you should or need to give her again. It has hurt you and you're letting her know it, and leave it at that. Keep your dignity by not reuniting with her, people who take cheaters back end up being made a fool of again more often than not.

coachTanthony · Answer

Lol what closure could she possibly want? I would not!

AviatorTom · Answer

I think I would do exactly what you are doing. Forget about her... she had her chances and blew it. Move on.

Angelo75 · Answer

Thing is, if you go back down that road, there is a big chance she will consciously or unconsciously try to pull u back in. Either you'll fall back and get back in a relationship with her... at ur own risks... or you'll tell her "NO" and somehow it will create another complicated situation.

Perhaps she needs some professional help to get over behavioural problems or something.

Either way, that road will cost you a lot of energy and I'm not sure you'd want that.
I'd say, let her friends/family/coworker/ex be the support she needs and you just move on with your life.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

If closure she wants closure you shouldn’t give her in this case. She cheated & she threw away her second chance as well. If truth be told she doesn’t deserve closure & by not giving her closure I guarantee it will eat her alive & hopefully she learns a lesson & hopefully by not giving her closure it pushes her to be a better person & make better relationship choices.

NO CLOSURE!

Spongebobssocks · Answer

No she has no human value. If anything have her killed. Dont go back to her. If someone raped your child would you be friends with them? Same thing here. Both are MAJOR sins caused by pure evil people. They are both caused by people who lack empathy.. its not a normal behaviour at all. Stay away from anyone who has ever done any of them. Media try to make cheating look normal but its not.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

What she thinks, wants, or needs should not even be in your thought process. She’s done. Move on and let her suffer for the lack of closure she craves. She should feel the discomfort of her actions. It’s called guilt.

tzdc21 · Answer

You already made the mistake of taking her back once, and look what happened. Next time, a d hopefully there won't be a next time, immediately turn around and never look back.

molonski2 · Answer

I think you are playing it correctly " Cut clean the dead wood " she made her decision.

YesterdaysChild · Answer

You gave her one and she wasted it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you! Don't be shamed again.

Anonymous · Answer

I would disappear and let the remorse eat her little by little. Cheaters don't deserve to get a away with a weight free conscience.

Anonymous · Answer

pretty sure closure is a meaningless word for an event of some kind that only makes sense to psychologists and americans.
unless you mean closure of a door or window which does make sense although not in this context.
As far as the slut is concerned- once a cheat always a cheat.
its always proved true in my experience so never forgive infidelity

Nikki1989 · Answer

You don't have to give closure, just move on with your life. It is not difficult.

exitseven · Answer

You are doing the right thing. Why make things better for her? Go find somebody else that can go a couple of weeks without cheating on you.

Fireguy17 · Answer

the only closure that she would get is what I showed my ex wife and an ex girlfriend that were cheating on me. The door closing on my way out. That was all the closure that they got from me.

femalepretzelmaker · Answer

I have been in 3 consecutive long term relationships and every one of them cheated and guess what they did it again so I would say enjoy whatever time you have left with her cause nothing last forever its all temporary

Miristheiss · Answer

No way. She just wants to make herself feel better, get the last word and feed you some BS. Stay no contact.

Akam93 · Answer

Just move on with life. Clearly she fucked up and you need someone better than that.

inhua · Answer

if you give her closure, she will take advantage of it never forgive a cheater. they don't respect you and by forgiving her, it gives her a license to further disrespect you

OddBeMe · Answer

Wow took a call from the guy during her apology? Lol. Dump the bitch.

smashleyy · Answer

Sounds like a very immature messy women. I’d stay clear if I was in that position

Would you give closure to a cheating ex girlfriend?

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