Why would my ex say she loves me but that she doesn't want to be with me because she's happy?

I've been dating this girl for over four years. We had our struggles and all but things were going good. Out of nowhere she decided that she needed some time to think about us. I went against my instincts and gave her the space she wanted. We met back up to talk and she said she didn't want to be with me. I broke down and was miserable. This crushed my life. I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep.

She pretty much gave me the reasoning that she wanted to do her own thing in the "bar scene" because she just turned 21 and I won't be that age for another month. I told her that she could do the bar thing and go out and have fun because I trust her and I trust she wouldn't do anything that hurt me. She said she was afraid of that. She's afraid that if she got drunk and did something stupid that I'd forgive her and she doesn't want to live with that. She says she loves me, misses me, and thinks about me. Yet she hangs out with older guys and says she doesn't want to be with me because she's happy doing what she's doing.

I don't know what to do. She graduates from college soon and her life is about to change drastically. I want to be in it. I want us to move in together and take our relationship to a new level.

Why is she acting how she is? And what should I do to get her back?

I've changed a lot about me. I deal with anger and stress much differently. I've been super mellow lately. That was one thing she hated was that we argued. Now I refuse to argue with anyone, I don't know what more I can do. She still loves me, why wouldn't she want to be with me?

My ex called me to tell me all guys are the same. Her new guy was playing her.. A week after she called back to say she made her decision. She wants to start as close friends and let things happen how they happen (one more chance). What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Her reasoning is miserable... If she loves you truly, why broke up for a "bar scene". In my opinion, she eases the pain of love and the guilt for dumping you.

    If a girl wants a "break" for any reason, I think she's "breaking up" with you. Because if one can not be overcome something with his/her love, so this person is not "in love" anymore...

    Man up, go no contact for your own sake and move on your own life. After doing that, if she comes to you one day with real feelings and without confusion in her life, you will think to accept her or not. But remember, don't look desperate and weak. Have your own life in the meantime...


What Girls Said 2

  • i could never imagine myself asking for space with someone I'm inlove with (no matter what)..firstly I have to deal with me thinking this window would open for him liking someone else,second me thinking not seeing him or not with him is painful and I won't deal with that...

    love is like that..if you don't feel that way you don't love at all..like the other guy said here,she'll come when she's really yours and not because she never was..

  • well it sounds like you guys have been together for a long time, she probably just wants to experience freedom and singleness before settling down. Sounds to me like she isn't trying to hurt you just that she wants to experience the world without hurting you .


What Guys Said 6

  • Between the ages of 17 and 29, people are idiots. She's acting like this because she's at that age and she sees everyone else doing it. I had to deal with the same thing towards the end of my marriage. Same exact situation except we were both 22. In my case, her friends had coaxed her into it. I do not doubt that her friends had something to do with it.

    Friends tend to end relationships, especially if the people in the relationship are not mature enough to know better, one part of the relationship or both.

    Move on, take the pain. Embrace the blue pill of happiness(Tylenol pm) and just keep moving forward.

    It's been a year and a half for me now and I still hurt and still can't sleep and still can't eat at times. But it should get better right? eventually?

  • cut her lose, women say that crap because they don't wanna tell the truth cause it hurts.

    you start as friends...and you stay friends...while she is dating another guy...while she strings you along.

  • it is possible to love someone, yet not be "IN Love" with them

    you "love" your dog, your family,

    your IN love with women.

    chances are, she still loves ya, but is not "in love" with you anymore.

    best to let her move on and find a new woman.

  • I don't know if I'd trust her...she left you once already for other guys and to be a dumb, crazy, drunk college chick.

  • "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were"