My girlfriend said she doesn't see a future with me, but she kisses me, says she loves me, sleeps naked with me?

[Anonymous]

The past few months have been tough with my girlfriend. We are good around each other, but she has been increasingly into her phone, working late at work, and so forth. She said I missed the boat with her and doesn't see a future with me. She says she loves me and care very much. But she wasn't sure her feelings would change.

This last week she has been texting me, saying she is home, that she is going to get groceries if I wants anything. She calls me by my pet name. Lays her head on my chest naked.

We haven't had sex in a while too. Thoughts on us? What can I do to get that lovin' feeling back?

[Anonymous]

This sounds dreadfully like what I just went through... except I was in your girlfriend's shoes and I broke it off. Given what you said it looks a lot like what happened to my couple.
What happened for me is that I realized I cared very much about him, I liked him very deeply but I didn't love him enough to stay forever. I felt good with him in a day-to-day basis, nothing was particularly wrong. I liked being with him, but somehow I felt like I wouldn't spend my life with him. We started seeing each other less, because I was so busy all the time, and so was he, and our schedules didn't match. Sex also didn't happen much, even when we saw each other.

I wanted to tell you this because I want to show another side of the situation. We could think she's selfish for keeping you around, but deep down she may simply care a lot. She obviously cares for you, hence why she doesn't want to hurt you by breaking up. She seems to realize she doesn't love you enough to stay forever, yet she doesn't want or can't break up with you. She probably knows it'll be more painful later, but she could also be hoping for her feelings to change or for her courage to grow stronger...

I think it is a plausible explanation for your situation, but I hope it is not the case, because the most likely outcome of the situation I described is a break-up, regardless of what you try.
Good luck for everything.

[Asker]

Why can't I do anything? :(

Is there anything I can do at all?

[Asker]

Can you message me? If not then here is fine. I just need some help with this :(

User: Dillion

[Opinion Owner]

If she feels she can't spend her life with you, do you think you could make her change her mind? You can always talk to her and try to know more about this, but in the end IF she decided she won't stay with you forever, there's not much you can do. If she's wondering and questionning her feeling it is not as set, but the decision is on her side (same as if you decided to break up, she couldn't much to avoid it).
In my case there was nothing he could have done. I believe he is a good and nice person, but we lacked the necessary compatibility to spend our lives together.

[Asker]

She told me that she wanted to get married and that she loved me and all that. But a switch changed for her. She doesn't feel the same. She said I had it all and I was late.

But Monday, she sent me a text, "Hug. I just wanted you to know that I care and love you very much." She is also wrote she is reading chapter 2 of this relationship book.

[Opinion Owner]

Perhaps your situation is not as clear/set as mine was. The key would be to talk to her, very openly and calmly. It seems her decision isn't set. She could need help to know what the hell she feels, what happened... After all she could be trying to understand it on her own

[Asker]

I'm ever so confused. I mean, in bed Monday night after all this (and after I asked this question), she came back at night, got naked, hopped in bed next to me. She gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek and laid on my chest.

Last night she puckered her lips up so I kiss her goodnight. Or is this all part of the routine? I mean if I ask her, I am pretty much will have to have a bag packed if we are breaking up...

[Asker]

I really appreciate your help and response here. I'm just not sure what to think :(

[kavirajd]

hiiiiiiiiii please reply me did you know exactly same thing happened with i have love her so much and she saying i am not see future in youu what is that yaar i am also strong person i truly love it’s not time pass wala love its not right what she is doing she know my deep feelings she left when she is comfortable now i am crying 😭 everyday

[kavirajd]

please reply me my condition is worst
i met her we both like each other that time i don’t much about her she like other guy she me him quickly decided to marry him after that we meet i expresse my feelings she said you good heart person so she started loves me care about sleep with me she said i don’t se future in me she spend two years with me like this she leaving alone here then she went home after few days she said bye i see future in that guy from starting then what was with i felt sooo deep if separated na even one day she cry lots now she left me

[lumos]

Sounds weird in my opinion. If she doesn't see a future with you, she would probably break up with you asap. So I think there are 2 reasons why she's doing this.
1. She's still around because she likes the comfort of having a boyfriend, even though she doesn't see a future with you.
2. She told you that in order to make you a bit stressed, and maybe to make you realize that you should pop the question (because otherwise you'll "miss the boat" with her for real). I mean, you said that she wants it to happen faster than you do, right? So this might be her trying to nudge you towards marriage.

