What to do when your boyfriend says another girl is hotter than you?

[Anonymous]

I got in an argument with my boyfriend earlier today. I was going through instagram and Facebook accounts that we share and noticed that all he really does is like all these hot girls pictures that live around the area. Well it makes me jealous and mad, so I said to him "oh but you want other girls too" after something he said. He replied with "If you say so. Jordan is hotter then you ;)" (Jordan is one of the three girls he's told me he'd like to date if we weren't together. I had asked him about two weeks ago if he had a crush on anyone else before and after convincing him he told me.)
Anyways after I read that text my jaw completely dropped. I am still in shock. I just poured my eyes out crying and haven't replied since.
Side note: we have been together for over two & half years and I do know he loves me so I don't understand how he could say this.
What are his intentions by saying this?
How should I treat this situation?

[unbothered]

Hello There:) First off, STOP CRYING. I know that it hurts like H*LL but try to stop crying. Let it out and once you have, try to let it go for a moment. When your emotions are running at an all time high, it clouds your judgment and prevents you from making sound decisions. It's good that you did not respond to the text though, as anything said would've no doubt sent you into emotional overdrive so distance from him right now is good. This guy may have once been a perfect Prince Charming but he is no longer. Process that first. Secondly, someone that loves you would not say things to destroy your spirit such as he did. A guy that is occupying the "Boyfriend Seat" is the guy that cherishes you, encourages you, supports you, uplifts you and makes you feel great about yourself, not a guy that makes you feel insecure or low by saying that another girl is more attractive than you. He is not boyfriend material for YOU. Regardless of what may have sparked the comment, it was indeed below the belt and unnecessarily hurtful. If he knows you as well as he should, then he no doubt knew that the comment would really hurt you, so the fact that he deliberately attempted to destroy you says a lot about his character as a person. Furthermore, social media sites tend to cause riffs in relationships for these very reasons. It would be best to unfriend him and to stop searching for photos of other girls that he has liked. It won't make you feel better. It sounds like whatever he has been doing or not doing has brought anxiety to you; you were badgering him about other girls, why? does he make you feel insecure? jealous? these are more reasons that you should not be with him anymore. Don't text, call or message him. Ever again. Just break it off cold turkey. Even if he attempts to apologize, you will never forget this. End it now.

[LovingLife139]

Yikes! Sounds like there's a lack of respect for you on his part. Here's the thing: even if a boyfriend/spouse finds other women more attractive than his mate, he needs to make sure to have enough respect for her not to tell her so bluntly. It also speaks of a lack of maturity. Yes, you got jealous, which is a normal human thing to feel when you see that your boyfriend is not only looking at other women (which is normal), but going out of his way to follow them and like their photos. Even if he thought your reaction was unwarranted, his reply to you was callous. A simple, "I didn't realize this hurt you. You know that I've been committed to you for over two years, so I hope you know that I want YOU" would have sufficed.

He may or may not intend anything by what he said. It seems like it was just a crude and disrespectful thing to say. Let me tell you this: my husband and I have been together for ten years. We were 16 and 21 when we met and began dating. He NEVER once said anything close to resembling this. Did he think it? Maybe, who knows? But the point is that he respects me enough that he never said it, not even to try to get a reaction out of me, and not even to get "back" at me in an argument. There are certain lines partners do not cross, and this is one of them.

My advice to you: ultimately, you decide your own fate, but if this was me, this boy would be out of my life. "She's hotter than you" are not the words of a man, but of a boy stuck in a high school mentality with no regard to your feelings or your worth. You've been with him for over 2.5 years, which is 2.5 too long. Find someone who is worthy of your time and affection and has respect for others, particularly the person with whom he chooses to share his bed with.

[Maebe]

I think since this was over text it may have been miscommunitcated? MAYBE. i'm not sure because i'm not him. he could've been serious or maybe he was just trying to flirt a little by teasing you and pushing your buttons. I know for me at least me and a guy i used to be with would get into play fights over how our celeb crushes were better. I used to joke and tell him how hot i thought luke hemmings was and how the guy i was seeing couldn't compete. He'd say similar things about ariana grande. It was really just to tease eachother and neither of us got bothered because it wasn't serious

[xHoneyxBeex]

I would say, "Why the hell are you with me then?" and then leave him so he could be with any of those other girls he apparently desires so much.

