I changed my mind, I'd rather feel the pain of loss and/or betrayal than feel nothing at all and be perpetually numb... it's the fear that is frightening not the possible outcomes or becoming close to someone and then being abandoned. You/I/Everyone just needs to enjoy the time we spend with people we care about and not worry about what may or may not happen.
I think that both physical and a mental connection are needed. One without the other are nothing. You can't fall in "real love" with a person you don't relate to at a mental level. Yes, you can lust after that person, but that is not love. However, I won't be such a hypocrite as saying that looks can be completely ignored. Even if there is a mental connection, if you are grossed out by someone's looks, you won't be drawn to explore that connection as a romantic one. But a mental connection can also make someone more beautiful than they in reality are in your eyes, because you are not only seeing the physical beauty, but also their inner beauty. To finish, one thing I have read in these opinions posted here and that I strongly disagree with is that you say a mental connection can also fade over time, so it would be more important to have a strong sexual attraction to someone you can tolerate. Well, the thing I see as being wrong in this is that mental connection, yes, can fade. But just because some mental connections fail, it doesn't mean all will. And I think it is a very sad view to have about life. you can't stop trying to connect to people on that level, because, even if some may disappoint you, other won't. Some people will fight for you and, even if you change, they will change with you and stay by your side, loving you, supporting you. People need to fight for the ones that are important to them. If sexual needs are a part of human nature, so are emotional needs, and the need to connect with others. Even if we might get hurt sometimes, i think this option is better. To actually feel something real for someone. Genuinely care about someone. Not connecting with others out of fear of getting hurt will eventually hurt you more in the long run. life is short. shouldn't we make it a fuller life, with some mistakes on the way, yes. Some disappointments. Some heartache. But at least we will be sure we are alive. we will be sure of having no regrets if we follow our hearts. We will be sure to not have missed great moments of happiness, out of fear of experiencing some moments of saddness. I say love, live, dream, because this is human nature and a man without dreams or love is just another animal in this world, just surviving, NOT LIVING, until death comes for him.
Mental connection. Looks fade, but if you have an amazing mental connection, that probably won't ever fade. Mental connection is where love is born I guess. Physical attraction is more about lust. And ultimately love is more important than lust.
I've had plenty of strong mental connections with people that have faded overtime. People grow/change not just physically but mentally as well, just because you have a strong mental connection with someone today doesn't mean it will still be there in a year or more (pretty much every single friend I've had as child/teen is proof of that).
And on the contrary I still have a strong sexual attraction to girl I used to know that I never really got to know that well mentally but if I had an opportunity to date her tomorrow I'd drop everything in a instance to make it happen.
You need both they are equally important. When you have both connections it's easy to be with that person and all is right in the universe and pure harmony. :)
People who are below average and desperate go for "emotional connections". Due to the fact, that they know damn well they won't be able to attract an extremely attractive person. Those who disagree obviously fall under that category.
As for myself, I would see no purpose having everything a man could ever want and still go with an ugly woman. Unfortunately, that's not what I want. I would rather have a beautiful wife by my side who doesn't necessarily needs to have a STRONG emotional connection and neither should I. I need to be able to sleep with a gorgeous woman at night peacefully and not have one eye open and the other one closed in fear of getting scared through the night by my own partner. As long as she's beautiful and independent that's all that matters.
I've been anti-social for years and recently I've been trying to join a new circle of friends. I've been learning a lot about how people actually interact vs what they say they want/are looking for. And since I also recently had a falling-out with a very close friend who I shared A LOT of personal info with - it's made me rethink the whole idea of "sharing". I've had plenty of strong mental connections with people that have faded overtime and a lot sexual attractions that never did.
I agree with most of what you said - I'd prefer a strong sexual attraction with mutual understanding. I'm starting to realize the danger of sharing too much and being too emotional, what you're essential doing is giving someone ammunition and power (depending on the information) because they can use your emotions/intel against you.
I changed my mind, I'd rather feel the pain of loss and/or betrayal than feel nothing at all and be perpetually numb... it's the fear that is frightening not the possible outcomes or becoming close to someone and then being abandoned. You/I/Everyone just needs to enjoy the time we spend with people we care about and not worry about what may or may not happen.
Hahaha, all the guys lying. 99% of guys will value looks/physical attraction over anything. They've just been conditioned to believe otherwise. Conscious thought doesn't change instinct however...
Male instinct pushes us to sleep with as many women as possible to spread our genes as much as possible, we judge girls and decide whether or not we'd have sex with them in less than 10 seconds based purely on their genetic quality (attractiveness.) This is why we value physical attraction more highly.
Females can only get pregnant once every 9 months and have to protect and care for the baby, therefor they have to be more selective and have to ensure that a man can and will stick around to help protect and provide for her and the offspring. This is why they value mental connection more highly.
However our society has become heavily feminized and the female ideal has been indoctrinated into us, to benefit them. You're experiencing a clash of nature vs nurture. Where you go from here, is up to you.
Loyalty, respect and honesty are the 3 most important things I look for/demand from people. I think what I should do is incorporate that with sexual desire & mutual understanding.
I think those 5 things would be a great combination for a relationship... or I could just alter my appearance/personality to the most attractive it can be and hope that is good enough to have casual sex with women I encounter when I'm out.
@asker Self-improvement should be your #1 priority regardless of your relationship goals with women. Loyalty, respect and honesty are possible, but you won't find one girl who'll have those traits without you having to maintain them.
Respect is earned. Girls love attention and love being put on a pedestal, but they won't respect you for it. They respect a man who respects himself, who has his own life with his own goals, she's just along for the ride.
I've always a had fascination with the elaborate & flamboyant, even when it comes to personal appearance. What I meant by what I posted when I said "or I could just alter my..." was that I could tame my current look but that doesn't necessarily mean that it will make me more attractive even though statistically it looks like it should. Because most women prefer short hair/completely shaven + fitted simple clothes, in shape body (but not over the top muscular) and yada yada blah blah...
But I'm not a model nor am I completely delusional, it's hard to determine what would look best & what would work best for me (if I could remove myself from my body for like a day to observe I would be able to figure it out pretty fast). I'm always striving for progression but sometimes I hit walls dwell in that spot for awhile.
Physical attraction is what leads you deeper to mental connection, but mental connection is what keeps you stay in the relationship, so both are important. But if i really have to choose, for a long term relationship the connection is more important.
Mental. But I always say that the eye wants something nice to look at as well. But someone you feel really strongly about can grow prettier simply because of the bond you share.
The physical can rope you in but mental makes you stay
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Still, You need both, cause honestly, When animals mate they look for a mate with the best genes to prolong their species/race. If they have a face of shit. I can't have sex with you sorrry. I just can't even though we get along 1,000,000%
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