Girlfriend of 5 years says she needs time to find herself, what do I do?

I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. We have known each other since 4th grade and started dating our senior year of high school. We have been in a long distance relationship for 4 of 5 years we have been together.
We have often talked of getting married. We planned our wedding and looked at engagement rings. We even talked about when I should propose. We got really serious with this type of conversation over the last few months. Then we started getting kinda distant because I had finals in law school and she is busy. About to graduate from college and then one day she said she woke up and realized she didn't know who she was without me. It has been about a week since she has said this. She said she wants to take time to find herself without me and figure out who she is as a person. She says that maybe in 3 to 6 months we may or may not get back together. She says that we will be a stronger couple of we take this time. We are both 22 and haven't dated a whole lot of people. I just thought we were going to spend our lives together and I really think she is the one. I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid maybe there is someone else although she swears that there is not.
I don't know if I should give her time and then after a couple of weeks try and initiate it or wait to see what she does. I tried to talk to her but she really won't talk and won't see me in person. It's as if she has forgotten about the last 5 years. She has been going out with people who I assume are from where she works but she won't tell me anything and I'm paranoid she is going out to bars and making out with people.
I don't know what to do I have tried to talk to her and tell her how I feel but this just seemed to piss her off.
I'm not sure if this is her way of letting me down easy because she doesn't want this or if she truly just needs some time to be single. any advice on what I should would be great.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She is at a transition point in life. Marriage is a huge decision, she may just her trying to understand what that means. There is nothing you can do but give her the space, maybe take advantage Of the opportunity yourself and learn about yourself without her. It'd be better for both of you to do while you are young, instead of looking back at life and wonder what may have happened.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Buddy you hit that 5 year mark I hate to say it but chances are you are probably done. Statistically most long term relationships either move to marriage or die at 5 years. Its at about that point one person, normally the female gets to the point of " I want a commitment and the next step and its not happening". You want my take? TALKING IS CHEAP you guys can talk all you want but you never actually made the move and proposed to the girl and after 5 years of waiting she wants something more. If you can work your way back in proposing too soon will seem cheap. Also "BREAKS" are just a nice way of breaking up without it being hard on you or her. In reality she is out dating and finding someone who can commit. My advice it sucks but move on that or plan some super romantic getaway and invite her, tell her how much you fucked up and you are sorry for almost losing your chance and propose. But mostly likely and I'm sorry to say you are done. Women tend to be set in stone in these matters and rarely sway.

    • Could always use the reverse psychology trick. Honestly that works wonders on both guys and girls. Just tell her "hey I have been thinking you are right, I think we need space to work on ourselves" then you go silent and don't say another word. Don't say you will miss her or anything emotional, just that you agree and you both need to space to see where you and the relationship was headed. Emotional stuff like I will miss you or have fun will only undercut you message. You go out and have fun with friends, preferably female friends, you do things like work out and travel. You make the most of life and make it known on Facebook and to mutual friends. It sounds terrible and like a game and partly it is. BUT in reality you will slowly move forward on your own which is what you need to do. Doing this stuff will help you more than anyone in the long run. But it might also have the unattended effect of getting her missing you. If she does contact you just take it slow and I mean turtle

    • she is the one who lost faith in the relationship and where it was headed, SHE needs to be the one to work for it and show you she wants it back. If you get one message from her and get all crazy attached you will just drive her away. Eventually after awhile of very brief contact then maybe suggest a very casual short date to talk about how things have been. I suggest coffee over lunch and you have plans after so you can not be there all day. Maybe an hour or so. Now you can be casual and say what you really feel in person where it will stick. The time limit will also remind her you have a life and make it so you do not over do yourself on the first new date. End it setting up another date and wait a day or so to text her. From there its just up to you guys to slowly fix your relationship.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Before she tell you she want to find herself did you notice if her sleeping time changed a bit?


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