You see, it's not the fact that a boyfriend may find other women more attractive, I am well aware that there are MANY better looking women in the world, it's simply the fact that no guy should ever actually say that to his girlfriend. If my boyfriend felt the need to tell me that, it's a sign that he doesn't respect me and that's not someone I would want to stay in a relationship with.

[ShyGuy30]

Couldn't agree more

[05Jueey]

Exactly. Its about respect for her feelings

[TedStar]

So you'd rather your boy lie?

[xHoneyxBeex]

@TedStar it has nothing to do with lying. I would never ask my boyfriend "is she prettier than me?" anyway. So yes, if a boyfriend felt the need to just tell me that, I would break up with him because it's a lack of respect.

[TedStar]

I agree with that :-) . That would be suicidal!

[xHoneyxBeex]

@TedStar hahaha! Definitely. Lol

[justbanANNAz]

wow... well, this would hurt me too, but the only excuse i can make for him is that he's trying to make u jealous. maybe he likes seeing u get upset when he compliments other women. he may not even mean it.

if he did mean it, i guess u should confront him hun=/ just tell him that u feel like ur falling short of his affection and impressing him. believe me, i get it. nothing is worse than not feeling beautiful to ur man. just try to understand why he did it and hopefully u can move through it together.

[wonderhappytime]

lemme ask you something. do you think there are hotter men out there? if you could copy your boyfriends personality to a man with a sexier body, would you trade men? you'd be stupid if you didn't. greater abs, sexier arms, all your enemies who ever hated you would be jealous of the guy you snagged. lemme flip this situation around. do you think there are hotter women out there than you? if jordan had personality traits like you, but a sexier body than you, i'm sure he would trade. lemme put it in another way to show why your thinking is wrong.

when your 50 and he is all saggy and fat, unwilling to get off his ass from the couch, would you rather date a younger man? and when you no longer want sex and look like a saggy potato, wouldn't he want a younger girl?

look none of this was meant to offend you. i'm just making you see the true meaning behind your words. i'm dating too, and yes i notice girls that don't have a flat chest like my girlfriend does. i notice girls who are cuter. but that doesn't mean ill leave my girlfriend because of that. there are moments we create that can't be copied to a persons body. memories that bond our love together. thats the shit, the reason why i'm not leaving her for a hotter sexier body. when he says he would date jordan, remember he still ended up choosing you. thats the men you want to marry. when you tell us that you got offended by him saying that, you are telling us you don't trust that your boyfriend loves you, and you are emphasizing physical appearance as the foundation if love, and it is not.

[Urbantarzan]

Even if this is technically true, you do realize that stating it was a way of hurting her right? A man makes his woman feel happy, not diminished and worthless. Do you make your flat chested gf feel less worthy of her body or personality by belittling her? I hope not. None of us are perfect

[wonderhappytime]

I never said I would call my girlfriend flat chested. I never did. And I also never said you should be honest and just tell that you aren't the hottest or sexiest. I said that it was fact. I said I noticed my girlfriends chest, that there are hotter people, and you will grow ugly as you age. Do not assume.

[DodgersGM]

Why does he tell you girls that he'd date if he wasn't with you?

And why are you asking him if he likes anyone else? Is there a reason there?

Him saying that wasn't cool. Whether he meant it or not, he knew that it would bother you. Maybe he felt like you were nagging him, so he decided to respond this way? Regardless of that, what he said was pretty cruel. He was either being intentionally provocative or he's just a total doofus.

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I'm with someone she is the hottest one to my eye. Sure, the world is filled with attractive people, but your partner is special. People might think I'm being P. C. with this opinion, and that's fine; that's just how I feel.

[softenchantress]

That's very cruel and mean of him... You don't say hurtful things to people you love - that's not love. If he knows you then he knows the impact of that comment. A comment like that from my man would break me.
Plus if he loves you, truly then you will be the most beautiful being in his eyes.
I am sorry but I would have told him "well we aren't so go have your Jordan - you hurtful, callous, cold-hearted prick!!" But then again I have a short fuse towards douchebag behaviour and that statement would have probably escaped my lips before I had a chance to consider or weigh it...