Either way, you should really try to talk to her about it, and ask her why she's still with you if she doesn't see a future with you. Ask her to be honest.

[Asker]

Can I get that lovin' feeling back? How can I miss the boat on something and not be able to get us back?

[lumos]

I'm not sure. :/ I just think it's best if you have a serious talk with her about this. Communication is essential.

[Asker]

Thanks for the feedback! I have my talk all planned out. Thoughts on doing something super romantic first like suggested above? She said we're losing the spark and she doesn't feel the same way (maybe that's just talk). I thought maybe I should sweep her off her feet.

[lumos]

Sure, if you feel like doing something romantic, do it. :)

[Asker]

Do you think talking is more important? Honestly, I think it is going to end two ways. Either everything is great or we break up. Monday night she got back passed midnight, I was really worried and hurt because on Sunday we talked and she basically said a switched turned and she doesn't feel the same with me. I asked if she was willing to work on it and she said no. I asked if there was hope for the future and she said she didn't know. But she doesn't want me to be stressed. She knows that I love her and that I have been good to her.

When she got back Monday night, she got naked came in bed and gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. She laid on my chest all night. Yesterday she texted me she "cares for me and loves me very much, that's all". She missed me luck on my presentation and said I was the best guy for the job, etc. Last night, I got dinner for us and planned to talk about us, but I waited and thought about doing a romantic dinner.

[Asker]

I'm thinking about it and thought maybe I should do something more? The problem is I am going to keep thinking and we will never talk about us. I guess I just think if I do enough, everything will work.

[lumos]

This is a very difficult situation. What she's saying is contradicting her actions. Even what she's saying is contradicting what she's saying. First she tells you that it's not working out, then she sleeps with you, then she tells you that she loves you and that you're great. I'm sorry, but she sounds pretty darn nuts.
Anyway, maybe it's best that you just talk to her straight up. No more beating around the bushes, no more romance, only tough love. I feel like you've already done what you can romance-wise, so one night of a romantic dinner will hardly change the outcome. What you need right now is simply the truth. Ask her why she's saying all these things, and then doing the opposite. You might as well ask her why she hasn't broken up with you if she can't see a future with you. Normally I wouldn't advise you to put her on the spot, but right now she kinda deserves it. She's playing mind games with you. So just go straight to the point.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. Should I do anything lovey dovey? Like a card or something? Or like you said, quit beating around the bush and get to it. Also, we just sleep nothing more. Been a while since we have been intimate.

[Asker]

Should I talked about where I see us going?

[lumos]

No, being lovey dovey won't change the outcome at this point I think.
Yes, you can talk about what you think as well.

[Asker]

That's a good point. You don't think it will have any impact?

I guess it is now just getting right to the point.

[Asker]

After everything else I said, and you mentioned I just need to talk to her. What do you think overall where we are? Not looking good?

[lumos]

I don't know either of you well enough. So, no comment.

[joyjoy19961996]

yeahh, i sort of see myself feeling the same way as your girlfriend does, she likes you and sees you as a great friendmaybe who she has loving feelings for but maybe deep down knows she doesn't love you and wouldn't be fair to spend the rest of your lives together yet she want you now for company because neither of you want to break up because she thinks you're a nice person? i guess i am sort of like her although i would never say it to my boyfriend as he is moving away to go to uni soon and i feel it will just come to a gradual-peaceful- end anyway without hurting anyone

[Asker]

She says she loves me very much and cares for me. At one point she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

[Asker]

Do you think she just wants it to gradually and peacefully end it? Why all the stuff involved?

[kavirajd]

exactly same line

[enigmatta]

Why can't she see a future together?

Her being distant is just a symptom, but what happened in the past that made her think you and her won't last long? I could think of very different life paths, notorious differences in beliefs and lifestyle, a broken trust. Answering this would then allow us for a better understanding and better suggestion on what you could do to try and better your relationship.

[Asker]

It comes down to that she wants to get married/kids sooner than I do. I never really presented a time table to her.

[Asker]

Also, she said I was a bit aloof, too comfortable with the relationship, took her for granted, etc. These last few weeks I have taken us out on trips and so forth.

