If a married man truly loves his wife, would he pursue another woman?

Guys, my girlfriends and I are just talking about this, and thought your views could settle our discussion! If a married man is truly in love with his wife, would he pursue another woman for a long period of time, flirt with her etc? Let is know what you guys think!


Most Helpful Guy

  • No. Guys that do that only love themselves.

    • What exactly do you mean?

    • If they care about their temporary enjoyment so much that they are willing to risk destroying their relationship, or at least hurting their wives, then it is obvious they do not value her much to begin with. If you don't value them, then clearly you don't love them. They might care for her, but not so much that I would call it love.

    • or he is just a man who acts based on impulse. either of which cannot be trusted! Lol

What Guys Said 29

  • Whether he loves his wife isn't necessarily the issue. The issue is: is his relationship with his wife healthy? If it is, then the only way he'd be pursuing another woman is if he is just a super-selfish cheater.

    But if that relationship is not healthy, and he's made serious efforts to fix the relationship but hasn't been able to for one reason or another, then it's possible that he's pursuing another woman because he knows his own relationship can't be fixed. Obviously the right thing to do is to end that relationship, but sometimes that's not as feasible as it should be. If there are children involved, or financial issues that would destroy his life in a divorce, then many guys will stay together in the relationship even though they long ago "checked out" of it emotionally (the same is true for some women).

    Regardless, though, I really recommend you don't mess with a married guy, especially if you are looking for an actual relationship. Married men almost never leave their wives for their "other women", and you are never going to really be able to be together and have a normal relationship if he's still married to someone else.

  • No he wouldn't...he may THINK he loves his wife but he truly doesn't

  • No. He would not. I love my wife with all my heart and also work in an environment where ample opportunity exists for female attention. I maintain a polite and professional distance because 1) I love my wife and no other woman can offer what she does. 2) My wife deserves my loyalty, devotion and attention. 3) thanks to love, I simply do not desire other women. She is quite enough. NOW, also know that she makes herself wonderful to me. Stays fit, respects me, shows me loyalty, and dresses well. Despite the fact she has no competition in my eyes, she tries everyday to be better than what's out there. Unnecessary but an appreciated part of the equation. I'm 100% devoted to her and nobody can steer me away.

  • No, he wouldn't. But that's only in the context of our society, where we prize sexual fidelity as basically the most important thing about relationships.

    But it's hardly our natural state, either. In actual monogamous creatures, they lose attraction to other individuals. I suppose it's like how when you or a family member have a baby, other babies suddenly aren't as cute, and are even weird looking. Suddenly your spouse is the only thing you're attracted to.

    But that quite obviously isn't how we work. link

  • I do and I would not.

  • The only thing I can think of that would make a guy do such a thing is if the wife stops having sex with him. Once a wife stops having sex with her husband things tend to go very downhill.

  • There was once a time when this was called adultery and the punishment was death.

    Marriage vows are not a vow between man and woman but man and God, woman and God so it is a breach of contract.

    The way love is described in a marriage vow it is not optional to cheat. Truly in love no longer exist in marriage, it changes to an obligation. The act of love is obedience and the proof is in we all have family member who we would hate in the general public but are forced to love in the real.

    In the US the word man is used loosely to describe any adult male but a male who cheats is not a man.

    It is not and never is easy to be in love. For a man to pursue another woman brings unnecessary pain for all involved.

    If he was anyway to be seen as a man, he would have never married.

    The answer is "no".

  • I did a job last October for a woman and she invited me for a cup of tea. We hit it off immediately and found that our views were similar. We decided to get together with our spouses and meet at a pub which we did.

    I was very excited to be wanted by someone other than my wife. I liked her husband a lot. He is an engineer working on fuel cells . We took a moonlight cruise all bundled up and the stars were out. He told about his father in Germany telling him how to identify stars. My wife liked them both. We came back and the woman saw my guitar and asked for a song. I picked up my guitar and played, making something up as I went along. The woman loved it and I felt very good.

    I did fantasize about her, but with my wife included. I did have some pretty nasty thoughts and told my wife about them. She knows how horny I have always been and let it go.

    We got together on New Years and all got a little drunk. The woman and I could sing together, song after song. I played stuff I hav e never played before. She stretched out before me in a very provocative way and I loved it. I think both spouses were a little apprehensive about it.

    We continued getting together. Once in the summer when the woman did a similar thing, eating a chocolate covered strawberry in a very sexual way, describing the sensualityof it, and this time my wife got mad. We also sang a lot tha night. This time my wife let me have it and made me feel so bad that the next couple times I was cool to the whole relationship. My wife made me feel bad about myself and I almost got depressed. I workded through it and the last time we were all together, everything was goodt. They left for Germany last week.

    Did I want to make love with her? In another world. If she had wanted to make love, would I? I don't think so. Did I pursue her? Yes. Do I love my wife? Yes. Do I want to stay friends? Yes.

    • Most realistic answer and expectation in a man, husband or not. It's the sad truth. (I hate it lol)

  • Depends on the man. I wouldn't but equally well I have know men who would take any opportunity for sex despite being very much in love with their wives. Those guys are usually immature/insecure with a touch if arrogance and very sexual in their behavior so they stand out like a sore thumb.