[Scmitch]

Gosh if he is that disrespectful I'd kick him to the curb. A man who loves you will think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. He doesn't deserve your love. Trust me, if he's fantasizing about that, then see ha is what I'd do. In a relationship it's okay to demand respect. If he doesn't and you do. It is time to move on. That makes me so sad. I'm sorry you had to go through that~

[LittleSally]

Him saying "If you say so. Jordan is hotter then you ;)" - sounds like a playful taunt to me, but in context of him wanting to date other women is worrying.
Maybe you need to talk things out - obviously there's something you feel that he might have no idea about. You don't trust him anymore. That IS a problem.
He looks at other girls - on the street - completely normal, looking for them on the internet (girls that live close by, girls he could actually meet) - gotta say, worrying again.

Talk - don't let him tease the situation away, be serious.

[Peachy7]

If he tells you who he would date if you weren't together then dump his sorry ass because he shouldn't want anyone else. That's not really love is it if he does want someone else? He should only want you. He really shouldn't be thinking about other girls. I wouldn't give him the time of day. (That's just me I don't mean to be hurtful or offensive, :( sorry!) That's my honest opinion but I don't really know he full story and if you really love him then that's up to you. If you had said something hurtful before had in a fight, he is obviously going to retaliate and try and get even. Or maybe it's just his way of joking and breaking the ice with a sarcastic hurtful comment and ending it with a ";)" face to let you know that your not fighting anymore. Asking him yourself, I think would be best.
Good luck! :) Hope this helps

[Helen200]

Oh my god. If my boyfriend ever said that to me.. I would punch him or get my brothers to kick his as* That is so disrespectful. If he truly loved you he would never tell you that. He would make sure that you knew that he thought you were the most beautiful girl. I've had boys that have had crushes on me but I wasn't dating tell me I was beautiful or gorgeous but they made sure to make me feel like I wasn't the average girl. I'm so sorry that he said that and you've cried :( honestly you should tell him that it made you cry and has offended you and tell him that if he thinks this Jordan chick is so hot that maybe he should go date her instead.. Or be like well Jordan's too hot and would never date you.. I don't know how you are.. But I'm a very bull headed person and a strong believer of standing up for oneself. And I don't believe that men get to walk over women and have nothing be said

[AnnabelLee23]

Sounds to me like he was taking a jab at you for making him answer a 'no-win' question...

Its one thing to talk about the attractiveness of celebrities or unattainable people, but he's actively looking at and thinking about the pursuit of other women... Let him go. He's not grade A material.

Also, I should mention, after you leave his ass... You might want to check your insecurity, and jealousy a little bit. Its alright to take note that your man 'likes' other women's photos, but try not to let it get to you. We're all beautiful, and you can't be upset if he uses his eyes.

[DancingWithDragons]

I'd say, "then go date her" and stop talking to him. I don't stand for a guy disrespecting me in saying he finds others more attractive than I and prefers to date them. If he wants to date them then I'll let him go because realistically he's probably close to cheating or dumping me if he's saying like that talking about girls he'd want if we weren't together. Either that or he's just a flaming imbecile who doesn't know how to treat a gf and in that case I don't want to be in a relationship with a guy who's to dense to understand how to treat me right and know boundaries.

[LaDouleurExquise]

if this happened to a man he might have a bruised ego but he wouldn't be an emotional wreck. clearly women are not used to the idea that they're not the center of the universe, but finding out that you're not actually the hottest girl in the world--shouldn't be that much of a shocker. if you're sane. or practical. or whatever. finding out that you're not the hottest girl in the area shouldn't be a surprise either, especially if you live in a large metropolitan area. I guess what i'm saying is, is it an insensitive thing to say? Yep. Should he have said it? probably not. Is it true? Probably. Did he say it specifically to hurt your feelings? Maybe. Maybe he's just an airhead with a poor brain to mouth filter.

either way, you should probably take it as a learning lesson to not be so goddamn full of yourself as to think you're the hottest girl ever to walk the face of this earth, but also tell your boyfriend to next time keep shit like that to himself cause it hurts

[PhotoChick87]

People tend to say things they don't mean while having an argument. But in my personal opinion I think when you get into an argument you will get the honest truth out of people. Yes there are other girls that may be prettier than you but the fact that he said that to you is very disrespectful. If you truly love someone or care you would not say those things whether your mad or not. Although he's with you, he could be thinking about Jordan. I will say to you not to text nor call him. Because silence is the best argument. If he truly care for you he's gonna hit you up. And wonder what's going on with you. But I think you should take some time for yourself just to calm down and figure if this is someone you want to be with. I have a question who ignited the argument?

