My girlfriend always gets upset and does things out of spite. How do I handle situations like these?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and i got in an argument because i didn't give her my debit card number for I don't feel comfortable giving that to just anyone since it is my privacy. She says because I don't trust her and she threaten to leave me. She usually does this when she gets upset and doesn't get what she wants.

When my girlfriend gets mad at me she tends to act passive aggressive with me. She talks less and when I ask her what's wrong she just says" nothing is wrong." Today she mentioned her ex and told me how her ex of 7 months gave her his debit card and telling me how he is better than me. She even told me she texted and started talking on the phone with a guy I don't feel comfortable of her talking to and she promised to stop talking to me and does it now when she is upset. And she even told me she loves her ex more thane because they both trusted each other. She even curses at me saying "go fuck yourself" or " fuck you". Those words don't hurt anymore since she usually says things like that when she is mad. I just act calm. I know she only does it out of spite and to break my equanimity. The more clam I am the more she seeks to does it. I even tell her to not talk to me like that or she can talk to me later but she still does it anyway until she realizes I'm not budging then she stops.

I'm just wondering why she acts like this? What should I tell her? How should I handle this situation? I don't want to leave her since I do love her I just don't like how she acts like this when we argue. I have never cursed at her or ever raised my voice because I do respect her. I just don't like it when she acts like this, it makes prolongs the problem instead of fixing. Even when I talk to her to make her feel better she even told me to not call her "baby" or "I love you" or that I trust her. Advice on what to do would be appreciated

Updates

+1 y

by the way we've been together for a year and 3 months

[Anonymous]

I feel like you're kind of letting her walk all over you. She says those mean things to you and acts that way because she knows you're not going to do anything or say anything back.

In one of my past relationships I had a boyfriend constantly talk about his ex and compare me to her. That really hurt. I don't know how you are handling that. Maybe because I'm a female, I'm more sensitive but I do not think anyone would be okay with being compared with their significant other's ex (unless it's by saying good things about you).

Anyways, I feel like you really need to set your foot down and tell her she has to stop talking to you like that. I would tell you to tell her that if she doesn't stop, you'll leave her but you said you love her too much to do that. (Quite frankly I think you could leave her even though it might hurt a lot). Your debit card number is your business. If you don't want to give it to her then you don't have to. It's yours. She shouldn't be upset about that. That doesn't mean you don't trust her.

Basically... you need to set her straight. Don't hit her... but set her straight. I can't believe you haven't even raised your voice at her before... that's probably another reason why she just yells at you like that. She thinks you're passive and won't say or do anything.

[Asker]

Yeah I tell her to not talk to me anymore and she says " I don't care I can say anything I want to you." Or she says "What are you gonna do nothing" and then that's when I stop trying to tell her things. But yeah maybe you are right, I am too passive.

[freyaboisselle]

Hmm that's exactly how I acted in my last relationship. And that lasted about 2 years. I don't know about her but I realised that I acted that way due to discontentment with the relationship but it translated into... well, everything she did. I also acted that way because I didn't respect my ex.

I thought it was just me but I fight more fairly/nicely with my current guy and I don't say hurtful things.

You may respect her, but she doesn't seem to respect you. Whether you can live with that forever really depends on you but you have to really think long and hard about this one. I can guarantee that she won't change her behaviour anytime soon.

[parkway]

I would not give my credit card number to a woman as unbalanced as she is.

Take her to chruch and have them remove the demonds living inside of her. Her actions are like that of a child and i am so glad she is your problem and not mine. You are correct not to let her show take on the best of you.

I once baby sat a friends little girl we were at the store and she wanted something and I said no, the little princess began to put on a show. She was use to her mother giving in, I just sat on the ground let her put on the show and when she was finished, I asked her if she needed more time. I asked her if she was finished, she shook her head no. From that time on she knows putting on a show does not work with me.

You are correct in you approach and let her put on her show. Make it clear to her that her lack of respect needs to end now.

Since you lover her, take up drinking because my advice is cut her loose. Slap a stamp on her ass and send her home. Good luck,

[JackKerouac77]

You're in a manipulative relationship that does not seem honest or rewarding at all. Ask for a change in behavior and understanding or just leave. Life's too short.

[Oxxymoron]

Stick it to the man.