After my nearly year long relationship came to a hard and jagged ending I had to spend my time reflecting.
I sat and wondered what I did wrong, what she did wrong, and why it didn’t work out. I remembered how we met and how people told us how perfect we were together. My family and friends loved her and her’s loved me too. I thought that we loved each other. I know that I loved her, but not enough to make her love me back or even make it last. We didn’t fight much, not until the end that is, and even then it was never long, painful fights until the last couples of weeks when she didn’t want to be near me. Did she change? Did I change? I think we both did. But this is not a story about heart break or a post to bad-mouth my ex, or even for me to tell you what I did wrong (Even though you will read some of that in here). There will be a lot of time when I question “why.” But I want this to be a post about the old saying “It is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all” and how true that is in my life.
What did I gained from a lost love?
I learned so much. I learned about love, life, and myself. I learned that I can give myself fully and still not hear the things I thought I would. I learned that I could spend my time opening doors, giving my jacket to her, and shower her with gifts and not hear her tell people all about it by bragging about me on social media. I learned that I was selfish in my giving, as I hoped that she would return all of my kindness in ways I thought that she should. I learned that when I was mad I could be cold and distant from her, acting in ways I never wanted to.
2. True confidence
In the beginning of our relationship I would not send a text without worrying and editing it over and over again, as I was trying to please her in everything I did. I tried to play it cool and not go overboard or share to much right away, as guys are told to be this way. She taught me that I didn’t need to worry. I felt that the world was becoming more and more open to me as our relationship grew deeper and deeper.
She taught me to be a better kisser and I taught or how to give head that blew my mind, she taught me how to make her scream and I taught her how to make me moan like never before. We taught each other how to better enjoy sex, and how to make it more enjoyable for our partner as well.
4. A reality check
I am not a prefect boyfriend, and I never will be. I can, and I did try to do all the things I thought I should, but in the long run I made myself tired and I focused on perfection and I lost sight of us and her as a person. She was flawed but not a bad person, each caused stress and issues for each other.
5. Inner peace
I have spent a lot of time and it wasn't easy, but I can now hear her name or even bump into her without feeling a need to ask why or ask her to take me back. I learned that I was going to be ok and that I will now have a better understanding as to what I need and what I can life with.
We just didn't work, but I believe that we will both find love again and we will be happy! I wish her happiness and love and that only good things come her way.
So that is my take, on a lost love. I hope that you might find some clarity about your own past loves.