[enigmatta]

Well, that can start explaining certain things. It's not that she doesn't love you. She loves you, but sometimes women see the clock ticking too fast. I would like to know how old she is and how long you've been with her. If she's in her late twenties/thirties and she's been with you for some considerable time, and she still doesn't see any wedding in the future, then she's getting anxious. Like, why don't you want to take the next step?

I'll be very honest with you, a woman can be incredibly in love with a man, but that love won't be enough to sort things out. If she wants to have a baby, she'll find the way. If she wants to get married and you don't, she'll find a way and it may not be with you. You said you never really presented her a time table, but did she?

A very nice first step would be to sit down and talk about your short and long term goals. When do you see yourself getting married and when would you want to become a father? And when will she?

[enigmatta]

With this questions/dynamic she will feel like her wishes are being considered and heard. Analyze if your times and her times can be compatible/synchronized and discuss what sacrifices both of you are able to make. Not just you, not just her, but both of you. Reassure her that you're not taking her for granted and it will always be nice to surprise her or tell her she's amazing, or even bring back some old sweet habits or intimate stuff.

[Asker]

She said I missed the boat. I don't know if that is just talk or not.

She never presented a timetable, she just said in the near or so. I said in 3-4 years. We are on different time scales. When we chat Sunday, I noticed she was distant and pointed it out to her. She said at one point she really hoped I would ask the question, but now, she doesn't care or not having that. I noticed her kissing is limp and her hugs are not as tight. On Monday though, she came home passed midnight, and I was sleeping. She got naked, gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. The next morning she texted she loves me very much and cares for me. So I sent her her fav flowers (last in the city).

[Asker]

Last night, I got us dinner and we chat. I was going to bring up what is going on with us, and my plans for the future (get a joint bank account together on Sat), paying bills, having a "fun" fund, and then timeline for getting married. But I don't know, I feel like I need to do something really romantic first to sweep her off her feet.

[enigmatta]

I don't think the romantic or cheesy details is what she cares about. Honestly, flowers don't mean much when the deeper issue is not sorted out. She has been telling you what she wanted and you're just... I don't even know what you are thinking. She wanted you to ask the question. I don't think she could be more explicit. If you feel it in your heart she's the one, then ask the question. If not, it's time to let her go. She doesn't care about flowers, or chocolates, or dinners, or holding hands, she cares about things being REAL. Don't waste your time and her time with "romanic" things, you have had enough time for that. I think she feels stuck in the relationship, not going anywhere, and no longer cares, meaning, she has resigned to a flat relationship until something better comes her way. Either you start taking some serious initiatives, or you let her go.

[Asker]

Thanks! I think you're response hits the nail on the head. Now, do you think I need to propose? Or just have a plan/timeline together? I was thinking about saying, this is where I see our future going: Join bank account, timeline to get engaged, married, babies, etc.

[Asker]

I sort of feel like whatever I say, she is going to feel like now I was pressured into it.

[PaganPen]

For God's sake get the hell out of there. You'll be messed around for years if you allow it. You've got to move on, date other girls, take a break from contact with her so you can move on emotionally. Sometimes being treated mean can be addictive, but its also very very harmful to carry on accepting it. Leave it behind you, there's a world of opportunity out there for you to discover. Its too easy to get fixated on one relationship, however flawed. Be self-aware, respect yourself. Wish you well.

[Asker]

This just started going on in the last few months. We have been together for 2 years and before this everything (for the most part) was great.

[DodgersGM]

You need to have a real talk with her and find out what's going on.

What does it mean to "miss the boat" with her? Why doesn't she see a future there?

To be totally honest, this sounds a LOT like the death rattle of the relationship...

[Asker]

We had a chat last night and it is really that she has been distant. But she still kisses me, says she loves me.

[DodgersGM]

Well there's something causing her to be distant with you. And the lack of sex is a huge is that things are headed somewhere bad.

I'm really not trying to bring you down or be negative, but it does not sound good at all.

[Asker]

Why does she kiss me and say that she loves me?

[Asker]

This last weekend we cuddled up and watched a movie.

[DodgersGM]

It sounds like the lines between platonic love and romantic love are becoming muddled for her.

I just think that the absence of sexual intimacy and the very fact that she told you she doesn't see a future with you are the not-so-subtle signs that it's heading toward a breakup.

That's just my opinion based on what you've told us.