    Mature, stable men just want a good solid relationship with a good woman too

  • Well technically it's possible. There are polyamorous people out there, after all. But those people are very far and few between.

    So to answer your question, no, a man who is in love and in a mutually satisfying and healthy relationship will not pursue another woman.

  • No. I guess you knew the answer was 'no', but you just needed reassurance.

  • I think it's possible to still love someone while loving or lusting for someone else.

  • I think that If he does love his wife He would actually care what she would think Because it wouldn't be about what he thinks about adultery It would be about what she thinks And that If he loved her enough or even at all His conscience would tell him That Pursuing other wemon is wrong and he wouldn't choose to ignor it he Would be repentant rather than Indulgent That is what I think But I don't mean judge just Give my opinion as to a logical Explanation

    • it may not be the same with all men but it is very possible with many

  • No way!

  • Obviously no.

    If a married man truly cares for his wife, he won't cheat on her.

    generally, when people cheat on their partners they're pretty much saying "You're not good enough for me".

    Would a man who truly cared for his partner do actions that speak these sort of words? obviously not. Same with a woman, too.

    • Btw, I'm speaking as if the female partner didn't do anything bad herself but the guy did do something bad. that is, she's a good gf/wife, does not cheat and keep the relationship stable.

  • Yes.

    We're designed to lust multiple women, spread our seed, etc.

    But actually doing going through with it is wrong, imo.

    Although, a woman can never understand how strong those sexual urges are, just as we can't feel what you women feel in maternal instinct.

  • Of course, not! You guys crazy?!

  • yes. though to him, he may not care about the "morality" of cheating.

  • No, no, and no! Yes I look, but would never go any further.

  • he could but, as a single college male. If I'm in a relationship or seriously dating I hold back or stop flirting @ all.. But most aren't like me. Because it brings problems and leads other people into your relationship.

  • its simple. If you love someone you will want to spend the rest of your life with them and not flurt with others.

  • Things change along a marriage, and this is part of the problem...

    AFAIK, the biggest problems creep up when there's a sexual mismatch between husband and wife. Usually it's the guy wanting far more sex, and the wife wanting far less (but it can also be the other way around), and happens in a long-term relationship.

    In many parts of the world, leaving your wife can be too much trouble, too costly and too socially unacceptable. So you might not want to do it. At the same time, if you're not getting the minimal dosage of sex you need to keep you going, it's hard not to fall for the flattery when someone shows an obvious interest in you!

    About 15 years back, I had two superb opportunities for extra-marital sex. Both the women were very open about wanting it. Then, my wife had been very caring to me, and there was no way I could fall for it. I just dropped both opportunities.

    Today, after struggling with a lack of sex, I'm not sure what my response would be...

  • Relationships, and marriage in particular are complicated. Men and women have affairs all the time and they still love their partners, I really think monogamy is not natural in humans, and it's very tough to stick to it, NOT saying that cheating is right, but again relationships are too complicated to label people for doing it.

  • I say that his love for his wife would keep him back, because he doesn't want to hurt her. I know the situation pretty well and I never would pursue another woman. Even my sex fantasies are pretty much only about my wife.

  • I've never experienced it but it seems you can be in love with two people.

    Also, a friend of mine is a notorious cheater and I witnessed him cheat on the girl of his dreams... It's like an addiction for the guy.

  • When a married decides to cheat, it's often because he is not "in love" with his wife. Although he may love her, the fact that he is not in love her means that there is not a strong emotional bond or emotional attachment to subconsciously deter him from straying in times of weakness.

    Love means caring for someone. Being in love means there is an emotional connection and a feeling of togetherness. There is a significant difference.

    That being said, when a guy is not emotional connected to his spouse, he can become emotionally vulnerable to the sex appeal of other women, which could lead him to pursue them. The emotional connection keeps most men faithful. There are exceptions though.

  • No I would not, I have only been in love once though and never married. While I was in love though other women were interested in me but I wasn't even looking at anyone else I only wanted her and only thought about her, was a powerful feeling.

  • I wouldn't. Why would I need to flirt with another women when I have one to flirt with at home. It sucks that I'm not the guy no girl is interested in. So maybe that is the reason why I would care so much because so many men take for granted when some of us are left out the picture!


What Girls Said 4

  • No he has no respect for either women or even for himself. No respect no love! At least not real love. This is what happens when men aren't really ready to settle down but are too insecure not to. He needs a long time single to sort his head out before embarking on any involvement with anyone!

  • Some guys have a big ego! Some guys will try to get it from different aspect like flirting with other girls even up to the point of destroying their relationship. Big EGO comes selfishness. Hopefully you can help your friend to do the right thing.

  • Because he wants more women. It's natural to want more

  • No. I know this married guy who hits on every girl he sees. it's so sad. . he knows that I know her, he just doesn't care. I don't see how he can truly love his wife. oh and by the way did I mention she's pregnant? I think people like that are selfish sociopaths who only care about themselves. his situation goes past cheating because OK cheating is bad enough but to do it with multiple women, some who are even friends of your wife? that's just low and shows no respect