My boyfriend doesn't take responsibility for his part... He blames everything on me.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my boyfriend and I have an argument, disagreement, or some kind of problem... According to him - I am wrong and he is right.

In the past, even if I haven't done anything, I normally apologize, just to defuse the situation so we can move on. But lately, I have been standing my ground.

I can absolutely admit when I am wrong, when I make mistakes, when I overreact, when I start an argument, etc. But on certain issues, I refuse to be held responsible, while he sits back, and doesn't have any weight on his shoulders. Especially when it is clearly his fault.

For example: A few nights ago, we made plans to eat dinner at my house. I made dinner and everything. Once I was all ready, at the last minute, he tells me I should go to his dad‘s house because his dad was making food on the grill. I was definitely disappointed and annoyed, because he said he was going to come over, and because I made the effort to make dinner for us. But somehow, he twists it around and says "you're being stubborn", I don't know why you can't come here", "I have to work tomorrow, but lets make this about you".

I wasn't trying to make anything about me, but when someone says they are going to be at my house at a set time, after I cooked dinner for them... I expect them to be there. How is it that I am stubborn? I think he is totally unreasonable, whenever problems like this occur. These words have come out of his mouth- "I never do anything wrong". It is impossible for things to be that way. Completely unrealistic for me to be wrong 24/7.

He often results to name calling. Saying I'm childish, crazy, delusional. It‘s really insulting and it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me sometimes. If he says these thing, doesn't respect my feelings, and doesn't take responsibility for his part... I think it is inevitable for me to feel that way.

I love him more than anything. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. But if this is how things will be forever, I would go insane. Is there anything I can do? I am completely lost. I have no idea how to get through to him anymore. He is only 21, so could it just take some time for him to grow up? I just have a lack of confidence right now, that things will ever change.

[SwiftShadow]

Ou wow I know what you feel like.

My ex girlfriend use to be the same way, heck she even told me "yes I am always right, if I get in a fight it is because I know I am right and that's that"

just like you I never had any problems addmiting I am wrong when I am , but to her 99,99% of the times I was wrong.

So eventually I had enough stud my ground, which only leads to more fighting and b1tching from her, which ends up in break up.

And no, you can wait as much you want and be as patient you want, try to talk as calmly you want, nothing will change the next day it is back to her right and I am wrong over everything.

[SwiftShadow]

And trust me it will ALWAYS be unreaseoneble, he won't grow out of it, you will wait forever.

My ex also in some f***ing insane way makes everything be about her and my fault, heck I go to sleep wake up, and had a text about something that happenet, so it is so horrible and totally MY FAULT, I mean I was dman sleeping.

[Asker]

Ugh, that all sounds too familiar.

I'm hoping you are wrong. I really hope if I am patient, things will start to change soon. Maybe distancing myself a big and focusing more on myself, will show him I am not going to tolerate it.

[SwiftShadow]

i waited nearly 2 years and nothing changed.

There were a SELECT few times when I got her really calm and emotional, then she literally cryed how she knows how wrong she was quite a few times etc.

Next day, EXACTLY THE SAME THING, nothing changes.

And trust me I am one of the clamest people in the world, I never yell, never get angry I am always calm and talketive about everything, and almost always gave into ANY ridiculous demand or blaming she had just to put an end to it.

[SwiftShadow]

Your really have to choices,

Stand up foryourself which will mean he will get more pissed and make even more ridiculously insane crap up

or

just accept that you will have to take the blame ALWAYS, and everything is ALWAYS your fault, even if you have nothing to do with what he makes up it is your fault.

[SwiftShadow]

And belive me, you have NO IDEA how FAMILIAR it all sounds and feels.

[Asker]

My intentions are not to make him feel bad or to guilt him. All I want, is to show him how unrealistic and unreasonable his opinions are about me. Clearly that hasn't worked so far. I understand now, that he will have to come to the realization on his own. I've done my share of yelling and getting angry about it. I think all I can do is start to distance myself a bit and focus more on my life, instead of worrying about him and how he treats me. I'll let him figure it out on his own.

[SwiftShadow]

I never said anything about guilt lol, when she addmited it was when she sow how unrealistiic and unreasoneble she was... not like it lasted though next day same thing, though for you to get him to see how unreasoneble it is is a feat of its own, not that it will change anything.

And he won't feagure it out by himself, he will just end up blaming you for more sh*t, for example you distancing going "see see I was right again your doing wrong etc etc etc"

[SwiftShadow]

Believe me though this isn't something you can change nor time will change it.

[Asker]

I know, I was just adding more info. He often thinks I bring these things up, is to attack him or to make him feel guilty. I don't want to make any rash decisions and break up with him right away or anything. I don't want that at all. I will take care of my well being and see how things turn out within the near future. Thanks for your help and for sharing your experiences. I appreciate it :)

[Jmark]

he's just a little brat. And somewhat of a sociopath, there's better guys out there, don't worry about it.

[KS9616]

Do yourself a favor now and find someone who treats you better than that. I'm currently trying to get out of a relationship like that. So I'm a little, well a lot biased probably. It doesn't get better. He won't change. In fact it'll get worse. My advice is to leave while you can. In my situation it started out just like yours, progressed to horrible verbal and emotional abuse and ended up getting physical when I couldn't be perfect enough for him. Seriously consider your well being and be careful.

[toulouse]

@He often results to name calling. Saying I'm childish, crazy, delusional. It‘s really insulting and it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me sometimes. If he says these thing, doesn't respect my feelings, and doesn't take responsibility for his part... I think it is inevitable for me to feel that way.

I love him more than anything. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. ___WHY__?

[SwiftShadow]

Cuz when they aren't figthing and everything isn't blamed on her, and she isn't forced to just give into EVERYTHING he demands and makes up.

Then he is the sweetest guy ever to her.

[Asker]

Reading those two statements together sounds stupid, I know.

It wasn't like this in the beginning. It has only gotten this way in the past 3 or 4 months. It's hard to shift that quickly and call it quits, when I know he hasn't always been this way. I'm just hoping he will realize he is hurting me and causing our relationship to wither away.

[SwiftShadow]

sigh you ninjad me :(

and yea my ex wasn't always that way too

[harveykinkle]

Things aren't going to change. Some people are like that.

The person you're with should never give you a lack of confidence! Find someone else!

This is a major red flag; he's manipulating you and every time you let him you're showing him it's alright for him to do that.

[confused415]

I've dealt with this. He was talking to another girl and blamed me for being a jealous person. Honestly, sometimes I'm happy things didn't work out.

[Dragonblood21]

Sounds like you are dating an a**hole.

Sorry, but it's the truth.

[ihatetakingcharge]

not surprised girls do not need responsibility but guys do unfortunately

[Asker]

I'm not understanding what you are saying. Care to explain what you mean...?

[ihatetakingcharge]

everything in life is a guy's fault but never a girls

[Asker]

I assume you're implying that I am somehow not taking responsibility and blaming him for everything. But I don't think I should be held accountable for someone else's lack of respect. What exactly do I have to be responsible for, in the situation that I described...?

[ihatetakingcharge]

well guys have to lead the relationship, so nothing is ever a girls fault

[Anonymous]

Leave him.

His behavior is just destroying your relationship.

[Anonymous]

He's not a good person to be in a relationship with. I suggest you move on.

[Anonymous]

Wow and all this time guys on this site on its the opposite. Go figure.