[Luna-o3o]

She sees your relationship as short term.
Not a serious one.
You're probably her back up plan.
I'm sure she is looking for someone new already.
You should too. You're wasting your time on someone that's not into you anymore.
Sooner or later she'll leave you for another guy.
Sorry.

[Asker]

What can I do? :(

[Luna-o3o]

Nothing, just end it.
She's with you at the moment cause she sees it as a routine now.
She already told you how she really feels.

Though, probably the relationship got boring.
You can do something romantic for her.
Something that might spark her interest in you again.
Get yourself dress up, make a reservation in a nice restaurant, buy her flowers, compliment her. Hug her from behind, kiss her neck, whisper her sweet things in her ear (or dirty ones), give grab her tightly and give her a nice passionate long kiss (like in the movies)

If that doesn't work (which will be shocking), then give up. She has set her mind.

[Asker]

Do you think I need to do something super romantic? Ok, so a restaurant and a romantic night? Maybe go out for dancing? Should I do something over the top?

Should I do something to pull on her heart strings? I know something that would, but it will take a while to do it (make a book about her).

[Luna-o3o]

Don't go too over board, then it'll leave you with nothing to do on your next date.
Don't put all your cards to the table. Just one by one.

[Asker]

I was thinking about going over: Where are we?

[Luna-o3o]

What do you mean?

[Asker]

She's been out at night, she is kind of not really there. I thought I would get to the point. If she doesn't see a future with me then ask, what are we doing? Are we working on it? Do we need to break up? Maybe I can tell her that I want us to open up a joint bank account, put money away together, get engaged by x date.

[Luna-o3o]

No, forget about the bank part.
Ask her what she thinks and how she feels about you. Does she wants to end it or not.
I think she might be with another guy at night. That's my opinion. I'm not sure.
If she doesn't want to be with you, then you just have to accept it and let her go.
You can't make someone to love you.

[Asker]

I know. I mean I asked before but she said she didn't know.

[Luna-o3o]

She knows, but because she is used to having you in her life, it's hard for her to let you go.
It's all routine/ habit now then love.
You should be with someone that genuinely loves you and is 100% commited to you. Wouldn't you like that?

[Luna-o3o]

*than

[Asker]

Maybe she is? Why would I toss something all away if I can do something about it? Or maybe I can't :(

[Luna-o3o]

Look, try spicying things in the relationship.
If she is still on her ways, end it.
At least you can leave knowing you tried.
Promise?

[hopromantic]

she's just maybe passing time or maybe she simply can't see you being her husband and the father of her kids not all relationships are meant to be long term some just short and temporary

I lay naked with the guy that I love we cook together we run errands together and some ways I can see us 10 years together some ways I can't

Just enjoy your time together who knows maybe she might change her mind about you being in her future

[justbanANNAz]

yeah she clearly only wants the D …..

if youv missed the boat then y is she still around? she wants u around to satisfy attention she craves.

I'm sorry to tell u this but 'getting the lovin feeling back' is hard if its just not there.

[Asker]

I agree... she was out late one night and came back. I was asleep in bed (well one eye open), I saw her get undressed and she came to me in bed, gave me a huge hug and a kiss then laid on me all night.

The next morning I left for work. She texted me hugs, how much she cares for me and loves me. She asked when I would be home and I told her, she wished me good luck at work and how awesome I was and the best person for the job.

Weeks ago, when we go out, she would be very affectionate to me. Kiss me, we had a great time. I don't know?

[justbanANNAz]

u poor thing=/

look i understand u may b getting mixed feelings, but girls know how to manipulate when they want to. she's probs realised u may be catching on to what she's doing, but PLEASE dont fall for it.

[giggleswilmington]

She has either moved on or is about too. She may want to see whether or not you too want to make things permanent with her. If she doesn't reciprocate that break up with her and move forward like a badass. My friend was just in that same situation and scored someone better.

[findingMe]

First explain why you mean by"...she said you missed boat"

^maybe she just doesn't see you as a long term commitment she just sees you as a...living/enjoying their moment. Type. But not someone who would share that. Get down on one knee type

[Asker]

She said her feelings have changed. What can I do to be the get down on one knee type?

[findingMe]

Honestly nothing. I'm sorry to say

[ledfoot64]

she might just want to slow down for a little bit give it time it might get back to where you two was before and she just might be too tired to do anything