When a girl says she doesn't want a relationship right now, what can you do?

basically if a girl tells you she's too busy right now to have a relationship or that she doesn't know if she wants to start one right now but tells you she likes you and she knows you like her. we've been kinda going out for a couple months and this was the result when we talked about where we were at. anyways I believe her cause I know the issues she's dealing with right now and they are pretty major, and for the sake of this question lets just assume she's not blowing me off kindly haha.

so what are some options I have if I want her to be my girlfriend in the future, hopefully near future cause I don't want to wait forever and probably can't wait forever. do I still try to spend time with her and just keep showing her what a good guy I am, or should I just completely back off. what can happen in either situation. I know I can't demand her to choose now if she wants to be my girlfriend now or never, is there anything I can do or say to her to speed it up I guess?


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think you should hang around, don't completely back off. if she's really worth it to you you shouldn't mind waiting. what's the difference between dating her now and dating her when she's ready? if it's really HER that you want, and not just a relationship for this time in your life then waiting shouldn't be that big of a deal.

    Not to say she's testing you, but this is really a test to see how serious you are about her. If she asked you to wait and you do so willingly she knows that you really care about her and wants the best for her. But if you don't wait, or you're reluctantly and begrudgingly waiting...then she'll know to move on, save herself from getting into a relationship that's only going to end with a broken heart.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am in the same predicament! I feel for you man. Its really hard to say without knowing how much you know about women, how long you've been "talking", or any other specifics. Hell i consider myself to know a lot about women and I'm still confused. Learn to read body language. Take what she has verbally said and frankly throw it out the D@mn window because thats about how much its worth. Communication is composed of 55% body language, 35% tone of voice, and 7% is the words that came out of her mouth. Most often when women say "I just dont want a relationship" she is simply saying without even knowing "I havnt found a man thats stolen my breath yet." Lets be honest here. If you met someone, in the middle of any life scenario, and the unexpectedly stole your heart and captivated your mind... would you hesitate? Do a little research and try to remember past conversations, her body language. Was she open, closed, stand off ish? Learn about the female/male psyche and relationships. I've done a lot of research in my day being a Psych major... but what it really comes down to is that for the time being you two are not together. Dont hold yourself down for this girl. Its not right to hang back and not make yourself available because she said "i like you too." Unless she said "I do" there is no reason to put her above yourself. Love yourself FIRST. Dont go looking for a relationship but do make new friends. Girl friends as well as Guy friends. The larger your friend basis is, the more friends of a friend you will meet. Take yourself out, do things on your own, experience things and grow as a person. You dont NEED this girl. At this point there should be ABSOLUTELY NO emotional connection to her. In the end if she comes back around and your still single, then great. If your not and your with someone, well then it better be with someone that made you forget about her or you shouldn't be with the new girl in the first place... just my two ยข.

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What Girls Said 10

  • There was this guy I fell hard for... I still love him to pieces.

    However, for months and months and months he was 'never ready for a relationship'... He was more then ready to fool around a bit (web cam stuff)*shame* ...But in the end it always came around to the same thing.

    i tried leaving him alone, I tried always being there, I tried everything to show him how I felt and how I supported his choice.

    i thought if he could just.. understand how I felt.. Surely he would change his mind...


    i was only deluding myself and hurting myself.

    Just because tho, he wasn't ready for a relationship didn't mean he didn't care for me. I came up with the example that, a guy could propose to a woman and she could say no. Not because she didn't love the guy- but because she just wasn't ready for that level of commitment. Same deal pretty much.

    Almost 9 months later, I decided I just couldn't hold my breath anymore. I couldn't handle being 'just friends' with a man I loved more then anything. So, in the end, I let him go.

    Gather what advise you can from this... All I can say is.. You can't rush anyone.. And you can't get back the time you spent waiting for the unknown.

  • wait for her I no what she's going through and she's just not sure right now what she wants yet she dusnt no if she's actually ready for a real relationship because she sounds like she's nvr been asked b4

    i say don't rush her and stay by her so she nos your still interested and when she ready shell come back for you as long as your waiting for her

  • If I am into someone, it really doesn't matter what stuff I have going on, I will still make time for a guy. If you slide into that friend zone, you will never be able to get out. Don't be her friend, that is ridiculous. Attraction doesn't usually happen with a guy you see as a friend. If you can't get her to feel attraction towards you, well it's not gonna work. Attraction is the ingredient missing for her trust me. If she was attracted to you, nothing would put you on hold.

  • Okay if you want her to be your girlfriend in the near future. Be her best friend and just be there for her when she needs a friend. Oh she and back off a little you might be scaring her just a little bit but still show her that you are a good guy. Check on her like once a dAY then let her call you. If she wants you to be her boyfriend she will show signs of that. Like if she calls you or even texts you then she's interested. Like I said before be there for her as a bestfriend. If you can do that then that will show her that you are a guy willing to be there for her when you guys are going to make it official.

    • This right here! I've done this not as a test but backed off because something came up and she would always text me asking what was I up to

  • I think eventually if you keep spending time, you may have to watch out for the friend zone. If she is going through a lot of tough stuff, it is great for you to be there, but she may eventually just see you as a friend. You do want to be supportive, but don't go crazy with it.

    I think if you give her some space she may start to wonder where you went. Once she gets her stuff together and if she's really interested, the curiosity will get the better of her.

    Basically, you do have to give it time, but I don't think there is anything you can really do to speed up the process. If someone isn't ready, they aren't ready.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Be true to yourself. If your intention with her is dating, then withdraw. If she needs your help as a friend, just like any other girl, then help her out as any friend would do. Tell her that too. It is important to have a clear conscience. You sleep better every night, for one.

  • Do not wait for her to change her mind, she likely won't. Keep her as a friend but continue the quest for one who wants you as much as you want her. Anything else leads to greater disappointment down the road. If you just stay normal friends then she might not get creeped out with you and she'll actually still enjoy talking with you two years from now. Life is short...continue the quest at once. Good luck.

  • personality I've never understood the art of, fighting ot working hard to get love or a relationship...love by defintion is the opossite of effort and work...if its meant to happen then its going to happen..granted once your in a relationship or in love then you have to fight abit to maintain it lol but not in the inital stages.

    Dude, pack up your stuff and move on, KNOWONE wants someone that's dying to be with them, we're all humans, which means we look for challenges that stimulate us. Go for someone that likes you equally man, and have some confidence in yourself.

    P.S being female, if she see's that your into another girl, she'll probably run after you lol

  • She is lying to you, when a chick says she doesn't know, she means she doesn't want a relationship with you. So what you should say to her is OK then I will find another girl who will want a relationship with me.

    • NOT TRUE If I say (&I have said this & meant it) I don't want a relationship with anyone but I do like a guy in particular, I mean I don't want a relationship &I don't fool around meanwhile either. Stop assuming you know what's going on with someone, just because they have a vagina- that's completely absurd.

    • She said she is too busy and doesn't want a relationship right now. No one is too busy that's a lie. Right now means maybe, she never said with him either, she just said right now. If he was smart he would assume not interested, and then go find another chick who is. Otherwise he might be waiting for months and guess what in all that time she has a new boyfriend. Happens all the time.

  • You move on and forget about the prospect out of your own good. If her situation changes, then she'll come to you. But in order to avoid getting hung up on her if she isn't available, then it would probably be best to not anticipate anything happening in the future just to be safe.

    Really, I don't see how she "can't start a relationship right now". Unless she's moving away or something like that, I don't see what can make her not want it unless she doesn't like you like that and just wants to be friends.

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