Why would my ex say she loves me but that she doesn't want to be with me because she's happy?

I've been dating this girl for over four years. We had our struggles and all but things were going good. Out of nowhere she decided that she needed some time to think about us. I went against my instincts and gave her the space she wanted. We met back up to talk and she said she didn't want to be with me. I broke down and was miserable. This crushed my life. I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep.

She pretty much gave me the reasoning that she wanted to do her own thing in the "bar scene" because she just turned 21 and I won't be that age for another month. I told her that she could do the bar thing and go out and have fun because I trust her and I trust she wouldn't do anything that hurt me. She said she was afraid of that. She's afraid that if she got drunk and did something stupid that I'd forgive her and she doesn't want to live with that. She says she loves me, misses me, and thinks about me. Yet she hangs out with older guys and says she doesn't want to be with me because she's happy doing what she's doing.

I don't know what to do. She graduates from college soon and her life is about to change drastically. I want to be in it. I want us to move in together and take our relationship to a new level.

Why is she acting how she is? And what should I do to get her back?

I've changed a lot about me. I deal with anger and stress much differently. I've been super mellow lately. That was one thing she hated was that we argued. Now I refuse to argue with anyone, I don't know what more I can do. She still loves me, why wouldn't she want to be with me?

My ex called me to tell me all guys are the same. Her new guy was playing her.. A week after she called back to say she made her decision. She wants to start as close friends and let things happen how they happen (one more chance). What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Her reasoning is miserable... If she loves you truly, why broke up for a "bar scene". In my opinion, she eases the pain of love and the guilt for dumping you.

    If a girl wants a "break" for any reason, I think she's "breaking up" with you. Because if one can not be overcome something with his/her love, so this person is not "in love" anymore...

    Man up, go no contact for your own sake and move on your own life. After doing that, if she comes to you one day with real feelings and without confusion in her life, you will think to accept her or not. But remember, don't look desperate and weak. Have your own life in the meantime...