My boyfriend won't answer my Facebook messages?

Question

OK well we have only started dating recently (3 or 4 days ago) and I know he is quite shy... But I have sent him a message on Facebook and he hasn't replied... and I know he has been online, because he has had recent activity, last night!

I sent the message on Friday night, and it's now Monday morning. He was online last night, and didn't answer my message! I KNOW he received it, so why won't he answer.

In his last relationship he barely talked to the girl (it was his first girlfriend) and it lasted about 2 weeks. I definitely do NOT want that to happen with us, so I'm making quite an effort to talk to him, but why won't he reply?

Since I am only his second girlfriend, maybe he doesn't know how to act... But still why wouldn't he reply!? I am clearly upset because well I feel as though he is rejecting me...

Also when I tried to talk to him about like when we would hang out and talk and stuff, he just sorta brushed me off, and didn't answer me properly, just saying "Yer" and "yes" , I'm not sure if he was listening...

Why won't he answer me?

Does he just not know how to act?

Is he just too shy to answer?

Is he a bad boyfriend?

How can I fix this? How can I get him to talk to me more?

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

The whole time I read your question, it spoke about how he wouldn't speak with you over the internet (Facebook), but you failed to mention more sociable things you both do together.

You mentioned he's shy; check this: Shy guys don't like being interviewed

Example 1: "Do you want to go to sizzler for dinner"

- While this is a "clarrifying" form of question, it's still in "interview form".. Make it more open ended:

GOOD example: "I'm feeling like sizzler tonight John, how about you?"

Example 2: "Why won't you answer me on Facebook?"

- First, does that even have a reply? There's no reason he has to reply and no reason he doesn't have to reply, it's a choice. People are entitled to choices, aren't they? ;)

GOOD example: "John, I feel like we don't talk as often as we could. I love it when you used to talk to me about your work life and how your friend paul and you would go dancing!.. It really made my life special. How about you, would you like talking more?"

The answers listed above are more personable. Rather than worrying yourself with minute things like "is he rejecting me"; just assume the answer is "no" and find a reason/way to work around it. Maybe he doesn't like talking about the relationship, talk about something else in the relationship but off the subject.. Here's what I mean:

The question you would like to ask:

(BAD) - "John do you love me"

The question as it could be better phrased:

(GOOD) - "John, I feel like spending some time with you today. What would be a good time to go to the park together?"

- THEN listen to his ACTIONS (Actions speak louder than words); so if he's at the park with you and isn't actively involved in your life, you can assume that you're just filling a gap in his life. But if he is asking about your day/trying to tease you / etc COMBINED with the fact that he's shy; he's doing something out of his norm; thus it's deducted that he loves you.

Summary of all this answer: Stop listening to what he says/writes and start looking at his effort into your relationship.

Take care.

~ ArtistBBoy

Redman75 · Accepted Answer

I don't know that four days qualifies you two as dating, have you done anything together (more than once) like dinner or movies at least?  If you had been seeing him for a month or two I would be concerned for you but as it stands right now you might want to give him a bit of space.  Pressuring him and smothering him will only drive him farther way if he's shy.  Find out what he does in his spare time and maybe work your way slowly into it.  I apologize if I come off as crass but I have made the same mistake in the past.

ambermarie · Accepted Answer

hun my little brothers just like that, he was with my best friends little sister for about a year, and she put so much effort into there relationship, jake just was really shy and lost and toward the end he started to open up a little and nikkie thought it was going to slow and they just weren't getting anywhere so she broke up with him.. it hurt him so he obviously did have feelings for her..

but he was extrememly shy and awkward through the whole thing and didn't like talkin on the phone with her and crap.. so just hang in there and make sure he feels comfortable and appriciated. and def. do not put him on the spot.. shy people hate that lol I'm pretty shy myself

Isabelle128 · Accepted Answer

aww dude. its only 4 days so that just qualifies as dating. Because that happened in the last relationshop how can you make it not happen to you? you have to confront him dude. or your not gonna be able to change the way that he communicates.

he may be just shy, or he may jus tnot want a relationshop at the moment. you have 3 options

A) Talk to him tell him how you feel, and stop hurting/hear the truth

B)Continue hurting

C) Wasit and see what happens.

if your really hurt by it. then id tell him right away! :)

Good luck <3

babymama2010 · Accepted Answer

Hmm.. he obviously isn't to experienced in the dating area so he probably really doesn't know how to act. Forgive me if I'm wrong but from what you've said he seems like he would be socially awkward and probably has some self-esteem issues. Do you guys text or call each other? Or even hang out? If not, I wouldn't waste anymore time on him. He doesn't seem to interested anyway.

Redman75 · Answer

As someone else already said, ditch the Facebook.  People are to wrapped up in that, its hardly personal.  Talk to him in person and find out what's going on.  Facebook is the king of exaggerated drama, this may be nothing.  Maybe he was reading a message from someone then got called away and so it wasn't marked as new and so forgot to reply again, or maybe his notifications are turned off, or maybe he just doesn't read messages.  I know I don't.  Point is there are literally 10 zillion things that could be the reason and believing blindly in a social networking device fad is going to ruin your relationship before it started.