[JackKerouac77]

I love GaG, because it gives me more and more evidence every day of why I shouldn't be on Facebook/Instagram/Tinder/Pinetrest/Friendster/what the fuck ever

Y'all have been together two and half years, so just spice it up by kicking him in the nuts.

Or tell him you've converted to Scientology and that y'all should go off to the ocean together.

What can I say? You can't really fix stupid.

[WhiteSteve]

He said spice it up by kicking him in the nuts😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[JackKerouac77]

@WhiteSteve
OMG CONSPIRACY I'M SANDPLANET HOLY SHIT

[Kshppatel]

Lol your boyfriend is retarded. Why would he even say that? Mind equals blown. But that is not the reason you should dump him. You should dump him because he spelled "than" wrong. Serious.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

If a guy says this to you please make sure u don't give him anymore pussy. He clearly doesn't think very highly of u to be saying that

[no26108108]

Shoot.. id say if you want her go get her. Just because a womens hotter dosent mean he would be happier with her. If he does get a shot she might do the same thing to him. Karma. there's always going to be someone better looking out there. No need to waste time on jelousy and be treated wrong.

[Roycaryn]

There was absolutely no reason for him to say anything like that. It's just a very bad character flaw on his part.

[Anonymous]

You may be too young to follow my what to dos but here goes...
Guys will always LOOK at other gals but they choose more wisely who they STAY with, therefore IF you don't shoot yourself in the foot & force him away & towards these lookers, he's with you to stay, so kill the drama, insecurities and arguments... people don't care to change under those circumstances anyway.
You could begin to emulate those top lookers in order to both titillate him and tease him, since "that's what he likes" (what guys like changes like the wind... be glad he's ticking to you w/o change)

Guys are all mouth and everything coming out is either
how cool they are via some association or trophy
or
how to get more sex out of you
Both of the above apply to keeping lookers around... think about it
he feels cool by association
and oddly thinks you'll provide more sex in competition with them

[Hubris]

Don't share accounts in a relationship. That's asking for a fight every time.

That said, the relationship and conversation seem fairly juvenile, and I'm willing to bet you're not much over 18, if you are at all. You both need to learn to disagree without bickering like children, or the relationship is going to tank, if it hasn't already.

[05Jueey]

... clearly you dont have much experience with relationships. She has a right to feel like crap after that guys statement

[Hubris]

Clearly you don't have much experience with reading comprehension.

[Azara]

Tell him he's free to ask her out. Literally free. He's dumped.

Of course someine cating you doesn't mean you are the most attractive most intelligent most anything... However in a heakthy relationship you are the most to them. And even if not , only an ass would throw it in someone's face.

Not intersted in being with someone who doesn't value our relationship.

[RockaFella]

well that means your not keeping his attention. Maybe you've gained weight, or stoped somethinf you use to do. but he has found potential in other woman that he dosnt see in you. Does that makr him a bad person? Yes and no. yes because in a relatioship you shluldnt give your eyes. to another. No because he. is only human and apparently he isn't satisfied in what you have to offer. contempt? maybe. satisfied? no

[Freedom87]

Wow, really good answer, I think the same, that a satisfied man is more respectful by default and starts to desire other girls not just hot, maybe kind or cheerful when they don't feel satisfied. Or maybe the guy is also insecure and wants her to feel jealous.

[Janett21]

If he really loves you, for him you will be the most beautiful one. His behaviour wasn't nice at all.. Now I dont know if he meant this but I dont know if I could manage to stay in this relationship after this. These kinds of thing are not good to be said to your partner, and he should be aware of this. How would he feel if you would say the same for another guy?

[BabyImAUFO]

he's playing you're emotions be ause you let him.
next time just say, im sure there's plenty of people hotter than you and I.. haha

[IamFler]

This! Play his game too

[BabyImAUFO]

Well, its true. Why wouldn't you just ask him Why would you say something like that?