IrishMetal · Answer

You have only been dating him for 4 days, you need to slow it down, this guy sounds like he may be kind of a loner and takes a long time to get used to relationships, show him how you feel, but don't worry if he has trouble expressing his feelings to you, as your relationship goes on he will get more comfortible and tell you more things, but only if you are willing to wait, I'm guessing his last ex did not have the patience and left. Some guys are very afraid of rejection and therefore do not say much at all, this is how my first relationship was, but now I have had multiple relationships because I finally became comfortible around girls, it sounds like this guy has just not reached that point yet, if you really want him just give him time, good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

i think rather than jumping right into being "boyfriend and girlfriend" you should have gone on a few dates. Dates are when you get to see a potential partner in a romantic, fun, and flirty way but there's no pressure to see each other again. Since you admitted to liking each other and jumped right in it may be weird since it happened so fast. If he isn't going to talk to you, then I suggest not being in a relationship with him. I'm not sure how or why anyone could or want to be in a relationship where their partner doesn't communicate with them. But don't take the Facebook message so seriously. It's Facebook.. focus more on calling each other and spending time together.

UmYea91 · Answer

Heya! :) This is a good example of why I'm against jumping into a relationship so fast! Seems like you two hardly know anything about each other anyway. Sure, you both might have experienced an instant attraction for each other. But what about the other more important stuff like how well you two bond, things you have in common etc etc. It would have been better if you had taken the time out to befriend the guy first and then later the both of you decide on if you want to take the next step? But I don't know your whole story so... IDK.

But maybe try calling him instead or just asking about it the next time you see him? Set a date for the two of you to sit down and talk; let him know he can feel comfortable around you and you understand his shyness, etc etc. Like you said he's shy and he hardly talked to his first girlfriend.

Elcristoph · Answer

Hello,

I think you need to relax.. just becouse things arnt going to your plan doesn't mean there not going well.. take your time and have fun whilst your with him.. lits been said before you both have a social life/work, just take your time, the man has you interested so he's doing a good job and I know the feeling of not been in control is scary but you need to RELAX don't jump to conclusions..

Good Luck

-Chris

xagyem · Answer

yeah as you said earlier he probably shy since you guys just started dating he might stil feel shy of you and beside you made the effort first . what I think is you will need to prove what you said by  being open make him feel comfortable around u. you can say funny stuffs to make him laugh show your love and concerned and he will alway think love and wish he is always with u

nijlpaard · Answer

HOLD YOUR HORSES. You're paying way too much attention on what he does and don't. Give him some slack, he probably has a social life. By keeping an eye out the way you do, you will only scare him away. What if the two of you would end up in a relationship? Would he have any breathing-space? That is what he starts thinking if you go through with what you are doing now!

Anonymous · Answer

Are you really over 18? Maybe he hasn't read it, or maybe he just hasn't replied. So what? This really means nothing. Is this in online relationship? If not, then just pick up the phone and talk to him. You are being over dramatic on such a silly issue. I'd suggest just talking to him and asking what is up.

ElleryAlexandria · Answer

First of all, why the heck are you Facebook messaging him?! Call him! Hang out with him! Then see if you get the same reaction.

kittykat1989 · Answer

It sounds like he isn't trying and without sounding mean I think you should leave this relationship... Besides if he truly does care he'll try to get back with you..!

Gdocks88 · Answer

not sure, just sounds like a huge shy problem, is this just a Facebook thing or texts and phone calls 2? Why not just ask him y he hasn't responded

Anonymous · Answer

he's clearly a shy one. Him not replying doesn't mean anythang bad. First he's shy, or maybe don't know what to write back or even better he doesn't wanna say somethang weird and he's scared to reply. My boyfriend of 3 years,still sometimes does that,he won't write back and I cann see him online, but he tells me I dunt wanna write something dat'll make thangs worst baby...you get my point? so instead of writting,aprroach him unless you are a shy as him,but ay talk to him if yu really like him.

Risk-Takin-Latino · Answer

honestly he ain't worth it if he won't talk to you like y would you go out with sumone if you won't talk to then  that's pretty retarded but ya that's wut I say  you need a guy that shows that he wants an cares about you miss I'm done

Anonymous · Answer

You can't imagine anything about him because you started dating 3 or 4 days ago so I advice you take time.

kimmycup1 · Answer

Try asking him why he isn't answering. Just say "hey, did you get my message?". It could be just Facebook. Sometimes I'll send a message on Facebook and I realize days later that it didn't go through.

brittbratt · Answer

Maybe he thinks if he answers you then you'll find him desperate or maybe he is just playing hard to get I would wait it out another day or two then if he still hasn't answered I would call him.

skyviewgirl · Answer

okay well I see how you are doing...i think he is just shy...i haven't had my first boyfriend yet so I don't think he is a bad boyfriend

hope_9 · Answer

He doesn't like you . sry but he doesn't.

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